


Enamored

by Madison



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:18:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 133,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madison/pseuds/Madison
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unfortunate accident gave him another chance to prove his love. Will it be enough to capture her heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sparkling Claws

**Author's Note:**

> Enamor (En Amour) verb: to be filled with a feeling of love
> 
> Thank you Shadow for beta-reading this!

_Stupid, stupid Inuyasha_.

Kagome sighed heavily, wrapping her arms tighter around Kirara to keep from shuddering as the wind picked up. She could not believe the nerve of him. He voiced out loud his love for Kikyo and picked the dead Miko over her. Now he dared to be jealous just because  _Kouga_ , who kidnapped her against her will mere hours ago, professed his love to her?

As if she had any say in the matter!

It infuriated her to no end that Inuyasha thought he was allowed to be jealous. Actually, the fact that he thought he had the right to yell at her was even worse. Yes, she made the decision to stay by his side even though he chose Kikyo, because she had believed she could find happiness with him nonetheless. However, it did not mean he was allowed to toy with her heart by being  _jealous_  of another man. Though it was rather nice to know he cared.

On the other hand, he should have realized by now the she was not the kind of girl who went around smooching boys. Yes, perhaps she was still rather young and did not hold a defined meaning of  _love,_  but she had self-respect. Plus, she told Inuyasha that Kouga was not her type.  _'Y_ _eah, nice, caring, devoted and loyal isn't my type.'_  she thought.

She had to admit, though, he was bold; she gave him that much. For a while Kagome had thought Hojo was a little forward, but it was nothing compared to Kouga. It was still difficult for her to believe he proclaimed his love for her out loud in such a fashion. She could feel a blush creep back up onto her cheeks. Who did something like that?

On top of that, he blasted her with his silly remarks about how she was his woman and wolves mated for life! Apparently, wolves also did not consult anyone before they laid claims! As if she was someone that could just be  _taken_. Clearly Kouga had his perspective of humans all wrong; she was not about to be claimed against her will.

She sighed heavily.

Though they were both canines, Inuyasha and Kouga had nothing else in common.

Well, except for their heated tempers.

However, it served no purpose for her to waste her time thinking about this. The chances of her actually seeing Kouga again were slim, and Inuyasha was being punished since she was returning home. Perhaps this time she would linger on the other side of the well a bit longer and let him stir in his own rage and guilt. If he wanted to be jealous of Kouga, she was not going to stop him. It was his turn to experience that heart wrenching feeling.

Kagome closed her eyes and enjoyed the nice breeze that gently blew against her face. After the heated, strenuous day she had –not counting the roller coaster of emotions- she desperately needed some time to cool off. That, and a long, nice warm bath, which only increased her excitement about returning home. The more time passed, the less she actually got to go back home, leaving her to enjoy every little precious moment.

Her joy began to build when she spotted the well, knowing it would be less than a minute before they reached it. She made sure to pat Kirara to thank her for the ride. As she was about to retract her hand, Kagome felt Kirara's speed suddenly change and she could not help but open her eyes widely, wondering about the reason. She gently ran her fingers through Kirara's fur as she glanced left and right.

"What is it Kirara?"

The neko tilted her head up and slightly to the left, before growling at the air. Confused, Kagome did the same an tried to spot the source of Kirara's irritation. Unfortunately, she could not see nor sense anything, forcing her to glance back down at her feline companion. She thought the neko would do the same, but she kept peering at the sky as if she was waiting for something to drop or even worse;  _attack_.

"Is there someone after us?" Kagome tried with her head inclined to the side.

Kirara's fangs glinted as her lips curled into a snarl and a hissing sound slipped from her, before she harshly sped to the right. If it was not for the way Kagome was holding onto her, she would have fallen to the ground. Her breathing became heavy as she repositioned herself on Kirara panickedly, and her grip on the fur strengthened.  _'_ _Why did this always happen to her?'_

"What is it?" she asked, despite the fact that Kirara could not provide her with an answer.

Nonetheless, Kagome could tell from the look in Kirara's eyes that she did not know any more than she did. Kagome twisted her body around as she attempted to obtain a better view of her surroundings. It was then, that out of the blue she felt a big shock. Something wet splashed against her back.

It was not until droplets hit the fur around Kirara's neck that Kagome realized what it was; blood. A small fear took hold of her heart before she spun around to take a look at the neko. Near where Kagome was sitting, was a giant gash, and blood was pouring out. Kagome did not need to wonder if Kirara was in a lot of pain; the way she was wavering through the air, the slowed speed and the lost in altitude answered that for her.

The opponent still unknown, Kagome began scanning the sky once more. The moment she lifted her head in the air she found herself face to face with giant, metallic claws. A gasp did not have time to pass her lips as they wrapped around her body, penetrating her sides, breaking the flesh and leaving her with an immense pain jolting through her body.

Slowly, she was lifted through the air as a ripping sound echoed through. At that moment Kagome found the strength to keep her eyes wide open, only to see Kirara even more wounded. The neko stopped flying completely and allowed her body to collapse against the ground meters from the well. Her will to struggle completely dissipated as she lay unconscious on the grass, which tainted her surroundings in red.

Meanwhile, Kagome desperately attempted to scream, hoping she would be heard, but no sound came out. The pain caused by the claws digging in her skin left her breathless, voiceless and helpless. Tears shone in her eyes as she did her best to keep consciousness. She twisted her neck, straining it painfully to catch a glimpse of her assailant.

To her surprise, it was none other than a bird of paradise.

Her eyes widened in horror. Hadn't they … killed them all?

Even from the terrible angle she was in, it was easy to tell the bird suffered a good amount of damage. Half of his feathers were missing and claw marks, probably a result of Inuyasha, covered its body. Was it coming after her for revenge? She was not the one who had done the most damage! She killed one of them, no more!  _And_  she did it in self-defense… well… someone else's self defense.

Why her? Why not Inuyasha, or Kouga? Not that she wanted her friends injured, but this made no sense. She was a worthless prey… was she not?

But she could see the jewel shards and the birds of paradise were aware of that.

Infuriation spread throughout her body; was she ever going to be more than a jewel detector? It was high time they got  _someone_   _else_  to do that.

Since her voice was betraying her due to the insufferable pain, Kagome took hold of one of the claws with her tiny hands and attempted to pull herself free. She grunted, she sweated, but no matter what she did the darn thing would not budge. She hit it in frustration, but the bird did not even react; it probably could not even feel it!

Panic took hold of her mind as she felt him squeeze her even harder and a scream finally made it pass her lips. Unfortunately for her, they were quite up high in the sky and she had no idea of her location. On top of that, nobody was going to be looking for her right away since they all thought she went home! Her only hope was the injured Kirara…

As her blood began soaking through her white shirt, Kagome found herself becoming even dizzier then before. She did her best to hang onto consciousness, but she could hardly fight it. Her eyelids were getting heavier by the second as her mind pulled in and out of the darkness of a blackout.  _'_ _Just hold on_.' If she passed out she would die, she was certain of it. Not that her chances of survival were really great at the moment either way.

Her bottom lip quivered and Kagome pressed a hand on the bird's foot trying to unleash some of her power. It was a desperate attempt, but it was all she had. It did not always work, but she prayed it would now. She focused all her attention and energy on it and waited for something to happen. Seconds passed before finally, flashes of pink emerged from her fingers.

Unfortunately for her, it did not turn out as expected. Instead of causing the bird to release her, his grip increased the moment he felt the pain.

Once all that happened, her will was concentrated on remaining awake as the barely hurt bird picked up his speed. Kagome could already tell it meant nothing good; they were reaching their destination fast. She opened her eyes as best she could and stole a peek around. She somewhat expected to be returned to the bird's nest where Inuyasha and the others should still be, but unfortunately she did not recognize the area.

Where was it taking her?

At that moment they began flying over mountains, but they were not as  _rocky_  as the one in front of Kouga's den. Vegetation was green and full and there was also a nice waterfall leading to a hot spring. As the increase in speed did not cease, Kagome found herself coughing, blood splattering upon her ruined uniform. She was gasping for air, trying to wiggle herself free and hoping to live.

She cursed herself for not even having arrows, which she could have used to stab her opponent; perhaps that would have worked better. She wrapped a hand around her own throat, almost as if it was going to soothe her and despite her best efforts, her eyes closed as exhaustion took over her. Against her will, Kagome's body began thrusting around, the pain taking its toll.

Kagome shivered as a coldness wrapped itself around her body. Her head reclined back, the shift in weight causing one of the claws to rip through her body and clothes even more. Since she felt so light headed, Kagome believed she would not survive the kidnapping and she forced her closed eyelids to hold back the tears. Her heart was racing and she could not even tell how much time had gone by since the bird took her.

It was in that instant, when she thought all to be lost, that the bird's perfect flight was interrupted. She felt it shake around and an intense scream of pain escaped its mouth. He began zigzagging around in the air as she felt something gushy hitting her in the face, blinding her at the same time. Their speed picked up as they grew closer to what she figured was the ground.

Kagome was unable to brace herself for the impact as she made contact with the ground, head first. A pain spread through her skull to the rest of her body while she yelped weakly. She could feel her blood spilling all around her, but she could not see it. She heard a big crunching sound and everything turned to darkness as she slowly slipped into unconsciousness.

-E-

**_"Come on! Hurry! We gotta bring her back!"_ **

**_"She ain't gonna make it! Look at all that blood! She's gonna die if we move her too much."_ **

**_"Well we can't take care of her here!"_ **

**_"Fine, but if Sis dies, I'm telling Kouga it's your fault!"_ **

Kagome was unable to open her eyes but she could, during her brief moments of awareness, hear voices that sounded rather familiar.  _'_ _Sis? Kouga?'_  What did Kouga have to do with this? She was trying to remember what happened but each time she attempted to think, it felt like her brain was being squashed under a giant rock.

Her body was being gently swung back and forth as she assumed they were carrying her. No matter how hard she tried, her eyelids refused to lift up, which forced her to remain in the darkness. She could feel thick liquids running down her body as she was being moved and if she had been able, she would have shuddered in disgust.

Her mind could barely wonder if the people carrying her were actually friends rather then foes, but the words she heard earlier had kept her at ease a bit. It sounded like they cared for her safety, though her mind was nothing more than a blur. All she knew was that these people were not strangers and if her head was not pounding as much as it was, it would all make sense.

If she could just…stay awake.

Ginta frowned a bit as he felt less movement coming from Kagome. "Do you think she's still alive?"

"She's lost a lot of blood." Hakkaku replied, unable to provide his friend with a better answer.

She was still breathing when they found her which he considered was a good sign. Kagome did not yet carry the scent of death around her, meaning they would do their best to keep her alive until they reached the den. Who knew, perhaps she would be lucky. It was already almost a miracle that they found and rescued her!

Well… they did not know about her until… it was a bit too late.

He could remember how a little bit after bringing Kouga back to the den, they heard the horrifying sound of a bird of paradise. Most of them were shocked since they were under the impression they killed every single one of them during the attack. Refusing to let one of these beasts live, they went after it.

It was obvious the bird meant to attack them since it did not fly over their den, but sneaked behind where their defenses, because of the amounts of waterfall and hot springs, were lacking. They could not allow it to take any more lives.

Ginta was the one to shoot it and jumped in joy when he reached its target. Of course it was also then that a fairly familiar human scream was heard along with blood splattering around. Once the scent hit their noses, there no longer was doubt: the blood belonged to Kagome.

After fear took hold of their hearts, they rushed to the scene to find her with the beast's claws still stuck in her flesh. They did their best to free her without causing too much damage and were now trying to save her life. Once Kouga learned about this, he would have their heads for allowing harm to come to his woman!

But how were they supposed to know? They were simply trying to protect the den from one of those wretched birds!

Also, Kagome rescued them which meant they owed her one and this was not exactly the best way to pay her back. However, now that she was under their care they intended on protecting her at any cost.

"Are we almost there?" Hakkaku asked from the back.

"I can see the den." Ginta answered with a bit of excitement in his voice.

They tried to hurry even more, without hurting Kagome. It did not take long for the scent of fresh, sweet blood to reach the den, attracting some of the pack members out who were salivating slightly. Ginta could not help but frown as he noticed the group gather, even though most of them did not understand just exactly  _who_  was injured.

"I don't think Kouga would like you eating his woman." he said while baring his fangs.

The tall wolf in front of him backed away slightly with his eyes widening. He already got in trouble once with Kouga today when he almost ate his female; he would not be given a second chance. He hurried to back away, which allowed Ginta and Hakkaku to move along.

"Make yourself useful! Get that healer! The woman healer!"

Kouga would not appreciate having a male put his paws all over his woman! "MOVE! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY YOU IDIOTS! WE'VE GOT AN INJURED GIRL HERE!"

Meanwhile, Kouga was in the den resting upon furs with his back pressed against the cold walls of the cave. His eyes were closed as he withheld his anger. Most of his rage was directed towards Inuyasha, but a small part towards himself. The Mutt-face had  ** _his_**  woman with him. Of course, such thing would not have happened if he were stronger.

He allowed that damn bird to get the best of him, leaving him unable to fight for Kagome. It did not matter though; he would not give up on her. She only cared for that Inutrasha because she did not know any better; she had yet to be around a real demon for enough time. Once he was all fixed up, he would find her and bring her back.

Though, that was the last time he kidnapped her. She had quite the temper and apparently demons did not scare her one bit. He could not help but chuckle at the thought of his feisty woman.

When Sis's chest felt slightly lighter, he allowed himself to gaze around. It was then that his eyes landed on human bones, which caused him to frown. He could not let that eating habit perpetuate. His pack would no longer eat human. It was not right, especially now, since his little woman was one of them. He did not think they would miss it too much, after all it was not something they regularly ate.

They did not  _chase_  humans, but if they found them along the way, especially during a search… then they would eat them. It was just a foolish habit and it would stop now. Plus, they would no longer need to raid villages for shards anymore when they had Kagome to help them.

Kouga's thoughts were interrupted when someone came tumbling in. He closed his eyes, shutting off the vicinity and its noises.

"Where's that healer at?"

A wolf that was sitting near a fire at the entrance raised his head, puzzled. "The healer? She's in the back of the den. Whaddaya need her for?"

"Ginta and Hakkaku brought back this girl. She's bleeding," he said, as he tried to spot the healer from his current location.

At the sound of _bleeding girl_ , Kouga's pointy ears perked up. Everyone was safe in the den, nobody had gotten out and he knew for a fact he did not lose anyone on the battlefield. That did not leave many options and he did not like it. Despite the throbbing pain in his arm, he pulled himself together and rose to his feet. His steps were fast as he dragged himself to the outside of the cave only to have his nose assaulted by the strong scent of blood. His woman's blood.

Ignoring his injury, he rushed to her side and shoved everyone out of his way. His eyes widened in surprise when he obtained a good look at her. The opened wounds, the blood gushing out of them, her fragile frame appeared to be broken and her chest was not rising up and down meaning she was barely breathing. Kouga clenched his fist tightly which caused his entire arm to tremble while his fury rose.

"What the hell did ya do to my woman?"

Ginta gulped. "Nothing… it was-there was this bird of paradise… it kidnapped her... we killed it but…"

 _'Another damn bird of paradise!'_ Those filthy things! Had he not fucking finished them all off? Was there really no way for them to completely be rid of the birds forever? Most importantly, how dare they attack is precious Kagome like this! She did not fight them, she did not destroy their pack,  _he_  did.

"Are they any left?" he asked, while glaring at the sky just  _wishing_  he could spot one so that he could rip it apart.

Ginta shook his head. "It was the last one, I'm pretty sure. He was already hurt when we finished him off."

Kouga clenched his fist even more as he re-focused his attention back on Kagome. He bent down slowly and gently cupped Kagome's cheek and brushed her skin and some of the gushy liquid away. He wished some of them were still alive just so he could destroy them and shred them to pieces for what they did to her. He kept glancing at her face because he knew if he peered at her sides, he would lose it.

"Get her inside. I want every healer looking after my woman, got that?"

Hakkaku nodded and Ginta resumed bringing Kagome inside the main den. Meanwhile Kouga looked out at the distance and he could still faintly smell the bird of paradise. He would make sure personally that this bird was dead. Forgetting that he was hurt, he walked in direction of it with every intention of destroying the body until there was nothing left.

Prior to exiting the den, he turned around to glance at his pack. "You guys over there, go destroy the birds' bodies  _now_. Every single one of them, ya hear me?"

Kouga did not need to repeat himself twice, they obeyed his orders and immediately ran in direction of the birds of paradise's nest. He would not take any chance; they would all be pulled apart and ripped to pieces. They would also get a lot of meat out of them, which would be pay back for all the wolves those bastards ate. He would make sure their spirits suffered that humiliation.

His bottom lip was trembling because of high level of anger. He also felt like a failure; his woman was gone for such a short amount of time, and she got injured! If he did not get his shard ripped out his arm none of it would have happened. If his prowess had remained perfect, he would have killed that Dog Shit Inutrasha idiot and Kagome would have safely remained by his side.

He would not be making this mistake again. From now on, he would protect her every second of every day and he would not let her out of his sight.

She was his to protect.

-E-

Blood was dripping down Kouga's arms as he headed back inside his territories. It did not take him too long to notice that every else returned, which meant the job was done. They would not dare to return without every single bird destroyed, not after what the flying bastards had done– not just attack Kagome, but feeding off their pack for months.

His heart was pumping in his chest, ready to burst the entire time he was gone. The only thing on his mind was Kagome, and he could only hope the healers were able to take care of her injuries. He did feel a tad bit of worry however, despite his own reassuring thoughts. The healers were not human healers, but they should be just as good… right?

He wiped some of the blood dripping from his cheek with his hand, but only smudged it more across his tanned skin. As soon as he was half way near the main cave, Ginta rushed outside and once he spotted Kouga he ran to his side, still appearing a bit nervous. Kouga could not even pretend it was because there was good news.

"How is she?" Kouga asked as both he and Ginta finally came to a stop.

"They bandaged her wounds." he began with one hand behind his head. Oh boy, why was he always the one to tell Kouga? "We just don't know… She's human Kouga. She doesn't heal like us."

Ginta did not know how else to explain it. They did their best… but would that be enough for a human like Kagome? No matter how feisty she was, her healing process was still slow.

"I  _know_  that. That's why they were all supposed to take care of her."

"They did. They bandaged her up, they cleaned the wounds and stuff. She's sleeping now and breathing easier." He took a pause before remembering an important detail. "Don't worry, I made sure nobody looked at her."

He did not mention it when he barked orders, but Ginta knew it was important nobody caught a glimpse of Kagome's body.

Kouga sent all the healers in there both male and female without even thinking about that. Though, he hoped nobody was stupid enough to look at her. Usually he would have allowed only the females, but her life was in danger, leaving him with no choice really. Or at least that would have been his rational thinking if was given the time to be rational.

He put a hand on G,inta's shoulder to thank him, before he resumed his previous actions, thus allowing his friend to finally  _breathe_. Now that he made sure his woman would not be harmed, now that he avenged her to the best of his ability, he needed to be by her side and make sure she was okay. It was all he could do for her.

Everyone moved out of his way as he headed inside, the stench of blood even worse there. He held back a frown as his eyes finally landed on his woman. There was a healer kneeing by her side pressing a wet cloth on her forehead. She had a fever. Humans were not very resilient to fevers from what he knew. The thought caused his heart to squeeze.

"Will she be okay?"

"She's gonna have to be looked after constantly. Someone's gotta change her bandages and keep her cool."

"I will."

He never did anything like that before, but it could not possibly be that difficult could it? Plus he would rather be the one looking after her.

Now his only problem was that Kagome could not stay where she was. They brought her into the main cave because it was the closest place to treat her. It was, however, also the most dangerous place in the den. Usually the women of the pack avoided the area and rarely ventured in, at least not alone. This was set up directly at the entrance, leaving it more open for attacks.

"Can she be moved?"

The woman frowned. "I don't recommend it."

"Will it make her worse?"

If he had no choice, he would keep her here but it would be much more complicated.

"You'd have to do it carefully. She'll bleed out again if you're not."

Kouga stood still and pondered the best course of actions. Would it be safer to have many people carry her, or was it better if he was the only one holding her? After reflecting upon the matter, he decided he would do it alone. He slowly bent down and gently put his hands both under her neck and knees, and lifted her. He made sure to keep a distance between her body and his chest as to not irritate her wounds.

His steps were slow and careful as he made his way out of the main cave. The only safe place he could take her too was his own little place. He glanced around until his eyes landed on Hakkaku and Ginta.

"Get some furs laid down for her."

They did not need to be told twice as they ran so they would be ahead of Kouga. Usually such a situation would have brought a few wiggles of the eyebrow, but now was not the time, nor was it appropriate.

Her scent was so sweet and pure and now it was tainted with blood and the stench of the bird. Not only that, but her skin was pale and her breathing was slow. That, along with the fact that he could barely hear her heartbeat, was enough to make him cringe in guilt. He glanced down at her, the near irresistible urge to brush her bangs away rising.

"I won't fail you again."

It was with his heart swollen with regret that he entered his secluded part of the den and gently laid her down on the fur Ginta and Hakkaku prepared for her. He made sure her head was resting comfortably and her injuries not pressing on anything, before pulling arms away. He forced himself to tear his eyes away and glanced at Hakkaku.

"Bring me the bandages and other stuff she needs."

Now his duty was ripping him apart. On one hand, he had to look after his tribe, hunt for them, protect them. On the other, she was his woman and he had to be the one to help her heal. His loyalties to both were great and he felt conflicted. He would have to find a way to do fulfill all his responsibilities. At least they no longer had to worry about the birds of paradise.

A deep sigh rolled through Kouga's lips as he sat down near her, his eyes never leaving her broken body. He didn't need sleep, at least not much of it. If he took no rest at all, then it would be easier to manage. As Kouga watched her rest, his mind wandered. Now that he did not fear as much for her life, it was easier to think.

The moment he discovered her arrival at his den, the first thing he thought of was that he failed her. He completely omitted the fact that she was with Muttface and her friends. Out of all of them, how come they only found Kagome? He had seen them fight and there was no way they all got capture by  _one bird_. There was also no way none of them could have helped Kagome.

The only explanation he could come up with was that she was alone when it had all happened. Obviously though, that only brought forward more questions. Like why was she alone in the first place, for example. The mutt was an idiot, but he would not have let her go off on her own... would he? Unless maybe Kagome left… He sighed; the more he thought about it, the less sense it made.

He would have to wait until she woke up to have his answers.

"Here you go." Ginta said as he dropped the bucket beside Kouga, along with the cloth.

Meanwhile, Hakkaku put some herbs and bandages on a clean piece of cloth the floor. "That woman said to change them twice a day at least. And wash the wounds first."

"I  _know_."

He might not be a healer, but he'd gotten his share of injuries in the past. He was not the youngest tribe leader ever to be in power because he stood in the shade and watched others work. The shards had not made him a leader, he did that himself with all the effort he put into it. The shards just happened to be a bonus  _after_  he'd come into his place as head of the pack.

"Should Sis stay in those bloody clothes?"

Kouga twisted his mouth to the side as he glanced upon her tattered clothes. They were nothing like any garb he had ever seen before. In his opinion, they revealed a bit much, but perhaps that was the way they dressed in her village. Though most human women he saw wore kimonos.

"Probably not."

Nobody had changed her out of the ruined material since it was an emergency and frankly he did not feel right doing it himself. She might be his woman, but she was not awake and he would not undress her without her consent because it would not be right. He would have to order one of the women to do it later. At the moment, they did not have any clothes for her.

"Send someone to retrieve Kimonos for her."

Ginta and Hakkaku both nodded before they exited the cave. They were worried for their sister, but knew their presence would be too much. Their leader needed to be alone with his intended mate for now. If Kouga called upon them to come help, then they would come rushing back. Still, that did nothing to ease the worry in their hearts; hopefully she would be fine.

Kouga gave into his urge and softly brushed her hair aside. He was well aware that humans took longer to heal, he just did not know how long. Her injury would not be bad on a demon, but a human… was it fatal? He could not allow her to die, especially not under his supervision. Also, he was the one who dragged her through the whole mess with the birds of paradise; it was his fault.

"Don't worry Kagome, I'm gonna look after you."

-E-


	2. Bleeding Wounds

The sun set and the surroundings became darker as the night fell. Despite the amount of time that went by, Kouga did not leave Kagome's side. She was still unconscious, increasing his worry for her. Humans were weaker but…  _how long_  was it going to take before she was finally awake?

Suddenly, footsteps interrupted his train of thoughts. Ginta walked in, holding branches, and Hakkaku was not far behind with a flaming torch in his hand.

"We thought she might get cold and ya know - she lost all that blood."

 _Cold!_  Of course! She was probably freezing! He was unable to feel such a small amount of coldness and he was more concerned with checking if she was breathing that the thought did not occur to him.  _Idiot_. Did he not fail her enough for today already?

Ginta and Hakkaku slowly settled the fire near Kagome which immediately brought warmth to the vicinity.

"Is she gettin' better?"

"Did ya change her bandages?"

"I know how to take care of  _my woman_!"

Both Ginta and Hakkaku backed away at his tone. "We just wanna make sure Sis is alrigh'."

"I ain't gonna let her die."

To be honest, he had yet to change her bandages. Her clothes were extremely ripped which caused them to merge with the blood and wounds. If he was to put new bandages on there was no doubt that he would have to completely undress her. By now fresh kimonos were brought for her and they were neatly folded in a pile which would make that task easy...

But he still had to  _change_  her. Undress her.

He could always bring back one of the healers to do it. He was  _supposed_  to be the one to take care of her but the way he knew his Kagome and she would not appreciate it if he undressed her without her consent. Granted, she was his future mate… well, exactly… she was his  _future_  mate.

He did not want to get slap again. For a human, she hit hard.

"Bring Miku in here," he finally said.

Ginta nodded before the two of them left while Kouga dropped his hands to ground level. He gently ran his clawed fingers through Kagome's tangled, bloody locks and he watched as her chest barely rose with each breath she took. As long as the smell of death did not overtake her regular scent, he would keep himself from panicking.

Barely a few moments went by before Miku came into the den with concerned eyes. Kouga might be quite young to be the tribe's leader but he never showed any fear. He was always confident and led them to safety. She did see him afraid to lose the little ones, but nothing like the look he had in his eyes right now. A soft smile appeared on her lips as she kneeled down beside him.

"You called?"

"I can't change her bandages."

She nodded before moving closer to Kagome. The girl was in bad shape; there was no denying that. Considering the dry puddle of blood underneath her, Miku was surprised the girl had no faded yet.

"I'll take care o' her."

Kouga seemed somewhat relieved as he removed his hand from Kagome's hair. After throwing one last longing glance her way, he rose to his feet. "I'll be outside."

His footsteps were slow as he headed to the entrance of the den and once he reached it, he leaned against it. From here, he could still hear her heartbeat. It was slow and out of pace, but it was beating and he could not ask for more. It was hard for him to not take a peek at the sky as he expected to see another one of those wretched birds.

He knew they were all dead, he knew they searched, but he was going to send another hunting party tomorrow. He was not going to be at peace until the entire area was inspected over and over again. He brought her into this mess; it was  _his_  fault she was injured. If it was not for him the bird of paradise would not even know she existed.

For the first time since Kagome was brought into his tribe injured, he allowed himself take a deep breath. Kagome was going to live and regain her good health. It was the only way he could make it up to his mate. How was she supposed to consider him worthy if he failed her like this? She  _was_  different from the other females he knew – even human ones – but he did not think she wanted a weak alpha.

Kagome would not get injured again.

He swore on his life that it was the last time something like this happened to her. It was a mistake to leave her behind with Inuyasha despite his injured arm. He should have honored his duties and remained by her side to protect her. Even with an injury, he could have protected her better than Inuyasha did.

Talking about that idiot, where was he anyway? He was probably too ashamed of himself for letting Kagome almost die.  _He better not show his face around here,_  thought Kouga,  _or I'm going to slice his throat open._  That stupid useless mutt.

"Kouga?"

He nearly jumped before spinning around. "Did something happen?"

She smiled. "No, she's fine. I didn't move her, but I changed her clothes. I left her o'd clothes in the corner."

"Thanks," he said with a nod.

She gently patted him on the shoulder before walking past him. It was going to be a long night for their leader and she prayed the girl would live and be awake by morning. If she passed away, she did not think her leader would handle it very well.

Kouga took little steps inside almost as if he was afraid to disturb Kagome's peacefulness. It was foolish since she was clearly unconscious but he still wanted to be careful. Once he was fully inside his den, he found her lying in a pearly white kimono with beautiful pink sakura flowers spread all over the soft fabric.

He moved a bit further from her body and picked up a few furs to lie over her body. There might be a fire but he wanted to make sure she was not going to suffer from the cold. He already ignored that factor once and he was not going to do it twice.

Once she was properly tucked in, he leaned in against the nearest rock wall with his head inclined backwards. He did not need much sleep and he was especially not going to rest tonight. Nonetheless, his heart was still pumping rather fast and he needed to calm down.  _His_  Kagome was fine for now and if something occurred, he had a whole tribe at his disposition. All he had to do – actually all he  _could_  do - was wait.

-E-

Light was peeking into the den through the entrance, its bright rays caressing Kagome's face. The disturbance was enough to force her to stir from her sleep. She forcefully shut her eyes before trying to open them again. Everything was blurry and her head was pounding like drum, bringing her pain.

While the blurriness dissipated, she realized she did not recognize her surroundings. As she was about to lift her upper body to inspect the vicinity, she realized she had no strength. She was stuck lying down on the ground, unable to move herself.

Instead of words coming out of her mouth, all she could utter were groans of anguish. What was happening? Why was the light hurting her eyes so badly and why could she not move? Panic took hold of her and she tried to wriggle free of whatever was holding her down. She wanted to scream,  _help please,_  but not words came out of her mouth.

The sounds of her torment increased but nobody came for her. Where was Inuyasha, Sango or even Miroku? Why wasn't anybody helping her? Was this a plan from Naraku?

"Kagome? Kagome, calm down!"

This voice – it was – wait, it was Kouga? She lifted her head to the best of her abilities and glanced up. There he was, his blue eyes shining with concern as he hovered on top of her.

"Are you alright? Are you in pain?"

When she first started to move, he was not certain if it was real or he was hallucinating it. After all, he spent the entire night staring at her and he would not be surprised if his eyes were playing tricks on him. Nonetheless, after he heard a few more grunts coming from her direction, he realized she was indeed awake. Unfortunately, she did not appear to be in a good state.

"P-pa-in," she managed to say.

He gently brought a hand to her head and caressed her hair. "I'm sorry Kagome."

Kouga was able to see in her eyes that she was confused, especially since she was looking in every direction with tears forming in her eyes.

"You're home. You're in my den, Kagome. You were injured." And near death but he was not going to tell her that.

She offered him what seemed like a nod before closing her eyes, which caused some tears to fall and slide down her cheeks. Witnessing that made Kouga experience a new kind of agony. It was like he was dying and his heart was not beating. She was  _crying_. He preferred her yelling than crying!

"Try not to move too much. You got lots of bandages."

Bandages? He mentioned an injury but – and then it all rushed back to her. She remembered the fight with Inuyasha and then how she planned on going home but then she was attacked. Oh yes! One of the damn birds attacked her and Kirara! Oh no Kirara! Was she here? Did Kouga help her or did she die?  _Oh my god_ , what if she died?

No, Kirara was a youkai of some sort, she would be fine, she would survive a small attack like this. Although, she could remember there was a lot blood… Despite the pain, Kagome tried to turn her neck and see if see could catch a glimpse of Kirara but regardless of her efforts, she was barely able to move.

"Hey, hey, don't move like that," Kouga said before putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Ki-kirara!"

Who the hell was Kirara? His eyes shifted to the left then to the right as he tried to remember. Oh. Wasn't that the big cat they had following them around?

"She's not here."

Her heart dropped slightly and she found herself hoping that Sango and the others managed to find her before it was too late.

Kouga's face saddened at the shift in her scent and he began to feel guilty. He did not know about her injured friend! But if it was this important to her, then it was important to him. He dared to rise to his feet and rushed to the entrance of the den. He would send some of his men to try and retrieve the cat for her. Anything he could do to make her more comfortable, he would.

Kagome lay there and tried to move her head forward. It was then that she was able to feel something soft, like fur, on her face. Maybe it was the weight of the fur that prevented her from standing up. If she was weak, it would be enough to hold her down. Perhaps she could get Kouga to move them once he would return.

Wait. Kouga. How did  _he_  find her? She could not have gone that far from the well could she? Inuyasha should have returned to Kaede's village and she was certain he would have smelled blood and followed the trail. Then again, during all the confusion they may have strayed further than she realized from their path.

A few seconds passed before Kouga was by her side again. Instead of looking at her, his eyes were glancing over her body. The blood from her wounds managed to soak through the fur, staining it. They were going to have to change her again because he could not keep her in such dirty clothes. Although that also brought forward another problem.

He might change her clothes constantly but that did not change the state of her body and wounds. They were going to have to wash her eventually but she looked so weak that he was not sure he trusted her in the owater by herself.

"Fur, c-an y-ou take—off."

He quirked his eyebrows before understanding what she was saying. Gently, he picked up the fur from her body and laid it on the ground. Once again, he watched as she tried to sit up without much success. Since he could see she was not going to give up on that idea, he decided to help her. Kouga dropped down to his knees, her head touching his legs.

Gently, Kouga grabbed her by the shoulders and began to lift her up as delicately as he could. Slowly, with both their help, they managed to get her in a sitting position with her back pressed against his chest. He was mindful of her injuries as he wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her up.

The effort of maintaining her own head up proved to be too much for her and she immediately leaned her head backwards to rest on his chest. As soon as she did that, he found himself regretting not taking off his armor. It was probably not very comfortable for her. He tried to shift around but he then came to the conclusion that it probably was not helping.

Kagome was so far gone, she did not even know it was something hard instead of soft beneath her head. Since Kouga pulled away the fur she found herself cold but now that she was close to Kouga's body she was warm again. It was crazy the amount of heat coming from his body. However, the change in her position did cause a problem; she could feel herself bleeding.

"My- wound-s- they-opened up."

Kouga peered down at her body only to notice the blood stains on her kimono increased in size. "I'll get someone."

Before he was able to move, she dug her fingers in his arm out of pain. Her face was grunted into an expression of suffering and all the sudden he felt guilt spread through his body. Everyone – at least those not keeping guard – were resting before the morning hunt. Was he going to be back on time? The scent of blood was increasing fast and he did not like it.

Maybe he would have to undress her by himself.

At that thought, his heart skipped a beat. He did not want to invade her privacy but… he could not watch her die either. He gulped before bending his head forward slightly.

"Kagome?" She probably would not reply but he wanted to get her attention at least. "I- I need to undress you – your wounds…"

He could not even phrase it. As a matter of fact, it was getting harder to ignore the blush burning his cheeks.

Kagome never once peeked at Kouga. Instead, she loked straight ahead. The blood spilling from her wounds was warm as it leaked down her stomach and legs. It made her dizzy and light headed, but despite that, she did understand his words. If her blood supply was not so low, she was certain a pink hue would be covering her face right now.

She did - not – well - she was –  _it was embarrassing_ , but she was dying. At least, it felt like she was. All she could give him as an answer was a weak nod while her consciousness was slowly slipping away from her.

Kouga gulped once more while his usually steady hands trembled. He fumbled with the knots until he managed to untie them. The front of the kimono opened and revealed her bandaged upper body. Everything was covered but it did not make him feel better since the white bandages were now a dark crimson color. He had to remove them  _all_  and apply the weird green substance that was left behind by the healers… and then bandage her up again.

He inhaled deeply before he slowly began to unwrap her. She winced each time he pulled the fabric away from one of her wounds and it made his heart swell with pain. If he could prevent her any suffering he would, but he  _had_  to remove everything. His tan hands were tainted red but he did not notice as he removed the last of her bandages.

Kouga lifted his eyes to look at the ceiling as he uncovered her breasts. Nervously, he reached out for the paste and dipped in fingers into it.  _Now_  he had to look.

At that point, Kagome laid flat on the ground instead of on his lap. He peered down at her body while he lowered his hand, doing his best to keep it steady. He applied it on her wounds, pressing his hand to her stomach. The higher his hand went, the harder it was to breathe. Then it happened. His fingers grazed her two soft mounds as he lightly applied the paste. They were large, bouncy and –  _oh_. Beneath his touch, her nipples were hardening and his mouth went dry.

 _That was enough_.

He shakily dropped the pot on the ground and reached out for bandages. He clumsily wrapped her back up, his body refusing to cooperate. It was taking him everything just to not  _growl_ while he compressed her breasts against her chest.

Kouga hurried to close up her kimono and then leaned into the wall with a sigh. Her eyes were fully closed and he did not think she  _felt_  any of it.

One thing was for sure; he chose his mate well.

-E-

"Sango? Are you okay?"

The slayer kept glancing over her shoulder, searching the sky. "Yeah, I just. Shouldn't Kirara be back by now? I don't think the well was that far."

" _Keh_ , knowing Kagome, she probably made her do a million stops. Who knows, maybe they went to see  _wolf_  boy."  _That stinking wolf_.

Miroku resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Inuyasha was being very obvious. Then again, he could hardly blame him; Kouga had some good techniques. Such confidence! If only  _he_  could pull off that kind of things… maybe Sango wouldn't slap him every time he tried to compliment her rear.

" _Yeah_ ," Sango answered, distracted.

She did not know why but she had a bad feeling about this.  _Maybe_  she was paranoid but –  _No_ , everybody was fine. They had to be.

-E-

"How sis?"

"Did she wake up?"

"Can she walk?"

"Is she dead?"

"If she dies, do we eat her?"

" _Shut up,_ " Kouga growled as he sat down in front of the fire.

Kagome was sleeping in the cave with Miku watching over her. He did not want to leave her side but he had a tribe to look after. Without him, they were useless. "She's fine. She woke up." Her wounds seemed better this morning. "She is  _not_  dead and she's gonna be walkin' just fine once she's all healed up."

"Yeah but she's human."

"I said  _shut up_."

The wolf gulped and nodded before trying to disappear into the background. Their leader was  _not_  in a good mood today.

"So, when are you gonna make Kagome your woman?"

"Not now you idiot. She's hurt."

The memory of last night flashed through his mind and quickly a blush decorated his cheeks. Her skin was so soft and her breasts perky. If he could only –

"Hey Kouga, Kagome is human."

"I know that you idiot. I told you, it doesn't matter she's human! She can  _see_  the jewel shards!"

"I know, I know… but… don't we eat humans?"

 _Oh_. Yeah he did not really think that one through. He could see Kagome being pretty upset if they kept that up. "Not anymore," he declared. They were just going to have to hunt something else.

"No- no more humans?"

"That's right. We don't harm humans anymore."

A few grumbled, clearly unhappy but nobody voiced their opinion. Humans were so much easier to come by then other animals… They were going to work twice as hard for their food now.

" _Hey_ , remember. With Kagome by our side, we're going to be unstoppable."

They might not be pleased but nobody would go against him. They all knew they had no chance to winning; he had three –well  _two_  now – jewel shards. Nobody could catch up to him.

"Now, I need some of you to search the woods for a big –  _cat_." What was its name again? Oh yeah. "Kirara."

"A cat?"

"Its Kagome's friend. Its hurt."

"We'll look for it," volunteered Ginta. Beside him, Hakkuka nodded enthusiastically.

"The rest of you go hunting. My woman needs food." He knew she did not eat  _humans_ but what did she eat? He saw humans eat those – those  _vegetables_  but did they eat anything else? They did eat regular meat did they not?

Everyone hurried to their feet and obeyed his order. Considering how aggravated Kouga was, the less they were around him, the better.

Meanwhile, Kouga found himself planning his future. Soon, Kagome would be back on her feet and she would be by his side while he organized the tribe. Her kindness and loyalty would be very good additions to the pack. She would lead them well.

The closer he got to his den, the strong her scent was. It was appeasing, soft and enticing. He could not wait to have her body wrapped around his while he claimed her.

"How is she?" he asked as he poked his head into his den.

"Asleep, but her breathing is better."

Relieved, he walked inside. She looked more peaceful than the other nights. It seemed her wounds stopped bleeding as well. Even sick, she was beautiful. Her skin was paler than usual, contrasting with her long ebony locks. She would make a fine mate.

He did not care that she said  _Inutrasha_ had a claim on her. That mutt failed her, he let her get injured. Kouga just proved he was a better male than that idiot. She had no choice be to be his now. Regardless, he was not afraid of fighting Inuyasha if it came down to it. Kagome was his and he would prove it no matter what.

Kouga gently tucked her hair behind her ear and let his fingers caress her cheek. She stirred in her sleep and turned her head, leaning against his palm. He smiled, pride swelling his chest. _She did like him_. He knew it. Inuyasha was just messing with her brain but now that she was getting used to being around a  _real warrior_ , she was slowly forgetting about the mutt.

"I'll leave the two of you alone," Miku said with a chuckle before leaving.

As soon as they were alone, Kouga removed his armor. His bare chest would be much more comfortable for her. He lifted her up, sneaking an arm under her knees and cuddled her against his chest. Immediately she pressed her small palm against torso and he growled. It rumbled through his chest and he tucked her head under his chin. She never stir, she never woke up. She  _trusted_  him, she was  _comfortable_  around him.

When she denied his request and left with Inuyasha, he thought he was not going to see her for a while. Though he regretted it happened this way, he was happy to have her back in his den. During her sleep, she touched his skin with her mouth and he sighed. He wanted her to get better so that he could make her  _his_.

Meanwhile, Kagome felt in heaven. She was surrounded by warmth and  _softness_. She felt  _fur_  touching her legs and it felt like silk. In her sleep, she reached out for it and gently stroke it.

Because she was in a sleep induced daze, she failed to notice the way Kouga froze underneath her touch. He remained still, not even breathing, as her fingers caressed the fur of his tail. Nobody ever pet his tail before; nobody was allowed to. Her simple touch sent shivers of pleasure down his spine and he found himself staring down at her, lusty hunger shining in his blue eyes.

She was  _fragile_ , he had to remember that.

Kagome rubbed her cheek against her  _pillow_  and smiled. Her body was heavy, so heavy, but this was nice. Her heart was beating fast, too fast. She dared to open her eyes and cast a glance upon tan skin. Wait -  _tan skin_? Her eyes opened wide before she realized her new pillow was  _Kouga_. She jolted in his arms, releasing his tail. Involuntarily, he whimpered.

Her sudden movements brought her pain and she winced. Right away, he buried his nose in her hair and nuzzled against her. "It's okay Kagome. You're with me." His voice was soft and low as if he was speaking to a fragile animal.

 _Kouga_. Ri-ght. He saved her did he not? She tried to remember the events that occurred but it was a bit hazy. She woke up in his cave bloody and he mumbled something about her injuries and then – well she did not remember anything else. She knew  _everything_  in her body hurt though and she felt like her bones were  _crushed_. Simply breathing was painful

His clawed hand gently ran through her hair, trying to soothe her. He was rather pleased than despite the fact that she was awake, she remained close to him. Her little body fitted so well against his.

Kagome was still dazed and out of it. Her belly felt  _warmer_  than the rest of her body and if her pain was any indication, her worse injuries were located there. Was she still bleeding? She remembered seeing so much blood and –  _oh_. She stiffened in his hold, panicked.  _Kirara!_  Oh no, she never saw her!

"Ginta and Hakkaku are looking for Kirara," he said before brushing her bangs away with his hand.

She was so predictable. She had the  _same_  reaction when she woke up the first time. His woman cared more about others than herself.

She breathed a little better and leaned even more into his chest.  _Kirara_. They  _were_  going to find her. They had to. Maybe Inuyasha and the others did already. She glided her hand across his chest, the muscles ripped under her touch. It was not until she reached the fur covering his lower body that her actions dawned upon her. She was touching Kouga's chest. Kouga's naked chest. She was  _pressed_  against Kouga's naked chest.

Heat rose to her face and for a moment, she tried to pull away but his strong hold kept her close. "You're gonna make your injuries worse," he almost snapped.

Why was she fighting him? He was only trying to protect her.

A heavy blush was on her pale cheeks as she closed her eyes.  _He was right_. The more she moved the more the pain increased. But – the closeness… the…  _she saw a naked guy before she even kissed one!_  Technically he was not fully naked but still. This was wrong. This was  _Kouga_. Him and his pack did protect her and he was nice to her but… well he also kidnapped her! She was purposefully leaving aside all of his declarations of love.

She did want to pull away but she was so exhausted and he was  _so warm_. Maybe if she stayed just a little while longer. One more nap and she would feel better right? Then – Kouga would find Inuyasha for her and she would be back on her way. Yes, she only needed to stay with Kouga a bit longer. She tried to reposition herself but she was too weak to move her own body.

Once again, Kagome relaxed in his arms and it pleased him. "I'll take care of you."

She knew he meant it. She did trust him. Her fate could have been worse when she was attacked. At least with Kouga her safety was assured. He did have  _two_  jewel shards. It was no sword but…

He bent down and pressed his mouth to the top of her head, the scorching heat of her flesh warming his lips. The simple fact that she was awake and  _feisty_  made him happy. He knew she would recover; his woman was strong. He began softly growling against her hair, speaking a tongue she did not understand.

The sounds against her head actually soothed the pain throbbing through her brain. " _Mm. More_ ," she mumbled barely audibly. It was the first time she was not in agony and she wanted to hold on to that feeling.

He tried his best not to smirk as he kept going, just as she requested. He let his nose brush up against her forehead and he inhaled her scent. Her scent was memorized in his brain; he would recognize it no matter what. He would always be able to find her.

She looked so innocent in his arms but he remembered the fire inside of her. Her eyes light up when she smacked him after he announced to everyone that she was going to be his woman. The pack accepted her and the only thing she ever said was that someone else made a claim. Inuyasha  _had_  to be out of the way by now. She had no reason to not accept him.

He slid his fingers down to her neck and gently rubbed her skin. She made a sound resembling a moan and he smirked. She was extremely receptive to his touch and it pleased him.

Soon, the woman of his dreams would be all his.

-E-


	3. Slow Process

" _Are ya stupid? I **told ya**  to cook it!_"

Kouga was snarling as he bore his fangs at Ginta. They offered him  _raw_  meat. What was he supposed to do with  _raw_  meat? Kagome made it clear she found it disgusting! He personally thought it ruined the flavor of it but this was not about him. His woman was weak and she needed energy! He would be damned if she did not get her food exactly the way she loved it.

Ginta and Hakkaku stared at each other, nervous. "But- but Kouga, how do we cook it?"

Usually whatever meat they ate –  _human or animal –_  they just dove right in and ripped chunks off with their mouth and fingers. They loved it when the blood dripped down their chins. They did not know the first thing about cooking meat and preparing it for a  _human_. Kagome was the first one they did not  _eat_.

"Put it above a fire, ya  _idiot_ s."

"Right, right," they mumbled before scramming off with the boar. Kouga was in a  _bad_  mood and they would not be the one to piss him off even more.

Out of frustration, Kouga punched the rock wall beside him. Kagome did not eat since she got injured.  _Actually_ , unless she ate while she was with mutt face, she did not eat since he first kidnapped her. He was trying to take care of her, to make up for the few mistakes he made, but everyone was making it so damn difficult.

She spent the night fairly restless but he found that he welcomed the way she stirred in her sleep. At least it meant her health was improving. She even let him stroke her hair all night as if it soothed her and took away her pain.  _Of course it did_. She felt safe with him and it made her feel better. He knew she was beginning to realize Inuyasha was no good for her. He was the one male she needed, him and nobody else.

The sun was rising in the horizon and another day was dawning upon them. The wolves who stood guard all night were finally retreating to their dens while new ones took their places. Although their main enemies were dead, Kouga refused to let his guard down. On top of that, he was sort of expecting a visit from Inutrasha.

Even that idiot should be able to eventually track down Kagome. Since he was hot headed and reckless, he would probably try to take Kagome away while she was still injured. Kouga's priority was her safety and he would make sure Inuyasha did not get anywhere near her.

After glancing at the vicinity one more time, he found himself inside his den once more. Kagome was still sleeping and considering the disturbed nights she was having, he figured it would be a while before she woke up.  _Good_. He wanted her food to be ready before she was awake.

Immediately, he found himself seeking her presence. He sat down near her and gently cupped her cheek with his hand. She was so beautiful. She would make a beautiful alpha female for the pack and she would bear him many strong, handsome sons. They would be hanyous but they would be from her so he did not care. On top of that, they would have jewel shards. Nobody would dare to mess with them, hanyous or not.

He ran his thumb across the soft skin of her cheek. Surprisingly, he found her tilting her head to lean into his touch. She - she was trying to nuzzle him! A smirk of satisfaction appeared on his face and he almost chuckled. Not so taken was she? He knew she just needed to be around him to know what a real youkai was like.

Kouga dared his hand further until his fingertips brushed against her lips. He did not even kiss her yet. He almost did when he announced she would be his but her slap caught him off guard. His woman was a feisty little thing.

"Hnmh," she mumbled in her sleep.

"Kagome?" he tried.

It seemed to snap her out of it and she turned around, burying her face right into his crotch. A blush immediately rose to his cheeks and he retracted his hands from her body. He froze in place as she slowly nuzzled. His hands shook as he tried to grab her waist to move her. Unfortunately, in his embarrassment and nervousness he missed his target and made contact with her wounds. She yelped against him and he stiffened even more.

Kagome slowly opened the eyes and only found darkness. She groaned while pain rapidly spread through her body. Afterwards, she attempted to breathe only to realize that her lungs felt crushed. She gapped against some wet… _fur,_ panic settling in.

"Hey- Kagome, Kagome!" Kouga took hold of her hips and flipped her on her back as delicately as she could.

Fear shone in her eyes while she stared at him, tears forming in her eyes because of the light. "K-kouga," she croaked out.

"Ya alright," he mumbled, relief washing over him.

He would have to make sure she stayed on her back from now on. "Ya were just having a nightmare." At least he thought she was. Was it not why she spoke in her sleep? Though he did not have the first clue as of what she said.

Nightmares. Each time she closed her eyes, they invaded her mind. They became her regular dreams. Shaken by what took place, by the feeling of death she experienced, Kagome let a few tears slide down her cheeks.

As soon as the scent of salty tears hit his nose, Kouga frowned. He was here to protect her, she had no reason to cry. He tilted his body forward and pressed his chin to her forehead. Shyly, he poked his tongue out and licked away her tears. A hue of pink shaded her skin as she felt his warm tongue pressing against her face. She thought it would feel gross, just like when a dog did it, but instead it was almost comforting.

She was injured, away from her friends and in another world. If she could go home, she might feel better sooner. There were so many risks of infections here! However, she noticed she was in agony each time she moved. There was no way she would make it to well. Especially since she was pretty far from it right now.

"Are ya hungry?" he tried.

The rumbles of hunger never stopped echoing in her stomach but she was not even sure she could move enough to feed herself. Nonetheless, she weakly nodded before closing her eyes once more.

Kouga turned his head, desperate to catch a glimpse of Hakkaku or Ginta. It should not take that long to prepare food! He refused to move while she was comfortable and yelling when she was this close to him might startle her. The only option left was to impatiently wait. What he disliked the most was leaving her in pain. Perhaps there was something he could do to relieve some of her suffering. Reaching out for the nearby cloth, he clenched his fingers around it. With a soft touch, he pressed it against her forehead, sponging some of the sweat off.

Her fever remained.

Maybe staying in a stuffy cave constantly was not the way to go but he refused to move her. Even then, she was always cold. He hated to see her shiver but he did not want it to make it worse by giving her more warmth. He never knew what to do! Humans were much more complicated than wolves!

"Hey, hey, Kouga!"

Their whispers filled the cave and he winced. There were not as quiet as they thought they were.

"Get in here," he mumbled.

They ran, their hands wrapped around large leaves. Once they reached their destination, they dropped to their knees. "We didn't know what to bring it in," Ginta said sheepishly as he opened his hands. They wrapped the leaves around large chunks of meat.

He felt like smacking them. "And you think my woman is gonna eat that?"

"W-we cooked it!"

"She can't chew  _that_!"

"We weren't sure how to cut it." Usually they used their teeth but he was not sure Kagome was gonna like that. They did try the knives but - the meat was not the best and it fell apart.

Kouga sighed. "Gimme that."

She was awake but her eyes were still closed. He did not think she could do this. Meh, he would help her. It was his duty as her future mate. He took the meat from Ginta and took a huge bite out of it before putting the rest down. Slowly, he masticated and kept going until it felt soft enough. He secured his arms around her waist and lifted her until the top of her head hit his chin.

"Kagome?"

"Hn."

His fingers brushed against her jaw before he grasped it. Delicately, he tilted her head backwards. "Immana need ya to eat a'right?"

She weakly nodded, her eyes never opening.

He lowered himself until their lips met. Heat rose to her face and her eyes flashed wide opened. K-kouga was kissing her? A sudden gasp escaped her and as her lips parted he began feeding her. It was so unexpected to the point that she almost choked. Once she realized what was happening, her heartbeat slowed down and she painfully swallowed. Kouga emptied the rest of the chewed meat in her mouth and once she ate that too, he released her chin. She closed her mouth which applied pressure on his lips.

And he kissed her.

He did not mean to do it. At first, he thought she initiated it, not knowing she tried to close her mouth. It did not last long, barely a few lips movements. When he said she did not respond, he pulled away a bit baffled. It all happened so fast.

His own cheeks were like hers, red.

"We- hm, do ya need more meat?"

Ginta. Hakkaku. He could smell their awkwardness from here and his embarrassment quickly turned to anger. How did he forget they were right there?

"Ju- get some water!"

As Kagome felt the food slowly slid down her throat, she wondered. Did he kiss her or did she imagine it? No, he did not. He was only trying to feed her. Unfortunately for her that did nothing to make her feel less shy. It  _felt_  like a kiss. Not that she would not what a kiss felt like since she never kissed anyone. Unless this counted. It did not… did it?

"Do ya want more?" he asked with a straight face.

She shook her head. She might be still hungry but she was a bit overwhelmed with the intimacy they were sharing. She did not doubt Kouga's intentions. True, they met because he kidnapped her but he did not hurt her. He actually  _proclaimed_  his love for her. She also knew he was not doing this to get her but to look after her. Under his tough guy heart, he was kind; she saw it. Nonetheless, she was not really used to being this close to a guy in general.

He nodded even though she could not see him.

Actually, he was glad she couldn't. Or else, she would see the grin on his face.

-E-

Darkness was swallowing the sky by the time Kouga emerged from his den. Kagome fell back asleep and though he did not want to leave her alone, he desperately needed to stretch his legs. He wished to run through the forest and feel the wind against his face. It did make him feel guilty that he was not with her right now but he was going crazy.

It was not like she was going to be alone though. He sent one of the women to look after her while he was gone.

What he did not expect was to be stopped on his way outside of the den's territory. A few wolves gathered around him, including Ginta and Hakkaku.

"Whaddaya want?"

"Maybe we should prepare for a mating huh?" Hakkuka said as he elbowed Ginta and wriggled his eyebrows.

Involuntarily, Kouga blushed again. "Idiots. She's sick. I ain't gonna mate her right now."

"Well, soon! I mean, Inuyasha can't take care of her! Whatcha gonna do when she's all better? Let her go?"

"Yeah, you let someone else take care of your mate and she got hurt!"

"You should mate her and protect her!"

They were not wrong. He would not let her be on her own but her friends were not responsible enough. The only time she was truly safe was when she was with him. Maybe it was the way to go. Though he was not sure how he felt about mating her right away. He did  _want_  her - a lot. But, they still had enemies out there. She was human; what if they went after her to get to him? As long as she was not his mate, they did not know how important she was to him.

"Maybe."

He ignored their stare before speeding out of the vicinity. He smiled as happiness washed over him. Wind was freedom. He ran so fast the trees were nothing more than a blur around him. He destroyed any obstacles in his way by running right through them. Moments passed and only the moon and the stars were lighting the sky by the time he came to a halt.

Kouga stood proudly on top of a mountain, the wind blowing through his ponytail.

As he stared in the distance, a small tree attracted his attention. It was full of small red berries and it gave him an idea. Those might be somewhat easier for Kagome to eat! Humans liked fruits right? Deciding it was a fantastic idea, he hopped all the way down in one jump. Quickly, he picked at them.

His pace was however suddenly interrupted when he heard voices. His ear twitched. It was not any voices, it was Inutrasha's stupid voice.

Kouga grinned, thinking about how he would march over there, taunting him. He was about to follow the voices when it hit him. This was a bad idea. Kagome said she  _belonged_  to another - Inuyasha. If he messed with the mutt, then he would come to his den and try to take Kagome away. If she woke up - she might just go with him. No, not yet, not so soon. She finally seemed comfortable around him and he was not about to let that idiot ruin it.

Instead, he tried to keep a certain distance but went closer. He just wanted to know what they were saying.

" _Maybe you should go see Kagome at her house, Inuyasha."_

_"Keh. If I go, I'm dragging her back and she's gonna complain."_

_"But we don't even know if she made it home safely. Kirara hasn't been back yet!"_

Kirara? Didn't Kagome talk about a friend named like that?  _Right_  the cat. Maybe he should send out more people to find her. If even Kagome's pack did not hear from her, she might be badly injured and it would hurt his mate if her friend died.

" _Maybe Kagome told her to wait for her. Maybe she took Kirara to see the damn wolf."_

Kouga smirked; he knew the mutt was jealous and he  _should_  be. Kagome was about to be all his. He was mad at him though for not being more worried about Kagome. If he really cared about her he should be trying to find her.

" _We should travel back to Kaede's village and wait for the both of them there."_

_"If she's not back tomorrow, you need to go see if she made it home Inuyasha."_

_"Yeah, yeah._ "

One more day. That was all he had before her friends realized Kagome did not make it home. Heck, if Inuyasha followed the trail Kagome used to go home, he might find the blood. That could lead him to the den. He would have some of his men clear the scent away from where they found Kagome. Maybe they would find her friend there too.

When the conversation fell silent, he decided he heard enough for today. He grabbed the berries he had put on the ground and wrapped his hand around them. His woman was going to be happy, he just knew it. At least  _he_  knew how to take care of her.

Satisfied with himself, he sped back towards the den.

-E-

"More fur! I'm tired of my woman sleeping on the ground like that!"

Technically, she did lay on a couple of furs but it was not enough. He saw humans' home when he raided them. The rich ones had much padding underneath their beds. Kagome was human and she was going to be his - a princess. She needed the best. Also, he was afraid that being so close to the ground was not helping her sickness.

Since this was going to be her home too, he needed to make it better for her. He usually slept in the main cave, watching over his pack. Things were going to change around here and he would spend more time alone with her. They needed a place to sleep together. He might not need much rest but she did.

So far, he managed to pill up quite an amount of fur; a few more and it would be perfect. The dilemma left was to figure out how to move her without hurting her.

"Her wounds are cleaned."

"Thank you," he said as he nodded in gratitude.

Even if he did it that one time, he knew it was much more comfortable for Kagome to have another woman do it. To be perfectly honest, he was more at ease that way too.

"Do you need anything else, Prince Kouga?"

"Ya can go. I'm sure they're starving out there. I don't have time to scold them if they start acting like idiots."

"I will keep an eye on them."

Hayu was a trusted healer. She was no longer young, her hair turned white and Kouga respected her wisdom. He might be the leader of the pack but it did not mean he needed to ignore those who came before him and possessed more knowledge than he did. One did not become the youngest leader by acting like a fool.

"Here ya go, Kouga."

Two more furs were added and he smiled. "That'll do it." He smoothened them before standing straight. "Keep guard near the den. If ya see anyone ya don't recognize, ya tell me."

Inuyasha must have checked up on Kagome's home by now and found out she was not there. If he had any respect for Kagome, he would be looking for her.

"Did ya find the cat?"

"Some of 'em are still looking."

"Good."

If Kagome asked, at least he had a truthful answer to provide her. He would like to have good news but this was better than nothing. At least he was trying.

Everyone quickly left the area, leaving him alone with Kagome once more. Her bandages were just changed and she wore new clothes. He appreciated her  _revealing_  clothes but in a kimono… she was just breathtaking. Unfortunately, she shivered again and guilt swallowed him whole.  _Damn it_. He was the one who unwrapped her from the fur, knowing her fever was too high. He simply needed to remind himself he was doing this for her own good.

Maybe - maybe a little trip to the waterfall might be worth moving her.

He rushed outside, glancing around, trying to find Hayu. Once he spotted her, he ran her way. "Her fever is high ain't it?"

She nodded.

"Will it hurt her if I take her to the waterfall?"

Hayu sighed and pondered carefully. "Perhaps if another carried her with you?"

He growled involuntarily. Kouga was not too keen on the idea of another man touching his woman but - if it was in her best interest he could hardly refuse. He nodded. "Thank you."

Kouga turned around and marched towards the gathered pack. "Ginta, Hakkaku, ya comin' with me." They were a bit clumsy at time but he trusted them. They would not do anything inappropriate to his Kagome.

They hurried to their feet and followed behind their leader. Kouga seemed in a bad mood, then again they would be too if their woman was sick and maybe dying.

Both of them trailed behind him as he leaded them inside the den. "We're gonna move here to the waterfall."

"Aren't we gonna hurt her?"

"Her fever is too damn high. She needs to cool off," he tried to hide some of her the concern in his voice but he failed.

They nodded and quickly circled Kagome. "Ya gonna grab her shoulder and you her feet." He would be the one holding her to her waist.

Once everyone was positioned they took their time to lift her up the ground and as slowly as possible they headed outside. Kouga made sure to watch her and listen to her breathing. As long as she remained asleep, he would be happy. It meant they were handling her carefully enough to not disturb her.

Moments passed and then finally made it. They all stepped into the water and lowered her into it. When Ginta and Hakkaku released Kagome, Kouga was the only thing keeping her afloat.

"Go, I'll call ya in a while."

Even if she might dislike it, he would keep her in the water as long as possible. He was not going to move her like this again and he would make sure her temperature was way down before pulling her out.

Ginta and Hakkaku threw concerned glances in direction of their sister before obeying their leader. They trusted Kouga to look after her. Though they wondered who was going to look after him. He spent day and night watching over Kagome and it showed he was tired - not physically but emotionally. They prayed Kagome would get better soon.

Kouga guided them near the edge and pushed his body against the edge. He lifted her up, wincing in fear that he might open her wounds and wove his arms around her waist. Gently, he lowered the both of them until everything but her head was in the water. Their disturbance of the water created small waves, some of them hitting her lips. It seemed to shake her out of her sleep as she stirred in his hold.

"Cold," she mumbled, seeking warmth.

Kagome inclined her head forward, leaning into his chest. Her actions made him glad he was not wearing his armor - she might not have found it as comfortable.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I gotta do this Kagome."

He was not sure she understood him since all she did was bring her hands against his chest. He lowered a hand to her back and gently stroke it underneath the water. Maybe the gesture would be enough to bring her comfort.

Kagome was edgy, feeling  _wet_. Arms held her up but she did not feel safe. She dared to open her eyes, tan skin welcoming her into the waking world. A familiar blush sneaked up on her cheeks but she did not pull away. Instead, she was busied herself with the realization that she was submerged in water. Panic wanted to fill her and yet she fought to remain calm.

"Kouga?"

He looked down at his woman, guilty. "You got a fever."

Kouga lowered his free hand and wiped the sweat forming on her forehead before running his fingers through her damp bangs and pushing them out of the way. He wished he could dunk her head underwater too; it probably was not too comfortable to have her hair soaked with sweat. Unfortunately, he did not trust that she would hold her breath and was afraid she would lose her calm. For now, this would have to do.

"B-but I'm c-cold," she stuttered.

She found that not much made sense at the moment. She wanted warmth and nothing else. She felt as if someone threw her in a bath of ice and she did not like it. She teeth was chattering and her body was trembling. Why was he keeping her in the water? She wanted the fur, the heat.

He decided to wrap both of his arms around her, securely holding her. "You're gonna be okay. Immana look after ya."

"Inuyasha," she blurred out.

He tried not to be frustrated, he really did but that one little word was enough to hurt him. He ignored it in the hopes that she would not repeat it. Mutt face was not the one looking after her - heck he had a hard time  _looking for_ her. When would she realize he was no good for her? She enjoyed his touch, he knew she did! Why else would she let him so close to her?

Kagome tilted her head backwards. Did he not hear her? "W-where's Inu-yasha?" He was searching for her, she knew he was.

"He ain't here. Couldn't find him."

 _Liar_. He found him. Even when he was not looking for him.

She swallowed hard, her heart sinking in her chest. Inuyasha was a good tracker - he always found her. Days went by since her incident, she was certain of it. How did he not find her by not? Kouga was as hot headed as Inuyasha but he would not keep her his prisoner. At least, not again. Plus, Inuyasha would have ravaged through the place with his sword.

Did that really mean he was not looking for her?

"I'm here," he said, nuzzling against the side of her head.

He might hate Inuyasha but he did not want his Kagome to be upset. He promised to take his mind away from that worthless mutt. As long as she was with him, she would be happy.

His nose tickled her but she was too weak to smile. The more he pushed his nose into her hair, the closer he got to her. In the end, she found her face pressed into the crook of his neck. Involuntarily she found herself breathing in heavily. He smelled salty and like the forest. It was nice, especially since she thought nobody in this era was very dedicated to hygiene. She liked it. His scent was comforting and involuntarily, the tears spilled from her eyes.

She did not know why but she was dying to cry.

Every time she moved, pain jolted through her body. Each time she tried to find rest, she was haunted by bad memories. Nothing brought her relief. Not even this. Kagome knew he was doing this to help her but the coldness of the water only increased her agony. Only his warmth was like a balm over the wounds. She barely knew him but she was certain that if he let go, she would fall apart. She feared death and this was not the way she wanted to go. Not like this, not in such much pain while she was so far from home and all the people she loved.

Her pain vibrated through him and he had to close his eyes to keep himself calm. He did not know what to do to comfort a crying woman; he had no experience in that field. Instead, he tried to hold her back and let her do what she felt was right. When she tightened her hold, he did the same. When she sniffled, he caressed her hair. Having her body against his felt right and he never wanted to let her go.

He meant it when he told her wolves mated for life and that she was his.

But he was also hers and he did not think he would love anyone as much as he loved her.

-E-

Kouga stayed in the water with Kagome until the sun disappeared and re-appeared over the horizon. By then, her tears seized and exhaustion claimed her. He held her unconscious body in his arms until he was certain she was no longer warm. Ginta and Hakkaku helped him bring her back and then he laid her on the furs. Now that he was staring at her in her wet clothes, he wondered if it was a good idea.

What if her fever came back and she had wet clothes on? That could not be good.

He already saw her naked when he changed her bandages - this was an emergency situation too. It was not like he was doing it to get an eyeful. She was his woman and he respected her.

Nervous, he grabbed one of the kimonos off of the floor and put it on the furs. He inhaled deeply, calming himself. He fumbled with her obi, unusual clumsy, until finally the knot came apart. Slowly, he parted her kimono and revealed her body to his eyes once more. He barely caught a peek before he raised his gaze and stared at the rock wall. Void of his sight, he patted the edge of the fur until he found her kimono again. He slipped her out it, never grabbing anything but her arms. He tugged at the kimono, pulling it from underneath her before tossing it on the ground.

Forced to look down, he focused his eyes on her face as he lifted her upper body to slide the new kimono underneath her. Once that was done, he put her arms into the sleeves. Evilly, her large breasts bounced every time he moved her. He kept his gaze away as best as he could but it was difficult when they were tempting him. He leaned over her to carefully tuck in the other arm and he felt  _them_  brush against his naked chest.

Blood rushed through his groin and for a moment, he did not move. Despite the amount of deep breath he took, he did not relax. His breathing was hitched, his heart pumping fast as he retracted his body. It was with trembling hands that he closed the purple kimono and tied it up as rapidly as his hands allowed him. Once he was done, he dropped to the ground.

His fur felt tight around his waist and he leaned his head backwards, exhaling deeply.

She was so beautiful it hurt.

He ran his palm over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. He was not a little pup. He had seen a woman's body before. Maybe he never  _touched_  one, but he saw one. This was nothing new. As he filled his mind with different thoughts, he felt himself go limp. Grateful, he rose to his feet once more.

While he looked away she changed her position. She was closer to the wall, leaning on her side. He did not know if it was a good idea but she seemed comfortable and it was all he was asking for. Although, perhaps he could help keep her in that position. To be honest, he rested more while being around her than he ever did before. He liked it and it was becoming routine. He did not let doubt settle in as he laid down beside her.

He hovered his hand over her body a bit longer before deciding to put it on her hip. He kept a distance between their bodies out of respect but it did not prevent him from putting his other arm over his head to let him tangle his fingers through her hair. He gently massaged and waited for her usual reaction.

Quietly, she moaned and he smiled.

She mumbled again and once more, he could not make out the words.

Somewhere in his mind, an evil voice was telling him she was looking for Inuyasha, saying his name in her sleep. He ignored that voice. Instead he trailed his fingers along her hip, tickling the skin. She shivered and he sighed. He would give his life for her and he would do anything to make her happy.

He did not want her to belong to someone else. He wanted her to be his and be happy instead of sad.

He  _hated_  Inuyasha.

-E-


	4. Lost and Found

His nose twitched and his face cringed while he kept his eyes closed. It seemed that having Kagome in his arms was very comfortable and that he fell pray to the warmth and rested. Her little body was still firmly pressed against his and he felt her lips brushing against his chest. Their legs were tangled and his hand was fully resting on her bare hip. When he gave a gently squeeze, she leaned into him and he stiffened.

He thought it was a good idea last night. He was no longer certain.

Being asleep would make this whole situation easier - why did he wake up? Then, he felt that familiar, annoying presence again.

"Ya better not be in here watching me sleep with my woman."

Ginta squealed and Hakkaku's eyebrows dropped as he feared Kouga's reaction. "Well - ya told us to come see you if we found the cat…"

His eyes flashed opened. "Where is it?" Kagome was going to be thrilled. "Is it alive?"

"Barely," Ginta admitted. "Hayu is taking care of it."

"We ain't gonna tell her yet. If it dies, I don't need my woman even more upset, got it?"

They both nodded.

Now, he was going to have to go check it out by myself. Though he had to admit he had no desire to leave Kagome's side. Plus, he was not sure she would appreciate it. She seemed rather at ease all cuddle up against him and he did not want to disturb her rest.

"We can take care of it if ya want," Hakkaku suggested when Kouga did not move.

He sighed. "It's my job." He took Kagome as his woman and she became pack. It also meant that all her friends were under his protection as well. Also, he wanted to make sure everyone understood how important it was to save the cat.

Reluctantly, he pulled his legs away from her and then lifted his body on top of hers. He made sure not to touch her and disturb her and then, hopped on the other side, landing on his feet. He was about to walk past Ginta and Hakkaku when they stopped him by putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Ya might wanna wait."

Kouga arched an eyebrow. "Why would I wanna do that?"

Their cheeks colored red and they avoided his gaze. "Mm, well - " Awkwardly, and lacking the ability to use words, they pointed at his crotch.

He looked down at himself only to see a bulge in his fur.  _Fuck_. "What are you two still doing in here? Go wait outside," he barked.

They did not need to be told twice and ran to obey. Although, it was difficult to hold back a few giggles as they did so and Kouga heard them. "Idiots," he mumbled.

He crouched down on the floor which hid his problem slightly. Really, it was to be expected; his Kagome was a beautiful woman and she spent the night touching him and tangling up with him. What other reaction was he supposed to have?He was not ashamed that his woman could get him  _like this_.

Kouga took a few deep breaths, looking away from Kagome, until finally he settled down. He did though softly caress her cheek before leaving. He would appoint someone to stand in front of the den's entrance while he was gone. Her fever was not back yet but it did not mean she was healed. If anything happened while he was gone, he wanted to be informed of it.

While he exited the den, Kagome stirred from her sleep, feeling suddenly cold. She tried to reach out for warmth, like she did many times during the night but all she found was emptiness. She painfully opened her eyes on to see she was laying on fur. Yesterday was nothing more than a hazy memory in her mind. Although she felt like she went in… water? Her hair did feel wet and heavy.

A wince of pain escaped her as she turned to lay on her back. She choked up, trying to take deep breaths of air. Each time she inhaled it was as if a fire was igniting inside her lungs. The agony brought tears to her eyes and she felt her cold tears roll down her cheeks. It did not help that she felt alone and vulnerable. Her heart was ready to burst when suddenly the sound of footsteps caught her attention.

"Sis?"

"Sis, are ya a'right?" another voice asked.

She saw Ginta's hair as he kneeled by her side. "Is your fever back? Do ya want some water?"

"We could go get Kouga for you."

It broke their hearts to see her like this and not just because she was Kouga's woman. Kagome saved their lives and they grew to really like her in the short amount of time they knew her. Protecting her was also their duty and they owed her that much.

 _Kouga_. Right, he was the one who looked after her since her injury. How many days went by? She was unable to keep track since she was constantly in and out of it. What about Inuyasha? Did he not worry about her? Last time he easily found her, why did he wait so long? What if - what if something happened to her friends which was why they did not come get her?

She was aware that she was not in danger; Kouga's pack would not harm her. Nonetheless, she needed her friends. She wanted to make sure they were safe and she wanted them to know she was well and alive.

"She's not talkin'! Maybe we oughta get Kouga."

When Ginta was about to get up, Kagome lifted her hand to cover his with it. He tensed for a brief instant before approaching his face to hers. "Sis? You gonna be okay?"

She managed to weakly nod. There was no need to bother Kouga - or anyone else for that matter. It was not as if anyone could help her. She could feel the tight bandages around her chest and she knew it was probably the best this era had to offer. Staying still and avoiding brusque movements was her safest option.

"T-thank y-ou," she croaked out.

"Anything for you, little sis."

At this point, she was fairly certain that she would never get used to the nickname. She shyly smiled back before closing her eyes once more; the light was hurting them.

"If ya get hungry, let me know. Kouga'll come feed ya again."

Feed her? She  _ate_? Her heart began to pummel as she did her best to try and remember. It was all vain however since she had no recollection of the event. And what exactly did he mean by 'Kouga fed her'? How exactly did he do that?

When Ginta noticed a certain nervousness surround her, he offered her an apologetic smile. "I guess you humans don't do that a lot. Really, he had no other way to feed you."

Well… that did absolutely nothing to calm her down.

Eyes closed, she kept repeating to herself. She was stuck between wanting to know and wishing to be kept in the dark. It did not hurt her and that was the most important part right? He was clearly devoted to her recovery, then again how could he not be? According to him she was his  _woman_. The thought made her blush. Kouga was…  _something_. It would be a lie to say that his intense love declaration did not even swoon her a little.

It was  _romantic_. She did not need to love him to admit that. If only Inuyasha could do the same.

Suddenly, a loud curse was heard from outside and Ginta winced. "I hope it's not the cat."

 _The cat?_  Were they talking about Kirara? It killed her that it hurt to speak; she had so many questions.

Ginta ran outside knowing that whatever pissed off Kouga, he had a good news for him. The more Kagome was awake, the better it was right?

"Oi, is everything a'right?"

Kouga was standing near the fire, covered in blood that was surely not his. "I  _slipped_." He tried to get a better look of the wounds, never thinking the blood that stained the ground was slippery. Now he smelled like a fucking cat.  _Great_.

"Oh. Hm, Kagome's awake," he said hoping to brighten Kouga's mood.

Kouga stilled and stopped trying to remove the blood from his body. "She hurt?"

"She ain't talking but…" He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure if he should tell Kouga the rest. It was no big deal and Kagome herself confirmed that she was not hurt but - well… Kouga probably wanted to know. "She was crying."

No wasting another moment, Kouga walked past Ginta and walked towards the den. He did not miss how Kagome's scent seemed to cover Ginta but he thought nothing of it. He watched over her. There was nothing to it. As he entered his den, Hakkaku came out of it.

"She still awake?"

"I think so. I mean her eyes are closed but I think she's awake."

He made sure to be quiet while he approached her. Regardless of how careful he was being, her eyes snapped open when he was near. He remained silent until he was right beside her. Then, he bent down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Kouga frowned; she was warmer than when he left this morning. Beneath him, Kagome was unable to control her blush. Did- did he just  _kiss_  her?

"I'm gonna have the guys bring you some food and water."

Kagome was actually unable to tell if she was hungry or not. Perhaps it was because the pain numbed her body. Her throat did feel scorched and dry though.

"How ya feeling? Still in pain?"

She nodded. She did not think it was ever going to go away. What wouldn't she give to be back home in her own bed or the hospital.

"We found your friend." She was in a pretty bad shape but they stopped the bleeding. Since he was almost certain she would not die he felt like Kagome deserved a good news.

Her friend?  _Inuyasha? Sango? Miroku? Shippo?_

"Kirara right?"

Oh -  _oh my god!_  Relief washed over her and it felt like a weight was taken off of her shoulders. Kirara most likely saved her life out there and  _also_  she was one of Sango's best friends. Kagome would never forgive herself if she died because of her.

"Tha-nk you."

"Hey, you don't gotta talk. Don't hurt yourself. I love you Kagome, I just wanna see ya happy."

As soon as he said  _love_ , she felt the atmosphere thicken and become edgy once more. He was not a bad guy and he was helping her, plus nobody ever really flirted or hit on her before. She did not know the first thing about letting someone down gently. She saw no reason to hurt Kouga's feelings; he did nothing to hurt her.

He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. When he first brought her in he did not know much about her. He did like that she could see the jewel shards but it was not why he decided he would mate her. She was beautiful, strong and loyal. There was no way he could find a better woman than her. Her fingers were crisped but he assumed it was because it was difficult for her to move.

Kouga felt closer to her now more than ever. Unfortunately, Kagome was unconscious during most of their moments. How was she supposed to realize how much he truly loved her?

-E-

His heart was beating fast, the speed of it bringing him pain. He was sitting in the well house, his back pressed against the well. He wanted to go through - he  _had_  to go through but he could not bring himself to move. Kagome's mother's words echoed in his mind and refused to stop haunting him. ' _Are you grabbing something for Kagome?'_ When he remained dumbfound, she even added more. ' _She hasn't been home in so long but I know how you are all working so hard.'_ That part was the worse. How could Kagome not have been home?

She left, upset at him, he saw her! He watched her fly away on Kirara's back.

Oh yeah, Kirara. Who also was nowhere to be found.

He did not understand what could have happened. Kagome might not be the most powerful miko but she could somewhat handle herself. And she was with Kirara. The only person who could have taken them was -  _Naraku_.

That was why he  _needed_  to go through the well and search for her. Yet, he was stuck. Tears were prickling his eyes and his hands were bawled into fists. He  _should_  have gone looking for her the first day, as soon as Kirara did not come back. Why did he not? Because he was too proud, because he rather be angry at her?

He knew nothing happened between Kagome and Kouga. She was not that kind of girl. It was not his fault the wolf upset him regardless. She did not understand - she was human. He was a dog and - goddamn it, she was pack. She was his.  _He blushed_. Sort of. Just like Sango, Miroku and Shippo were his. They were under his protection. He should have made sure she came home safely.

He was a freaking idiot.

Inuyasha took another deep breath and finally rose to his feet. He could not waste any more time. If she was truly kidnapped by Naraku, there was no telling what he would do to her. He needed to find her before he hurt her.

Pain and guilt swirled inside of him as he jumped through the well, alone.

He hoped he would never have to do that again. It was not right without Kagome by his side.

-E-

To everyone's surprise, night came and Kagome remained awake. Granted, she did not do anything more than lay down but it was improvement and it made Kouga feel great. He knew he could take care of his woman and this was the proof. He was obviously worthy of her. His only problem left was Inuyasha. Mere days ago she claimed to be his and he doubted that fact changed. Especially since she called  _him_  that mutt's name a couple of times.

Nonetheless, he waited before bringing up the subject. He did not need her more upset or trying to move. He also had no desire to have her slap him again. Once was plenty enough.

Kagome did not eat but she did drink plenty of water. He figured that now that she was awake, she could feel the pain when she ate. Maybe once she would be out of it again, he would feed her. Somehow he doubted she would let him do it while she was awake. Not that what he did was wrong.

She did not speak much, instead she remained in the bed, looking at the ceiling. The silence  _killed_  him and nearly drove him inside but she was sick and he was trying to respect her wishes. Instead, he busied himself by tapping his feet against the ground or straightening the fur of his tail - all of it boring him beyond belief. How was she able to just  _lay_  there? He took another deep breath, keeping himself calm.

He missed her presence near his body, he missed holding her in his arms.

Meanwhile, Kagome was concerned.

Kouga was not speaking and she was not sure if she should try and ask her questions even if it hurts. She dared to tilt her head to the side and the moment she did so, he looked at her, hope gleaming in his eyes.

"I-nuy-asha," she managed to say.

And Kouga's heart shattered. Every single god damn time. Fuck the mutt, fuck the claim she thought he had on her. His bottom lip quivered in anger and pain but he concealed the emotions from his eyes.

"He ain't here. I haven't seen him. I found ya and he was nowhere near and hasn't been since I found ya."

 _Oh_.

Then it crossed her mind; he might be busy. Busy with Kikyo. He was known to disappear for a while when she came along. Who knew how long he might leave if he thought she was home. Days? She remembered the fire in his eyes when she was injured and he tried to save her. Naraku took her away and she felt like a part of Inuyasha died. Pain wrapped itself around her heart and each beat brought her agony. She should not think about this. It was not like they made each other any promises. It was not as if they were in a relationship.

What was the nature of her relationship with Inuyasha?

He insulted her and she kept coming back for me. He did save her too though. Oh, and well, she enjoyed his company. Inuyasha might be angry very often but she knew it was only because he was hurt. He lost his mother and father and his brother tried to kill him over a  _sword_. His life was not easy - yelling was how he dealt with his emotions. She saw another side of him the night he became human.

Inuyasha had a lot of good in him. She did not want to lose him, she wanted him in her life.

She could not say she loved him - not truly. It was not because she did not want to but mostly because she never loved anyone before. Actually, Inuyasha was the first boy she got close to and all of this was new to her. They were together all the time; was that not what made couples… couples? They never kissed or anything but - oh god, the thought alone was bringing heat to her cheeks.

A different scent filled the room and Kouga sniffed. It was coming from Kagome.

He got closer to her, unexpectedly nuzzling his nose in her hair. If she could have found her voice, she would have yelped.

"K-kouga?" she tried.

He did not stop however, the scent intriguing him. His woman never smelled like that before. It took a few more minutes for him to realize where the spiciness in her scent came from; she was aroused. He arched an eyebrow, a smirk forming on his face as he pulled away. Moments ago she was upset about Inuyasha and now she was turned on? It was faint but it was there. He cupped her cheek and brought her face closer to his.

She held her breath as she watched his mouth come closer to hers. Her face tingled and then it happened - except not how she expected it. Instead of him kissing her lips, he brushed them against the corner of her mouth. They were warm, moist, much different from her own. Suddenly, her face was fire as all that remained was a puff of his breath against her skin. Her lips were trembling and she could take her eyes off of him.

He on the other hand was smiling. Her scent of arousal  _definitively_  increased. He did not want to push her or force himself on her but the temptation was too great. He did refrain himself from kissing her though he did get a small hint of her lips. He could hardly wait for her to be back on her feet so that he could show her what a real youkai could do.

Kouga loved the startled expression on her face and chuckled as he brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "You're my woman Kagome, I told ya. I'm gonna look after you."

He claimed his love many times and he was a bit  _pushy_  but - he never did anything this forward. The most he ever did was put his arm around her waist which in itself really was not a romantic gesture. This was a kiss - a semi-kiss. Oh god, did it count as her first kiss? Her first kiss… no, this was not how she pictured it. It was supposed to be romantic and blow her away. She was not supposed to be stuck in the Feudal Era, feeling like dying… it was all wrong.

It did not take Kouga very long to sense the disturbance in her scent.

 _Shit_. "Kagome?" He was not trying to make her mad or sad - or nothing. That was why he did not actually  _kiss_  her. He could have… she was his woman. And really she might have slapped him but she never said no. She always only said there was sort of someone else.

Was she really going to be mad at him?

"I was just trying to make y-"

"It-s fine."

Maybe her usual reaction would be to get really mad and scream loudly but not today. First of all, she did not have the energy to do that. Second of all, she was most likely more embarrassed than anything else and shocked - oh and in terrible pain. She might have managed to stay awake today but it was costing her everything. She was dizzy, light headed and she wished the soreness would transform to numbness to prevent it from increasing her torment.

He felt like shit.

When they woke up, she was as much tangled with him as he was with her. She kept talking about Inuyasha but she had a fever… And he took good care of her. He loved her. He thought if he could show her he was a better male than Inuyasha, she would come to her senses and pick him.

"Shit, Kagome. I didn't wanna hurt you. I love you," he said almost sheepishly.

She managed to look into his eyes, recognized an emotion close to pain. He was even avoiding her glance. She knew he meant no wrong and really she owed him for everything he was doing to her.

He buried his face in his hand, ashamed. He liked to think that he was skilled when it came to this sort of stuff and he had a lot going for himself, perhaps just no in a human's perspective. What did Inuyasha have? He was a hanyou with no family, he had no place to call his own. Kouga was a prince, the youngest leader of the wolves' pack. He was strong, fast and handsome. Kagome should want a full youkai like him.

Was he not acting  _right_? What did human females want? He was ashamed to admit the only time he was around one before her was during  _meal time_. But he changed, because he loved her and she made him see that humans could be good and loyal, not just worthless.

Did that not mean anything to her? He changed his entire lifestyle!

Out of the blue, he was surprised by a soft touch. Her little finger grazed against his, soothing him.

His aura was driving her insane, almost suffocating her. Inuyasha had felt sorry many times but it was nothing like this. Kouga was dwelling in remorse. It was not like he hurt her or anything. He was about to make her feel bad for her reaction. She had to do something and this was about as much movements as she could manage.

"Not mad," she whispered.

A smile tugged at his lips and he nodded. He fully grabbed her hand and covered it with both of his. "I'll wait for ya to realize ya love me, Kagome. But I'll always take care of ya, no matter what."

If she could have, she would have rolled her eyes.  _There was the cocky, confident Kouga she sort of knew_. She saw him mad, she saw him full of pride. She never saw him sad or hurt before. Then again, she only met him today… or rather… oh she was confused in her days and thinking made her heart hurt. She was simply going to be thankful she was no longer drowsy.

"Do ya wanna eat?"

Now that he knew she was not mad at him, his hopes were up again. Perhaps she was never mad to being with, maybe she acted nervous and angry because it was expected of her. She did  _touch_  him to comfort him. Strangers did not do that. He did not grab another female's hand simply because she was upset. He only did that to his Kagome. And she just did it to him.

"It's cooked meat! I made sure they did it the way ya like."

She truly had no appetite but she supposed that eating was required if she wanted to gain some strength back. If she ever wanted to make it home again, she needed food. Kagome offered Kouga weak nod and he nearly bolted out of the den to get her some meat.

Kagome rose her shaky arm and touched the corner of her mouth with her fingertips before dropping her arm back by her side. Her heart skipped a beat. She thought if she was going to kiss anyone anytime soon it would be Inuyasha. Instead, it was Kouga. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she recalled the feeling of his lips on her. Warm and yet rough. It almost left her wondering what it was like to truly kiss someone. She was so set on Inuyasha she did not consider anyone else - she would  _not_.

And she prayed her stomach would stop tightening the way it was.

Kouga returned very rapidly, the scent of food invading her nostrils. She thought he would put a piece of meat in her hand but instead, he pressed it to her lips. He- he was going to feed her? Slight uneasiness filled her but after a moment, she parted her lips. He slid the food in her mouth and she closed it once his fingers were out of the way. Then it happened. She tried to chew but the meat was not soft like the one she was used to in her time. She groaned, pain jolting through her.  _No, no, no_. Now that the food was in her mouth, the delicious juices sliding down her throat, she  _was_  hungry.

She wanted it.

The salty scent of tears attacked his nose and he frowned. He was right, she  _was_  unable to chew on her own. He did try to cut them up as small as he could but it was apparently not enough, it needed to be  _chewed_. It was no surprise really; even though she was doing better today, she still struggled to speak. She did hit herself on the head. Some injuries were too be expected. He fucked hated those goddamn birds.

"Here," he said as he approached his fingers to her mouth once more.

Bafflement hit her as he pushed his digits against her lips, almost forcing her to open her mouth. When she did, he retrieved the piece of meat and pulled it out. She blinked, hoping he would explain. Instead, she laid there as he shoved the very same piece in his own mouth and began to chew. W-what was he doing? Was food precious? Were they running out and he was afraid it was going to be wasted?

He reduced it to a paste as best he could and once it felt like it would go down her throat without her even having to masticate he lowered himself so that their noses touched. "Open ya mouth."

 _What_.

"I'm gonna feed ya."

What in the world was he trying to pull off? He  _chewed_  that food! She was not going to eat it! She kept her mouth firmly closed, her lips glued together so tightly they were turning white.

"Ya need to eat. Ya know you're hungry."

Yes, she was but she was not  _that_  hungry.

He lifted one of his hands and took hold of her chin. "I'm only trying to help. I want ya to get better, Kagome."

She felt her guts twist and a wave of nauseous washed over her. If she was to do this - oh god she could  _not_  do this. Out of her own will or not, she was not sure, her lips opened and Kouga wasted no time. He put his mouth on hers and filled it with the meat paste. She gulped, doing her best not to throw up. She quickly swallowed it while his lips were still against her, afraid that if she did not get it over with quickly, it would end up badly.

Kagome waited as it made its way down her throat, like something was caught in it, until finally, she could no longer sense it. Then, she went to close her mouth with his lips still on hers. He did the same.

This one was a kiss, a real kiss. Except her eyes were wide open and -  _wait_  so were his. He did not intend for this to happen. He almost looked as shocked as she did.

He held his breath as he pulled away and quickly rose to his feet. He did not say a word, instead he went to sit right by the entrance of the den, gazing outside. Fuck, Kagome was too innocent for her own good and she did not know how to stop her emotions from showing through her scent. She liked it, he smelled it. Yet, the first time when he was actually trying to kiss her, she got upset.

Woman made no sense to him.

Kagome somewhat curled up into a ball, at least as good of one as the pain would allow her, many emotions rushing through her. What was happening? She had no feelings for Kouga. She stood in between him and Inuyasha because she did not think he deserved to die. She  _barely_  knew him and only called him a friend because of everything he did for her. Now that man, that wolf, had kissed her twice in about ten minutes.

Neither time she got upset, neither time she flipped out.

She loved Inuyasha. Why did she blush when Kouga kissed her? It was not fair. The one she wanted to kiss was not here and now, she was stuck with Kouga. Persistent, head over heels in love with her Kouga. She meant what she said before her little incident. Kouga was much nicer and he did treat her right. Both men were different, they could not be compared.

However, the one who had her heart was Inuyasha.

-E-

Sango was leading the group, her heart pounding. Kirara was all she had left from her people, her family -  _her father_. She was her best friend and she grew up with her. It was also her link to her brother. She needed to find her - alive. And Kagome, they were close and she cared for the girl a lot. There were not many people Sango could trust and Kagome was one of them. Naraku already took everything from her and she would not let him take Kirara and Kagome too.

"Are you certain Naraku is behind this?" Miroku inquired as he inspected their surroundings.

"Ya. Who else would have taken Kagome? She's not stupid enough to have gone somewhere. If she said she was going home, then she was going home."

They faced Naraku a few times and they lost - or actually the coward ran away but not this time. Inuyasha failed Kikyo and he refused to fail Kagome as well.

"Do we know where to find him?" Miroku hated Naraku just as much as anybody else but he did not find it wise to head into battle without a plan. Also, he was not sure this was the work of Naraku. He would have revealed his intentions by now, he always did. What was the point of capturing Kagome and Kirara without demanding anything?

"I'm gonna spot his scent as soon as we come across it."

"What if we do not?"

"We will!  _He_ took them."

"Blood."

Inuyasha's ears perked up and his heart stopped beating. "What?"

He left Miroku behind and rushed to catch up to Sango. When he reached her side, he looked down where she was glancing. Blood. Lots of it, tainting the grass. He dropped to his nose and shoved his nose right down into it. At first, he experienced relief but then guilt, a lot of it.

"It's not Kagome's." He paused. "It's Kirara's."

Sango's eyes filled with tears and she found herself choking up. "Any other scent?"

He shook his head. There was nothing that stood out. Kirara already carried many scents because of all their battles. They sort of all mingled together.

"Then we keep going," Sango said as she walked past Inuyasha.

She would find her friends, no matter the cost. Nobody else would die because of Naraku.

-E-


	5. Small Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not beta. And I am very tired.
> 
> Also, on my profile you can find a little section where I say, Wanna know what I'm up to? And there's the % of completion of each chapter and the date that number was updated.

Many glances were thrown in Kouga's way but he seemed oblivious to them. Instead, he kept tapping his fingers against a rock which made quite an annoying sound. Nobody dared to say anything, especially since Kouga appeared to be rather edgy. His aura was off and he would not stop shaking his foot. Everyone gave him space, knowing it was better to be away then close by when he was like this. After a while however, people became concerned with his state of mind. He was not keeping up with his tasks and did not leave his spot. Most did not dare to interrupt him but Ginta chose to risk it.

"K-kouga?"

"Hm?" He never raised his head.

"Ya alright?"

"Yeah."

One, two, three, one, two. Tapping his fingers was the only way he kept himself in control. He locked himself out of his own den. Kagome was in there, sleeping and he thought she might prefer to be alone. After the kiss… _kiss_ …it was a kiss. Yes. It was. After the kiss, she did not react, she did not say anything. Her aura did speak for her though; she wanted to be left alone. It did not please him. She was his woman and he took care of her. He was supposed to make her happy, not sad. Why would she be upset by a kiss?

Nonetheless, he respected her wishes.

And it was driving nuts.

He was waiting for a sign coming from the den, anything that would tell him she was awake. She was still injured; she would need help once she was up.

Though at this point, he wondered if she would want his help. Her emotions were all over the place and he was not exactly sure what she wanted from him. He loved her, he would take care of her and he knew she was aware of that. Perhaps the pain and the fact that she was missing her friends was making the whole situation more complicated than it should be.

She did not like it when he kissed her.

 _Then_ , she liked it. A lot.

The scent of her arousal still filled his nostrils as if it was happening all over again.

"Do you need some more meat for Sister? We can get some."

"I got some a'ready."

As if he would fail her.

Suddenly, everyone's ears twitched as they heard stirring coming from the den. Then, they all stared at Kouga, waiting for his reaction: it was not a happy one. "Don't ya all got somethin' else to do?" he snapped.

He was under enough pressure as it was and he did not need all of them watching and observing his every movement. He would take care of his woman his own way without anyone's help or advice. He rose to his feet, without forgetting to grab the meat he put aside for her, and headed towards the den. Considering her swings of emotions he was not exactly sure what her reaction would be and he decided to be careful. After all, she was injured and he did not want her to get upset and worsen her condition.

Once he was inside, he saw her half sitting up, her face all crisped up in pain. The sight alone was enough to make him rush by her side. He put the meat down carelessly and quickly put an arm around her waist to help her sit up. He decided to keep his arm there as support since she seemed too weak to keep herself up. "Ya alright?"

Instead of answering him, she stared right ahead with a light pink blush decorating her pale cheeks. At first, in all of her confusion and pain, she forgot about what happened. Now that he was awfully close to her face, it was hard to forget. She could feel his warm breath on her arm and she could imagine his icy blue eyes locked on her. She could not turn around to look at him. Also, considering the incident that led to a kiss, she imagined it was best if she kept distance between their mouths.  _Kiss_. They  _kissed_. Her  _first_  kiss was with a wolf she barely knew - in a den. Her first kiss was not with Inuyasha. It was not with someone she loved.

At least… Kouga was a nice guy right? Granted he was eating humans up until yesterday but nonetheless… he did kidnap her then care for her right? Yes. He was a good person.

Since she felt his eyes were still on her, she gave him a non verbal answer by nodding her head. Her answer caused him to reluctantly remove his arm. At least she did not seem angry and he was happy about that. Although seeing her like that only made him want to act like a mate even more. If she would let him get closer without getting upset, he would lay by her side and hold her in his arms. He knew it was somewhat cold for her in the den even with the fire and the furs: she was only human. His body heat could be useful for her.

Though, he suffered her wrath before and he was not willing to risk it again. His woman might be human but she was feisty.

Since there was only one thing left for him to do, he did it. A sigh rolled off his lips as he reached out for the meat. "Ya hungry?"

At his words, her blush deepened even more. He- he would feed her again? If she was not  _really_  thinking about the kiss before, she was now. Her immediate reaction was to shake her head which she did a little too intense and brought pain to herself. This should not bother her this much. She loved Inuyasha did she not? An unfortunate accident happened between her and Kouga and it meant nothing. It was her first kiss but it meant nothing.

As he sensed the shift in her aura, Kouga decided not to push the issue. She did not seem hungry and he did not hear her stomach growl like it did before. As long as she was fine, he would leave her be. Although, he still refused to leave her without surveillance. The scent of blood remained strong and if she needed anything he did not want her to hurt herself; he would provide for her.

Kouga sat on the ground with his back against the wall. He kept a certain distance between them which seemed to ease her and get rid of her blush - although he did enjoy that pink color on her cheeks.

At this point, Kagome was not certain if this awkwardness and silence were any better but she was too weak to do something about it. Her mind might be less fuzzy but her skin felt scorching out, even though she was  _sure_  she was cold, and her head was pounding. Oh and her stomach. That was still hurting whenever she spoke, moved or breathed though she did not see it getting better anytime soon. Since she decided to keep her strength, especially because she had no intention of eating yet, she closed her eyes and let the darkness and quietness wrap around her.

After a moment, her peacefulness was broken by the sound of loud breathing. She frowned and twitched before she realized it was coming from Kouga. Kagome forced her eyes open and tilted her head to the side as best she could. She managed to catch a glimpse of Kouga - a sleeping Kouga. His eyes were closed and his head was leaning more and more to the left. His chest was rising heavily and his breathing was getting louder and louder.

He looked…exhausted.

Youkais needed rest too: Inuyasha and Shippo were example of that. She was certain they had more strength than humans but nonetheless. Kagome had no idea when she got to Kouga's den but she was certain of one thing: he had been looking after her ever since her arrival. She could recall him sleeping a few times - even though it was nothing more than blurry memories. Perhaps he did not even sleep. He looked after her this entire time without thinking about himself. She knew that unless his tiredness was too much to bear, he would not have fallen asleep.

A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as her body relaxed. For once, she felt fully comfortable in his presence.

She did her best to pick up a fur from on top of her and threw it over him. She was not sure if he could get cold but she wanted him to get comfortable. He was already on the floor which was probably hard and cold.

It was funny to think that just yesterday morning she acted very differently towards him. He went from her kidnapper to her rescuer in a matter of hours. Also, he kept proving that deep down he was a good guy; he just needed a little push.

Suddenly, her train of thoughts was interrupted when his head slid across the wall until it rested upon her shoulder. At first she jolted but then she relaxed. Perhaps that was better for his head and being his pillow for a while was the least she could do. Although, the closeness only served to remind her of their kiss again and her blush hurried to come back. Nonetheless, she did her best to relax. What he was doing was innocent: he was asleep.

As silence and calm took over she found herself falling back asleep. Her own head ended up resting on his without her even realizing. All she felt was the warm coming from his body and she wondered if all youkais were warm. His warmth was not like the one she got from the fur; it was soothing. A certain dizziness took over, which was not helped by her lack of food and she remembered being moved but not the exact details. All she could tell through her daze and closed eyes was that there was more warmth and she snuggled against it.

Eventually, she fell asleep again.

Kouga however was very awake.

He began waking up when she began falling asleep. At some point, he felt hands touching his arms and he realized it was hers. She sought to  _touch_  him. That awakened him pretty fast. He did not think she was fully aware of her actions but he refused to deny her the warmth she searched. Instead, he invited himself by her side and wrapped his arms around her.

That was when, while falling asleep, she shocked him. She  _snuggled_  up to his chest.

At this moment, he was not sure he could breathe. He was afraid it would wake her up and she would go away. It was getting harder and harder to let her go each time. Especially when she was giving him good signals. Kissing him, holding him. How was he supposed to resist her? He did not know how it work with humans but this was courting to him. Not only that but as a wolf, the more he got to put his scent on her, touch her, feel her, the more he needed her. He did not think she understood that need.

When he first kidnap her, he did not think she would mean so much to him. He wanted her because she could see the shards and even then he never planned on making her his mate. He wanted a jewel detector. Then, she fiercely fought for her little fox friend and he was taken by her. He never saw a human act like that before. The more she did, the more he cared for her, the more he wanted her as his mate. She might have rejected him earlier on but he was not sure she still felt the same. The way her nose was touching his bare chest told him as much.

He ran his fingers through her hair gently, hoping to provide her with more comfort. He also reminded himself to check her bandages. For the first time, she was fully sleeping on her side and he was afraid she would open up her wounds again. She was barely feeling well and he did not want her situation to get worse; what kind of mate would he be if he could not look after her properly?

His thoughts were interrupted when Kagome moved her face until her lips pressed against his chest. They felt  _warm_  and he remembered how much he loved kissing them. He wanted her in his arms like this every night, he wanted to kiss her again. Although, he would not do it, not while she was asleep. Instead, he resisted the temptation by burying his nose in her hair and inhaling her divine scent. That would do for now.

If he could stay by her side, like this, he would be happy.

-E-

Kagome's muscles felt stiff as she managed to open her eyes. She tried to move around but found herself stuck. Since she did not have enough energy, she decided to stop wasting it and instead remained as she was. She did however jolt a bit when she saw she was looking at bare tan skin.  _Kouga_. Fortunately, his hold on her prevented her from backing away. His grip on her was strong as if his life depended on it. Her cheeks turned bright red but she remained as she was.

She did not only do it because she was too shy to move or too injured or not even because she felt guilty that he was so tired because of her. She simply did it because, she was still exhausted and as much as it embarrassed to admit it, being this close to him was more comfortable. The pelts of fur were quite soft but they were beginning to feel thin. Because of that, Kagome was able to sense the rock hard ground beneath her and it was killing her back. Kouga was a welcoming…softer surface to rest upon.  _She could not believe the thoughts going through her mind_. It was not physical though. She knew she sort of accidentally kissed him but it did not mean she had feelings for him. She loved Inuyasha. Despite the fact that he was often an asshole.

Suddenly, Kouga mumbled and she stiffened. Was he waking up?

Instead of granting her freedom, he tightened his hold on her. Her rear was completely pressed into his crotch, her legs trapped by his and he threw an arm around her waist to keep her close. Unfortunately, this time, he forced her to wake him up. His hand was applying pressure on her injuries and she yelped in pain. The sound woke up him so rapidly that he jolted and nearly rolled off.

Confusion danced in his eyes as he looked around him. It was not until the scent of fresh blood hit his nose that he understood what took place.

" _Shit_."

He rushed back to her side and helped her lay on her back. Blood was beginning to soak through her new bandages and he cursed himself again. Why did he have to ruin it?

"Shit. I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

He remembered having this great dream where she was living with the pack permanently and she  _loved him_ , not Inutrasha. The most important part was, Kagome was happy. She was not sad or crying or angry. No, when she was with him, she was happy. And then he had to fuck it up by crushing her wounds in his sleep. Like that was going to make her happy!

The good thing was, he had new bandages ready.

"I'll change them."

A small panic flashed in her eyes.

"I'm just gonna change the lower part." If the bandages covering her chest needed changing, he would have called someone else. Did she not believe that he would respect her? He might have said out loud he was claiming her but nothing was quite official yet and nothing would be done until she was healed.

Kagome watched him as he uncovered some of her wounds and threw away the blood soaked bandages. It did not look as bad as she remembered it. You could still see the shape of the claws in the wounds but it did not appear to be as deep as it used to be. Kouga seemed to arrive at the same conclusion since he looked relieved. Instead of covering back the injuries with new bandages, he dipped his fingertips into some sort of paste and she watched as he applied it carefully on the open gashes. It felt cold to the touch and she tried not to jerk away. After a few moments the discomfort was over and he was finally shielding her injuries.

"Tha-nk you," she breathed out.

"Sorry again," he said feeling like a complete idiot.

It was not how today was supposed to go. After his little victory with the kiss, he was supposed to keep showing her what a good alpha male he was. Why did he always end up looking weak in her presence? Now, he would have to work extra hard to make up for this incident.

"Do ya want some water?"

She was certain she could do with some food but remembering what happened last time, water might be a safer bet. She nodded as best she could and it seemed to make him happy. He twisted his body around and patted the furs into a nice pile before he wrapped his arms around her and carefully laid her down on her new made bed. Apparently proud of himself, he smiled.

"I'll be right back."

This he could do for her. He could fetch whatever she needed and he could make sure his woman was comfortable. Maybe there were better furs he could get for her? Since he was slightly distracted, he did not notice as Ginta and Hakkaku began to crowd him.

"Kouga?" one of them said quietly.

"What?" he asked, slowing down.

"Is Sis okay?"

"Yeah, we smelled blood."

Damn it. "Her wounds opened."

"But it's fine right?" Kagome saved all of their lives and she even risked hers when they were being captured. They did not want to over step the line by taking care of her since it was Kouga's job but they hated all the waiting around.

"Yeah, I think so." He tended to wounds much worse than that before. Though, this was Kagome…a human. No, it was fine. The wounds did not open up that much and they were healing great. "They're fadin' away," he added to re-assure everyone.

A sigh of relief was heard.

"Wait, if she was bleedin' why you here?"

"My woman needs water."

"Oh," Ginta said with eyes wide open. "We figured she might be thirsty!"

Hakkaku took the occasion to run ahead near the waterfall. He picked up a vase from the ground and happily took it back to Kouga. "We got that this mornin'. It's all fresh!"

Granted Kouga was the one who wanted to take care of his woman but he was happy everyone cared so much about Kagome. Especially since she was human. However, nobody seemed to have a problem with it so far - and even if they did, he would deal with them and there would be  _no problem_.

Kouga let Hakkaku carry the water back to the den since it made him happy to do it. He followed behind, actually enjoying the fact that he was able to stretch his legs. He was a  _runner_  and ever since she arrived injured, he stayed put by her side. He did not mind, he did not complain but it would be lying to say that his legs were not itching for a  _very long run_. However, he complete refused to do so until she recovered. Then perhaps, he could take her with him. He firmly believed she would not mind riding on his back.

Hakkaku brought the water inside and put the vase beside Kagome.

"Hey Sis."

Instead of talking, Kagome smiled.

"We're all worried about ya. Feel better alright?"

It was hard not to be swoon by the wolf tribe. Yes, the place was still filled with bones, probably humans one, but they were kind at heart. They barely knew her and yet they were all taking care of her as one of their own and their concern appeared to be very sincere.

He lingered a second longer before leaving and revealing that Kouga was standing not far behind. He slowly approached, his chest swelling with pride. Each time he looked at her and witnessed her kind acts, he was reminded of what a good choice he made by choosing her.

"They're all worried 'bout ya," he began as he sat down. He scooped some of the water with a small bowl and held it steadily with one hand. "I can't be out there without 'em askin' how you're doin'."

He used his free hand to lift her head and then brought the bowl to her lips. She took small sips, especially since it was difficult for her to swallow and he made sure not to give her too much. After a moment, she pinched her lips and he understood. As he pulled away, a few drops spilled on her skin and it felt  _good_. She had fuzzy memories of a bath and it sounded like heaven at the moment. However, she knew Kouga just tended to her wounds and she felt bad to ask for a bath already. Yet, the feeling of that cold water droplets falling on her kept playing over and over in her mind.

Drinking water reminded her of how warm she felt.

"M-more," she grumbled.

Kouga hurried to obey. He gave her more water to drink immediately. By looking at her he could tell that if she could actually drink on her own, she would be gulping it down. He impatiently waited for her to finish drinking. Once she was done, he hurried to put the bowl down and then pressed a hand to her forehead. Again, she felt warm to the touch. It was not as bad as the last time, when he had no choice but to bring her in the water with him, but he remained concern. Was her fever dying down or was it slowly coming back?

"Are ya warm?"

She weakly nodded.

Unsure, he decided to go get someone. "I'll be right back."

He rushed outside and began looking left and right. "Anyone seen Miku?"

"She's in the main den."

Once again he ran until he found her. "I think she's runnin' another fever."

However, Miku was not looking at him, she was glancing at the ground. He followed her gaze and saw the cat. All its chest was wrapped up with bandages along with one of its paws. It's breathing was harsh but he could tell from its aura that he was no longer in danger of death. Kagome would be happy about that.

"Is it worse than before?"

"Not really but I don't think she was this warm last night."

She spent her time in his arms and he did not even feel her sweat. This had to be new.

Miku frowned before rising to her feet. She followed Kouga back to the den. He was in a rush, always slowing down because she was not keeping up with his pace. Miku smiled at his actions. "She is healin'. There is no need to worry so much." Kagome might still have a while to go before she was up and running but Miku knew she was improving. Humans were simply slower at healing.

Once, they finally arrive, Kouga moved out of the way to let Miku passed. The healer kneeled beside Kagome and greeted her with a nod. "Are you feelin' ill, child?"

All Kagome could do was offer a weak shrug. "W-warm."

She touched her forehead and although her temperature was higher than it should be it was not critic. Could it be that Kagome was so used to being cold that this felt very warm to her? Perhaps it was best to not take any chances.

"Did you just change her bandages?"

"I accidentally brushed up against her wounds," he said a bit defeated.

"Wait for the paste to dry and then, take her into the waterfall again."

"She has a fever again?"

"I don't wanna take any chances."

He nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Miku smiled at him as she stood up. Then, she put her hand on his shoulder and squeeze. "You do not need to worry this much."

He would anyway, though.

Feeling less tense, he joined Kagome. He would remain by her side until it was time to help her into the water again. This time it should be easier since she was more awake and conscious.

"I told ya I was gonna look after ya," he said while reaching out for her hand. He intertwined their fingers and held on to her. "If ya need something, tell me."

Her eyes moved to their joined hands and she blushed. At first she did attempt to tug away but her strength was close to non existent and his grip was much stronger than hers. After a few tugs, she gave up. He was a little forward but he was not doing anything wrong. Also, to be completely honest, she was glad someone was with her. She felt like hell and the last thing she wanted was to be alone. Even though she saw her injuries were better and her breathing improved, at times the pain terrified her; she believed herself to be dying when the torment took over. She did not want to die in a cave in the feudal era. But if she had to, she did not want to be all by herself.

When Kagome did not pull away, Kouga smiled brightly. It was obvious she did not react well to his proposal, though her judgement was clouded by Inutrasha, and for a moment he feared she might actual mean it. Now though as time went by she seemed more and more open to him and his proposal. That made him feel better. Though, he promised he would not actively pursue her until she was healed and better. He did not need her worrying about this or anything else for the time being.

 _Oh_. That reminded him of the cat! "Would you like to see your friend?"

Her eyes breached open and he watched her shiny eyes as they filled with hope. "The cat," he added.

This time, light danced upon her eyes and she smiled. The relief was obvious in her face and he was glad. "I'll go get her. Ya gonna be alright?"

She weakly nodded.

He rushed to his feet and ran outside. Since he had to wait before bathing her, he might as well give her a moment with her friend now. He ran inside the main den and carefully laid down beside the neko. "Can I pick her up?"

"She should not really move on her own. Make sure ya are the one to carry her."

Kouga carefully wrapped his arms around the small, beige cat and held it close to his chest. Instead of running this time, he slowly walked back to his den. It took longer but he did not want to hurt his woman's friend. They were lucky enough it was alive. The cat did not move much until they were inside his den. Then, it wriggled its nose and opened its eyes once it recognized Kagome's scent. He kneeled by Kagome's bedside and put the cat beside her. He watched for a while as Kagome lifted her hand to pet the cat.

"Ki-r-rr-a," she croaked out.

The salty scent of the tears invaded the cave and then, he saw the tears sliding down his woman's cheeks. His heart squeezed in pain but he kept silent. They were probably tears of joy. She had to be happy the cat was alive.

As Kagome buried her face in the cat's pelt, he realized this was more of a private moment. "I'll be right outside," he spoke before dragging himself away.

Kagome did not reply. Instead, she kept her face close to Kirara. At the moment, Kirara represented home - at least her home in the Feudal Era. She also reminded Kagome of all her friends, of  _Inuyasha_. At those thoughts, more tears came. She did not even try to hold them back. Her memory since her arrival in the wolf's den was fuzzy and she could not even remember if she cried so far. All she knew was that it felt good to let all out. It did not really help with the pain but it did relieve her from all the heaviness she felt deep inside.

She tangled her fingers in Kirara's fur, feeling the spots were the blood dried and left the pelt crusty. She also took notice of the bandages; Kirara was in worst shape than her. The simple fact that she, a youkai, was still hurting, meant the bird of paradise got her good. Kirara put herself in harm ways to protect Kagome and she could never repay her for that. She held on to her as tightly as she could, without hurting either of them, and soon enough she heard the cat purred. At least, it was as glad to see her as she was. Though, she imagined this was worse on Kirara than Kagome. Yes, Kagome missed and loved her friend but… Kirara and Sango were with each other since the very beginning.

"Soon," she managed to say which left her completely breathless.

She was dying for the pain in her lungs to lessen. She was tired of feeling like someone was crushing her chest with a rock. That feeling that she might be near death lurked upon her again and she brought herself even closer to Kirara.

Kirara nuzzled the side of Kagome's face, her eyes briefly opening.

The neko was just as hot as Kagome but neither of them felt it. Instead, they kept each other warm. Sometimes, Kagome felt Kirara quiver and she assumed her friend was weeping as well. It only made it that much harder for Kagome to contain her tears. She meant to stop, she meant to be stronger but she was  _exhausted_  and right now everything felt strange and foreign. Tomorrow, she would be strong, today she would be weak.

Meanwhile, far from the den was Kouga. He was sitting on the ground with his knees pressed in his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. Their silent conversation and their auras caused his good mood to disappear. All he could feel was Kagome's pain. He did try not to listen and to give them privacy but he could not resist the urge. The sound of her crying was echoing in his mind and it drove him crazy. The more time went by, the more tears she shared. The cat's sad aura was not helping either. They were miserable.

He thought he was taking good care of Kagome. He thought he was helping her recover and showing her how much he could love her. Yet, the moment she saw her friend she broke down. Currently, she could not really talk but if she could, would she share with him just how much she missed her friends? It was important that her physical wound healed but what about her mind? Did it make her unhappy to be stuck with him here? There was no way he could move her, not without risking opening her wounds. Though, he could have brought her friends here. He saw them and he chose to keep her for himself.

Guilt slowly ate him alive and he suddenly found himself unable to remain where he was. He stood to his feet and began to walk away. At first he was taking slow steps but it was not helping; he could still hear her shedding tears. He chose to run. Faster and faster until he was leaving a whirlwind behind him. His feet were barely touching the ground and dust surrounded them. He heard Ginta and Hakkaku calling out from behind him but he ignored them. He never slowed them, he never gave them a reply.

He was a youkai with a mission. He refused to return to the den until he found a way to stop his woman's tears. There was no way she would cry because of him. He could not live with that.

There was no way he was bringing Inutrasha to his den but there was another friend he could bring for her.

The slayer.

She would make his woman happier.

-E-


	6. Healing & Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this update to take so long, I just got stuck. I must have re-written half of this chapter a dozen times. Also, thank you guys for the amazing reviews and support. I swear I'm doing my best.
> 
> This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours - and night shifts now - and I'm tired.

Kouga mumbled every curse he knew until he was back at the den. Of course, he refused to go inside. He was not supposed to be back; he did not have the slayer with him. His nose was good but apparently it was not enough. The slayer and the monk's scents were a little hard to track since they were so  _human_. Usually, he would have picked up Inuyasha's scent rapidly though… but he could not find the damn mutt's scent anywhere! It was as if he completely vanished from this world!

How could he face Kagome if he had nothing to bring her joy? He could not stand her tears and her pain! He was supposed to make her happy again! He  _said_  he would not even see her without having the slayer with him. He was a failure.

He could have kept searching… he could have tried  _harder_. Though he felt as if he could not be far from her for too long. Miku even instructed him to take her to the waterfall. What if he was away too long and her fever returned?  _How in the world did he even leave her alone without taking her there first!_  Kami he was reckless. This was the very reason why Kagome got hurt in the first place. If he had not been reckless before, he would have kept her with him and the damn birds of paradise would have never hurt her. He needed to stop making stupid decisions.

For her, he would have to forget his pride and return without what he promised. Although, nobody knew what he swore to himself which would make the whole situation less embarrassing but  _he_  would live with the shame regardless.

Kouga barely had time to walk in that he was surrounded.

"Kouga! Where were ya!"

"We looked for ya! We couldn't find ya anywhere!"

"I was just out," he poorly explained.

"Sis ain't feeling too good."

 _Fuck_. He knew it. He knew he should not have left her side.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. "Where is she?"

"In the den. We didn't wanna move her."

"I think Miku is there."

He sped towards the den but was stopped before he could entered.

"I gave ya  _one thing_ to do."

Miku stared at him with cold eyes. "Ya were supposed to look after her."

He felt too much shame to even defend himself. Plus, what was the point; Miku would know he was lying. "She was cryin'."

"Of course she was cryin'! But lettin' her get worse is not gonna help her!" She softly slapped him on the head. "She scared. Don't leave her alone."

He nodded. "Where's the cat?"

"Back in the other den." She sighed. "Now take the poor girl to the waterfalls will ya?"

"I will."

"And try not to open her wounds again. It's not good for her."

Oh no, he would never let that happen again. Despite how much he loved sleeping close to her, he would never do it again. From now, he would sleep on the ground with a little bit of distance between them. That way he would still keep an eye on her but he could not harm her.

"I ain't gonna."

Once Miku finally let him in, he found Kagome asleep in the furs. He could see the sweat dripping from the side of her face and the faint crimson color covering her cheeks. This was all because of him. Of course, it did not seem as bad as last time but he should not have let it get that far. It was his duty to watch over her and he failed. "I'm sorry," he mumbled even though she could not hear him.

He kneeled to her side and brushed away her sticky bangs. At least she looked peaceful. He did not want her to be in anymore pain.

Since she was asleep, and sleep helped her recovery, he decided not to wake her for the moment. He did his best to gently wrap his arms around her body and then, in a swift motion, he picked her up from the ground and waited. He thought she would wake up but instead, she simply let her head drop against his chest. Satisfied, he began heading towards their destination.

For the first time in a long while, he actually kept a slow pace. He made sure to avoid any bumps or distractions. He knew this time she would wake up once they would be in the water but he wanted to let her enjoy her rest as long as possible. The moon was extremely high in the sky by the time they arrived at the waterfalls. He laid her down in the grass with her back pressed against a rock before pondering  _how_  to wake her up.

He did not wish to startle her and decided to gently shake her shoulder. Unfortunately, that did not do the trick. He decided to hold both of her shoulders with his hands and then leaned forward to press a kiss on her forehead. When she did not wake up, he lowered his mouth until he was kissing her nose and then, the corner of her mouth.

That woke her up. Although, she did not seem upset. Instead, she slowly opened her eyes. At first, his closeness did not even startle her. She looked right into his eyes, searching for answers.

"K-kouga?"

"We're at the waterfalls, ya running a fever."

She did feel awfully warm. Dazed, she nodded and then leaned forward into him; her head was too heavy for her to hold up. Though her fever did not prevent her from feeling the effects of her little crying session with Kirara. Her eyes  _hurt_  from puffiness and redness. She was certain her face looked awful and her heart was still heavy with pain. A part of her wanted to be really mad at  _anybody_  but she was too weak and tired.

Kagome felt it as Kouga lifted her up from the ground and carried them towards the water. For a moment, a small panic settled in; he was going to let her keep her clothes,  _right_? She knew in his mind they were…mated and… well she did not want him getting any ideas.

"My clo-thes."

"Are ya hurt?"

"I wan-t k-eep 'em." Her lungs brought her pain with each word she spoke and she decided the less words, the better.

"I ain't gonna undress you."

She was his mate but he was respectful. This was not time to be looking upon her naked flesh. Did she think that little of him? Did she truly believe he would take advantage of her? He tried not to let his disappointment show as he dipped her into the water. She clutched to his body as best she could, the cold probably overwhelming her. He began to worry since he knew moving was bad for her injuries and he attempted to keep her still.

Her  _brain_  felt cold. All she wanted to do was claw her way out of the water but she did not even have the energy to do that. She could barely twist her body around. She knew that at that exact moment, Kouga was the only thing keeping her from drowning and for some reason she was terrified he was going to let go. Her body was slowly turning to ice and she felt the coldness spread, leaving her numb. Somehow, she found solace in it. She hated it, she wanted to fight it but he was terribly overwhelming. The water begged her to give herself to it.

She did.

She softly closed her eyes and let her body go completely limp.

She trusted Kouga to hold her up… or the water not to swallow her whole.

He calmed down when he realize she stopped fighting. This whole situation made him nervous; Kagome was supposed to get better, not worse. This was his fault. No matter how much it hurt to see her cry, no matter how confused he was about her emotions, he would stay by her side. He would not make the mistake of leaving her again. Instead, he would send some of the others out. Perhaps if they were three or four out there, it would be easier for them to locate the slayer.

They remained in the water a little while longer. He made sure her entire body had time to soak up the iciness of the water and once she felt cold in his hold, he pulled her out. Obviously, the moment they were out of the water, she began to shiver. He cursed out loud and tried to hurry back to the den. It was not as though he could use his speed; it would injure her. Instead, he was forced to carry her while she suffered in his arms. At least, she appeared to be asleep.

Everyone made way for him when they arrived. Ginta followed closely behind. "Miku changed the furs and she brought fresh water and food for Sis! She also said you were gonna have to wait til morning before you change her bandages."

"Do you need us to do anything?" Hakkaku asked, chipping in.

Kouga shook his head. "Ya just gotta make sure everything around here is alright. I ain't gonna leave her alone until she's back on her feet."

That could take a while but it did not matter. As long as his people were safe and had enough to eat they did not really need him for the time being. Of course, they still had jewel shards to collect but it could wait. Plus, it would be way easier to do that once Kagome was healthy again. His woman would make the pack strong and powerful just like he had anticipated. Though, that was not the only reason for her presence here.

"We'll handle everything!" Ginta and Hakkaku said in sync before zooming away.

Kouga reached the den fairly quickly and laid Kagome down in a bed of furs. Then, he did his best to dry her wet exposed skin.

"F-feel better."

The sound of her voice startled him. He did not even sense her stir in her sleep. "Are ya hungry?"

She shook her head. Although, maybe she was. It was as though she forgot what being hungry felt like. It was probably best not to upset her stomach; she did not think she could handle throwing up.

He frowned but he did not insist. She  _could_  respond meaning she could make her own decisions but he would watch over her. It was a good thing he did not need to rest. Deep inside, he feared that the real reason why she said she was not hungry was because she did not want him to kiss her again. Sometimes she seemed to like it and other times she was completely against it. Perhaps he should wait for her to initiate the next kiss? He did not want to rush her. They did have forever - or at least  _human's version_ of forever. And she had her quest to complete, though he was not really sure what it was. Too bad he could not ask right now.

"Kira-ra?"

"She's sleeping."

That question made him feel bad about not finding the slayer.

"Ya can see her again later if ya want."

She nodded. Seeing Kirara again both broke her heart and made her happy at the same time.

"Are ya still cold?"

"Not r-really," she replied with raspy voice.

 _Oh why did she not get injured near the well_. Why did she get injured while she was  _by herself_? If she could have made it to the well, she would be healed by now. Instead she had to rely on feudal era medicine…and youkais who had very little knowledge about humans…except when it came to eating them. Hopefully she truly was healing and there were no infections…although the fever was not a good sign.

If only she could stop feeling hot and cold at the same time.

Kouga discarded the soak furs far away from her and then returned by her side. The fire was out but he did not want to light it just yet.

He dropped his arm to his side and then, reached for her hand. He intertwined the fingers and closed his eyes. He almost expected her to try and break free but she did not. Instead she laid peacefully by his side.

"Th-thank you," she mumbled.

Kouga was a bit strange and quite pushy but he was very devoted. She might have been very in and out of it but each time she opened her eyes, he was there. He made sure she was comfortable and she had everything she needed. They were strangers… and really not too long ago they all wanted to have her for lunch. It was quite a turn of events. Sure, she could have done without the kisses - _oh god her first kisses -_  but, his kindness was appreciated. Without him and his pack she probably would have died out there.

"You're my woman," he quickly replied. "I ain't gonna let you down."

 _There it was again_. Usually, she would roll her eyes at those words. Tonight, they made her feel safe.

-E-

Quietness filled the cave by the time Kagome woke up. Since the area was plunged in darkness it was impossible for her to tell if it was day or night. She did however, feel a lot better than the previous day. Her chest was not as heavy, her head was not pounding and breathing did not bring her as much pain. She managed to lift her head on her own and when she did, she found Kouga staring at her. She offered him a small smile as a sign of greeting.

"Are ya alright?"

Concern was obvious in his eyes as he examined every inch of her body.

She blinked. "Yes," she croaked out. Even her voice was a little better.

He did not seem to believe her.

"Ya've been asleep for two days," he added as he approached his hand to her forehead.

 _Cold_. Her fever was gone. Perhaps the little bath and sleeping actually helped her. Kagome's body was no longer fighting the infection. That was good right? He would have to confirm with Miku… Kouga did no dare to leave her side, especially since he promised he would stay with her and watch over her. He kept his promise this time.

 _Two days_?! How come she felt better? She thought she was supposed to be getting healthier… At least she had some of her strength back. Also, with the way her stomach was growling it was fair to assume she got her appetite back as well. Even raw meat sounded delicious at the moment.

"Hungry?" she tried. She barely used her voice lately and now it was raspy. On the positive side talking was no longer extremely painful.

Food! She wanted food! After they returned from the waterfall, his only concern was to bring her fever down. He did not even think she would be hungry for a while. He sighed in frustration before nodding.

"I'll be right back. Okay?"

She nodded.

He lingered a bit more simply to confirm she would be fine on her own and then he dashed out of the den. The bright sun forced him to squint once he was outside. He ran towards the first wolf he saw and stopped him. "Is there any meat?"

"There are left over in the main den."

Good thing Kagome probably would not eat a lot. He rushed towards the main den and as soon as he got there, Ginta and Hakkaku ran in his direction.

"How's Sis?"

"She's awake."

"Does she need somethin?"

"She's hungry."

Ginta smiled. "We saved some food for her. We even cooked it!" He paused. "Though it must be kinda cold by now… we can throw it back on the fire though!"

They ran towards the edge of the cave and retrieve a little package wrapped in a giant leaf. They took the meat out and put it above the nearby fire. Some of the wolves around winced in disgust as they watch the meat cook even  _more_.

"I don't know why humans gotta cook it. It ruins the flavour."

Kouga shot a glare in direction of the wolf who hurried to quiet down. Kagome would live with them permanently eventually and he did not need anyone judging her or her eating habits.

"There, it should be all warm for Sis," Ginta said as he handed Kouga the meat.

"Thanks," Kouga replied as he wrapped it back up.

And then, he was gone, zooming through the den. Since he arrived so fast by Kagome's side, he provoke a gush of wind that sent her hair flying around. When he realized it he frowned. "Sorry," he quickly apologized as he kneeled beside her.

She dismissed it with a small gesture of her head.

He opened up the leaf and quickly enough, the sweet scent spread around. Kagome inhaled and her stomach growled.  _Oh yes, she was hungry_. She observed as he cut the meat into tiny pieces. At least this time, she should be able to eat by herself. Involuntarily, her cheeks became red. She was certain she was not comfortable enough to have him help her again. She preferred if they kept a little distance between them.

Kouga picked a piece with his fingers and brought it to her lips. She opened her mouth and he placed it inside. She chewed, as best she could, and then took a deep breath before swallowing. The piece was still a bit thick but it managed to make its way through. Kouga fed her a few more chunks of meat before she had to stop him. Her stomach was not used to food and it was too much. If she ate any more, she would probably end up being sick.

He wrapped up the rest and put it aside.

"Do ya want some water?"

She shook her head; even water would be too much for her at the moment.

As he remained beside her, he felt useless. She was awake but there was not much he could do for her. What if she got bored? He did not really want to bring the cat back in here; it would make her sad again and he did not want to smell her tears.

"Do ya need something?"

What could she ask for? She could not move around, she could barely talk. "I'm ok-ay."

Did not have anything for her to read… they mostly hunted and worked with each other for their survival and their grow in power. Though… Kagome was a miko right? Maybe she would like to talk with Miku? She was a healer… it was not exactly the same thing but it was the best he had right now. Plus perhaps Kagome would like to share with another female.

He bent down and gently brushed his lips against her forehead. Kagome blushed furiously and turned her head away. He  _had_  to stop doing that.

Kouga barely seemed to notice her reaction as he rose to his feet. "I'll be right back."

He would give them privacy but he would keep an eye on her. It did not take him too long to find Miku and he then led her to the den. He chose to sit outside, that way he would hear but not  _pry_  into their conversations. The older wolf walked in, her speed much slower than Kouga's. Kagome was surprised when she saw it was not Kouga coming in but a stranger instead.

"Hello Child," the woman spoke. "I am Miku."

Instead of using her voice, Kagome nodded. She was slightly confused; she could have sworn Kouga said he would be right back. Was something wrong with her? Why was he not back? Why did he send someone else instead?

Miku smiled. "Nothing is wrong with you, girl." It was probably not good for her to have her heart beating so fast. "I simply wanted to check up on you. I am the one who healed you." Kouga did a good part of the work but it was with  _her antidotes_. Plus, it was not really why she was here. Even she did not know the exact reason for her presence. Kouga simply asked her to come speak with Kagome. She figured he was concerned for her and she did not ask any questions.

He might be young, foolish and hot-headed sometimes but he was their leader and he was a good one. He had pure heart.

"Are you feeling better?"

"A li-ttle."

"Kouga told me you ate."

"Not much."

"Progress is progress. We did not know how a human such as yourself would recover." Sometimes it slipped her mind how weak humans were. Though she could affirm one thing; the girl was strong. "I understand why Kouga believes you will be a great mate."

Immediately, Kagome's cheeks turned pink.  _That word again_. She did not know what he had been telling everyone but nobody was going to be anybody's mate. So they were a few kisses and  _things_  but she was always so out of it and it was not like she enjoyed it and  _he sort of_ forced it on her and she did not even have a choice in the matter!  _But nooooo!_ There was not going to be any mating of any kind. She was sure of that.

Miku giggled. The girl's aura, scent and facial expressions were enough to tell a long story.

"He is a good wolf." She tilted her head to the side. "A bit eager and reckless, but he is one of the good one."

Except Kagome already had someone. Sort of. Though he belonged to someone else and was ready to go to hell with that someone else…and it was probably best if she did not think about it for the time being. Though she would not argue with Miku. Kouga was a good person and she owed him her life. She would never forget what he did for her.

"In time, you will see," Miku added before leaning forward. She pressed her hand to Kagome's forehead. "No fever, that is a good sign."

Although, last time her fever die down and it spiked back up. Hopefully she would stay healthy long enough to allow herself to heal. Her tiny human body was tired and Miku could tell. Even the poor girl's aura was weak. The first time Kagome came in to the den it simply exploded and now, you had to focus to even feel it. Hopefully it was only because all of her energy was focused on healing.

"Do you wish for me to bathe you?"

Although Kouga took her in the water a few times, it was not the same. Plus, the girl was not like other humans; she smelled  _nice_. Miku could only assume it was because she enjoyed bathing. She knew it was a bit awkward to ask Kouga hence why she was offering herself.

Kagome shook her head.

She was not really comfortable around anyone here and although the woman seemed quite nice she felt too awkward to be naked around her. Plus, she was certain enough people had seen her naked by now. There was no need to add any names to the list. She preferred to wait until she could do it on her own.

"Thank y-you though."

Miku nodded. "Would you like me to stay or would you like for me to go get Kouga?"

She knew what Kouga had hoped would happen but the girl seemed to weak, to frightened to speak. She could understand; she was all alone, away from home and her friends and she was badly injured. The poor thing wanted to cry, not talk. Miku had no intention of forcing her to do things she did not want to do. When she would be ready, she would share and clearly that time was not now.

Her relationship with Kouga was currently filled with a lot of…tension? Sometimes it felt comfortable to have him around and other times she was just waiting for him to kiss her again. Not that she wanted him too. Because she did not. Still, it almost felt more awkward to have Miku around. After all, Kagome did not know her. She appeared to be nice but - what kind of conversation were they supposed to have?

No, as silly as it sounded, she might just preferred Kouga's company. It made her feel safe - which was a feeling that eluded her lately. Sometimes when she closed her eyes she could still feel the fear that filled her when giant silver claws penetrated her flesh and nearly killed her. She could even feel the pain pulsing through her every time the memory filled her mind.

"K-kouga."

Miku smiled. "He will be here shortly, child."

She rose up, her smile never faltering. She had a feeling her leader would be very happy about the human girl's decision. He seemed extremely nervous lately and perhaps that would ease some of that stress away.

"Kouga," she called out when he came into view.

"She doesn't want my company. She is askin' for you."

His eyes widened. "Me?" He brought Miku in to give Kagome a break. He figured she was tired of having  _him_  around and she probably sought a woman's company. He apparently did not know the first thing about her but  _damn_  he would be lying if he said he was not pleased with this new outcome.

"Thanks," he said before rushing back into the den.

He found her as he left her; laying down. "Hey," he said as he reached her side. "I'm back."

She nodded. "Thank y-ou." It was slightly embarrassing that he  _knew_  she  _wanted_  him there but in her situation it hardly mattered. She simply hoped he was not getting any ideas. This did not mean she wanted him to kiss her and it did not mean she was agreeing to being his mate. She felt the heat rising to her face; she hoped he would not notice her blush.

He did not.

He laid down by her side and watched as she slowly breathed, her eyes closed.

 _She wanted him beside her_.

That was the best feeling in the world.

-E-

Everything was pain and sorrow.

Kagome woke herself up by the sound of her own screams. She sat up, despite the fact that she did not have the energy or strength to do it, and began screaming non-stop. She felt arms wrap around her but she kept fighting them. She felt blood spill out of her wounds but she did not stop. She was confused.  _Where_  was she?

"Kagome!" he called out. "Calm down!"

He was trying not to be rough with her but she was hurting herself. What else was he supposed to do? He put a bit more strength into it and pushed her all the way down, keeping her still. His arms were still wrapped around her as he covered her body with his. She was trapped between his legs. He did not want to hurt her or put too much pressure but he could smell the blood pouring out. Why could she not remain still? Why was she forcing him to do this.

"Kagome," he whispered, trying to be soothing. "Please," he begged.

Her eyes opened wide and she felt hypnotized by his blue orbs. He was  _begging her_  with his eyes. He never looked away, he never let her go. Finally, she stopped fighting him and let her arms drop to her side. Her heart was beating  _too fast_  and it was hurting her. She felt warm and wet - probably because of her blood. The dream, it felt so real. It was the damn claws again and the pain. She tried to escape it but it kept following her. She felt all the slashes, all the blood splattering. And then she heard Kouga. It snapped her back into reality.

She could feel his heavy body on her, his hands squeezing her shoulders. His mouth was so close to hers - all of him was close to her. "K-kouga."

"I'm here. You're safe."

He did not move, not yet. He wanted to make sure she was not going to hurt herself again. If she kept opening her wounds like that, she would never heal! He wanted to see her back on her own two feet. At least this time it was not his fault but it did not make him feel any better.

"I'm o-kay," she finally said.

He nodded. Then, he slowly pulled himself off of her. He did not want to make her situation worst. He manoeuvred himself around her body and landed beside her with a thump.

"Is it bad?"

He shook his head. It  _felt_  and smelled worst than it actually looked. It was a good news; some of her wounds had closed up a bit. It was better than nothing since it felt like she was making no progress lately. "Ya gonna be okay. I promise."

It would not be wise to change her bandages, not while she was still bleeding. He would wait until it stopped. "Do ya want some water?" She was covered in sweat, because of all the efforts she just did, and her lips were cracked and dried.

She nodded, unable to speak any longer. Her lungs were on fire and she felt like she could not even raise her hand at this point. Where did all that strength even come from? Kouga had to  _hold_  her down. It made her glad that she requested his presence by her side. He managed to spare her a few more injuries. God, she felt so stupid. Why did she freak out like that? It was over, the nightmare was over. She was safe here at the den.

"Hey, don't cry," he said in a whisper.

Cry? She was crying? She sniffled and nodded.

She felt him brush his fingers across her cheeks, wiping some of the tears away. When he lowered his hand again, she brushed his fingers with her fingertips. It hurt too much to move but at that moment she felt too scared to be alone. It was silly because he would not leave but the fear was there nonetheless. She was not sure if he understood what she meant to say or he simply thought she wanted to touch him but he intertwined their fingers and laid on his side. Kouga then used his free hand to brush away some of her bangs that stuck to her forehead because of the sweat.

"I ain't gonna leave you and nothin' is gonna hurt you again."

His heart broke at the sight of her tears. His Kagome was not meant to cry and she certainly was not meant to be in pain. He would take it all away in a heartbeat; it was not fair. He gently brushed his thumb across her hand, hoping to soothe away some of her fears. It scared him to see her in such a state. Maybe there was something he could do to make the environment more friendly for her - this was not her home. At least not yet. Perhaps he could find more  _human_  stuff. That way she might not get as scared or lost when she would wake up from nightmares.

He wanted to be her home. He wanted her to want to stay.

He thought he would never convince her but her recent actions were proving him otherwise. She  _asked_  for him and now, she nearly begged him to stay with a simple gesture. She looked up to him to comfort her and he would no disappoint. As long as his woman needed him he would stay by her side and protect her.

"You're my woman, Kagome. You're safe here."

He leaned forward and she did not even pull away. She even let him press a kiss to her forehead and she did not flinch or try to pull away from his touch. Pleased, he tucked her in the crook of his neck, sharing his warmth with her.

Kagome felt the blush that crept up on her cheeks but she ignored it. This was perhaps the worst idea she ever had and she did not want Kouga to think she was leading him on but…sleeping like this made her feel safe and she needed that if she wanted to fall asleep again. Rest was the only way she was going to get better. Would it really be so bad if she stayed like that and enjoyed the feeling?

She was not doing anything bad, right?

She only wanted to forget about the nightmares.

-E-


	7. No Love

The sun was rising high in the sky, soft palettes of blue and orange mingling together to create a quiet glow inside the main den. By that hour, most of the wolves were out and about, ready to hunt and kill today's meal. Some of them were lingering, waiting around the leader's den. No noise came to their ears throughout the night and they could not help but wonder if everything went alright. Their leader usually kept them posted but they also knew that he wish to remain by his beloved's side. Even if not everyone agreed with his choice, they remained concerned for the one that was their alpha. Nobody was willing to betray him.

Ginta and Hakkaku were the ones who remained the closest to the den. In fear that their little sister might require something, they never ventured too far. Although, the many sleepless nights they had lately were beginning to take their tolls. Their cheeks were no longer plump, their eyes no longer gleamed with excitement. Dark circles were painted beneath their irises, sunken cheeks decorated the rest of their faces. It was a cross they were willing to bear. Kagome put her life on the line for them and they could never pay her back. This was the less that they could do - and even that did not feel like it was much. Nonetheless, they did not want to fail to their duty. They would remain there, leaning against the copper colored rocks, their arms crossed in front of their pale chests.

Light had yet to find it's way into Kouga's den. Instead, darkness engulfed the sleeping pair. Kouga's chin was digging in Kagome's head, lost in her luscious dark locks. His own dark hair mingled with hers, going all the way to her shoulders and draping over her as a blanket would. His arms were wrapped around her carefully, careless rough hands brushing up against her skin while she remained tucked against his chest. There was a tiny gap between them, one that was big enough to keep her from applying any kind of pressure to her injuries. Sometimes, she tossed, the nightmares plaguing her from time to time. Memories of claws, of blood, memories of what felt like death. None of it allowed her a peaceful sleep. However, sometimes, when strong arms tightened around her waist, bringing warmth to her chest, they went away.

Stirring in her sleep, Kagome was the first to wake up. Her eyelids were heavy, difficult to open but she fluttered her eyelashes and managed to get them wide open. Blue orbs darted into the night before her vision slowly adjusted. She smacked her lips, trying to get rid of that dryness in her throat but all it did was crack her damaged lips further. She inhaled, not too deeply since she did not want to hurt her lungs, and then pressed her cheek further into the source of warmth. It did not take long for her brain to register and realize that the source of warmth was  _Kouga_. A ping of panic traveled through her chest and she glanced up at the ookami. He was soundly asleep, the weight of his head pressing against her forehead now that she had shifted their position.

 _Oh_.

She leaned backwards, then forward, trying to free her head but nothing worked. A furious red blush painted her cheeks and she lowered her head to hide her shame with her bangs. She remembered  _wanting_  to fall asleep this way. It was her only option to chase away the nightmares. Despite the fact that he remained somewhat of a stranger, he was all she had. She was alone in the past and if it were not for him, she would be dead. There was a panic, a need to not be alone. It was new and foreign but she held on to it.

"Kouga," she tried to whisper with a hoarse voice.

He did not move.

"Kouga."

She put a hand on his naked chest, feeling the sturdiness of his muscles as she tried to gather some strength to shake him out of his sleep.  _That_  seemed to work. He moved, his eyes slowly opening. He sniffled, his nose twisting around, and then he looked down at her. The look in her eyes snapped him to reality fairly quickly.

"Kagome? Are ya alright?"

She nodded. "I - hm," she tried to pull away from him, hoping he would understand what she was trying to say.

He shifted away slightly, putting some space between them, although one of his hands remained on her hip. "Did I hurt ya?" How could he fall asleep this soundly? He tried to remain awake and watch over her. He already hurt her once and he did not want to do it again. His features were twisted and crisped, as though he was experiencing a deep pain. His parted dark pink lips were trembling with each breathe he took while his deep blue eyes searched hers.

"I'm o-kay."

Relief showed on his face and he leaned back onto the den's rock wall. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

She shook her head. She  _was_  thirsty but she did not feel like moving or anything else at the moment. Plus, there was a part of her that still feared she was convincing Kouga he was right about her feelings for him. She did not love him. Actually there was no way  _he_  loved her. He did not even know her. Still, it was not fair of her to let him think she had more than… friendship in her heart.

"Kouga, ab-"

"Don't talk. You look better. Ya should save your energy." She truly looked healthier; her eyes were getting their glow back and her skin no longer was tainted by that shade of green. "Ya sure you don't need water?"

She nodded. "I -  _thank you_  for ta-king care of me."

"I told ya Kagome you're my woman."

"I'm not."

His head flinched back and his eyebrows squished together as he appeared to be processing what she was trying to tell him.

"I - " She had to draw the line now. She loved Inuyasha, not Kouga. " _You're my friend_."

He stared at her, disbelief completely hitting him. No, it did not make sense. He knew she left and he let her and maybe she thought she had feelings for Inu-trasha but…  _no_ , she courted him, she sought his warmth and she even let him - no, no. Wait. He said she was going to be his woman and then - he took care of her. He loved her and he would protect her.

"Kagome, I don't understand. I love ya."

"Kouga, you can't — " His expression shattered her heart, he looked awfully sad. "You don't know me."

That was a lie, he did know her. She was kind and valued her friends above anything else. She would risk her life for those she loved, she could see the jewel shards -  _and, and_  she dressed funny. Did Inuyasha know more than that? That idiot knew nothing about Kagome because if he did, he would treat her better and he would not be such a rude asshole around her. No, he did not love her.

"I do."

She tried to force a smile, which hurt more than anything else. "Kouga I -"

"You love that mutt."

He did not want to see it as the truth. It did not make sense. A part of him wanted to hear her say it but at the same time, he did not want to know. But she did not need to say it because he saw it in her eyes. It was there, the guilt, the fleeting glance; she could not look at him. She blushed and stared at him when he kissed her but now she could not look at him. He felt a ping in his heart as though someone was stepping on it, crushing it.

"He's just a no good  _mutt_."

" _He's s-weet_ ," she defended. She knew not everyone could see Inuyasha's good side but - it was there. He was kind and he always looked after her even when he grumbled. Plus, she always got him back by  _sitting_  him through hell. It was fair.

His nostrils flared but he kept his mouth shut. He could see that it was difficult for her to talk and he did not want her to hurt herself because of that piece of shit Inu-trasha. He was not worth her pain. Although that did not mean that he was pleased with the way the conversation was going. It should not be like this and yet it was. Suddenly, feeling her so close to him was not as sweet as it was moments ago. He was suffocating, his lungs compressed while he desperately tried to fill them with air. He was not one to give up, he always went after what he wanted. It was one of the reasons why he managed to take lead of the tribe despite his young age.

"I'll get some water."

He promised Kagome she would be his and he thought he would change her mind about Inuyasha. Could he?

"K-kouga."

"I'll be back."

He delicately pulled himself away from her, making sure she rested against the wall so that she would not fall into the emptiness beside her. Then, he rose to his feet and all she could do was watch him leave. Her heart grew heavy, jolts of pain traveling in her chest as he left her side. She sunk her teeth in her bottom lip, holding a breathe. She hurt his feelings; it was obvious. She wished to be afraid, afraid he would leave her to her pain but she could not be. It would be selfish. She was not being nice to him because he was taking care of her, she was being nice because he showed her he was a good person. He cared for his own. He was a bit impulsive and reckless but he had a good heart - which was why she wanted to shatter his illusion as quickly as possible.

Except now she was alone.

She talked more than expected and she could feel the lining of her lungs burning, each intake of air setting fire into the organs. She closed her lips shut, hoping to less the damage. If only she could do something about the sharp pain in her side. All of this would be much easier if only she could walk on her own. At least she could probably eat by herself now…

 _No more accidental kisses_.

The hue of red layered on her pale skin was a good indication of how she had no gotten over that moment just yet.

Her first kiss.

It might not have been with a man she loved… but it was with someone who thought he loved her…

Which was more than she could say about Inuyasha.

He protected her, he cared for her but - she was no Kikyo.

Those nightmares plagued her as well. There, in the midst of loneliness and death, she could feel the piece of her soul that was missing, the one keeping Kikyo alive.

What if Kikyo…made it out. What if -  _what if she became everything Inuyasha wanted_?

She shook her head as tears began to puddle in her eyes. This was no time for such thoughts - she needed to focus on herself.

And her loneliness.

-E-

Hours went by and the sun settled high in the sky. Kouga got water but he never came back to the den. Instead, he stayed by the waterfall. Despite the strength of the water, he was still able to smell Kagome's scent.  _Shit_ , it was everywhere, it even permeated his skin. He was not convinced that he could ever get rid of it. That smell would drive him insane forever because he was afraid she might never love him.

He did not love her either at first. She was shrieking and annoying -  _and loud_  - and she was nothing but a mean to an end. And then, he saw her soul, he saw the goodness inside of her and everything changed. Kagome was devoted, loyal and much more than a way to find the jewel shards. It was a nice add-on but it was not all she was. And by the gods was she beautiful. He never truly looked at humans before but his Kagome was different. Her clothes were hard to explain but he did not care about those.  _Her hair_  - it was luscious and her skin sparkled while those legs of hers went on forever.

"Kouga?"

"What?" he barked back.

"Is sis alright?"

"Ask her."

Ginta frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean  _ask her yourself_."

Despite Kouga's clear desire to be alone, Ginta scouted beside him, their knees brushing together as he plopped down. "What happened?"

He glared in direction of Ginta, catching his streak of dark hair from the corner of his eye. "She wants muttface."

"Inuyasha? Why!"

"I don't know!"

"Sis wouldn't want that half dog."

"Apparently she does."

"Well ya did say ya'd kill him next time you see him… just stick to that plan!"

"I can't."

As much as he wanted to see that stinking mutt's head ripped off from his body… it would not be worth it. Those actions would hurt Kagome too much and he could not risk it. Although it would solve all of his problems…  _no_. He was not going to do that. There had to be another way. From the way he could smell Inutrasha on Kagome, they had been traveling together for a while. Maybe she was confused? He just needed a little more time. Surely he could convince her this was a good idea. He just - he needed a plan.

"You could be… you know… mm. Friends. With sis."

"Friends?"

"Yeah. She ain't with that jerk. They… I don't know what they are. But he ain't touched her so -  _maybe_ …"

"Friends…" he repeated, almost as if he was trying out the word to see if he liked it.

It was an option, he could try that. He could not believe that he would go from holding her in his arms, kissing her to… treating her like everyone else? He could not do that. He even proclaimed his love for her from the top of a mountain… Then again, the thought of losing her to the mutt was even worse. If it was what he had to do for his Kagome… then so be it.

"Fine, I'll be her … friend," he grumbled.

"That's the spirit," Ginta said before smacking him on the back.

Kouga eyed him sideway but he did not say anything. What was he supposed to do now? It was not like he could go back to Kagome; he said he would be back and he had yet to return to her side. He was hoping she fell asleep or perhaps, considering her  _love_  for Inuyasha, she never even noticed he went missing for so long. Maybe he was being childish about it. He was forward and obtained what he wanted every time he went for it. He was a strong demon, why should he not be able to get the girl?

"Is Miku around?"

"Ya old enough to deal with your girl."

Kouga almost jumped in surprise when he heard the old woman's voice. How long had she been there?

"I ain't gonna deal with her. That's your job. If ya wanna have a mate one day and keep her, you're gonna have to work on your skills."

"My skills are just fine."

She bursted out laughing, never even trying to attempt to shield her laughter from Kouga. "Ya got a lot to learn, kiddo." Miku leaned forward and ruffled his hair with her hand. He might be their leader but she would never stop seeing him like a little child. He might be an excellent alpha but it did not mean he should not hone some of his skills. He was a good kid at heart, he would figure it out one day.

"You can't just claim a woman like her."

Sometimes it was done, especially when the alpha was doing the claiming but - Kagome was not an ookami and the girl had fire, even as she was sick. Kouga was going to need a lot more than that.

"She don't know you, she don't trust you."

"She knows him," defended Ginta.

"How did ya meet the girl?"

"He kidnapped her," Ginta quickly supplied.

Miku rolled her eyes. "There ya go." She pressed her hands against her thighs, pressing down to help herself up. She was not getting any younger and all this stress was putting strain on her body. She was by no means  _old_  but the birds of paradise took their toll on everyone.

"Ya got good instincts, kid. What do they tell ya?"

He blinked, unsure what to believe.

"Run?"

He shook his head.

"Then stay in the fight."

She squeezed his shoulder, trying to give him some comfort. If someone could woo someone like Kagome, it was that knuckle head. Plus, she strongly believed that he indeed had a chance. The girl asked for him in her most desperate moment. She could have stayed with a strange woman or Kouga and she picked Kouga. Clearly it was because he brought her some sort of joy or peace of mind. He simply needed to quit being so impulsive.

Kouga watched Miko leave, almost frustrated that she was right. He hated losing and ever since Kagome used her low strength to proclaim her love for Inuyasha…he fell into a bitter mood. Regardless, Miku was right; he could not give up now. His guts told him that there was hope; Kagome courted him he was sure of it. Unless she pushed him away, he would stay by her side. A regain of energy sparked through him and he jumped back to his feet. The earth sunk beneath his weight, his toes digging into the brown mud. He needed to come up with a plan. What was a good plan? What if he did not return to her immediately? It was not like she was completely alone and if she bled, cried out to him, he would hear her in a second. At least, if he gave her some space he would know… if she missed him?

Plus, he technically still had a promise to fulfil. He had not found her friends, he had nothing to give her to bring back hope in her life.

Perhaps he could re-focus on that? It would keep his mind occupied.

"I'll be back."

Those were the last words he tossed at Ginta before speeding away and leaving a cloud of brown dust behind. Ginta coughed before watching him disappear into the forest.

Whatever Kouga had in mind, hopefully, he would be careful.

-E-

Night was nowhere near taking over the sky, although there was a hint of a white moon hiding into the depths of blues. The sun teased the horizon, brushing into the lower parts of the sky. The air was colder, breezes spreading through the trees and causing the leaves to ruffle, leaving a carpet of green and light orange upon the luscious grass. The different scents of the area were being thrown around, mingling with each other and making it quite difficult to follow  _only one_. Footsteps were the only sound disturbing the area not too far from the den, despite the fact that it was protected by water and a grandiose waterfall.

"Inuyasha?"

No response.

" _Inuyasha!"_

"Whaddaya want?" he snapped back.

His nose was pressed into the ground, creating clouds of dust every time he took a step forward. His red fire rat robe was spread out around him, getting dirtier and dirtier by the minute. Inuyasha did not know why but he had a feeling Kagome was nearby. He had yet to catch a clear scent but it was a feeling deep inside his guts. His nose twitched, his nostrils flared and he finally raised his head.

"What is it?" he repeated, his temper still flaring.

Sango's eyes narrowed. She put her hands on her hips, tilting her waist forward, causing her ponytail to swipe left and right. " _Did you get something_?"

"She's here somewhere, I know it."

"You said that  _five times already_ ," Miroku pointed out.

"If you hadn't pissed her off…"

"Shut up,  _rut_."

" _Don't call me that!"_

"Enough you two," Sango said, cutting in. "Let's focus on finding Kagome… and Kirara." It was hard to miss the way her voice broke as she said her dear neko friend's name.

"We'll find them," Miroku confirmed, his eyes hardening with confidence, the purple in his orbs twinkling.

" _This way_ ," Inuyasha said before shoving his nose back then. He was about to follow the trail all the way to a big rock but suddenly, he came to a big stop. His ears raised on top of his head, white fluffy ears shifting left and then right. Then, it happened. He felt his heart sink and his stomach churned as a dreaded feeling took over his whole body. It was faint, but there was a voice, begging for help. He was certain there others could not hear it. How could they? He could feel their eyes on him, wondering what he was doing. There was only one problem; it was not Kagome's voice…and it was coming from a completely different direction than what his instincts were telling him.

Except this was a voice that he could not ignore.

He dug his claws into the earth, sending dirt flying around. His hands were completely clenched while the vein in his forehead nearly threatened to pop. Why did it always have to be one or the other? Why could it never be both? Each time a situation arose, he had to pick. Kagome should be in grave danger; they found blood.  _But - but_  Kikyo was begging for help… was she losing her body? Her soul? Fangs poke out of his lips, grazing the sensitive flesh. He began tapping his foot, his heart ready to split in two as his mind was covered by a cloud of confusion.

"Inuyasha? What is it?"

"Did you find Kagome?"

They wanted an answer, they were forcing him to choose. He inhaled deeply and then slowly stood up. His eyes lingered upon the big rock, a warmth spreading through his chest and causing it to rise up. Then, he tore his eyes away and tossed his glance in direction of the forest. His amber orbs glistened in confusion and finally, ashamed of even himself, he directed his eyes towards the ground.

"This way."

Nobody questioned him or his rather strange attitude and then began to follow as he slowly headed inside the forest. His speed was not as fast as before and he could not force himself to speed away from what could be Kagome's location. There was a lot of blood. If nobody found her by now… it might be too late already. Kikyo… Kikyo might still have a shot. And perhaps they could use Kikyo's power to find Kagome? It was not like he was giving up on her. He intended on coming up and continuing the search it was just that… kami he felt like a jerk. He wanted to help them both, they both counted on him… but she… she was calling out to him. How could he ignore her call and walk away?

His heart broke and he tore his eyes away from the sights in front of him.

He was lower than low and he was not quite sure how he was going to forgive himself for this one. She was in trouble because of him and now… but.. But he owed Kikyo so much. She also was in trouble because of him and that trouble cost her her life once and he could not let that mistake be repeated twice.

_I'm sorry Kagome._

-E-

A groan.

Then a wince.

Then another groan.

Annoyed, Kagome sighed and leaned back again. Her tiny fingers were wrapped around the white bandage on her wound, spreading blood everywhere. She did not mean to make it worse, she simply wanted to see her injury. She had been quite out of it for a while and she never truly realized how bad it was. Although by the way it was nearly impossible to reveal the wound, she was beginning to think that all of this was an awful idea and that she was in a worse shape than anticipated. She exhaled small puffed breaths, hoping it would give her the courage she required - no such luck. She shoved her teeth in her bottom lip, breaking the skin in an instant, and then she pulled on the feeble fabric.

Blood spilled from her mouth but she ignored it. Instead, she kept ripping the bandage until finally, her injury was revealed to her. And she almost wished it had not. She could not control her expression of disgust as she glanced down at herself. Her top lip curled and she recoiled, dropping the bandage back into place. A nauseating scent filled her nostrils and she held her breathe as best she could.  _It was disgusting_. There was dry blood clotting around the wound and some green pus oozing from the left edge. It could not be good…it had to be cleaned. Unfortunately for her, it was not something she could do on her own… and Kouga had yet to come back. Part of her was beginning to think he would never return. He promised but… she did hurt him. She did not mean to - as a matter of fact she rather hurt him now than later…

Except she was wrong.

"Kagome?"

Her head snapped up and she saw him standing in front of the entrance. "I smell blood," he explained.

"Bandages," she explained in as few words as possible.

His eyebrows burrowed and after what appeared to be much hesitation, he took a few steps in. The closer he got to her, the worse the smell got. He rubbed the back of his neck, untangling a few strands of his hair from his ponytail and his pupil dilated. The scent of blood was - not good but there was something else beneath all that. His eyes were squinted by the time he reached her side. He made sure to avoid all eye contact as he kneeled and began to look it over.

"It's getting infected."

She nodded in agreement. She was never going to take antibiotics for granted again.  _Never_  again. What wouldn't she give for a nice hospital? She would have been healed by now if she could have made it to the well.

His hands trembled, hovering over her wound while uncertainty took hold of him again. "Is it okay if I -?"

She nodded again.

He retrieved the brown clay vase that was near her feet and brought it close to her injury. Slowly, he dipped his hand in the cold water and recouped the cloth that was inside. He squeezed out the excess water and then gently press the light grey cloth against her injury. At first, it was not too painful but once he tried to get rid of some of the blood and the pus oozing around on her skin, she was forced to wince.

"Want me to stop?"

Kagome shook her head while keeping her eyes tightly shut. She knew it had to be done but it did not mean she was going to appreciate it.

"I'll go fast."

True to his words, he tried to keep up his pace while making sure he was not hurting her more than it was required. All of that time, his mind was running wild. He was better than before but what if it was not enough? Perhaps his people did not have the required skills to deal with her injury? Maybe there was someone else he could go to and obtain stronger plants. He would need to remember about that and asked Miku soon. He did not want Kagome to die from an infection. He saw what it did to humans; their skin would get pale, they would cough and cough until all that came out of their lungs was bright red blood. It was not the fate he wanted for the woman he loved and he would make damn sure it was not going to happen.

Once it was cleaned enough, he dropped the cloth into the vase, water splashing around. Then, he took the edge of the bandage and completely took it off. It was no used putting it back on, it was soiled. He never made eye contact with her, not even when he applied the new dressing. Meanwhile, Kagome barely moved, letting him take care of her without getting in his way.

"Thank you," she said once he was done.

He offered her a quick nod. He was too nervous to speak, too nervous to have a conversation with her. He did not want to screw it up. He had to show her he could be a good alpha male, that he could be everything she needed.

"Kouga - I'm sorry."

He waved his hand, dismissing her apology. She had enough to fret enough and he did not want for her to concern herself with him. He also wanted her to forget about his little moment of weakness. "Don't be. You're pack. I'm always gonna take care of you."

"But," she tried to argue, but he never allowed her to finish her sentence.

"It don't matter. You risked your life, your pack." The other ookamis did not accept her solely based on the fact that he proclaimed her his woman. They were grateful for what she did and they were returning the gesture. She risked her life for them and the return for that was for them to do the same thing.

He wanted to shut up, to stop digging a hole for himself but he could hardly help it. Kouga leaned his body forward, his muscular naked chest threatening to brush against the bare skin of her stomach. She remembered holding her breathe but all she could feel was the heat in her cheeks. He approached her until he was close enough to cup her cheek with his hand. "I'll tell ya one thing. That mutt doesn't love you."

She expected him to say more, to call her his woman or make another speech about undying love but he did not. He surprised her. Instead, he let his thumb brush against her cheek and then he pulled away, resuming his position away from her. There was a ghost of a smile forming on his lips as he grabbed the vase with both hands. "I'm gonna get fresh water," he said as he hopped to his feet. If he stayed close to her, he would want to feel her, touch her and hold her like he had been doing since he found her. Miku was right, he could not treat her as though she was just anyone else.

Once again, Kagome never had a chance to say anything. It was as though he never wished to let her speak. Perhaps he did not want to hear her words? Or did he want her to spare herself the pain? Regardless of the reason, nothing was said. Instead, she was left sitting there while he got out and away from her. She raised a hand, her fingers stretched out, and she wanted to change her mind, she was ready to stop him but the words never made it past her lips. His strut was confident and she felt like she did not have the right to ask him to stay, not after what she told him earlier. In place, her hand remained into the emptiness, her fingers folding on themselves until he was completely gone and she found herself… Alone.

Alone again.

She wrapped an arm around her body, trying to warm herself up. All of that shivering was not helping her with her pounding headache. It was cold with her shirt lifted and her skin remained damp from the cold water he used to clean her injury. She looked out the entrance of the cave, a part of her waiting for Inuyasha to emerge through. He had to be looking for her. He had to know she was injured and he was probably sniffing the whole damn place trying to locate her. He did not know Kouga rescued her meaning he would not stop until he found her. He would not leave her to die by herself in this era… right?

Despite her high hopes, she was starting to lose faith.

What was taking him so long?

And what was that nagging feeling, deep inside her heart?

-E-


	8. The Celebration

"How's Kirara?"

"Much better."

She was in no shape to transform and fly all over the place but the neko had improved - a lot more than Kagome had. She had her youkai blood to thank for that. Although, he would be lying if he said it did not worry him. Once Kirara was back in full shape…she would find the others. Or worse. She would take Kagome away from him. It was true that he kidnapped her the first time they met but it did not mean he wanted to keep her by his side against her will. She loved mutt face and she wanted to leave and be with him. Kouga declared her his woman, he said he would come back for her and now none of it meant anything because their relationship was one between  _friends_.

Despite all of that, he came to a very clear conclusion; he did not need to force her by his side… she would want to be with him. He took care of her, he loved her. Inutrasha did not even care about her. He was still of the canine persuasion; if he tried hard enough he would find Kagome. The fact that he had yet to locate her meant that he was not trying to find her. That bastard did not deserve someone as loving and kind as Kagome.

" _I_ \- I hope she can fly soon."

She never saw the flash of hurt in Kouga's eyes because she never meant it in a hurtful way. All she thought about was how much Sango and Kirara probably missed each other. They were together from the start and now, Sango had no idea what happened to Kirara. Plus, it was better for Kirara to be far away from Kagome. She was the reason Kirara got hurt in the first place. If she only went home on her own, if only she did not involve her friend in this… Kirara would be fine and safe with the others. It was all her fault. She would not ask to see her again, not yet. At least she was getting healthier and that was the important part. Plus, she knew Kouga would keep her friend safe. He was a little awkward at time, maybe a bit pushy but he was not a bad person.

"She should be fine." He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but he was unable to do it.

His heart was crushed and his spirits were completely down. He simply could not comprehend  _why_  she refused to see what he had to offer.  _No_ , he could not dwell on this; it did not matter. She saved him and he was going to save her.

"Good." She swallowed and winced in pain as she spoke the word. "K-kouga?"

"Yeah?"

"W-when Kirara is okay… make her leave."

For a second, it was like he was hit by a brick. She- she did not want to leave with her neko friend? His lips parted and he was dying to ask her why but he refrained himself. Was this not what he wanted? Did he not want Kagome to stay by his side? If she left without Kirara, it meant she was going to stay with him. And yet, none of those thoughts comforted him. He was no fool; he could see the sadness reflecting in her eyes and the way her blue orbs shone with tears. This decision did not make her happy and she was still going through with it. He would not ask, out of respect for her, but he could not be happy. Not when she was this miserable. His heart constricted a little more and he answered the only way he could; he nodded.

She stretched her lips into a small smile. "Thank you."

"Can I get ya anything?"

She shook her head. "I think I'm going to r-rest."

He nodded and then leaned forward. He put his hands on her shoulders, ignoring the iciness of her flesh and then helped her lay down. Once she appeared comfortable enough, he fetched the brown soft furs for her and covered her body all the way to her shoulders. Her injury was healing but he did not want her to do any unnecessary movements if he could help it. She thanked him with a smile and then slowly closed her eyes, her eyelids growing heavy. He watched her for a brief moment, mentally checking that she did not need anything else and then he left her alone. His steps were slow as he exited his cave and he always stared at the ground, never looking back at her.

Once Kagome could no longer hear his footsteps, she opened her eyes. A sigh escaped her lungs and her bottom lip began to tremble. Her faith was gone, completely lost. She tried to keep hope in Inuyasha, in the fact that he would come and help her because - he always did it. No matter how many times he swore at her, screamed that she was useless and he was done helping her… he would come anyway. This time should not have been any different and yet it was. A lot of days went by - and it should have been enough. He should have found her - but he did not. Did something happen to him or did he simply stopped looking? He had to have looked. It was not like him to not even try…

Unless something stopped him.

Or someone.

There was only one name that came to her mind; Kikyo.

The girl was weird and not always on their side but - could it truly mean that she was evil? Could she really turn Inuyasha away from her? He loved Kikyo, that was an undeniable fact but was it enough for him to give up on her? She made the promise to always be by his side but he never did the same. Maybe he had a changed of heart, maybe he decided it was better to go on with Kikyo.

That idiot.

She felt a warm tear slide down the side of her cheek and that was when she decided it was enough thinking. She closed her eyes and buried her head beneath the furs.  _Sleep - she needed to sleep_.

Meanwhile, near the entrance of the cave, Kouga was doing his rounds, inspecting everyone's chores and the bounty acquired for the day. As he was looking over some dead boars, he heard some excited footsteps coming his way. He did not even need to lift his head to know who was coming. He sighed.

"Hey what is sis up to?"

"She's sleepin'."

"She okay?"

"She's fine."

Hakkaku nudged Ginta in the ribs, forcing him to pull away. "Hey, what the hell was that for?"

Hakkaku silently pointed at Kouga who had never once looked at them. It was then that Ginta took notice of their leaders' sad features.  _Something did happen_. Although both of them knew better than to ask. Things were rather difficult at the moment and they knew that Kagome's  _official mate_ status was sort of on hold. They knew that Kouga would end up winning her heart but things were a bit gloomy at the moment.

"You know, we should have a feast!"

"Oh yes! A feast. That's a great idea Ginta!"

Kouga narrowed his eyes. "What are you two idiots talking about?"

"A feast! Sister is doing better. I mean we could do it in your cave - or near. Or maybe just wait a couple more days you know. We have to celebrate her! She helped us and now she's overcome her injuries! It's cause for celebration."

"I'm sure it would do lil sis a lot of good," Hakkaku chipped in. Their leader was not the only one with a sad expression on his face. Everyone could  _feel_  the pain and agony that vibrated through Kagome's usually chipper aura. Everyone needed a little pick me up.

He wanted to call them idiots and tell them they did not have time for such foolishness but then he stopped to think. They defeated the birds of paradise, the wretched beasts that spent years threatening his clan. On top of that, he found a mate, someone to be by his side for the rest of his life. There was also Kagome's miraculous recovery, one he was thankful for every day. Perhaps they were right. He was so focused on making sure Kagome healed that he forgot about everything else.  _His_  people also needed to find a bit of joy and they needed to be thanked for everything they did regarding the war and regarding his Kagome. He might not be in the most festive mood but this was not about him.

"You're right."

Ginta blinked, taken back. "We are?" He might have proposed the idea but he never thought his boss would agree to it.

"Yeah, we need a little bit of celebratin' around here."

" _Yes!_ " Hakkaku exclaimed, his fist up in the air. "Don't worry Kouga, we're gonna take care of  _everything_."

"Yeah! Hakkaku's right. We'll do everything." They did not even give him a chance to reply. Instead, they rapidly scampered off, leaving a trail of ashy dust behind.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm scared of…" he said, running his fingers through his thick, dark bangs.

He supposed he could trust them with the preparations. They were quite helpful taking care of his woman and they deserved to have a little bit of fun. As the thought hit him, he turned his head to look at the entrance of his cave. Even from all the way out here, he could hear her breathing. It was steady enough to let him know she was probably still sleeping. It was a good thing; she needed her rest. Especially if they wanted to celebrate  _her_.

Hopefully it would show her another side to the tribe. Maybe it would even make her smile.

-E-

"Where's Kouga?" she tried, her voice a little raspy.

Her cheeks were burning red and she was staring away at the wall. Ginta could not help the little smirk that stretched his lips as he stared at her. She could say what she wanted, but she did ask an awful lot of questions about Kouga! Nonetheless, he tried to shield away his smugness as he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, I think he's putting the final touches on the preparation."

She blinked once. Then, twice. Preparation? For what? It was probably why she had not really seen him in the past few days. At first she thought he might have gotten sick of her and moved on to better things. After all, she was not the best company and she did constantly turn him down. Maybe he saw that all his efforts were wasted and decided that she was not worth it? But this was also a possibility. They were friends. He would not just drop her like this after helping her right? Though what was this special event? Did it have something to do with youkais or the feudal era?

"We're just havin' a little feast," Ginta said as he noticed her rather confused expression.

"A feast?"

"Yeah," he replied with a beaming smile. "We wanted to celebrate our victory and - you gettin' better."

"I'm n-not really better."

"Of course you are! We thought we were gonna lose you!" When he saw the flash in her eyes, his eyes widened in regret. Oh why did he mess up like this all the time? "I mean - we knew you would be fine. I just - you know we're glad you're gettin' back on your feet." He forced a smile on his face.

"I don't - I'm not really hungry or anything."

"You don't have to eat if you're not hungry!"

"I'm - not in a party mood."

Ginta opened his mouth to retort but decided otherwise. There was no reason to push her into something she did not want. She was a little sad at the moment but he was certain that once she heard all the music and smelled all the food she would want to participate. For now, he would leave her alone. Plus, he already spent more time in here than he should have. Kouga simply asked him to bring her new, fresh water along with some food in case she was hungry. Now that he did that, he should really be leaving her side. She did look awfully lonely though - he felt bad to leave her in that big cave by herself. She did not look tired, meaning she intended on staying awake.

"Did ya want me to get Kouga?"

"No, thanks."

Right, that was probably a stupid question.

"Well, if ya need anything, we'll be around."

This time, she turned to look at him. The blush on her cheeks had faded but because she was so pale it was still visible. "Thank you Ginta."

He scared the back of his head. "No problem, sis. You're family!"

On those words, he left her alone. Unfortunately for him, he barely had time to make it outside of the cave. He was grabbed and dragged away. Once he lifted his head, he saw Kouga. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah. Why don't you go see her?"

"Nah, I don't wanna bother her."

"She's lonely."

Kouga turned his head to the side, never replying. He knew she was lonely, he could feel it through his core. The problem was, he did not know how to make it better. It was much easier in the earliest stage when she  _needed_  him. Now, it was not the same. He could not be as close to her, he could not be around her as much. And - well, there was that  _word_. Friend. He claimed her as his woman and frankly he did not know how to be her friend. He did not want to go back to that state, even if he had to do it. He loved her. She thought he did not know her but he did. One whiff, one feel of her aura and he could tell everything there was about her. Except, he could not make her understand that.

"That's what friends do."

He saw Kouga wince at the word but he did not regret using it. Someone needed to knock some sense into him. If he did not push through his wall, if he did not show Kagome how wonderful he was, he was going to lose her. Ginta was not about to let this happen.

"Shut up."

"But it is."

"Listen -"

"Don't you wanna be the one to comfort her?"

 _God fucking damn it. He did._  That idiot knew he did. He was taunting him and Kouga was falling for it. He groaned and he tilted his head forward, shaking his head in frustration. Then, he ran his hand over his face, stretching the skin down. " _Fine,_  you happy now?"

"Very," Ginta said with a grin. Kouga would thank him for this later.

Kouga dragged his feet all the way to the entrance of the cave. His tanned digits tapped the hard grey rock while he tried to convince himself to walk in. What in the world was he going to say to her? If Ginta noticed she was lonely it meant she was not talking much. What more would she tell him? He exhaled loudly and marched himself inside. He saw her laying down in his furs, sprawled out in a way that probably hurt less her injury, a scroll in her hands. He found them in an old box that contained items they retrieved from one of the towns they raided. Of course, he kept that little detail out of the conversation. He did not want her to be reminded of what they  _used_  to do. Though it only dated back a few…days?

Regardless, he was a new demon and his pack had new ways now.

Still, he was glad he got them for her since she seemed to be enjoying them.

He almost thought about leaving but unfortunately for him, his aura gave him away. She dropped the scroll down and turned her head in his direction. She offered him a small smile. "Hey."

Kouga smiled back at her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's o-okay." She gently pushed the scroll away from her thighs and unto the floor.

"Hm, did the guys tell you about the feast?"

She nodded. And did not look too excited.

"It's probably best if ya don't move too much."

"Yeah."

"How's your wound?"

"I c- can't really move to see it."

"Did ya want me to check it?"

She nodded again. She remembered it was getting pretty infected and she had no desire to die here. Kouga helped her change it more than once and she trusted him with her wound. She grabbed the edge of the furs and pulled them off her body. He quickly approached her and then kneeled down beside her. His fingers were shaking as he grabbed the edge of her bandage. It remained white on the outside which he hoped meant the pus was gone for good. He gently undid it, slowly revealing her injury. A sigh of relief escaped him as he saw that it was all red. It did mean it had not close yet but at least the infection was dying down. The skin remained warm to the touch but he knew it would not go away  _that_  quickly. She truly was getting better.

"It looks good," he said with a smile, his fangs poking at his bottom lip.

When Kagome saw the bright, true joy on his face she could not help but join in with a smile of her own. Also, she was relieved that the infection was dying down. Her death was no longer imminent. She might actually make it back home one day.

"Is it okay if I change it? I touched it with my fingers - and they're a little diry."

"It's fine."

He got back up and then rushed to the other side of the cave. He grabbed the vase full of water along with fresh bandages and then he hurried back to her side. He gently removed the old bandage and tossed it on the ground. Kouga then dipped a cloth into the cold water, soaking it through. Once it became dark grey, full of water, he twisted it, getting rid of the excess water. Gently, he began rubbing the crusts of blood around her skin, leaving her injury alone. Sometimes the skin stretched, nearly tugging at her wound, but nothing happened. Once she appeared clean enough, he discarded the cloth. Carefully, he applied the new bandage and secured it around her, being mindful of her body.

When his task was done, he pulled away from her. "Done."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, Kouga."

He did not appeared to be the healing type. She knew that whatever he was doing, he learned about it while she was injured. He went out of his way to help her and she was grateful. The first time he changed her bandages - or at least the first time she was awake for it - she found it quite embarrassing but now she trusted him and she knew he was only doing it as a mean to help her.

"We have new clothes for ya." He waited but she did not say anything. "A kimono. If you wanna change."

"I can't -"

"Kagome, I can clothe you." Her words were almost insulting. He was more than capable of providing for her  _and_  his pack. His gift to her was not taking anything away from anyone. Even if she saw him as a  _friend_  he could take care of her.

She nearly winced from the hurt in his voice. She did not  _mean_  to insult him. Then again, she kept forgetting that feudal era traditions and youkais traditions were a mystery to her. She still wanted to refuse but she did not want to insult him. The best solution was to graciously accept what he was offering her. "Thank you."

"Katsumi will bring it to you later." He cleared his throat. "I guess the feast ain't the kind of thing you do."

"I don't - I'm not v-very hungry."

"We have lights and dances."

"I can't gg-et up." That was not a lie. He helped her every time she sat up and every time she wanted to lay down. On her own, she was fairly useless. If she was not, she would have tried to unburden them from her presence a long time ago. Unfortunately, she could not do anything on her own.

"It's in a few days. We could always do it here." Usually the main den was where all the action was happening but for her, he would happily let everyone intrude his home. Even if it meant everything was a mess later on. He was desperate to see her smile. He wanted her to be happy.

"Oh it's okay."

Again, there was sadness in his eyes and this time she felt guilty. He took care of her, he went out of his way for her to have everything she wanted. This feast seemed rather important to him and the pack, despite the fact that it appeared to be a rather ordinary event. Perhaps it was rude of her to keep denying him something that made him happy? She always crushed his hopes many times. Could she do it again? She would not have to move and everyone would be filled with joy. The less she could do was let them have this. Who knew, perhaps a little change of scenery was good for her. She always saw the same walls, did the same thing, breathed the same air. Perhaps she could forget about the guilt nestled deep inside her chest.

"It- c-could be fun."

His head snapped up and his eyes began to twinkle. "Really?"

The smile that formed on her face was true. Sometimes, he acted so rash and rough that it always shocked her to see another side of him. Behind the impulsive man was a child who still wondered, delighted by the little things. It was rather nice and provoked flutters in her chest. "Yeah."

He beamed a grin. "The guys are gonna be happy to hear that."  _He_  was happy to hear that. Finally, he was doing something right when it came to her. Everything he said, everything he did so far, was laced with a mistake. He did not prove himself worthy enough, he did not protect her well enough and he did not love her enough. He was unable to show her how he felt about her. But now, he would take his new chance and used it. She  _smiled_  at him. She never smiled at him like that before. She was actually happy with him. It made his heart soar with happiness.

No matter what, he could not give up.

Not just yet.

-E-

_"Inuyasha!_ "

Sango sighed as once more, she screamed into the emptiness. Inuyasha went ahead by himself in the middle of the night. There was something deep inside of her that told her it was not about Kagome. If it involved Kagome and Kirara, it would include them and he would have never left them behind. No, this was about her - about Kikyo. All this time, she thought he was leading them to their friends, and he was lying. She was so blinded by her worries, her desire to find Kirara that she did not even see the deceit. She was an idiot.

"We should just leave."

"There is no reason to be so hasty to judge my dear Sango," Miroku said as he sat against a tree trunk. "We do not know for sure that Inuyasha is with Kikyo. Perhaps he feared we might slow him down."

She snorted. "I doubt that." She already saw Kagome get hurt over and over again. She was no fool, she knew that Inuyasha dropped everything, no matter what it was, if he scented Kikyo. He must have even side-tracked them. Maybe they were following Kikyo this entire time and he was just lying to them. How could she be this foolish?

"We should not leave. We have been separated enough."

At the thought, tears flooded her eyes but she did not let them fall. Kirara. She was her rock, her anchor and she might be dead. All she could think about was all that blood… Every day they wasted was a day closer to losing her. If,  _if_  Inuyasha side tracked them to find his precious Kikyo, there would be hell to pay. Kirara's death would be on him and she did not know if she could be that forgiving. Kirara was her last lifeline, all that she had with her at the moment. Losing her would send her over the edge. She inhaled deeply, trying to chase away the thoughts of sadness. She survived worse than this pain, she could do this.

"If he's not back tomorrow, we leave."

"Agreed."

Miroku was perfectly fine with flirting and letting his hands wandered but lately he kept his mouth shut. Sango's state was fragile and he would not risk hurting her further. They used to be four and now they were done to two. It was no time to be splitting what was left of the group. Plus, Sango already lost everything. He was not sure she could handle Kirara's loss, especially not if she was left by herself. He needed to keep her with the group and keep her mind focus. He stared at her through his long dark purple bangs, but all he could see was her back and the slight shake of her shoulders.

Kagome and Kirara  _had_  to be fine.

-E-

The morning began in a chaotic fashion. She barely saw everyone since they were all occupying themselves with their personal chores. The feast was to be during the evening and they were all quite excited, waves of thrill pulsing through everyone's auras. Their joy was a balm over her deep wounds of sadness, soothing away the ache. Everyone's happiness made it impossible for her to let the agony weight her down. It was there, lurking in the corner of her chest, waiting to sneak back up. Her aura was involuntarily swirling with theirs and for once she was grateful for her lack of control on her own energy. The day was pretty much the same and no quietness came unto the sun was low in the horizon.

Then, everyone was away.

She knew Kouga mentioned organizing the feast in his den but it became obvious that it was no longer the case. Then again, she felt it might be best if they were to celebrate without her. She knew nothing of them and they probably wanted to savour the victory with the pack and the pack alone. She was not one of them. If she were, she would have healed a long time ago. Instead, she was here, stewing in her filth and blood. She gave up on waiting for an event that did not desire to attend, and instead returned to her scrolls. Unfortunately for her, life had something else in mind and Kouga came tumbling down into the den, a huge grin plastered upon his features, happiness shining in his eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

The quick words throw her for a loop and she found herself gapping at it. At loss for words, she said nothing.

He repeated himself. "Do you trust me?"

Kouga did not give her a reason  _why_  she should not trust him. Why not say yes? "I do."

His grin grew in his size, fully displaying his bright, long white fangs. "I promise, I won't hurt ya."

A shiver pricked her spine but she nodded regardless. What he did next, she did not expect. He slid his body close to her without a warning, leaving nothing but a mere inch between them. His action painted red upon her pale cheeks and she felt the burning of her flesh radiate from her cheeks all to way to her toes. Then, he intensified the feeing. His arms touched her body, rough fingers sliding across her skin, tickling the flesh. She held her breathe while strong digits dug between her shoulder blades, forcing her chest forward, and the other one touched the soft skin beneath her knees. Before she could fill her lungs back up with air, she was no longer touching the ground. Instead, her burning cheek was pressed against an icy chest plate.

His hands were keeping her steady, making sure she did not bend or move or further her injury. It was careful, using a speed that was slow, slower than she ever saw him use. Kouga was all about  _fast speed_  and doing everything as quickly as possible. And yet, there he was, barely taking a step at a time. Except, it was a tedious task to focus on that. Her mind was zoned in on something else. The heat of her body, the feel of his hands and the closeness of their bodies. He touched her a couple of times, he changed her wounds but - there was something embarrassing now. She was more awake than ever and his aura was overwhelming leaving her blushing like a little girl. She tried to take a deep breathe, hoping to get her mortification under control.

After what appeared to be an eternity, she felt the cool air on her face and suddenly, her mood shifted. For the first time, she filled her lungs with new air and she was surrounded by freedom instead of the same sight. A smile tugged at her lips and she became to understand why everyone was so joyful. It was the ambiance.

Then it happened. Her face was illuminated by fire flickering into the darkness, colors mixing together to create a show of light. Instead of the bright orange flames, the torches were burning with different shades, creating a hypnotizing scenery. Plus, there was a soft sound of music in the background, although she could not pinpoint the instruments that were used. Most of her sight was blocked by Kouga's arms but from what she could see, it was a success. He suddenly came to a halt and her eyes darted upon. She quickly spotted the patch of furs against a rock. He lowered her carefully and sat her up in a way that did not put more pain or pressure against her wound. Once he was certain she was safe, he pulled away.

"Surprise!"

He knew what he said. He knew it was probably best. Except, he knew she had to be going crazy in that den. The same walls all the time, seeing the same things, stuck in the same position. He knew she was limited because of her injuries but - well he moved her in the past and she was worse off. He decided that if he was careful, he would be able to move her around. He noticed her nervousness at first but then, joy came from her and he was happy he decided to go through with his plan.

"Thank you, K-kouga," she said while staring at the entire place. People were eating, feasting with laughters filling the place.

The last time she saw the whole pack together, they were sad, scary and the place was cold. The den now had an entire new feel to it. They looked like a family, one who loved each other and needed one and another. Plus, it no longer lurked around darkness and boringness. It was bright and full of life. For a second, it made her think about her own home. This was family. They were broken, they lost some of their owns but -  _they were happy_. She envied that, she wanted that.

Kouga sat down beside her, his legs crossed and his hands resting on his thighs. He had a grin on his face while two guys fought each other over a pork's leg. A laughter bubbled from his chest and Kagome could not help but stare at him.

"Y-you can go."

He shook his head. "I'm fine here."

"Don't bb-baabysit me."

"Babysit?"

Right, it was easy to forget about the time gap. "Watch me."

"I ain't watching you." He was having a celebratory feast with his pack and the girl he loved was with him. Could there really be a more perfect spot than this? He had everything he wanted around him and he did not intend on trading it off for anything in the world. "You're here. I got everything I want."

He did not say it in a way to woo her, he did not say it to flirt or to declare his undying love for her. He was simply stating the truth as though it was any other fact. He was not even staring at her, he was looking at the scene unfolding in front of him.

Having her was enough. It was just normal for him. He did not know her and he kept putting her first. As if there was only her and no one else.  _Because there was no one else_. It was hard to chase away the feelings of betrayal, of hurt, she was feeling towards Inuyasha, who left her behind. Who never came for her. Kouga was harsh, a bit intense, with a mind of his own and sometimes he forced his presence where he was not wanted but… now she could see it. The good person he was. That good thing about him that made her want to help him and save his pack. He was a good man. One who deserved good things. And yet, he just wanted her.

That thought shook her to her core and left her unsettled.

She loved Inuyasha. She said she would stayed by his side.

And Kouga? Well, he vowed to stay by hers.

And for the first time since he proclaimed his love from on top of the mountain…she did not mind.

-E-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's been forever. I'm not dead I just - yeah you know the drill. Real life sucks. I'm like done with school though, and got a new job. So there's that! :)


	9. Self-Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And it's a recoooooooord! It hasn't been five billion years.
> 
> Thank you guys for the constant support and reviews. You keep me alive at five in the morning when I'm too tired to think. :)

"Morning!"

Kouga was chipper and his good mood was hard to take away. Ever since the feast, his spirits were lifted and a happiness was constantly bubbling within his chest. He never saw his Kagome as happy as she was that night and it made his heart soar with joy that he was the cause of such happiness. The guys were right; he could make progress as a friend. It was not the method he was used to, especially being a youkai wolf, but he could adapt to his little human mate. If this worked better for her, he would do it this way.

"M-morning." Again, she smiled at him.

His good mood was contagious and each time he beamed a smile at her she had no choice; she had to smile back. His mood improved since the feast and if she were to be completely honest, so did hers. It did her a lot of good to change the scenery a bit and to allow herself to have some fun. She did not eat any of the food, she mostly kept to her spot but it was nice to be included. Kouga stayed by her side the entire time and had the time of his life. He was the kind of guy someone should fall for - and he would make a woman very happy one day. She was glad to have him by her side but - her feelings for Inuyasha could not be tossed aside. She made a promise. And it stood, despite the fact that he nearly abandoned her or so it seemed.

Plus, she did not want to lead Kouga on. It was one of the reasons she did not share with him the return of her nightmares. She had vague memories of him holding her during difficult nights and she remembered seeking his warmth. It would only give him the wrong impression. Although, the problem was that she was afraid to sleep. If she did not get enough rest, she would spend even more time in recovery. In either situation, it was a loss, but she rather suffer than to make him suffer. They finally managed a friendship, though his feelings were still obviously present, and she did not want to give him more reason to pursue her. She had nothing to give him in exchange for his love and devotion.

Well - he did have her first kiss. But if she thought about that, she was going to blush again.

"Miku mashed this for ya. It doesn't look great but she says it'll help ya lots," he spoke as he put down a ceramic bowl in front of her.

She peered inside the best she could, catching a glimpse of a white liquid mush. He was right; it did not look appealing. Then again, it was better than nothing and she did require some strength back if she ever wanted to walk on her own again. "Thanks."

"She saw you gotta drink it." He hesitated for a second, unsure if he should hand it to her or do it for her. He would be more than happy to feed her but - he did not want to push his presence on her.

It looked heavy. It was probably best if she avoided those kind of movements for now. She pinched her lips, turning her head to the side. "I ca-an't."

In a flash, he was by her side, holding the cup near her face. She tilted her head backwards and he pressed it to her lips. He allowed some of the liquid to slip into her mouth. Once he felt it was enough, he pulled away. He watched carefully as she struggled to swallow and then she made an expression of pure disgust. He was forced to laugh, the loud sound echoing through the walls of the cave.

"That bad huh?"

She nodded rapidly, coughing a bit as she was unable to wash away the after taste. It was worst than it looked! She did not care what it could do for her; she did not want any of that. It was like death infiltrated her throat. If she had enough strength to puke, she would do it. After gagging a few more times, she settled down and re-focused her glance on Kouga who was still clearly amused by her situation. Though he was shielding his face from her, his shoulders shook from the laughter resonating through his chest.

"Y-you try."

"Oh fuck no."

Instead of begin taken back by his vocabulary, she let the smile tug at her lips. He was always quite expressive.

He chortled, seeing her amused reaction. He really did not want to try, especially since he could smell it even more than she could and it stank. After a few moments of ponderation he decided that - for her - he could. He brought the cup to his lips, careful to hold his breathe, and took a sip of it. It barely wished around his mouth for a second that he spat it out.

"That's fucking poison."

Unable to hold her laughter back any longer, Kagome joined into the amusement. Unfortunately, the shakes of her body were too much and she quickly found herself holding her side in pain. She tried to hide her wince but Kouga saw it. She put a hand to her side and then turned back to look at him. "I'm o-kay."

Why did he constantly screw up? Shit. "Sorry, it's my fault."

She shook her head. He only tried to make her smile, it was hardly his fault at all.

He leaned forward, trying to see if blood was seeping through the clothes. She still wore her kimono from the feast - it was much better than what she had before. Although, he had to admit, her legs appeared very nice in that short kimono she had on before.

"It's fine."

Honestly her wounds were healing. She was much better than back at the feast. Days went by and each time the sun rose, she got stronger. Of course, she still was not strong enough to bathe herself which was quickly becoming a problem. Now she was extremely thankful that Kouga plunged her in the water a few times. It had not been that long and already she could feel the accumulation of dirt upon her skin and the greasiness of her hair. She probably appeared to be a huge mess. She felt uncomfortable, dirty. She would kill for a hot bath, or even just a spring.

"I'll have Miku look at it."

She nodded. "Thanks."

"How d'ya sleep?"

Now that Kagome was more awake and healed, he tended to sleep near the outside of the den. He did not want to impose his presence on her and there was a slight nervousness when he kept too close to her. This was better. He would come back to her side when she needed him. Although, it was hard to chase away memories of her sleeping in his arms. Regardless, it was a sacrifice he had to make for the both of them. Still, despite his distance with her, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. They were a deeper blue than before and her skin was cold to the touch. She was tired. Although, he had the impression that she slept well. Was there something he was missing?

"Fin-ne," she replied, gazing at her folded hands.

There was a shift in her scent, a hint of a lie but he did not question it. He felt hurt by the lack of trust but held himself back. Though a possible answer flashed through his mind; nightmares. Maybe she never stopped having them? No, that could not be it. He did not hear her toss and turn all night and no whimpers of pain came from her. Maybe he had it all wrong and it was something else entirely.

"Did ya wanna rest some more?"

Yes, but she would not find any peace in her sleep. Though she might manage a small nap.

He came in, thinking she was well rested and now he felt he might have disturbed her. He ignored the ping in his stomach and plastered a smile on his face. "Sleep a little, and I'll be back." Be back… it was not like he would be far from her.

"I -"

"It'll be good for ya." Though he did fear losing her, he would never get in the way of her recovery.

He was probably right - if only she could tell him the whole story and share what the darkness did to her. She forced a smile and then nodded. "I'll try."

"If ya need me, just say my name." He knew she was in no position to scream but a whisper was fine. Any words uttered by her, he would hear.

He watched her smile as he pulled away from her, the wretched concoction in his hands. He walked backwards, never tearing his eyes from her form. Part of him hopped he might catch a glimpse of the problem but she gave nothing away. Instead, she slid herself lower into the furs and covered her entire body with the makeshift brown blanket. She closed her beautiful blue eyes, and let herself drift to sleep. He lingered in the entrance a bit longer before tilted his head away. He pressed his body against the rock wall outside the den and exhaled. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach and he could not explain it. His previous joy was washing away and he wondered if his hopes remained crushed.

"Kouga?"

He turned his head only to see Ginta coming his way. "You a'right?"

Kouga nodded. "How we doin'?"

"We got enough meat for a while. Four more cubs on the way."

He grinned at the last comment. Their numbers went down with all the birds of paradise attack and a growing number of cubs was exactly what they needed. As a habit, females had a couple of cubs at a time. Raising their numbers was difficult because they did not go into heat very often. That was a problem he would not have with his Kagome; human females went into heat every month. That made up for the fact that most human pregnancy only bore one child. It was easier to try and having another was faster. Yes, they would have a large family. If only he could persuade her to drop that no good mutt. He sighed in aggravation.

"Ya alright?"

"Ya no, it's good."

"Is something wrong with Sis?"

"Nah, she's fine. I think."

Ginta arched an eyebrow. "Ya think?"

"She's tired."

"Should we get Miku?"

He shook his head. "She'll be fine. I think she just needs to rest."

Ginta nodded in agreement. Kouga knew what was best for Kagome and Ginta intended on following his lead. "Do ya wanna hunt a little?" He knew his leader had been diligently watching over Kagome ever since she was injured. He barely stretched his legs, he did not go for runs and he certainly pushed aside most of his hunting habits.

"I don't wanna leave her."

"Sis is doing a lot better, I doubt anything's gonna happen."

His glance shifted from the entrance of his den to Ginta's face. He promised he would not leave her side again - he could not take a chance that something else might happen. Hunting grounds were too far from the main den. He might not hear her, he might not make it back on time. He made a promise that all she had to do was call him and he would come running. He refused to let her down the same way Inutrasha was always letting her down. She was his first and most important priority.

"Nah."

Ginta shrugged his shoulders. "I'll bring back some fresh stuff for Sis."

Kouga nodded his way, thankful for the gesture. He then pressed his back to the wall and let himself slide all the way down to the ground. Once his rear hit the earth, he closed his eyes. Perhaps he too needed a little nap. During the day, he took care of her and during the night, he took care of his pack. He was a powerful youkai who did not need much rest but he did require some. He let the tiredness weight down on him until unconsciousness took him over.

And then he drifted to sleep.

-E-

"NO! NOO!"

Screams of terrors tore Kouga from his sleep. He jolted to his feet, his body on high alert. It barely took him half a second to realize those screams were coming from his sweet Kagome. He bolted inside the den and found her tossing in her sleep, completely disregarding her injuries. Her limbs were moving in every direction, her lips parted while she screamed the same words over and over again. Rapidly he threw himself on the ground and tried to stabilize her by holding her shoulders down. At first, he barely used any strength but he quickly realized that it was a mistake. She pushed against him, lifting her scapulas from the ground. She kept kicking, tossing, while the scent of blood assaulted his nose.

She was hurting herself.

This time, he used a bit more force, pushing his palms against her bare skin. It did manage to stop most of the movements. But then, she opened her eyes in a flash. "No!" Then it happened. Before he could realize what she did, he was propelled against the nearest wall, his back slamming with a loud thud. Everything around him was a bright pink light while a sizzle burned some of his skin. A disgusting scent of burning was left behind while light continued to surround her. He tried to shield his eyes from the light but all he managed to do was burn more of his arm. He growled at the pain and then pushed himself to his feet. He noticed the light was coming from Kagome, his Kagome.

After a few seconds, the light died down and her full sight was revealed to him. He was so focused on her that he never noticed the people crowding his den. Instead he ran to her side and wrapped an arm around her. She already hurt herself during her tossing - the use of her power was probably not a good thing. He put a hand on her shaky shoulders while he watched her face carefully. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, her body was trembling and her hands were still in front of her, ready to attack anyone. He dared to push down on her arms with his free hand, lowering them back to her legs. She let him. He approached his face to hers, nuzzling his nose in her hair.

"Kagome?"

She was panting, the tears spilling out of her eyes. What did she do? In her line of sight was his arm - his burnt arm. She did this, she hurt him. The horrifying realization release another wave of sadness through her and she sobbed loudly. Kouga arched an eyebrow and moved his hand to lift her chin. He forced her to look into his eyes. His heart broke at the sight of her agony. "Kagome, don't cry. I'm a'right." They were superficial wounds that would heal in no time. His own well being was none of his concern. What worried him most was her state of mind.

"It's gonna take a lot more to take me down," he added with a smirk.

He saw it; the hint of a smile that formed through tears.

"Are ya alright?"

She nodded. There was no point in hiding the truth anymore. "Nightmare." It was not the bird of paradise themselves that haunted her dreams and took her rest away. It was the idea of her death, the pain she felt, the blackness that surrounded her while she slipped away. Every time she thought back to that event, she wondered how she made it alive. Truly, if it were not for Kouga, she would be dead.

"Thank you."

His smile grew in size. "I'd do anything for ya, Kagome."

And he meant it.

"But you sure you alright? You bled."

"I did?"

Another thing he was noticing; breathing appeared to be a little easier. He frowned, his eyes scanning her body carefully. Should she not be in more pain than before? He used his hold on her to tilt her back and expose his side to him. "I'm sorry," he said already as he put his claw to the fabric. Mindful of her skin beneath, he sliced it open, revealing the bandage. He could not risk undoing her kimono and exposing her. There was blood on the bandage but not as much as he expected. He went further and sliced the bandage as well, white strips folding over her skin. The wound. His eyes widened. It remained present - and would probably scar over - but it was… almost closed. What…

Kagome stared down with him, the same disbelief in her eyes as he had. How could it be? Days ago, it looked nothing like this.

"Ya healed yourself," he whispered.

He knew of the powers of the holy ones. They could purify youkais, which she began to do with him but they could also be used to heal. From the look on her face he guessed she had no idea that she could do it. If not, she would have done it a long time ago. It was also his first time witnessing such powers. His woman truly was one of a kind. Strength, trust and love. She was everything wrapped into one.

Kagome could not believe it - she could do that? How? Why did it not work before when she was near her death? Then again, she did not have the best control over her abilities. It did explain the missing crushing feeling on her chest. Did she only heal that part of her wound or did she heal everything? Was she actually going to make it out alive? Excitement and adrenaline rushed through her as she tugged on the kimono, exposing her bandage chest. She tried to pull down, to see the wounds. Unfortunately, she did not take in consideration that Kouga had previously sliced part of her bandage to inspect the wound on her side. And the whole thing fall apart. A second later, she felt the cold air brushing against her exposed left breast.

"GAH!"

As the scream left her lips, she slammed her arms over her chest, hiding away her breasts. Fire filled her cheeks as she closed her eyes tightly shut. He did not see it, right? Nope, no, he did not, no she was fast enough, she prevented this from turning into a nightmare. After a few seconds, she dared to raise her head - and found her answer. Kouga's eyes were glued to where her naked breasts used to be exposed, his eyes open wide and very round. On top of that there was a deep blush highlighting his dark skin. He fucking saw. She wanted to die, she wanted the ground to swallow her whole. Was that a possibility? More tears formed in her eyes but now they were for a new reason entirely.

He wanted to speak, he wanted to say something - anything. As a matter of fact he wanted to be staring at anything but her chest and yet his eyes remained glued to that location. He saw her bare breast and he was frozen in place. He forgot how to breathe, he forgot how to think. He was completely mesmerized, the reality better than what he could have ever imagined. It was an accident really - he did not even initiate it.

And then he felt them. The presences behind them, the many pairs of eyes that might have caught sight of his Kagome's breast. His fangs poked from his lips and he twisted his neck around to look at the crow that was laid out at the rear of them. He watched their eyes and nobody seemed to have seen anything - although they could all sense his and Kagome's embarrassment but nobody was blushing. He let out a warning growl regardless, the sound echoing into the cave and forcing everyone to take a step back. He could feel the redness seeping in his eyes, the rage of dominance and possessiveness drumming inside of his chest, like an animal demanding to be let out. His hands crisps, his own claws digging into the palms of his hands.

After everyone backed away and he calmed down, he re-focused his attention on Kagome. Her cheeks were burning red, most of her face hidden from his view. And he felt hopeless. He understand the embarrassment but was it that shameful?

"Nobody saw," he said, trying to be re-assuring. Well he did but…

Her hands were plastered over her face. "Y-you didn't see?"

His mouth opened, ready to give her an answer but he stopped. What was the best course of action? In his mind, she was to be his one day. In hers - it was all about that mutt. He did not want her to be awkward and shy around him - though she had no reason to be. "No."

Her head shot straight back up. "You didn't?" But he was staring at her, he was blushing.

"Just hm," he gestured to the top of his chest. "Bit. Nothing - hm." He was an alpha male, why was he stuttering like an idiot?

He did not see the whole thing. For the first time since the little slip up, Kagome breathed out, relief washing over her. Crisis averted. It would make sense. He blushed whenever she was near, or touched him. He just blushed because he saw a bit of flesh. He did not see the whole thing. Right? It was the truth she wanted to believe or else she might die of shame.

"Do - do you want me to get Miku? For your wounds."

She nodded, still struggling to find her voice. She could not even look him in the eyes.

"I'll be right back."

He ran out of the den, stopping when he reached the little group that had gathered at the entrance. "Ya'll have nothing better to do?" The warning in his voice was obvious and everyone quickly dispersed, whispering about a task or some other things. He narrowed his eyes and waited until they all left. His woman felt enough shame without having spectators around.

He lied to her. But he did for her. She did not want him to see her bare body - and he had to respect his woman. It did nothing to relieve the pain in his heart, the constant throbbing ache. Would she have reacted the same in presence of Inuyasha? That no good mutt that was not even there for her?

He did not want to think about it.

-E-

"Kouga?"

"Hey Kouga?"

The words flew right by him while he paced in the main area. He kept himself away from his den because he did not want to overhear any of the conversations. Yes, he worried about his woman and he prayed that she did in fact managed to heal herself. However, he did not want her to restrain herself because of his presence. He figured that the best thing was to give Kagome and Miku a bit of space to discuss and inspect the state of her injuries. Still, it was killing him to be left in the dark and he was unable to focus on anything else. He resigned himself to pacing mindlessly until Miku came out. Everyone else's presence and aura was completely tuned out and he could not careless.

"KOUGA!"

His hands crisped and his neck tensed as he turned his head to look at Ginta. The lower youkai yelped and momentarily took a step back, sheepishly hiding behind a grin. "Hey."

"What do ya want?"

"What was that light?"

"She healed herself."

"And hurt you pretty bad," Hakkaku chipped in.

Kouga's eyes narrowed and it was enough to warn Hakkaku. Yes, the marks were still visible on his flesh but it was temporary. Soon, it would all fade away. His woman was strong and powerful but so was he. It was not like her powers were aimed at him, they were forced out by her terrible nightmares and he simply happened to be in the vicinity. Plus, he gladly accepted his injuries since they also provided Kagome with some relief of her pain. It also led to a very interesting situation but he swore he would never mention that. To her or to anyone. He was finally getting in her good grace and he could not take another set back. That and now that she was feeling better… she might want to leave soon.

The thought of it squeezed his heart and for a second, it was difficult to breathe. She would leave him - to go back to the mutt.

And he would be hopeless to stop her. He would try to convince her otherwise but…well every time he pushed an issue it ended up worse for him. Did he truly want to try that again?

He sighed, running his fingers through his greasy bangs. It had been a while since he last visited a spring.

His thoughts were interrupted when footsteps echoed through. He jerked his head in direction of the entrance of the cave, waiting for Miku to emerge. And she did. There was a small on her face as she approached Kouga. Their poor leader; he was completely lost to that girl. She did hope he would get what he sought or he might not recover. Oh to be young and foolishly in love. She missed it.

"She's fine."

"Her injuries?"

"Better."

"Can she?"

"She can move," she confirmed before crossing her arms behind her back. "But she's not back on her feet yet." She scrounged her nose. She remembered how disappointed the poor girl was when she learned she could not walk. "They did a number on those poor little muscles." Humans were weak. "And the little thing's been laying down for a while now. She's not all that strong."

"What happened?"

"She tried to stand." She shrugged her shoulders. "Couldn't."

His Kagome was proud and filled with strength; it must have hurt her to fail in such a way. However, it was not her fault! "Is she?"

"She a'right. Maybe you should go see her."

The girl's eyes sometimes wandered to the entrance and Miku knew what she was looking for. In this sea of strangers, Kouga was her lifeline. And the boy did take care of her since the beginning. Nope, his hopes were not lost yet.

Kouga glanced at Miku for a brief second, his feet hopping off the ground. It was all the persuasion he needed before dashing inside the cave. Inside, he found his Kagome sitting on her knees, her rear pressed to her feet. She had her hands held out in front of her and she was flipping them around, inspecting them. Since her level of alert increased now that she was better, it took her no time to detect his presence. As soon as she did, she allowed her hands to drop back to her side and put a smile on her face. Uncomfortable, she shifted around but she kept her eyes on him. He stopped once he was near her, giving her a bit of space. Just in case she felt awkward about previous interactions.

"Sorry about your injuries," she said, a hint of shame in her voice. She never meant to hurt him. He was the one person who was helping her, keeping her safe and alive from the start. What a crappy way to thank him for everything he did. She already shed tears for his wounds but back then she was in a state of shock. She wanted to apologize properly.

"Nah, it's fine. Honestly. I told ya. It's gonna take a lot more than that to bring me down." Not good. He did not want her to focus on bad things, he wanted to see her smile! "Miku says you doin' better."

"That's one way to put it." Her sentences were whole, no longer scattered but her speed was much lower without bigger pause between her words.

"Hey, you can talk, and move."

"I can't walk." Disappointment was dripping from her voice. She knew it was a gift, that she might have been stuck immobilized even longer but - now that she got a taste of it, she wanted more. The recent change of scenery also did nothing to help her case.

She needed something to cheer her up. He had to be the one to provide her with happiness because he refused to fail her again. A smirk drew on his features and he tilted his thorax in her direction. "Do you trust me?"

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" he repeated slower.

His eyes were burning with confidence, a slight of aura of happiness wrapping around him. It seemed that not even his injuries could take away his spirits - and it truly was contagious.

"Yes," she whispered. Because - she really did.

His smirk grew and he bent down to capture her in his arms. At first, she stiffened but once he was back standing on his feet, she relaxed in his hold. She did say that she trusted him right?

"Hold on," he warned as he sped through the den.

She was in for a surprise.

-E-

Grass ruffled, branches creaking which broke the quietness that surrounded the vicinity. In a flash, Sango jumped to her feet, ready to defend herself from whomever was coming their way. Her chocolate eyes darted into the darkness, waiting for another sign of movement. Then it happened, a few branches were pushed aside, revealing two figures. She held her breathe, lowering herself to the ground to retrieve her weapon. However, before she had the chance to launch an attack, the blackness covering the strangers was taken away and it revealed their identities to her.

"Inuyasha, Kagome?"

Hope soar through her heart, her chest heaving with air.

Only to be crushed.

It was indeed Inuyasha but behind him was not her dear friend. It was Kikyo.

Rage filled her blood, pumping through her body. "Are you kidding me?"

Miroku opened one purple orb, the noises tearing him from his sleep. He tossed his body to the side, focusing his attention on what arose such rage in Sango. And he quickly saw. "Lady Kikyo?"

"You left us for this? You stopped looking for Kagome and Kirara for her?"

Suddenly all the wrath spilling out of Kagome every time Inuyasha went away made a lot of sense. He ignored everything, everyone…each of his responsibilities for that woman - who was not even a woman at all.

"Keh, this is how you thank me?"

"Thank you?"

"I was looking for them," so it was a little bit of a lie. He had to - if they knew he went on Kikyo's trail instead of following Kagome's trail they would kill him. He could not let that happen. He had a good reason for what he did - they had a better chance of finding everyone with Kikyo's help. His nose was good but it could not work miracle. She could be anywhere. Kikyo shared a soul with Kagome which meant they might be able to use that to track her down. They were so blinded by their hatred of Kikyo that they could not see the truth. "I found Kikyo on the way."

"Yes, I'm sure you found her by accident," Sango said bitterly. They delayed their search of Kagome and Kirara for that?

"Kikyo will find them, alright."

"How, she's not even human."

"Oi!"

"Leave."

"What?" This time Miroku and Inuyasha spoke simultaneously. "Leave, now." Her hands were clenched at her sides. "You made your choice. You're not going to help us find Kirara or Kagome. All that matters to you is Kikyo."

"I said she -"

"She's not going to do anything."

This whole time, Kikyo remained completely quiet, not uttering a single word to either defend herself or defend Inuyasha. How could she, thought Sango, she was nothing more than a shell.

"Miroku and I will find them on our own. Without you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" This time, he could not hide the panic in his voice. He lost Kagome, she was the first member of his pack. Now, Miroku and Sango? He was not about to let that happen. Yes, he understood what it might look like but she was interpreting it wrong. Kikyo was there to help. She followed him because she thought she might be able to find their missing friends. They were so focused on their hatred of her that they could not see the truth in front of them.

"You can't find them without me," he added before Sango replied.

"Watch me. I actually care what happens to them."

"I care."

"If you did, she wouldn't be beside you."

Sango bent down to the ground and grabbed her stuff. She threw a glance in direction of Miroku, letting him know that he could do as he pleased but she was going to find Kagome - without Inuyasha. Behind her, Shippo hopped along, casting a glare at Inuyasha. He always knew he was a no good dog. He always made Kagome cry and Shippo was sick of it. He knew Sango cared for Kagome and would find her. Inuyasha would only hurt Kagome more if he showed up with Kikyo at his side and they did not need that. Meanwhile, Miroku's glance shifted between Inuyasha and Sango but his mind was already made up; he was going to follow Sango.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he retrieved his staff and began following behind Sango and Shippo.

"Where do you idiots think you're going?" he screamed. "You'll get killed without me."

But they kept on walking. They never turned around, they never replied to him.

"You can't do this without me," he whispered, his voice shaking.

They actually left him behind like he meant nothing. They rather go on their own than to take him along - and Kikyo. His ears flattened upon his head and sadness filled his wide amber eyes. How could they do this to him. His gaze shifted to the left, hoping to get some sympathy from Kikyo but all he found was empty eyes. There was nothing. He was alone.

He held back a whimper.

All alone.

Like always.

-E-


	10. Reunion & Heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT BEFORE 2015. PHEWWWWWWWWWW!
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

"Wait, isn't that?"

Miroku tilted his head to the side and nodded in affirmation. "I believe it is Lady Sango."

The wolves' den. Their starting point. Although they had yet to manage to find Kagome and Kirara, Sango could not help but wonder; maybe Kouga would help them? He might be a youkai but he did proclaim his love for Kagome. And unlike Inuyasha, he would not let anything - or anyone - distract him.

"Let's go."

"As you wish."

Inuyasha never ended up following them and Sango was glad. She meant it when she left him behind; he was a terrible friend. Of course everyone knew of Kagome's feelings towards him and  _his_  own feelings towards Kikyo. He did not have to love Kagome - that did not make him a bad person. He was free to love whoever he wanted. However, toying with Kagome's heart and refusing to help her in time of needs did make him a terrible person. Kikyo was not in danger but Kagome was. He should have gone after their friend instead.

He made a mistake and she hope he would end up regretting it.

Especially if something bad happened to Kagome or Kirara.

She might travel with him, she might have decided to be his friend but she was still a demon slayer.

-E-

Steam rolled off the warm water, elevating into the sky. The night was quiet, the sun set past the horizon with only hints of orange left in the dark blue sky. Kagome's back was pressed against a large rock while only her head remained above the water. Her long locks were floating around her, wet from the water. Her eyes were closed and she let the quietness sink in while her muscles enjoyed the nice treatment. After the injuries her body sustained, this was like heaven. She never even thought she would find herself in a hot spring but Kouga decided to surprise her. At first, she was shocked -  _and wondered how she was going to do it on her own_. But he was a gentleman about the whole thing. He helped her to the edge and once she was sitting down, he left her by herself. After that, it was easy to slide in all on her own.

Of course, it crossed her mind that he  _might_  peeked but then she chastised herself. Kouga was many things but she did not think of him as a peeping tom. She got to see his kind side and the warmth of his heart. Plus, she knew he brought her here because  _she needed it_. He noticed without her saying a word. She did not even know she needed this. But - this, this was good.

She tilted her head back while a loud sigh escaped her lips.

Her body was tensed - on alert but she tried to relax. She usually felt safe in the forest; there were people and she had her powers. She was often the first one to run in direction of danger - without thinking. She stood up to monsters, she put herself in harm's way and it never mattered. Until now. She never got hurt before, she never almost lost her life during a fight. It never felt as real as it did now. All the sudden, nothing felt safe and no space allowed her to completely relax.  _Except Kouga's den_. Now that she was out there again, though not far, she was stressed out. The birds were gone, never to come back, but they haunted all of her dreams and nightmares. She hurt Kouga because of them .

"You alright?"

The sound of Kouga's voice shook her to her core.

He was there, right on the other side of the giant rock wall, enjoying a soak of his own she imagined.

"I'm fine," she spoke against the water.

Kouga popped his lips but did not press the matter further. He felt it; the shift in her scent. It was coated in fear and her heart was racing; she was scared. He thought maybe she saw something but he did not want to dare and cross to the other side while she was naked. Not that the thought was not pleasing - because it was. He took a deep breathe before smacking his back against the rock wall. He thought he might as well enjoy some off time too but he was wrong. How was he supposed to be calm when she was right there? Naked. He was naked as well with the calm water surrounding him. He knew she was tired of being inside the den and he figured this might be the perfect place to take her. It was his own private spot. His people knew not to come across the hot springs.

And he  _knew_  none of them would try anything.

Though he could feel some of them nearby - but he knew it was about Kagome's safety. Although some wolves remained silent on the  _human_  issue he knew his pack loved Kagome - they were thankful for her sacrifices and her help. They would protect her with their lives. And as long as they did not try to steal a peak, he was grateful for their protection.

"Kouga?"

His head snapped to the side at the sound of his name. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

It was strange to have him so close and yet be unable to see him. He was the only face she saw ever since she got injured. His smile, his blue eyes and his brown tail. He was the familiarity she hung on too while she was alone. And there were not enough ways to thank him for everything he did. He might have been nothing more than a stranger but now he was a friend. He was all she had for the time being.

"Anytime."

He felt the shift in her aura and he smiled; he made her happy. It was the first time he shared his personal private spot with someone but - she was worth it. Anything to see her smile. He wanted to be the reason her face lite up, he wanted to be the one to make her eyes shine with happiness. He never wanted to see her sad, he never wanted to be the one to break her heart. Unfortunately he was unable to protect her from that because - her heart did not belong to him. Despite his best efforts they had yet to get past that  _friendship_  as they called it. His heart, his soul - it was all hers. If only he could find a way to make her see he only wanted her happiness - that there was no one else for him but her.

He heard the water moved and he knew she was going further from where he stood. He held back a whimper; he wanted her close.

But then - he no longer heard anything. No water splashing around, no loud heartbeat, no -  _no breathing_.

"Kagome?" he tried, trying to hide his panic.

Nothing.

"Kagome, you alright?"

He tried to close his eyes and focus but it did not help; he could not hear her breathe. His heart raced and he tried to focus on any other sound that might guide him. Suddenly his eyes flashed opened; she was under water. He did not even think twice about it; he jumped over the rock wall and dove in the other side. His hands found her body quite easily and he pulled her out of the water by wrapping an arm around her waist. He ran them over to the edge of the water, pulling her body along with his, out of danger. She laid sprawled beneath him, her body soaked and naked. He pushed his hands in the grass, ripping weeds along the way, and pushed his own bare body off of hers. Panic soar through his icy blue eyes while he inspected her, trying to find an injury.

She blinked.

No blood, no wounds. She was not even struggling for breathe.

 _"Yo-_ you weren't breathing."

"I slipped." She was stunned - even shocked. Words did not make it to her mouth, thoughts did not process. One second she was under water, unable to find the strength to come back to the surface and the next his warm body was pressed against hers. There was something even warmer,  _hard_  even, digging into her inner thigh. A rock? No, a rock was cold. She shifted as it poked at her and then he  _groaned_.

 _Oh -_  oh! NAKED! NAKED! They were  _naked_. Panic raged through her heart, the poor organ beating a lot faster than it should. She tried to turn around, escape this, but her body and muscles were too weak. Instead she simply  _wriggled_  beneath him.

He needed her to  _stop_  moving so goddamn much. She was - oh  _kami_. Her soft, jiggly, smooth inner thigh kept rubbing against his erection while he tore his eyes away from her face. He needed to move and now. He did not think - he did not even consider the possibility that she was naked! As he tried to pull himself away from her, he was graced with a sight better than ever. He might have seen her breast very briefly earlier on but this - this was  _both of them_  in front of him. Bare. They jiggled with every movements she made, the large mounds bouncing, begging to be touched. And her soft dusty pink nipples -  _hard_.

 _Hard_  was a bad word.

He did not think twice about it as he tossed himself in the water and submerged his whole body. He wanted to stay under water and die. First of all, Kagome would never forgive him for this indecency, no matter how much he intended on claiming he did it all to save her. Second of all - how was he ever to forget the sight of her chest or the feel of her skin against his hard cock? He could not. He would not. It would plague his every dream, haunt his every nightmare until he became insane. Even now, the ache inside of him was barely tolerable. Friend. He was a friend.  _Fuck the word friend_. He hated that word, he hated everything that had to do with friendship.  _He wanted to fuck her_.

Finally, he pulled himself out of the water. He kept his back turned to her because he knew she probably did not have a chance to make herself decent yet. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, his cheeks a bright red color.

Kagome wanted to be furious and she wanted to yell at him to  _sit_. But, obviously that would not do any good since  _he was not wearing the necklace_  and second of all - he never meant to peek. It did not mean she wanted him to take a good look at her body and she - oh god, she felt, it brushed up against - and the - _yeah she never ever wanted that to happen_. But neither did he. He had plenty of chances to steal a peek and he never did. It was her fault for slipping - he was only trying to help her. If she repeated that enough time, she might end up alright with the whole thing - hopefully.  _Oh god_. He laid naked on top of her with this -  _she was never going to forget that_. She was - she only got her first kiss recently and now - now this happened.

Why was her life this screwed up?

"Kagome, I didn't mean to - you weren't breathing. I called out for ya… I didn't hear anything!" Still, she remained silent. "If I - I mean I didn't try to look. I just wanted to get ya out…"

She wanted to sink into the ground and disappear forever but now she felt guilt settling in. She took pity on him; he was in the water, rambling, trying to apologize to her. He clearly felt bad and she did not want him to feel that way.  _There were no bad intention behind his action_ s. Despite the fact that she wanted to say he was a pervert - she could not bring herself to do it. Instead, she used the little strength she had and reached out for her kimono. She winced in pain as she dragged it closer to her body. If there were going to have a conversation she wanted to be dressed. This was the second time she flashed him and if it happened another time she might die. She already wanted to die. Someone saw her naked body.

Someone was naked on top of her.

Oh god.

She tried to chase the thoughts away as she struggled to put her clothes on. Once she slipped it on, she kept it closed with her hands instead of finding the obi; it was too far and she did not have the energy to do it.

"I'm dressed."

Of all the words he expected her to say, those were not on the list. He dared to turn around, making sure the water remained above his waist; he did not need to embarrass himself again. He lifted his gaze from the water and looked at her. Her hair was down, soaked by the water and framing her face. Her pale cheeks were bright red while she avoided his gaze. She was covered, the kimono covering her sweet flesh and though he was grateful, he missed the sight of her.  _No_  that was a terrible thought. "I'm sorry," he tried again.

"It's hm, it's fine. I - thank you for saving me."

Again. He did not expect her to say that. What was he supposed to say? Thank you for letting me see you naked  _again_. Even though he lied about the first time? There was no way out of it. "I barely looked."

"We don't have to talk about it."

She did not want to talk about it. She wanted to pretend it did not exist - just like the first incident. Why did she always end up in compromising situation with Kouga? Out of all people.

"You wanna go back?"

She nodded.

He was about to step out of the water when she shoved her hands in front of her face. "You're hm, you're still -  _yeah_."

Right. Naked. He did not have problem with his body or his nakedness. He was a very attractive male and he was not ashamed of what he looked like. However, he felt like Kagome would be shamed further. She did freak out when she felt his naked body against his. Because he was not that mutt and she wanted the mutt. It was who she wanted. Although the event had taken a toll on his hardness, this completely killed it; Inutrasha.

"I'll get my clothes," he said before speeding away from her. The gush of wind blow her hair away and her kimono open. A mere seconds later he was back, fully dressed and she breathed a lot easier. He approached her awkwardly, unsure how to proceed.

He needed to lift her up and carry her since she could not walk on her own yet. However, he was quite convinced that it would not be pleasing option. At this point she probably wanted him as far as possible - not touching her. He popped his lips and sighed as he ran his fingers through his wet hair. "I - I need to carry you."

Fire burned through her cheeks and blue eyes focused on the long, luscious green grass. "Mmhmm." All she had to do was  _avoid_  looking at him. That was easy right? Her body hardened as he slipped his arms around her knees and then on the small of her back. He lifted her off the ground and rapidly began to head back to the den. For the first time, she felt the sweatiness of his palms and the thundering of his heart.

 _Kouga was nervous_.

He was always confident, pushing through even when there was no hope. She never gave him any indication that she was interested in him and yet he pursued her. He  _proclaimed_  his love on top of a mountain. All she did was help him and his people. She did not send any signals and she did not return his affections. She even  _slapped_  him. There was no way to be more clear but it did not shake his confidence. But now? Now he was nervous, his voice lost its cockiness and he was shaking. His facade was gone and she could see a glimpse of who he was underneath all that cocky act. At least it did confirm that he was not a pervert; he would not be nervous that he saw her naked, he would be acting like Miroku.

She made sure to keep her head away from his chest, keeping some distance between them. Kissing, nakedness, breasts? How did things unravel so fast and so quickly? A little while ago she was a sixteen years old who had never kissed a boy and who was hung up on someone who loved a dead woman. Now? Now she was kissing wolves and - showing off her nakedness everywhere. Her face burned brighter red and she tried to shield it away from prying eyes by smacking her hand over her face. She felt his fingers crisped around her and she wondered if he thought it was his fault.

He tried to peek at her but he was unable to do it in a subtle way. There were so many scents coming off of her and he did not even know where to begin deciphering them. There was the shame, coating her whole body, and a hint of nervousness, which he could tell by the slight quiver of her legs. There was something else; a warmth? Vanilla? No, no, it was  _it smelled good_. He smelled it before - when  _he kissed her_. Arousal? She was aroused? Because - when they - it - what? This time, it was his turn to turn red tomato.  _Kagome was aroused_.

This was going to be a long trip back.

The entire trip  _was_  indeed long and awkward. Kagome kept quiet and so did Kouga since neither of them knew what to say. Fortunately for them, a situation arose which prevented them from entering the den. Instead, they were stopped at the entrance by Ginta and Hakkaku. At first, they ran in direction of the pair with smile on their faces but one they got close, their smiles faded away. They frowned while looking back and forth between the two. The mixes of scents made it difficult to keep track to what was happening. However they were quickly shut up when Kouga offered them a rather silent glare. They knew better than to piss him off. They would find out more later.

"We have visitors."

Kouga arched an eyebrow as he put Kagome down on the ground carefully. She held his arm for balance and waited for him to ask the question. "Who?"

"Kagome's friends."

Kagome felt her heart race and suddenly her eyes widened. Her friends? Sango, Miroku and  _Inuyasha_? They managed to track her down, they actually found her!

"The monk and the other," Ginta added.

"Oh and the kid."

She wanted to ask but she did not. It was not about Kouga, it was about herself. She did not even want to know because it would break her heart. Why would he not be there? Why would he not come for her? She did not want to hear the answer and so, she would not ask the question.

"Inutr- Inuyasha?"

For the first time, Kagome turned her head to steal a peek at Kouga. Was he asking because  _he_  wanted to know or was he asking for her?

"Nope."

And that was when her heart broke. She wanted to drop to the ground but she held herself up. Her fingers dug into his skin but he did not even flinch. Inuyasha abandoned her? No, no. Wait, she could not freak out like this when she did not know what happened. There was an explanation right? There was always an explanation. If the others were there - something was holding up Inuyasha. Or maybe he just did not want to come to Kouga's territory. He was avoiding a fight right? Yes, that was the reason behind his absence. She simply needed to go see her friends -  _and face Sango_. She would never forgive her for hurting Kirara. At least she was alive. No, she needed to reunite the two. Then, she would put distance between herself and her friends.

That was the plan.

Kouga tried not to stare at Kagome; her nervousness was coating her entire scent. There was also a heavy amount of sadness which he guessed had something to do with Inuyasha. He asked for himself and a bit for her. He wanted to know if he needed to prepare himself. If Inuyasha was here - he would lose her. Even the fact that her friends were present was dangerous. Until now, it was the two of them and it was much easier to become her  _friend_  and get close to her. Now, she would return to her pack and he would -  _she would leave him_. He adjusted to having her in his life and he did not want to see her leave.

Not yet, not when things between them were this uncertain.

But then he noticed that Kagome was not moving. She was not heading in direction of her friends, she was not trying to pull away from him. "Kagome?"

"We should go right?"

But her lips were twitching and the smile was forced.

And he did not say anything.

"Yeah."

He lowered his body so that she could toss her arm across his back and hold on to his shoulder. He put his own arm around her waist, thankful that they were both distracted from the event that occurred earlier, and he helped her walk. He would rather scoop her in his arms but he felt this might be a bit more appropriate and less stressful for her. They walked slowly, her heart beating faster and faster with each step they took.  _She was dreading_  this moment. She did not want to see her friends. And she did not ask about the stupid dog. What was happening? Did he miss something? Did- no could it be possible that she did not want to leave with her friends? Did she want to stay with him?

No, he could not get his hopes up. Especially not after that incident.

No, no, no.

"KAGOME!"

And then, a brunette run over to Kagome, throwing her arms around her and unfortunately sending her flying on the ground. Kouga's grip on her was not solid enough and she was barely holding on to him. She slipped and hit the ground with Sango on top of her. The demon slayer panicked and jumped on her feet, eyes wide open. "Kagome?"

His control slipped. Kouga growled and stepped between the two of them, his instincts screaming at him to protect Kagome from this  _demon slayer_. Unfortunately, Sango was not scared away by a youkai's growling. Instead, she opted for a defensive stance, her eyes narrowed.

"I'm fine!" Kagome replied as she felt the tension rise. It was an accident and she did not need anyone else to get hurt because of her. Kirara was enough. " _I'm fine_ ," she repeated when nobody moved.

Kouga felt his tail twitch in anger and rage bursting through his chest.  _She told him to calm down;_ he had to push down his instincts and he had to do as she said. Despite his fangs poking at his lips, he removed himself between the two girls. Then, he dropped to his knees, observing Kagome and making sure she had no injuries. "Ya alright?" he whispered.

She nodded. "I can't get up." She did not want Sango's help; she owed her. Kouga - it was just easier with him. Despite the awkwardness between them.

He put his arms around her and lifted her from the ground. Sango remained a bit on the defensive but she did move out of the way so that Kagome could make it on her feet. Finally, Kagome stared at her friend. "Kirara is fine."

A wave of relief washed over Sango and her knees buckled. "S-she's with you?"

Kagome nodded. "They found her. They healed her. She's a bit injured but she's okay." She was healing a lot faster than Kagome was - despite the little magic trick she did on herself earlier.

Sango felt the tears that came to her eyes and she let them stream down her cheeks. Miroku put his hand on her shoulder and she knew there was nothing perverse behind the gesture; he was simply bringing her comfort. She thought she had lost two friends at one and after everything that was taken from her, she thought she would not survive it. She was wrong.  _They were alive_. And no thanks to Inuyasha. It was a good thing they decided to search on their own or they might have never found her.

"K-kagome, what happened?"

She was an idiot and she put everyone in danger. That was what happened.

"Fucking bird of paradise attacked them," Kouga answered for her.

"Didn't they all die during the fight?" Sango asked as she could only imagine the kind of injuries Kirara and Kagome sustained.

"Apparently there was one bastard left. It's dead now."

"Are you sure?"

" _Yes_ ," he bit back, insulted.

"Kirara is in one of the dens," Kagome supplied. "Kouga?"

"Eh, yeah," he replied, caught off guard. "Let me show ya."

He was not too keen on having strangers in his den but they were not strangers; they were his woman's friends. If she wanted them here, they could be here. Plus, it might do her some good. Until they took her away… but he would not think about that yet. He could not. Kouga was about to help her walk when she stopped him.

"You go ahead, it'll be faster. Ginta and Hakkaku will help me."

His gaze shifted from her to the two wolves behind her. He trusted them and he knew they would not try anything but he did not like the thought of someone else taking care of his woman. Still, his shoulders slugged in resignation and he nodded. "Follow me," he told the monk and the demon slayer as he began to lead the way.

Kagome stayed behind, keeping her balance by leaning on a nearby rock while Ginta and Hakkaku approached her, ready to help.

She did not want to do this. She did not want to face the truth that awaited her over there.

-E-

Sango was sitting near the fire with Kirara sleeping on her laps. She was weak and would probably not fly for a while, but she was warm and breathing, and that was all Sango could ask for. Plus, the wolves did treat her nicely and she was grateful for that. Miroku was sitting nearby, having a discussion with two males ookamis. Kagome - Kagome was silently resting against a rock with Kouga by her side. Sango did not fail to notice the closeness between those two. Kouga did everything Kagome asked of him and Kagome was not put off by his presence. Last time she saw the two of them together, Kagome was quite uncomfortable by his advances but that was no longer the case.

She had gotten bits of the story from Kouga. He told her how he found them, how they had been doing and Kagome's miraculous healing. Though she was clearly in no condition to walk. She needed more time and transporting her back to the well was clearly not a good idea. She was good here, with people looking after her; she did not fear for her safety. And now, they knew where she was. There was one thing that was left unsaid and though Miroku told her not to say anything - as it might upset Lady Kagome, Sango was dying to say it. Why should she hold back? The only person that was saved from this was Inuyasha, not Kagome.

Fortunately for her, Kouga asked the one question that allowed her to let all of her rage out.

"What about to the dog?" If he could not insult him, then he would at least find ways to  _not_  say his name.

Kagome stiffened, Miroku stopped talking and Sango turned her head to look at Kouga. It was now or never. "He had a choice to make, he chose wrong."

"Now Sango," Miroku began.

"No, he knew  _Kagome was injured_ ," she snapped at Miroku. "We found the blood," she said, focusing her attention back on Kouga. "We knew they were both injured and -  _and he left_."

"Where did he go?" Kouga asked with an arched eyebrow. What could be so much more important than finding Kagome?

"He went to see Kikyo." Her words were whispers, uttered with a broken voice. She thought that might be it but she preferred to believe in other options. One that did not involve him turning his back on her.

"She wasn't hurt," Sango confirmed bitterly. "He just went to see her because he couldn't help himself."

"Sango…" Miroku chastised.

" _No_. I'm not going to make any excuses for him! He didn't know that Kagome and Kirara were safe! They could have been dying somewhere and he still went to see her." Her chest was heaving with her wrath, her hands trembling at her sight. If it were not for the wolves she would not be holding Kirara. Inuyasha would have doomed them both. She did not want to see him and she did not want to talk to him. Ever again. "We left him with her." She sighed. "He said he brought her along so that'd help us find you."

"I'm sure Inuyasha had his reasons."

"No he didn't. He's an idiot. Kikyo doesn't do anything for him. She betrays us, she -  _she's not even human_."

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone remained stilled as Kagome let out of a deep breathe. Her weak body trembled as rage seeped into her blue eyes. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes began to shine with tears. Did they think this was fun? Did they think she wanted this? Here they were arguing about how little she meant to Inuyasha. About how he rather  _see_  Kikyo and let her die. She always knew she was not the one in his heart but she never knew it went that far. She could die and as long as he had Kikyo it did not matter to him. It only mattered when Kikyo was not around. She was his precious jewel detector and that was how little he cared for her. She poured her heart out to him and though he did not return the feelings, he made it sound as though he wanted her by his side.

It was a lie.

She felt a few tears drip from her chin and that was when the desire to flee filled her. She grasped the rock as best as she could and tried to make it on her feet. She stumbled a bit but after her small struggle, she stood straight. And then it went downhill. Despite her best attempts at walking, she leaned forward and crashed on the floor. Immediately, Kouga was by her side, ready to help her. She pushed his hand away and kept trying on her own. Unfortunately, he did not get the message and kept on trying to help her.

"Stop!"

She could do it. She could walk away from this nightmare - flee this hell.

He put his arms around her. She tried to fight him, she wrestled against his hold but he was much stronger than she was and did not stand a chance. Next thing she knew, they were speeding through the place. Then, he dropped her and as soon as she felt the furs on her legs, she knew where they were; his den. The moment his grip was looser on her she used what little strength she had to push him away by pressing her palms to his chest. He barely even wavered.

"Leave," she begged, feeling her impending doom lurking above her. She was going to break down and she did not want to see anyone.

She spent all this time thinking he was looking for her. She thought he was in a panic, probably bursting through villages and roughing up some villagers for answers. Instead, he went looking for Kikyo - the love of his life. She promised to remain by his side, to help him choose life instead of death with Kikyo. She did so knowing that he would never love her but she was okay with it. She wanted to help him and to save him. It was a good enough for her - because even though he did not love her, Inuyasha cared for her. He rescued her, he put his life in danger for her - and that was soothing. But not anymore. Now that Kikyo was fully around, she was not worth anything. She took all the insults, all the burst of rage and his bad attitude - because she knew there was something good inside.

She was wrong.

He would have let her die.

He did not care.

When he was faced with the choice of helping her or seeing Kikyo - he picked Kikyo. This was not about who he wanted to chill with or spend his evening with - this was about her life. And still, he could not choose her.

 _And she broke down_. She leaned into Kouga's chest, heavy sobs tearing from her throats. She shook, she wet his chest and she let out sounds of pain while he wrapped his arms around her. She sought his warmth and he rested his head on top of her. His heart was breaking as she shattered in his arms. His Kagome was never supposed to feel like this; he never wanted to know what pain was. He was unable to protect her from the attack and he would hate himself forever because of it. But this, this he could fix. He did not have to let her suffer. He would comfort her, he would bring her joy and love until she no longer felt the pain caused by that asshole. He knew he was no good for Kagome.

"Kagome," he whispered against her hair.

She kept on crying, her heart breaking, her body breaking into a million pieces. There was no room for rage in her heart, it hurt too badly. She was certain someone had ripped her heart out of her chest and stumped on it. Maybe that would be better. At least that way she would be numbed out to the pain. She would not feel this.  _It hurt, it hurt so much_. She wanted to die from the pain. She needed relief from it.

"Kagome, I would never hurt you."

He squeezed her tighter, hoping to transfer her agony to himself. "He doesn't deserve this. He ain't worthy of your tears."

He was supposed to be her friend. Nothing else.

"I'd never make ya cry. I'd love you every day.  _Only you_."

He did not know her, her history or anything but she believed him. She knew he would never look at another; he was devoted. But he was in love with the thought of her, not who she actually was. It was not real.

Kouga began to kiss the top of her head while lowering his arms until they were wrapped around her waist. "Please, Kagome." He was begging; he did not beg.

What could he do? How could he fix what Inutrasha destroyed?

He used his body to tilt her backwards, revealing the top of her head. He allowed himself to drop kisses on her forehead, then the tip of her nose. The face was sticky, covered with the many tears she shed. He lowered himself until his nose was pressed against hers. "Don't cry."

But that only made her cry harder. He cupped her face and her lack of balance tipped her forward. "Don't cry," he whispered.

And he kissed her.

 _Then she kissed back_. And his heart stopped.

-E-


	11. True Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: See? I'm nice! I didn't leave a cliffhanger and then didn't update for three months! There is hope for me yet!

"Where's Kagome?"

"In the den." He tried to keep the fluster off of his cheeks but he doubted it worked.

"Isn't she coming?"

Kirara was sleeping on Sango's lap, letting herself be surrounded by the warmth and scent of her  _family_. Sango was petting her gently, mindful of the few injuries that remained. She knew Kirara well and the left over wounds indicated that the damage had been quite severe. The wolves had done a good job healing her and despite her initial opinion of them, she was grateful for their help. She did owe them one.

"She said she wasn't feeling well."

He was only delivering a message. He was not here to have a conversation; he was not even sure he was capable of having a conversation at the moment. Kagome kissed him. She  _actually_  kissed him. She was not sick, she was not feverish, she simply wanted to kiss him. When he had felt her lips move against his, it was like he had died and gone to heaven. After all this time, after all of his efforts, she was finally returning his feelings. He thought it would never happen, especially not after he witnessed her naked body but  _finally_  it was coming true.

"Where is she?"

Sango delicately lifted Kirara and put her on Miroku's lap. "Where is Kagome?" she repeated as she hopped on her feet.

"Den to the left." There was no point in denying the demon slayer access to his woman. Plus, despite Kagome's weird attempt at avoiding them, he was certain she needed to see her friends. Especially after the many tears she shed because of that fucking asshole. And they needed to see she was alright. He could understand that.

Sango walked past him as he made his way further into the den. He sat near the monk and crossed his legs. He had witnessed conversations between two females and he wanted no part of it. Instead he glanced at the monk.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Lady Kagome and Kirara."

"She's my woman. Of course I'm gonna take care of her." He could call her that again now that she had shared a kiss with him.

Miroku arched an eyebrow. Despite having spent all that time with Kagome, he was still calling her his woman? He was sure that Lady Kagome would have displayed one of her fit of rage by now. She did have a rather low tolerance for the hanyou. Then again, he was an idiot most of the time. If she tolerated such words coming from Lord Kouga… They had seemed awfully close when Sango and him met up with them. Could it be that Kagome's heart  _shifted_?

"She can't walk yet," Kouga said, breaking the silence. "Can't take her yet."

Neither of them could carry her and he was not about to let her  _near_  dog breathe. It meant that the only safe place for her was here, in the den - with him.

"Of course. We would not want to injure her further." He wanted to keep her with him. Miroku did his best to hold back a smile while he began to pet Kirara. Kouga was not a bad choice; he did love Kagome  _and_  Kagome alone. He was strong, perseverant and unlike Inuyasha, he did not toss insults her way every five seconds. Though Kouga did not know about Lady Kagome's strange origin and he probably could not travel through the magical well.

He took a quiet sniff at the monk, only to confirm through his scent that  _he was not_  lying. At least there was one less stress. But wait, if they did not want to take Kagome, did that mean they intended on staying? He could not really deny their request, especially if Kagome supported that decision. However, with them in the way - it might complicate things further. Kagome was no longer crying when he left her. Though they did only share  _one_  kiss. She wiped the rest of her tears and snuggled up the furs. At that point, despite his intense desire to remain by her side and cuddle her, he came to check on her friends. He feared they might roam around the place if he did not. Though now, all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms.

His woman.

"Did he really abandon her?"

"The situation was  _unclear_." Miroku knew that deep down, there were good intentions behind what Inuyasha did. Granted, it was a very stupid decision, but he did not do it to hurt Kagome. Inuyasha simply never thought things through. He did want to find Kagome - with Kikyo's help. Obviously, he knew the situation was dire and Inuyasha's choice could have put their friends' lives at risk - hence why he left with Sango. Still, Inuyasha never saw it as him abandoning Kagome.

"Well, did the bastard leave her to die or not?"

"He didn't think he was."

Kouga scoffed. "He doesn't deserve her you know."

"I might be out of place saying this but  _Lady Kagome_  is not a prize to be won." He knew canines could be quite competitive. Inuyasha and Kouga were two stubborns  _canines_  butting heads. And Kagome seemed to be the prize. Although he knew both had feelings for her - they used each other to prove they could have her. In the end, the decision came down to Kagome. More often than once he had seen her run back to the inu in spite of how he treated her or the fact that he broke her heart by completely disregarding her feelings. He did not know if that was going to change.

Kouga's top lip quivered, showing a hint of his fangs. " _I know that_. I wanted her way before I knew that -  _he_  wanted her." He had no idea of the relationship between Kagome and Inuyasha when he kidnapped her. That did not stop him from proclaiming her his woman.

Miroku raised his hands in peace. "I am only asking if she  _knows_  that."

Kouga never hid his dislike for Inuyasha. Though, he had made an effort the past little while. He was his rival; how could he like him? Plus, he was no good for Kagome and he kept on hurting her. He would never let her shed tears over that idiot again. She was his to protect now and he would make damn sure she would be happy for the rest of her life. Even if that meant ripping that idiot's head off.  _Though_ , Kagome would not like that.

"She knows."

Kagome knew he loved her. He showed her over and over again. And she had to know; it was why she kissed him.

He wanted all those humans to leave so that he could be with her again. When they arrived, he was convinced he would lose her. Now, he was not certain. She had feelings for him, she might decide to stay. Though, he had to say she was a strange one. He never knew what to expect from her.

"Hm, Kouga?"

He turned his head in direction of Hakkaku. He was holding in his hands a  _fox_? THE LITTLE RUT!

"Let me go, you big brute!"

"Shippo?" Miroku asked with a frown.

He had initially been following them, leaving Inuyasha behind as well. Somewhere along the way, he had screamed about a genius idea. Next thing they knew, Shippo had turned into a giant pink ball, floating into the sky. He mumbled something about being  _right back_. At first they had wanted to go after him but, without Kirara, they could not catch up to him flying away. They had hoped he would be alright and it seemed their assumptions were correct.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Shippo put his hands together and then blue flames formed in his palms. "FOX FIRE!"

Panicked, Hakkaku let go of the tiny thing, causing Shippo to land on the ground with a proud smirk on his face. That would teach them to mess with him. He wiped off the dirt off of his shoulders and bounced in direction of Miroku.

"I did it."

"You did what?"

"I left a fake trail for Inuyasha."

He knew that he would try to follow them eventually and he did not want him to find them. Inuyasha betrayed them and hurt Kagome again. Granted, she did not know about it yet but still. She left because he hurt her and now he was hurting her  _again_. If  _she_  decided to forgive him, fine. Otherwise, he would not let him get near her. He made sure to leave a few obvious hints behind, leading the stupid hanyou in the wrong direction. Hopefully they would have time to get Kagome out before he figured out what Shippo did.

Miroku chuckled and shook his head softly. Inuyasha was going to be  _pissed_.

"Wait. You did what?" This time, it was Kouga's turn to ask the question.

"I didn't want him to find Kagome."

Huh, maybe he did like the kid after all. Any enemy of Inuyasha was his friend. "Good job, kid."

Shippo was stunned and managed to stutter. "Hm, thanks." It was hard to believe it was the same wolf that tried to eat him not that long ago.

"Where's Kagome?" he asked, turning his head around. "And Sango?"

"They're in the den over."

Shippo did not let them say another word as he hopped out and rushed towards where Kagome was. He had been so worried about her and the fact that she was alright relieved him. It was no thanks to Inuyasha. He was glad he was leading the idiot on a false path. He did not deserve to know Kagome was fine. He was glad  _Kouga_  found her. He might have been scary the first time he met him but at least he was taking good care of Kagome. He could not ask for more than that.

Meanwhile, not too far from them, Sango was kneeling beside Kagome. There was something off about her; she refused to look her in the eyes, she was uncomfortably playing with her hands and Sango could tell she was hiding something.

"You seem to be healing well."

"Kouga and his pack have really done a good job."

"Kirara is well too."

"I'm glad."

Sango arched an eyebrow; she almost made it sound as though she had not seen the neko. "Did you not know?"

"I- I couldn't really walk so -"

"Kagome, it wasn't your fault."

At those words, tears filled her eyes but she refused to let them spill out. "It was a very sudden attack."

"Nobody could have known."

Why was Sango making excuses for her?  _She_  let her temper get the best of her and it led her to make a stupid, harsh decision. "I shouldn't have left."

"Inuyasha was being an idiot _."_ And as soon as the name past her lips, Sango regretted it.

"He's with Kikyo?"

"Kagome…"

"It's fine. I knew - I knew it."

She also knew the choice would be Kikyo. Though she never planned that such a choice might cost her her life one day. It was a good thing Kouga found her.  _Kouga_. He was going to hate her. She never meant to kiss him - she could not believe  _she kissed him_. It was not the first time even if all the other times were by accident. He even saw her naked for crying out loud. But he took good care of her and he made sure her wound was clean, that she was fed - everything. She should not have done that. He had finally stopped calling her his woman and she valued his presence by her side. When everything was dark, he was there. She was proud to call him her friend. And then she kissed him. She had been so upset - still was.

Inuyasha broke her heart.

He made the one choice she could not come back from. There was the option of standing by his side while he clearly had no regards for the value of her life. That option would make her an idiot. They were supposed to be friends at least but perhaps even that was too much to ask of him. And now, she did not know how she was going to face him, or they would keep going with this mission. She used to trust him with her life, thinking he would be there no matter what. Every time she was in trouble, she called out for him and he came. But that was no longer the case.  _Now_ , he did not care what happened to her. He did not care that there was a trail of blood where her body was supposed to be.

"I guess I really am an idiot."

"Kagome don't say that."

"I'm sorry I injured Kirara."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Listen, you should - you should take Kirara and go."

Sango frowned. "Kagome, we've spent all this time looking for you. We're not gonna abandon you."

"You're not - I just  _I can't walk_ , I can't do anything. You - you have to find your brother and there's Naraku…"

All she had to do was put back together the jewel she stupidly broke. Everyone else had bigger goal; Sango lost her entire family and Miroku had a time bomb attached to his hand. They did not have the luxury of time and she refused to let them pay the price for her mistake. She was the one who was stupid enough to get injured, then she should be the one left behind. She did not want them to miss out on an opportunity or to come in harm's way because of her. It would not be fair and she would not forgive herself.

"Kagome you're our friend. We'll wait."

Sango had not forgotten about her brother but Kagome was a dear friend who provided help whenever she could. She would not turn her back on her the way Inuyasha had done.

"Sango, please. I can catch up."

"How?"

"Kouga. I'm sure he can track you guys down when the time's right." She pinched her lips together; that sounded like a convincing story right? "Plus, I haven't even gone  _home_  yet. My mother is probably worried sick. So I'll be gone for a while. You guys shouldn't stay behind."

"Kagome…"

"I'll join you guys again. I promise." She almost did not have a choice. They needed to complete the jewel - for everyone's sake. But, a little time away from it all would be beneficial for everyone.

"I don't like this."

"It's fine. Kouga's pack has been really nice to me."

That, Sango could not argue. Kagome had quite the set up in the den, though she had a feeling most of that was due to Kouga.

"KAGOME!" At the sound of the high pitch voice, both women turned their heads towards the entrance only to see Shippo running in. "Kagome!" he exclaimed as he jumped on her lap.

And now, there was someone else for her to disappoint.

-E-

Kouga was forced to spend the day talking with Miroku, although they did not see eye to eye on every issue. He did his best to give Kagome as much privacy as possible. It was dark by the time Sango and Shippo emerged from the den. Miroku and Kouga were there to greet them. For a while, Kouga almost expected Kagome to come out of there but she remained where she was. Shippo was resting on Sango's shoulder, a sad look on his face. Miroku did not dare to ask and neither did Kouga. If he wanted answers, he would go see Kagome.

"You're welcome to stay the night," he said as he leaned against a rock wall.

"We got a few empty dens. No point in going out in the dark."

He was right. "Thank you." Sango had not decided what to do yet but it was not a decision she could make alone; she would talk it over with Miroku. He was a part of this as well.

"Hey, Ginta."

"Yes,  _boss?_ " he answered as he ran towards the group.

"Get them some food and find them somewhere to sleep."

"Of course. Follow me."

Once they were out of view and following Ginta, Kouga used the opportunity to sneak into the den. Once he was inside, he found Kagome laying down on the furs, her back to the entrance. His steps were quiet as he closed the distance between them. He reached her side and she finally seemed to be aware of his presence. He laid down beside her, his chest almost pressed to her back. Though, he was smart enough to keep a small space between them.

"Are you alright?"

She stiffened at his proximity and realized that this was it; the moment she would have to deal with the consequences. She should  _not_  have kissed him but it happened and now she could not take it back. The emotions were too much in that moment and she let them get the best of her. He was there for her, he was kind and he would do anything to see her smile. She could not compare him to Inuyasha. Inuyasha was brutish and rude from the start. The first thing Kouga did for her, except kidnap her was protect her and proclaim his love. They were on different ends of the spectrum. Still, she had foolishly given her heart to Inuyasha and it did not matter how nice Kouga was. She should not have done that to him.

"Kouga… we need to talk." She turned around to look at his face and she was graced with beautiful shiny blue eyes that hung on her every word. "About what happened…"

But he did not let her finish. Instead, he gently cupped her cheek, his thumb running across her skin. "It's gonna be okay."

"No, Kouga." She could hear it; her voice was breaking. "I shouldn't have done that."

Who knew five little words could hurt this much? He did not. He kept his hand there but there was a slight tremor in it. Even  _she_  could feel it.

"Kouga?"

"Why?" he finally asked as he pulled his hand away.

"W-what?"

"Why him?"

She kissed him. She finally let go of Inuyasha and she kissed him. Now, she was telling him that she had not.

"It's not that - I just -" She was not going back to Inuyasha. She could no longer feel for him because it hurt too much and she did not know how many times she could pick up the pieces. This was the last straw. "I don't - we're not - I can't forgive him this."

But it did not mean she got to pick who she loved. "We don't choose, Kouga. I can't help who I like."

He knew she had just met him and that before the accident - he was just a youkai who kidnapped her. However, he knew he could be good to her. He loved her and he knew how to take care of her and he would never ever make her cry. There would be her and only her. Not another soul. He knew it the moment he chose her. He even told her that wolves mated for life. His pack even accepted her despite the fact that she was a human - not that it bothered  _him_. There was no reason why they should not be together. And with her help his pack would be safer and stronger. And he could protect her properly. Inuyasha had been doing a poor job of it.

But now, now she was trying to tell him that all of it meant nothing. He could not force her to love him - he would never do that. But he refused to believe she felt nothing. And he was going to prove it to her.

"If I kiss ya and ya feel nothin', I'll believe you." That was a fair deal.

She should say no, right then and there and be done with it. Because she led him on enough times already. Not to mention all the confusing moments that happened to them. Yet, a kiss was almost nothing at this point. They kissed before - he even saw her  _naked_. The fresh memory of that was enough to draft a dusty red over her cheeks and she was forced to look away from his gaze. She should say no because her heart ached from Inuyasha's recent, unforgivable betrayal and Kouga was a good friend that she did not want to lose. Yet, he begged her with his eyes and she almost felt bad. He did nothing wrong. He was kind, courageous and he protected her with all that he had.

Did she owe him a kiss? At least to thank him for everything he did?

Mere days ago, the thought of a kiss was precious. She had never given her first kiss away. Now, it was an eternity ago and it no longer represented the same thing.

"One kiss," she finally gave in, her voice nothing more than a lost whisper.

He tried to hide the smile that sneaked up on his face but he failed. This was his one shot at demonstrating how much he loved her and to prove to her that she did have feelings for him. He intended on keeping his words though. If this time she turned him down again, he would never bother her again. She would have been cleared and he would have been given a fair shot. Though the thought that this might be his last chance with her; it squeezed his heart in pain. This shot needed to count, this kiss needed to make a difference or he would lose her forever.

Kouga took a deep breathe before propping himself up on his elbow, steadying himself. He leaned forward, noticing the way she followed his every movement with her eyes. No, this was not a good enough position to swoon her. He forced himself on his knees and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist. He tugged her up until she was sitting on her feet, her knees digging into the soft brown furs beneath her. She let him move her, she let him touch her. He was almost nervous. His large hands snaked up her back until one of them was resting on the back of her neck and the other was grazing her ribs. He could  _feel_  her heartbeat through the fabric of her kimono.

His chest felt imposing and sturdy as it stood bare in front of her. Shouldn't she be familiar with the sight of his chest by now? He almost never wore his armour around her. She held her breathe while he approached his face to hers and for a moment she considered changing her puff of air tickled her skin as he used his grip on her to tilt her head down. Her throat was dry and her mouth felt like cotton as their eyes met for a final time. She followed his instructions without fighting back while her heart raced. Finally, the tension was broken when soft lips were pressed to hers. It was not a mere peck; no, this time, he demanded from her. It  _shifted_  something inside of her.

Her inexperience showed through her clumsy lips as she tried to respond to his skillful movements. He squeezed her neck and his other hand lowered to tighten around her left hip. His chest was pressed to hers, while adventurous fingers deepened their exploration by tangling themselves into her long strands of hair. She parted her pink lips, filling her lungs with air at the same time, and he took advantage of the perfect situation. He captured her bottom lip between his and nibbled on it, a growl forming in his chest. She jolted in surprise and he slipped his tongue inside her mouth.

She tasted like honey and heaven mixed together and he shivered. His tongue danced with hers while she completely surrendered to him. He felt her relax in his arms, her body moulding to his as her breasts flattened against him. A sweet spicy scent emerged from her like a burst of nirvana and he groaned against her lips. He nibbled, fangs daring to graze the sensitive membrane and he sucked on her lip, watching her shiver in his hold. His hand was now cradling her head, keeping her close and giving himself full access to her mouth. He wanted to devour every inch of her. Meanwhile, in an attempt to hold on, her small hands had found their way to his shoulders. They were grabbing the skin, fingertips pushing, grasping at him. Already he could feel his blood rushing downwards.

It took all of his self-control not to let his hands wander. He was fairly certain his hand was leaving mark on the skin of her hip. He wanted to lap at her neck, taste the rest of her body but he knew it would be pushing his luck. Already, he did not expect  _such_  an intense reaction out of her. Kouga allowed himself to savour her mouth a bit longer before tearing himself away. Already redness was spreading through his eyes. She was not there yet, she was not ready, he repeated to himself. This was about convincing her he was right for her. His hands trembled as he pulled her away from him, already regretting it. He watched her as she stood in front of him, half lidded eyes, swollen lips and completely breathless. He wanted another taste.

The taste of her remained with him and he closed his eyes for a second, basking in it.

Meanwhile, she swallowed hard, trying to bring herself back to reality. Her cheeks were red from what took place and the heat refused to leave her face.

And that was when he knew. Her scent had shifted more than he could have expected. And he knew she was not fine. It did something to her. He had to make her realize that she enjoyed it - even if she thought she could not. "Can't tell me that was nothin'."

He was right; she could not.

Kouga decided that he would not give her a chance to argue with his compelling argument. He rose to his feet, leaving her speechless behind, and he headed out of the den as fast as he could without using his speed. He ran his fingers through his messy ponytail, the heat to his face never fading away. This confirmed something for him; he wanted her. She was the one and there was no doubt about it. He needed her and - and this was good. He managed to sweep her off of her feet and leave her without a single word to say. She could no longer argue with him; there were some feelings hidden in there.

She let him help her, hold her, console her. She did not even yell at him when he saw her beautiful, flawless, naked body. Though it was an accident of course. There was a kindness in her eyes that was  _just_  for him. She could not be completely cold towards him could she? Not after everything they went through. Inuyasha lost her. Now it was Kouga's turn to have a chance with her and to show her what it was like to be truly loved by someone. But for now, he would let her ponder over the issue. Plus, he truly needed a dip in the springs. A cold dip.

Kagome watched him go, her fingers touching her lips mindlessly. It was as though he left a trail of fire across her skin and lips. None of the kisses they shared so far even shared a resemblance to this one. Her body was drumming with a need she did not know it had. The feel of his hands lingered on her naked skin and she finally exhaled. She could not... no. it was no possible. Days ago, Inuyasha was all her heart desire. Could she have moved on this quickly? Could she have moved on... without realizing it?  _No_  he could not be. Because - because… she did love Inuyasha didn't she?

That thought terrified her. And yet, she licked her lips, tasting the remnants of his mouth on her.

-E-

"I found them."

Inuyasha's white ears raised on top of his head at the sound of Kikyo's voice and then turned towards her. He rushed in her direction only to find her crouched down on the long green, blood stained grass. Kikyo put her two hands down and pushed herself up, her back facing to him. Then, she slowly turned around and she lifted her left hand to showed him Kagome's vial - the one containing the many pink jewel shards. His eyes widened, especially when she leaned forward and handed it to him as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She was giving them to him...and not keeping them for herself? His heart soared as he thought about her,  _what they could have had_  and what would never be. Kikyo was  _not_  evil.

"Take them," she said when he made no attempt to move.

His arm shakily reached out and he wrapped his hand around it, his fingers brushing up against hers at the same time. "Why are you giving them to me?" he asked in disbelief. He needed to hear her say it - even if it was selfish of him.

"You've helped protect them this far. I cannot do the same." Her body was not what it used to be. It was out of control, she did not have a say on her every expression, her every movements and her powers came and went. It was too unstable to be the protector of the jewel shards. Inuyasha had proved himself worthy.

More than she thought he would ever be.

Inuyasha safely tucked the shard in his pocket and then raised his head to look at Kikyo. This entire time he thought they were looking for Kagome. When she asked where they found the blood, he thought she wanted to begin at the start of the puzzle and work her way from there. Though, it was something he could have done on his own; he was better than her at scent tracking. Still, he followed her instructions and showered her. It turned out it was not Kagome she was looking for but the shards. It was not a bad plan; if someone got their hands on it... if Naraku found them.. they would have been screwed. He would protect the shards until he found Kagome and then he would return them to her. And she would forgive him.

Because Kagome always forgave him.

Even Miroku and Sango would eventually come to their senses and realize that what he did was for everyone's sake, not just his own. If he could simply get them to see that… Though he was not even sure  _he_  was going to forgive them. They left him behind like he meant nothing. All he ever did was protect them and save their lives. They were ungrateful bastards. Hopefully they would not put the wrong idea in Kagome's head.  _Kagome_.

"What about Kagome?"

"I do not know her location."

"But can you find her?"

"If we get close enough, I will feel her soul." Actually, it would be much worse than that. She would feel the little bit of soul she had inside of her trying to rip itself apart so that it could return in Kagome's body. It was never pleasant to be around her because it brought her constant pain.

"I've already done this whole area," he said as he looked into the distance. "We're gonna have to go further than that." Maybe he should follow Miroku, Sango and Shippo's tracks? Granted they did not have his nose, but perhaps they were a bit more lucky than he was? "Let's go east."

Kikyo nodded.

They began to walk and Inuyasha knew this would take forever. Unfortunately, he did not feel comfortable enough asking her to hop on his back. It was easier with Kagome; he did not ask, he simply did it. Then again, he was a lot more comfortable around her than he was with Kikyo. There was less bad history and he did not owe Kagome the way he owed Kikyo. And as much as hated to admit it; he did not feel the same way for both women. Kikyo was the first one to ever look at him, to ever decide he was worth something. She died because of him and because of the relationship they had.

He could never repay her for the loss.

Kagome? He still had time to make it up to her. And she always came to her senses. She understood what he had with Kikyo and she stayed by his side regardless.

This time would be no different.

But despite his words of encouragement, there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

-E-


	12. Night of the Dead

The sound of the wind rustling through the tree trunks echoed through the forest while the quietness of the night was swallowed whole by the darkness of the sky. Trees groaned, a pale light lighting the ground and the path throughs the trees. His steps were slow, digging into the mud beneath his sole, and he dragged his body across the way. He ignored the rocks, left trails of red against the smooth, grey surface of them, and kept going. His eyes shone with a vengeance, the boiling of his blood overwhelming him. Whiffs of putridity tickled his nostrils and though they flared, his face remained stoic. His tan skin was covered with mud, his skin cut by too many slashes for him to count.

It was all a ploy.

Everything was fine. Part of his pack went on a hunt and then they did not return. At first, he did not think much of it; wolves sometimes went further than they should. Perhaps they had found a target and followed it. They were stubborn and they did not want to return without it. Though, the sun lowered on the horizon for the second time and concerned filled him. He ignored his promise to protect Kagome, leaving her in the hands of her friends and his pack. Then, he went along and tried to track them down.  _And he did_. And now, he wished had not. His heart was racing, demanding the blood of the offender. He clawed everywhere, ripped down every branch, took apart every plank of wood… but he found nothing.

There was no one - at least no one alive.

All he found in front of that pitiful castle, were corpses.  _The corpses of his people_.

His eyes were empty as his den finally came in view. Already, he felt the buzzing of the pack as they sensed his presence - and smelled the blood and sweat that coated his skin. He paid no attention to them as they began to gather around him, questions flying out of their mouths. He heard none of them as his ears fell deafen, his heart racing and pushing against his rib cage. Then, as soon as he was in his own territory, his legs gave up. They quivered, shaking, and he dropped to the ground, his knees grazing the cold, hard rock beneath him. And they all did the same - either out of fear or out of concern. He saw none of their faces; he only saw the blur of life that moved around him.

"Kouga?"

"Come on, Kouga. You're scaring us."

"What happened?"

The commotion was loud enough to reach human ears. Miroku was the first to pop his head out, looking out at the gathering of wolves. Already, he was able to sense the disturbance in Kouga's aura. It also allowed him to make the conscious decision to remain far away. At the moment, he was a stranger, an outsider to the pack, and he also had  _holy_  powers. The worst thing he could do was get close to a situation where he was not wanted and appear threatening. This was better. When Sango tried to investigate, he stopped her with a movement of the hand. He said no words, not wanting to remind anyone that they were here, and he simply shook his head. Defiance shone in her eyes, but she remained put. Shippo popped on her shoulders, but he remained hidden with them.

Not far from them, Kagome was laying in the midst of brown, soft furs. Kouga left after the kiss and was nowhere to be seen since then. At first, she thought he might be ignoring her, avoiding the consequences attached to his action. But, after Ginta and Hakkaku came to feed her, they let her in on the current situation; he was looking for members of his pack. That left her to spend some time with Sango, Miroku, and Shippo. Though every instant were difficult. She had managed to skillfully persuade them to go along without her. Although, they extended their stay by a few days, simply to make sure they were no possible way she could come with them.  _As if her lack of walking was not proof enough_.

 _"Kouga_!"

As soon as the muffled, panic cry reached her ears, she snapped her head to the side. Her chest compressed and she pinched her lips as she waited to hear more.  _That was not a good sound_. She had not mastered her powers, but there was something wrong with the atmosphere. She watched her legs and let out a sigh of desperation; she could not walk herself out of here.

"Ginta?" she tried.

But no answer.

"Hakkaku?"

Again, nothing.

That was when she knew it was serious.  _They always came_. She would merely move around and they would rush to her side to confirm her well being. Something happened to Kouga - something bad. But he was a youkai. Nothing was supposed to happen to him. Inuyasha always got himself out of bad situations - no matter how much the enemy had the upper hand. But her thoughts did not linger further on him. Instead, she scrambled her brain for a way to get to him. Nobody would come and get her. Her eyes darted around the darkness, watching the walls of the cave. The stone walls were not completely smooth; perhaps there was a way to use that to her advantage. She took a deep breath and turned her body around.

Her hands slid down the surface, trying to find something to hold on to - and she did. She grasped it with all of her strength and pulled herself up. Her legs shook, threatening to give up, but she pushed with her arms. Once she was finally standing up, she leaned against the wall for support, grateful that the kimono offered a sort of barrier against the roughness of the rocks. She let out a breath, already feeling the sweat beads that rolled down her back. She grunted as she began dragging her body along the wall, making her way to the outside. She exhaled loudly, a pounding in her chest. Kagome felt like gripping at her heart, but she knew she could not; she had to keep both hands on the rocks if she wanted to pull herself.

She forgot how difficult it was to walk. Clearly she needed to get use to walking more often or her strength would never return. She closed her eyes, trying to convince herself she could make it to the end. Seconds turned to minutes and by the time she reached the edge, her long locks of black hair were soaked with sweat. She licked her dry lips, her tongue wiping across the cracks in the membrane. She stopped to take a deep breath, forced to slowly fill her lungs with air. They were crushed, overwhelmed by the exercise she had put herself through.  _No,_ she had to get out there. Someone was hurt… it felt like everyone was in pain and it pierced right through her heart, squeezing it.

Her bottom lip wobbled as she pushed herself out of there and rested her back against the outside of the cave. As she raised her head to try and get a sense of what was happening she saw it; everyone was gathered around in a half-circle. At first it was hard to distinguish exactly what they were looking at it, but as some of them moved, she saw it; Kouga. He saw sitting on his knees, his eyes completely void of any kind of emotions and he was covered in…blood? Panic rushed through her and her eyes widened. Before she realized what was happening, she dropped on all four, the shock causing a loss of balance.

" _K-kouga_?"

He was hurt, he was bleeding. She no longer had the strength to make it back on her feet which forced her to crawl in his direction. It was not until she was near the group that her presence was noticed.

"Sis?"

It was Ginta. He moved away from Kouga and ran towards Kagome. "Sis, what are you doing?"

"What happened?" she asked, her voice a hoarse whisper.

"We- we're not sure."

How could they not know? Did he go out there by himself? She ignored the hand Ginta was offering her and instead she inched herself closer to Kouga. She grabbed his face with her hand and then turned it, trying to see the source of all the blood. "He's injured!"

"Kagome -"

"Why aren't you helping him?" She let her hands glide down his face and then she looked at his shoulders. Where was all this goddamn blood coming from? She could not find the wound!

"Kagome, it's not his blood."

It took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did it was impossible to keep the look of horror off her face.  _Not his blood_. She forced his eyes to meet hers, but there was nothing in there. It was like she was not even in front of him. She grabbed his hands with hers and squeezed tightly, but his large fingers before wrapped around hers. It was just enough for her to know he was in there somewhere.

"Some water," she croaked out. "I need some water. And a cloth."

From the look in everyone's face, she could guess whose blood it was and he should not keep that on his body.

" _Now_."

She did not mean to bark orders at them, but she was not thinking rationally. She could clearly remember the moment where she had been covered in blood - blood that had been hers. It had reminded her of her near death experience and nothing as felt as refreshing as getting it all washed off. These were his people, that was their blood and he carried it with him as it crusted over his skin. Kagome might not know everything about Kouga, but she knew his pack was important to him.

"Do what she says," Ginta barked as nobody moved.

Once he spoke those words they scampered off, running in every direction to find the required items. Meanwhile, Ginta silently waved everyone off so that Kagome and Kouga could have all the room they needed. They had yet to hear all of the details of the events, but he knew it was bad. They would need to mourn and they had a lot of bodies to bury. For now, he knew Kouga needed this and frankly he did not want to get between Kagome and Kouga. She could be quite a fierce alpha bitch when she wanted to be. It was the first time they saw that side of her and he liked it. Kouga needed someone who could loudly come to his defence.

"H-here," one of the wolves said as he held a pottery vase full of water with a white cloth hanging from the edge of it.

"Give it to her."

He put it down beside Kagome and backed away near Ginta, watching as their leaders' eyes remained cold and filled with hatred. They knew that look; he could not feel the loss yet because all that ran through him was the need for revenge. There would be a price to pay and blood would flow.

Kagome ignored them all as she grabbed the cloth and dipped it in the water. Once it was completely soaked, she squeezed the excess water and then brought it to his face. Gently, she rubbed in circles, applying enough pressure to remove the dried blood and dirt. He did not move, but he did let her do it. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his lips.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he let all the rush out of his body. He slumped his back and leaned forward until his head hit her chest. The motion took her by surprise and since she was unable to support his weight, she crumbled underneath it. They hit the ground, her back first and his head dug in between her breasts. A gasp left her lips and she looked down at him. He raised his head before pulling himself off of her. His eyes met her, and this time, something shone in them. He wrapped his arms around her and picked her up from the ground. She let him do it and ignored the blood that stained her cheeks because of his armour, of the blood his face had left on her pale blue kimono.

She simply let him move as he needed.

Not to her surprise, he brought her back into the den. He lowered her back in the furs and then stared down at the ground. "I'm gonna get clean up."

She moved her hand, ready to wrap it around his wrist, but he was faster than she was. He stopped her hand, his own fingers delicately scarfing around the delicate skin. " _I'm not -_  I'm fine. Just not now." Red flashed through his icy blue eyes and she quietly nodded. She would not force this now, but part of her feared he might not come back. But he was Kouga. Kouga always came back. Even when she pushed him away, even when she was rude or told him they were only going to be friends. He stuck by her side and now he needed someone.

She had to be that someone for him.

He put her hand down carefully and tore himself away from her.

And she watched him go, her heart heavy.

-E-

Destruction.

Everything in sight was ripped to piece, shredded until there was nothing left. He broke trees' trunks in half, he tore off branches, he threw rocks into the spring and he unearthed the earth. He needed to break everything. There was nothing left for him, not a trail, not a hint. Whatever thing did this to his people, it did not have a clear scent. Instead, it smelled like a grouping of many youkais and he could not pick one out. He wanted to kill that beast with his own hands, he wanted to shred it until there was nothing left, but strips of flesh. He needed blood to flow, but he could not have any of it. He was forced to make a promise; he could not have his vengeance now, but he would.

He cleared the blood from his body, leaving a trail of red in the water. Once he was cleansed from blood and dirt, he remained by himself, under the moonlight. Kagome's touch had been soft while he had acted like a monster. He remembered seeing her face and recognizing her scent. Despite the beast that roared inside of him, he never unleashed it because it was her and he would never forgive himself if he hurt her. She was not even scared for a second. Oh and there was the sweat. He remembered the sweat. He was not even quite sure how she got to him or why she tried to wipe off his face, but he remembered the softness of her eyes. Having her close to his body for a moment had felt like heaven.

Even now, she was there, in the den, not too far from him. He could go to her and yet, but he had not managed to find the strength to do it.

There was also the question of his people. Most of them sniffed out what happened, but he did not give any real detail. At that moment, he did not trust himself to speak. He thought his beast would take over. And it did, only, it did it after he dropped Kagome off. Breaking everything, tearing it all down in his wolf form did help release the stress. Now, it was time for him to assume his responsibilities again. In a moment, though. He enjoyed the light of the full moon for a while longer before tearing himself away from his piece of heaven.

His return to the pack was slow, but when he arrived, they were all waiting for him. They gathered around, sitting and silently waiting for him to speak his first words. And he did. He sat down with them and explained as calmly as he could the whole scene that he found. He told them about the dead, dismembered bodies of their pack, the scent of death that surrounded them and the red blood that was splashed everywhere. Every instant of that nightmare was imprinted in his mind for the rest of his life. He thought the massacre done by the birds of paradise was bad, but it was nothing compared to this hell. During his speech he had to stop some people from walking off; there was no trail and it was useless to lose more people to this.

They had to be more careful from now on; they did not know who was behind this.

After a very emotional talk, they all re-treated back to their own dens with the same promise he made himself; vengeance.

He was left all alone around the dying fire, his eyes watching the flames flicker. His arms were wrapped around his legs and he let out of a sigh. "What?"

"You know, she's been worried all night."

"I know."

"She wasn't even scared of ya - I don't think she even noticed." If she had seen the need for blood in his eyes, she would have never approached him so carelessly.

"Not so sure about that." She simply chose to ignore it.

"I did like the way she bossed everyone around." Hakkaku was trying to get Kouga to smile, but most of all, he was trying to get him to go to Kagome. Nothing could take the pain away, but he knew she would help ease it. Plus, she was truly going insane in there; the disturbance in her aura was intolerable.

"I'll go see her."

"She only wants to help."

" _I know_."

"K-"

" _I know,"_ he repeated. His patience was not the greatest at the moment.

"Then go see her."

He ran his fingers through his wet hair, annoyed. He was not going to leave him alone until he went back to his den. He rolled his eyes in annoyance before he lifted himself off the ground. "Don't forget to put this shit out. We don't need a fire."

Hakkaku nodded as he watched his alpha walk away, pleased. At least they were able to do one good thing today. It took him a lot of work to keep the humans away from Kagome. He knew Kouga would never go to her if her friends were around. He sat down, had a quick chat with them and they listened to him. The monk seemed like a smart one; he did not ask too many questions. It was probably because he could tell it was not wise to do so. Wolves were open and protecting with their own packs, but they did not react that well to outsiders. Kagome was, of course, an exception. Although she was  _pack_. Even if none of it was officially done. Kouga's word was law and he made her pack; it was enough.

A few steps from him, Kouga was dragging himself towards the den. He could see the small flicker of light coming from inside and he knew she was awake. Although, perhaps she was only cold? He forgot she was human and the cave could be quite damp. He stepped inside, making sure to do some noise as to alert her of his presence and it worked. She turned her head in his direction and put a tiny smile on her lips.

He looked like Kouga again. Though she could read the pain on his face, he was moving and no longer looked like a robot operating in default mode. She tried to be as still as possible as he approached her. Thoughts of their earlier actions along with the feel of his lips against hers were far from her mind. This was not about her, this was not about them - it was about  _him_. She watched him as he closed the distance between them and he finally sat down by her side, though not on the furs. Instead, he opted for the cold ground. As soon as he was sitting, he closed his eyes and tilted his head backward.  _He was exhausted_  and she knew the feeling.

"I'm sorry, Kouga," she croaked out.

"I'm gonna make it right."

"Who did it?"

Nobody told her what took place, but she knew it involved death and pain.

"I don't know. Fucking left no trail… I tried to pick up his scent, but I couldn't. He - his scent, it was all over the fucking place."

He heart stopped; she knew of one person who left that kind of trail. "K-kouga?"

The sound of her voice brought him back to life. "What?"

She should not say this and she would not if she was not so sure, but… who else could be this cruel? Who else took lives like this and played with people like they were dolls? He was the only one cruel enough to do it. And she was tired of him ruining everyone's lives. "Do - do you know someone named Naraku?"

His heart skipped a beat; did she know who did this? Was she -  _what_. "Never heard of him."

"I - I think he might be behind this."

His hands clenched into fists and his eyes narrowed. Naraku. Why had he not heard about him before? Who sneaked up like that and killed people? "Are you sure?"

"I - he killed Sango's whole village…"

Sango. The demon slayer. He forgot about those humans staying in his den. He had not even seen their faces since his return - it was best this way. "Where is he?"

Kagome jumped forward, panic rushing through her. "Kouga, you can't just go after him."

"Like hell I can't."

"He's going to kill you."

"He ain't gonna do shit."

 _Slap_.

Kouga's head turned to the side while a burning feeling spread through his cheek.  _She slapped him again_. He was about to say something, but when he looked at her face he fell silent. She was close to him, her hands on her hips and her eyes opened wide. Her eyebrows were knitted and her eyes spoke death. " _You're not going after him_. Especially not like this! I know you're hurt, I know that what happened is horrible. Losing the people you love is never easy." She would know. "Still, going after him now is just stupid. Do you wanna die too? Do you want your pack to lose you? Because that is what's going to happen. He's baiting you. And you're falling for it." By the end of her speech, she was panting, but she did not care. She did not mean to slap him, but she lost it. People kept on dying and she was sick of it. She did not want to bury another village, she did not want to see her friends cry.

And most of all… "I don't want you to die."

At that moment, he forgot how to breathe.  _She was scared of losing him_. He thought about vengeance, he thought about getting back what was taken from him. He did not think about her - but she thought about him. And she valued his life.

He reached out for her face and cupped her cheek in his large palm. "I will kill him for this." Warning echoed through her blue eyes, but he dismissed it with a brush of his thumb across her cheek. "Not tonight, not tomorrow. But I will kill him one day."

She could accept that answer. As long as he did not throw himself into battle mindlessly, she could live with the fact that he wanted to kill Naraku. Everyone wanted to kill him and that monster would get what he deserved eventually.

Kagome closed her eyes and leaned into his touch for a second, trying to comfort him. She did not know how else to do it. Things between them had been awkward more than once - especially after that  _kiss,_  but it did not mean she could not be a friend to him. He needed someone and he needed to let the pain out. He stayed that way for a second, relaxing through the feeling of her soft skin under the rough calluses of his thumb. She was perfect. She waited, she was patient and she let him  _touch_  her. Right now, he was exhausted like he had never been before. His  _brain_  was throbbing and his chest hurt. He wanted nothing more than to lay beside her and hold her all night long.

He knew he never gave her a chance to reply. He meant to give her some time to think about her answer, but all that was gone now - none of it mattered. He wanted to put his arms around her, but he did not think he could handle the rejection of her touch right now.

But he had to try because… he did not want to be alone. Not tonight.

"Kagome -" He pulled his hand from her and put it down on his thighs. "I'm tired."

Her heart raced as she pulled back the furs from her body and scooted to the right, making him some room. "Sleep."

He held her during the nightmares, he chased away the fears and he nursed her back to health. He needed someone and she would be that someone. Although, she could barely look at him in the eyes as she felt the heat spread to her face.  _She was inviting him to sleep with her_. He stayed by her side many times, but they never spoke of it; he simply did it. This was completely different. It took a moment, but she finally felt him shift and she breathed a little easier. He hopped on the furs, his leg touching hers, and then he laid down. She threw the brown fur back over both their bodies and then tried to slow down her heartbeat; if she did not, she might have a heart attack.

The sleepiness that claimed her muscles earlier, after all of her exhausting efforts, was long gone. Nervousness spread through her like a disease, forcing a shake of her body. It was just Kouga, they had done this plenty of time. Although, he had never kissed her like he had. It rose things inside of her, things she rather she did not feel. And now, he was sad and hurt and beside her… and she wanted to comfort him. He was a friend and -  _he was just a friend_. The heat his lips created in the pit of her stomach meant nothing. She was simply swooped away and confused. That was all. Just confusion.

And there was his hand. Lingering between her body and his, never touching her, never even coming close to her chest. Despite the exhaustion that was desperate to claim his body, Kouga could not slip into a slumber. How was he supposed to do that when her heart was racing? Every time he closed his eyes, it was the only thing he could hear. Why was she so nervous? Had she ever been this nervous by his side before? He had not quite imposed himself; she had invited him. She had been worried earlier, straining herself to come to his side. She could have hurt herself. But she came anyway. Did she come because she was worried about him? Or was it because of the whole commotion? Those were all questions he wanted to ask, but could not.

Instead, he turned his head to the side and looked at her. Her eyes were open and he could see them clearly as the remaining of the fire flickered away. It colored her skin orange and yellow, her lips soft and plump. He remembered how they tasted, he remembered how he made her feel… Would he ever get that again? He had not given her up because…she had a reaction. And even now, she was there for him.

He almost lost her, and then lost part of his pack.

He was sick and tired of losing. He was sick and tired of the fear and the constant worry.

After knowing the pain of losing so many at once, he knew he never wanted to lose  _her_.

He promised her he would not do anything reckless, but she did not want to lose  _him_.

He understood the feeling. He would have to find some way to bury the rage deep inside of his heart. He would need to let it stew until he could control it. He knew Inuyasha hurt her, he knew he broke promises and Kouga would never be that man for her. He would be the one who honoured her and remained truthful. No matter how much it killed him inside.

Kouga mustered all the strength and courage he had left and turned his body to the side. He was now completely facing her, but instead of creepily staring at her face, he closed his eyes. Ever since she  _hit_  him with her power, it was much easier to  _feel_  her. Her aura was quite recognizable by his own and he could feel every movement, every breath and every shiver of her body. She was even more stressed than before. Did she expect him to do something? To touch her? He did need it. He was a wolf and he needed closeness and soft touches. It was one way to take away the pain that built up in his chest. Usually, such comfort was provided by a mate. Kagome was not that for him.

What was she?

He had already scratched  _friends_  off the list.

Friends did not get arouse when other friends kissed them.

She did.

Therefore, they were not friends.

She was close to him - close enough for him to smell the scent of the water spring that lingered in her hair. He should speak, he should ask her for her permission to wrap his arms around her and feel that heartbeat against his chest. But he did not.

He raised a hand, ready to lay it on her shoulder, when suddenly, she took him by surprise. She completely turned to the side, flipping herself around. Unfortunately, her movements were not as graceful as she first anticipated, bringing her much closer to him than she wanted. Their noses were near, almost bumping, and her hands lingered hover his bare chest. His eyes melted into hers and for a moment, it was like he was going to kiss her all over again. Her cheeks were painted red, her stomach coiled while fear and anticipation laced in her stomach and she remained completely still. She had turned around to ask him if he needed something, if there was a reason his eyes burned a hole on the side of her head but now…

All words were stuck in her throat.

He showed her many sides of himself, but she had never seen him so broken. He was cocky, never letting anything stand in his way and yet, now he was looking for something to hold on to. She wanted his grin back, she wanted his confidence back. She wished Naraku had not taken from him like he took from so many before.

She tilted her head forward, her forehead resting against his. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"Not your fault."

Maybe it was. Maybe if she had not been there, his pack would have been doing something differently. Although, she knew that when Naraku had a plan, he saw it through no matter what. Did he attack because she was here, or did he attack to lure Kouga and his shards? It was a mystery he made it out without an attack on his life. Unless Naraku was not quite done with him… He had to keep his promise, he had to refrain from going after him.

"Don't look for him."

"I said I wouldn't. When I make a promise, I keep it. I don't lie."

And she believed him. He had not lied once.

He had helped her, seen her naked, kissed her, but he had never lied.

She swallowed hard and he found her terribly tempting. But he did not want to kiss her tonight, not when pity shone in her eyes. The next time they kissed it would be because she finally realized that she did feel something for him. For now, her concern would have to be enough. He took advantage of her momentary distraction, and wrapped his arm around her, pushing her face into his naked chest. She inhaled, her lips tickling his skin, but he cradled the back of her head with his hand. He waited a beat and then she relaxed in his hold.

"Sleep," he murmured against her hair.

And she nodded, ignoring the fire burning her face. She closed her eyes, basking in his warmth, his arm holding her securely.

She knew she would not have any nightmares.

He knew he would be able to catch a moment of sleep.

She trusted him, and knew he would not run off into the night while she was asleep. He would not betray her, he would not turn his back on her.

For once, she was fully content.

-E-


	13. Closeness

A warm fog of air wrapped around her neck, forcing her head back. A shiver traveled down her spine, raising goosebumps on the surface of her skin. She arched her back while softness spread in the crook of her neck. A trail of moistness was left behind and she was hopeless to stop the sound of passion that emerged from between her rose petal lips. Fire stretched out in her lungs which left her breathless. She panted, struggling for air, but nothing brought her relief. She bore her neck even more to the sweet feels of a tender mouth, her mind wrapped in a daze. Her entire body was still enveloped in a blanket of sleep, her eyes closed as consciousness was slowly claiming her and pulling her out of her dream.

As her eyes slowly peeked opened, she was left looking down at her chest. There, beneath her covered breasts, was a large hand, palming at her clothed stomach, sending tingles of warmth between her thighs.  _It was not a dream_. However, before the feeling of panic could settle in her chest and overtake the pleasure that had slowly inched itself inside of her, she felt the tip of fangs grazing her skin and this time, there was clear loud moan. She wanted to turn around and tell him this had to stop, but her body was stuck in place, relishing the pleasures he was bestowing upon her. The feel of his large hand, the scent of wood and dirty that coated his skin and  _oh fuck_ , the wetness of his lips. He was devouring her neck, forcing her to push her rear into his crotch and sending a tremor of lust through her body. It was new, it was  _\- oh why did it feel so good_? She was nothing more than goo in his arms.

Fangs teased her ear, nibbling on the earlobe and tugging on it. Warmth spread between her legs, forcing her to tighten them, rubbing them together as the tension build. A skillful tongue licked the curve and her inner walls clenched at the taunting promises it left behind. Her body was a scorching fire and each of his touches both soothed it and kindle it bigger at the same time. Her head spun, the urge of lust becoming nothing more than an overwhelming feeling taking control of her soul. His scent wrapped around her, subtly showing his manliness and strength. She tried to catch her breath, but all it did was burn her throat while her lips became dry from her panting.

Kagome sucked in a breath while she felt the cold air hit her left shoulder as her kimono was lowered. A tongue lapped at the top of the skin and she trembled in his hold.  _Wait. Wait._ "K-kouga."

A growl resonated in her ears and then, she felt him pull away. His hand left her stomach, warmth escaping her body, and the heat from his whole body pressed so hard against her was also gone. She heard a thump as he probably laid on his back and she took advantage of that moment to regain her breath. How did she let her control slip past her? She had realized that it was not a dream and yet she allowed it to go on. He had kissed her before, taught her a surge of emotion, but it was nothing like this. She - did not feel anything for him. How could her body react like this? Fire spread to her face and she wanted nothing more than to hide herself away. If only the ground could swallow her whole…

And he was not saying anything…

Of course he was not saying anything.

He lost everything.

What was there to say?

It was not like he hurt her and she certainly did not push him away. When she spoke he stopped. Nothing he did was wrong or hurtful… she… no she did not encourage it. She simply  _ugh_. No.

Nothing he did was wrong and honestly, she offered him to share the same sleeping space. He was hurt and he needed someone. He was her someone and she wanted to return the favor. She tried to lessen the blush that adorned her cheeks, but nothing worked. She would have to turn around and look at him. Ignoring him would not work and despite all the shame that swelled in her chest, she did want to know if he was alright. A whole night had passed and perhaps his feelings had worsened. She remained afraid that he might make a bad decision and endanger his life. He could  _not_  go after Naraku, no matter how much he might be in. She would not let it happen.

 _Three, two, one_.

And she turned.

As she made it to her side, she found him laying on his back, his hands resting behind his head. His eyes were closed, but she noticed the small flare of his nostrils. He was not asleep and yet part of her did not want to disturb him. Since the loss of his pack, he was restless and now he almost appeared at peace. Instead of speaking, she laid on her arm, watching him, observing the rise of his chest and the slight tremble of his forehead. Her eyes shifted to his lips and she blushed deeper as memories of the previous instant re-flooded her mind. She let him touch her, she let him kiss her. She had heard about the pleasure of the flesh, but this - it had set her whole body on fire.

She loved someone.

She was friends with Kouga.

Fine, so he kissed her.

And she liked it, but -

But, she did not know what to say.

All she knew was that he was not a stranger. And he was not just the guy who saved her. To be completely honest she did not know where that left them and she was not convinced that she wanted to know.

Kouga exhaled loudly, trying to unwind himself. It was better to exhaled than to inhale. Because if he inhaled her sweet, divine scent would bewitch him and he would be a goner again. Although he did not regret tasting her flesh, he never planned for it to take place. He woke up with her sweet body wrapped against his, her back flushed against his chest. When his eyes had flashed open, all he had seen was the sight of her bare neck, waiting for him, calling out to him. He meant to resist, but indulging was so easy. He should have been devastated, but her presence alone gave him strength and he wanted to drink it from the source.

He thought she would push him away, snatch her warmth from him. But she did neither. Instead, she molded to him, giving him more than he asked for. He could have taken her right then. But those little words came out and he listened - even if her scent was saying a completely different thing than her mouth. He did not even know how he managed to tear his body from hers. She was light, kindness and strength and he wanted all of it. And now? Now, she was staring at him while the scent of her arousal kept on growing and teasing him. Why did it not lessen? Why did it insist on torturing him, wrenching his heart out until he felt only pain?

He flashed his eyes opened, but he did not look at her.

"Are you okay?"

He had his tongue lapping at her skin, forcing moans out of her throat, and that was her question? He shifted his hips, hoping to find a position that helped with the pressing need he was dealing with at the moment.

"Yeah," he croaked out.

She wanted to take his pain away, she wanted to talk to him and help him through the process. However, the blushing of her cheeks and the awkward in the air made that situation quite difficult. She exhaled and forced herself to accept a truth; he would not say much. The wound was too fresh. She knew the feeling.

"I lost my father."

The confession was unexpected and he did not even think twice as he turned his head to meet her gaze. Her eyes shone with the tears that coated her iris and he felt a ping in his heart. He did not want her to be sad, he did not want her to suffer and it angered him that she knew the pain of loss. She was too beautiful to be that sad.

"It was a -" She stopped, knowing she could not say the word car. "It was an accident. Someone hm, hit him." That sounded like the worst lie in the world. But he asked no question. He simply kept on staring at her with those blue eyes.

"Mom was pregnant with my little brother and I was young... so we moved in with my grandpa." Too young to have any real memories of him. "My grandpa was a little mad, a bit angry, but he just prayed more. My mom she... she was never mad. Never angry that my dad was gone. She smiled and went on. She accepted it and - no matter how hard it was, she always smiled."

Her mom had such an inner strength that allowed her to take on the biggest challenge, Nothing ever let her down, nothing ever took away who she was. Kagome envied that strength and she wished she could do the same. Lately, she had let the bad take over, looming over her and taking away her happiness.

"She was strong."

A warm hand cupped her cheek. "So are you."

He was close - so close that she did not know when he got so close to her face. She could feel his breath teasing her, closing the distance and she was frozen in place. She was not pulling away, but she was not leaning forward. Her heartbeat hammered, soaring through her chest while she waited with parted lips. She felt him move her head forward, using his grip, and she let him. Plump lips were close to hers and then, they touched her mouth. His fire burned through her and he melted against her. Her lips felt dry against his moistness and her throat clamped up while heat rose to her face.

"Kouga!"

Both were startled, jumping away from each other. Kagome felt the need to melt into the ground and hide herself away from all sight, but Kouga was having a completely other reaction. He was already on his feet, walking in the direction of Ginta.

"What happened?" The strain in his voice let her understand he feared another attack had taken place.

"Kei came back. He's alive - injured, but the bastard's alive."

It was all the words it took for Kouga to bolt out of the den, leaving nothing behind, but a trail of brown dust. Kagome sat up, watching him disappear. Ginta remained behind, a little smirk on his face. If the news of someone making it back was not enough to brighten the day, the situation in which he had found his leader and sister was. There was hope and through the darkness there was light. It did ease the pain in his heart and lessened his concern for his leader. He feared Kouga might do something stupid in retribution and they could not lose him as well. Kagome was a good influence on him.

"Ginta." Kagome looked away from his face, too shameful to share a glance. "Can you help me up?"

She wanted to go? Again, a sense of pride beamed through him; she was a great alpha bitch and she did not even realize it.

He hurried to her side and offered her a hand. Considering everything happening, he did not want to risk leaving his scent all over Kagome. She rapidly took his hands and he pulled her to her feet. She was much better, but her stability and strength could use some work. Knowing that, she linked their arms and leaned on him as she walked. He kept up with her slow pace, leading her out of the cave and near Kouga's location. The entire pack was there, waiting to greet back the individual that managed to survive the massacre. They thought they lost everyone and even a single life meant everything. It also showed their strength.

Meanwhile Kouga was already kneeling by Kei's side. Despite the blood that covered his skin and the injuries covering a major part of his body, he seemed fine. He was breathing and his aura remained strong. Although Kouga was confused; he had not felt anyone. If he had, he would have stayed and helped him.

"Where were you?"

"I remember the attacks - and then I fell unconscious. I woke up under a pile of... bodies."

Kouga swallowed hard and smacked his lips. Perhaps he had missed his faint aura through the panic? Maybe there were a lot of people on top of him. Although that did nothing to ease the guilt that swelled inside of him. He should have known, he should have looked better. He failed him and he failed his pack. He was too hasty and too blinded by his rage that he missed a survivor. It could have been a fatal mistake for Kei.

"Maybe I can help."

He turned his head as he heard Kagome's voice and watched, helpless, while Ginta guided her to Kei. Ginta safely helped Kagome to her knees and then she inched herself closer to the males. "I might be able to heal him." She did not do it on command and it might be a long shot - but she had done it before. She could not bear to stand and watch while Kouga lost someone else. The least she could do was try.

"You ain't even healed yet."

"I'm fine."

She took a deep breath and then hovered her hands above Kei's body who was watching her with an intense gaze. She was about to touch him when she suddenly stopped, her eyes widening. Oh no. Her hands crisped and felt many pairs of eyes on her. "Hm - you hm. We shouldn't do this here. In case - hm my powers go wrong. Maybe in a den? with less people?"

Kouga smelled the hint of deceit, but nodded regardless. "Take him to his den."

He watched as a group of five wolves lifted him from the ground and helped him up and away. They were barely out of hearing range when he felt Kagome's small hand wrap around his arm and tugging him towards her. Their foreheads nearly bumped while he spun around and then he say it; the sadness in her eyes. She knew something.

"Kouga..." She did not even know how to tell him. This was meant to be a good news; she did not want to hurt him further. Plus, this would only fuel his rage and need for vengeance. "He - he has a shard."

"What? Why would he have a shard?"

"It's tainted."

Tainted? What did that even mean? A shard was a shard. There were no different kind of shards. And although he knew she would never speak lies, why would Kei have a shard with him? He just came back from an attack.

How could she tell him how could she explain it to him? "This is what Naraku does."

"The bastard who killed part of my pack gives out shards?" he did not mean to snap, but he did.

Kagome shook her head. "He turns them into puppets." She let out a sigh. "He puts a shard in someone who's near death and he controls them. He takes over their mind and uses them to do whatever he wants."

He held his breath, letting the information sink in. Kei was not Kei; he was that monster's tool. Now he was on the inside and he could do whatever he wanted. He could use Kei to wipe them all out during the night. They would not see it coming; how could they since they trusted him. Near death? Was he going to die without the shard? Probably. Although with it, he was basically dead. He was not himself, he was not Kei. And this was when he had to make a decision. Is this why she was telling him and him alone? He needed to choose if Kei lived despite the fact that he could involuntarily betray them at any moment?

"He'll die."

"What?"

"If you take it out, he'll die?"

Her bottom lip wobbled and she realized this was the question she dreaded. Despite the consequences that came with the truth, she knew she had to tell him. "I think so."

"Can you take it out?"

She frowned; did he not understand what she said? "If I take it out, he will die."

"But can you do it?"

"I'm not killing him."

"If we don't do this, he might kill the entire pack." He did not trust putting surveillance around him. He did not know if Naraku would impact his strength. He could not take a chance; he lost enough people.

There had to be another way because she was not doing this. She understood where he was coming from, but that did not mean she could take someone's life. She could never pull that shard out of him. Even if she saw the pain in Kouga's eyes, even if she understood the risk. It was still a person and she could not kill him with her own hands. No there had to be another option.

"I could - I could purify it."

"What?"

"If I can purify the shard while it's still inside of him, I could severe the connection between Naraku and him."

Darkness united them and light could break them apart. Although, she had never purified a shard that she did not hold in her hands. It did not mean it could not be done. She did manage to heal herself and push Kouga away with her power. There was some strength inside of her. She simply needed to focus on channeling it. She could do it - she could spare Kei's life. She had to because the other option was not a possibility. She could not kill him and she could not watch Kouga do it. Also, she did not want anyone else to die and she could not let Naraku wipe out Kouga's entire pack. Someone had to put a stop to him and his plans.

"Okay."

It was that simple - because he trusted her.

"Let's go." He scooped her in his arms, earning a gasp from her, and sped towards the den.

Kei was laying down on furs, his eyes closed and a hand over his stomach while he groaned out in pain. Kouga put Kagome down in front of him and remained close by. Immediately, she put her hands to his side and tried to feel the shard. She knew it was there, but it was out of grasp. How was she supposed to purify it without feeling it? Maybe if she focused... Frustration rose through her, but she refused to give up. Instead she closed her eyes and focused harder. Her hands began to tremble while her body shook with desperation. Come on. She could do it. It was right there, calling out to her. She was its protector, she should be able to do it.

Then again, she had proven to be quite a useless protector so far.

Moments ticked by until finally, her need created a warmth tingling from her fingers. Except it was doing the opposite of what she wanted. Instead of healing and taking away the darkness, she felt Kei's skin burn under her fingers. Immediately she balled her hands into fists and pushed them towards her chest. Oh no, she made it worse. She did not fix it! Panic washed through her when suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. Kouga. She could feel it was him.

"Ya can do it."

She wanted to argue with him, but instead she kept silent. She felt him use his hand to cover one of hers and he helped her stretch it out again until it was touching Kei's side. She could feel his confidence pulsing through her. She inhaled through her nose and tried again as Kouga kept his hands on her. He believed in her. She almost hurt him with her power, but he believe in it and in her. Where was he getting that trust? When did she ever demonstrate that she could do this? No, she had to let go of all doubt. The shard was right there and she could take Naraku's control away. It was that easy. He could not win again, not after everything he did. She focused harder, allowing Kouga's warmth to surround her.

 _Then it happened_.

A twinge flew from her fingers and suddenly, she felt something dark pushing back against her. Naraku's control was strong, trying to push her out, but she kept forcing her way in. A bright light emerged from her hand and before she was able to stop it, everything collided. Light flew around and Kagome was propelled back, dragging Kouga along with her. They both hit the wall, though the fact that he hit it first protect her. She slammed against his chest and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her body to protect her. Dazed, she blinked a few times while hanging on to his arm for balance as she tried to hold her head up. Despite the shock, she was able to feel one thing; the darkness was gone.

"I did it," she whispered, her own voice too loud for her head.

"What?" His head was resting on hers, while he tried to ignore the stabbing pain coming his back. One of the sharp edges had dug into his back and pierced the skin. Although it would heal, it stung like a  _fucking_   _bitch_.

"I did it. I purified it," she said, joy spreading to her facial features. It might not be much, and it did not mean Kei was actually going to make it, but at least she had given him a fighting chance.

Kouga's own face broke into a grin as he squeezed her a bit tighter, giving her a hug. He knew she could do it; he never doubted her for a second. Kagome was his girl. He chose her because of all of her qualities and she only kept on demonstrating more.

"So he'll live?"

"As long as he has the shard…"

But even a purified shard could have a bad effect on a youkai. Although Kouga had two of them and he was doing fine. Then again, up until the slaughter of his people, she saw no darkness in him. There was a part of him that was hidden, one he never really showered her, but it did not matter. Kouga's heart was pure and everything he did, he did for the right reasons. He never saw malice in his actions. Maybe retribution sometimes, but he never attacked out of place. She could not approve of everything he chose to do, but it did not mean it was wrong. Not everyone lived in her reality.

"So if we take it out?"

"He'll die."

"But Naraku can't control him?"

She shook her head.

"I supposed that's better than nothing." He was not sure he liked this, but at least Kei lived. Plus they might be able to obtain some crucial information from him. He did promise Kagome he would not do anything reckless, but he did not mean that he would drop the whole thing entirely. He would still need to avenge his people eventually and Kei might be the key to doing it.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "Thank you."

As she felt his lips on her she suddenly became aware of everyone who surrounded them. Much like always, her face turned a bright red and she remained still, uncertain of how to proceed. Was there even a way to go after this? She did not even know what they were. One thing was clear; Kouga was comfortable with this growing closeness and he was nowhere near the end of it. Every time she was around him, it went up a notch. And yet not a word of complaint escaped her throat. There was something wrong with her was there not? All the feelings she was supposed to have were supposed to be there. Why were they not? It was not that long ago that they pain of betrayal stabbed her through the heart…

She finally let go of Kouga's arm, but did not pull herself away. Not that she could have even if she had wanted to - his grip was tight. But Kouga did sense her discomfort and after a moment, his arms loosened and she pulled away slightly. He was the first to his feet and it took advantage of that to offer her his hand. She took it and he helped her up. Both of them slowly walked in the direction of Kei who remained unconscious, though he was breathing. Kouga was not able to tell if anything was different, but then again he did not have Kagome's powers.

"Will he wake up soon?"

"I'm not sure." She did not have a lot of experience in the matter.

"Keep an eye on him," he ordered two nameless wolves, Kagome did not know. "Just to be safe. And I wanna know as soon as he wakes up. We need to get some info out of him."

In case he did die, despite the shard, he wanted to get as much as he could. He would not let Kei's death be for nothing. For now, they would keep him alive as long as they could. Surely he could live with a shard.

"Kouga, you should eat something." It was Ginta who spoke, concerned eyes examining Kouga's form. Their leader had not eaten since he returned from the devastating finding he made. He also knew he unleashed the beast inside. It took a lot out of him and he appeared quite tired. His priorities had shifted out of focus and someone needed to keep him on track.

"I'm not hungry."

"Ginta's right. You need to eat."

Ginta rose an eyebrow at Kagome's words and held back a smirk. There was no way Kouga was going to say no to her…

"Ya need to eat too," Kouga pointed out.

"So we'll both eat." She ignored the heat rising to her face and grabbed his arm for support. She would not make it out of here by walking on her own. Plus, Ginta was right; Kouga needed food. He helped her and she would help him.

As everywhere expected, Kouga did not put up a fight, he simply let Kagome led him out.

And Ginta could not help but smile.

-E-

The sun grazed the horizon, the night sky filling with darkness and everyone settled back into their own den. Kouga was the only one who remained out. After a quick bite with Kagome, he patrolled the surroundings; he would not let another person sneak up on him again. Plus, he had to keep an eye out in case Kei woke up. Which had yet to happen. But his Kagome said he would wake up and he believed in her - even if he was getting slightly restless. He needed that information, he needed to know there was something out there that could help him defeat that beast - that Naraku. The simple thought of his name brought bile to his throat. He despised him.

" _Kouga_."

It was soft, nothing more than a whisper, but it was her voice and he heard it.

His steps were scattered and in a rush while he headed to her. She  _called_  out to him. She even kept on touching him; the brush of her fingers against his arm, the way she gripped at his skin and that  _smile_. She smiled at him. All that joy, it was all for him. Although it did not take the pain away it did lessen it. Every moment with her was a piece of happiness. And sought all of them all, even forgoing thoughts that were plaguing him. For a moment, any thoughts of Kei left his mind and she became his whole world. He was nearly panting when he reached the den, his heart hammering in his chest.

She was waiting for him, sprawled across the furs and something inside of him ached. This is the sight he wanted to see every day. This was the face he wanted to wake up next to every single morning of his life.

She was it.

"Is everything alright?"

She nodded. "Can you come closer?"

She knew exactly what he was doing; he was letting the pain eat away at him. She could not say that she was doing any better than he was, but at least she could prevent him from destroying himself.

And he obeyed. He strolled deeper into the cave, a tender smile on his lips.  _She asked for him_. She wanted him close to her.

"Sit down." It was not an order, but he listened.

"You need to rest."

"I'm a youkai, I'm strong."

"You need to rest," she repeated.

She did not care how strong he thought he was, or all the responsibilities on his shoulders. For the moment, everyone was safe. "A tired you doesn't help anyone," she pointed out.

She was right, she was always right. He let a sigh slip his lips and then, without her expecting it, he dropped his head to her thighs. They were covered by the furs, but it did not matter; he could still feel the warmth of her skin radiating through them. Her heartbeat raced and he smiled at the reaction. He tilted his head slightly and let his nose bury itself in the crook of her thigh - or as much as he could despite the furs - and he inhaled her sweet scent. As soon as he did so, he felt the spark in her smell. Suddenly, it was a bit spicier and he noticed the rise of her arousal.  _One mere touch of him and she was aroused_. It almost sprung his cock to life. She could not pull away, she could not tell him this was nothing. He needed her like he needed air.

And she had to need him back.

The only reason he allowed his thoughts to wander as much as they had was because she stopped turning him down. She also reacted every time he touched her.

She never told him not to believe this could be a possibility and now he was afraid she might take that dream away from him.

He felt movement and that snapped him out of his thoughts. He felt the tremble of her body and the shake of her hand. What was she trying to do? His question was rapidly answered when she lowered her palm against his head.  _She was touching him_. She initiated the contact! He tried not to get too excited as she gently tangled her fingers with his long locks. Despite the excitement running through his blood, it was soothing. As her fingers massaged his scalp, he found himself relaxing, and enjoying her touch. He closed his eyes and remained as still as possible while she explored.

This was better than any dream he could have imagined.

Kagome was trying to keep her breathing under control while her heart was pressing against her rib cage. This was how she comforted someone; the only way she knew how. Her mother used to do it to her when she was a child. Kouga might show himself as a strong unbreakable man, but she knew there was something else deep under. Although why did she touch him? He was already breaking all the barriers of her bubble and she let him.  _It was because she was comforting him_. It was comfort, nothing else.

But then, why did that feel like a lie?

-E-


	14. Hot Springs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As some of you might or might not know. (Depending if you read my other stories). I lost my uncle and godfather last june. Honestly, I lost a bit of my writing drive. So, it's been hard. And I already was not doing great to being with - and yea. Anyways, I want to thank everyone for reading, for sticking with me. As I have always said, I will never give up a story. It might take forever, but everything will be completed.
> 
> Thanks for putting up with me.

"What do ya mean you don't know?"

"I can't remember!"

Kouga let a sigh escape him, his chest collapsing as he let out the air he had been holding back. _This would not do_. He ran his fingers through his sticky hair, slicking his bangs back. He had hoped that once Kei woke up, they would obtain all the answers they so desperately sought. Apparently he had been wrong. He allowed his body to drop to the ground with a loud thud while avoiding any kind of eye contact with Kei. It was not the wolf's fault that he did not remember anything. Kouga had no desire to burden him or to make him feel guilty. It was best if he camouflaged his rage.

"I- I really wish I did."

Everything was bits and pieces and none of them seemed to fit together. There was blood, death. For a time, everything was warm and then coldness and blackness had claimed him. It was as fair as his memories got him. As a matter of fact he had been quite shocked when he woke up in the safety of the tribe. He had no recollection of even making it back. Everything took a turn for the worse when they explained to him _what_ happened. Including the shard and Naraku's control. He knew they confirmed that he was no longer that monster's puppet but it did not soothe away his worries. What if they were wrong, what if one day, he would turn around and murder all of his brothers?

'It ain't your fault," Kouga spoke as he stretched out his legs.

"But - what if - " He did not even dare speak the words. He was sure Kouga had already considered his level of danger…but… what if he missed something?

"Kagome already said you were fine. Are you doubting my woman's word?" This time, the tension could be felt. Kagome would not risk anybody's life. If she said he was safe then he was safe. And that was that.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."

That was also a small part of the equation he had missed but he did not dare ask about it. If his leader was happy, then there was no question to be asked.

"Look. Rest up alright? The boys will bring you food, and you just - ya rest. Kagome - she'll come by." He sighed. "And if you don't remember anything. Then you don't. We're just glad you alive."

Kei offered a nod of kindness in return and then, leaned back into the cave's wall. Rest. Despite the fact that he had been _apparently_ dead and then unconscious… he was exhausted.

Kouga watched him for a few moments and then, resigned himself to hop to his feet. This morning was not going as he had hoped. The night had been much better. While hte darkness had engulfed the sky, he had been tangled up in Kagome's body. His legs had been wrapped up around hers and her tiny head had been rested against his chest. It had ripped his heart open to remove himself from her. He wanted to live that moment every day. He wanted her warmth to bring the sun back in his life. He wanted her to give him hope. Every time she was far, he forgot. All he felt was the pain, the rage and the loss. When Kagome was there, he felt something else.

And yet, he managed.

He delicately moved her body from his, and left her to her slumber. Kei had required his attention. The safety and the future of his pack had won over everything else. Now, he almost feared returning to his own den. Kagome would no longer be sleeping and he would be unable to enjoy her warmth. It would be back to this awkwardness, this uncertainty. He was so sure she was his, how could she not feel the same?

"SO?"

Ginta's impatient cry of joy interrupted his thoughts, forcing Kouga to come a sudden halt. "So what?"

"What did Kei say?"

Nobody had been allowed around while the two wolves spoke but it did not mean that they did not crave answers. They all lost their brothers and as glad as they were to have Kei back, they wanted to know the truth. Most of them believed in Kagome and did not fear his presence amongst them, but some were not that convince that the priestess actually knew what she was saying and doing. Ginta and Hakkaku did their best to keep the peace and convince everyone of Kagome's skills but it was something only their leader could do. _Or impose_.

"He doesn't remember."

"Anything?"

"Look, he said he don't remember. I'll ask Kagome to go see him later."

Ginta raised an eyebrow at the mention of Kagome. "She came out of your den a while ago." _Sporting an interesting scent_. Except he did not say that phrase out loud. His leader did not seem to be in the best mood and Ginta was not quite sure he was going to appreciate the teasing. Regardless, everyone noticed the scent. Kouga did more than spend the night close to her - he had completely marked her with his scent.

He masked his interest by keeping his focus straight forward but his left ear twitched at the mention of Kagome's name. "Where is she now?" His heart was sinking to the bottom of his chest and the familiar pain was swirling around. He did not even need to hold her or touch her - he just wanted to see her, catch a glimpse of her beautiful face.

Actually. That was a lie. He wanted more than that - so much more. He wanted to strip her bare, leave her in nothing but her own skin. He wanted to trail his fingers along every inch of her, watch her hold her breathe, watch her discover all that he could give to her. But he could not do that. Hence why all he could do was watch her, look at her and admire her from afar. She was closer, she let him in. But they were not at the same place - yet. He meant to hide himself in the shadows, somewhere she could not see him but he failed miserably.

As soon as she came into view, his presence caught her eye. She was sitting around the fire with other wolves, nibbling at her food. Her appetite was not back yet but at least she was in charge of chewing her own food now. The moment their eyes met, he saw the color appear on her cheeks and she quickly looked away. He was not sure if she was aware of how they slept but her current embarrassment gave him the answer he was looking for. Since he had been found out and it would be strange to remain away from her, he closed the distance between them and joined her around the fire.

When the other members of the tribe spotted him, they backed away to make room for their leader. Of course, he took the spot right next to Kagome. She scouted over so that there would be some space between them. Immediately, she searched his face for any sign of distress. When she woke up alone, she knew where he had done. She had worried but everyone told her everything was fine. Yet, that did nothing to ease her worry. Kouga had already hit rock bottom and he did not need to re-live that horror. Then again, he also needed closure. She was not sure what was the best outcome for him. She did know however that she could remember his body being very close to hers during the night.

Every passing day, she was losing her credibility. There was the kiss. The friendly kiss. The _I needed it_ kiss. And then - the comforting and - and… it was all done out of friendship. But - but she was not pushing him away. The love she had for Inuyasha had hit her out of nowhere. She had not planned on it, she had no asked for it. It happened. She was young and although she knew teenage girls' feelings could sway - that was not it. It was not like she simply fell for every guy that spoke to her. She had genuine feelings for Inuyasha. Of course, she knew she could not forgive him, but that did not take the feelings away. And then Kouga- Kouga was Kouga. He was a wild card, something she could not quit make out.

It was much more simpler when he was that brute proclaiming her his woman.

This Kouga - she did not know how to handle him.

"How is he?" she finally dared to ask when he did not speak.

Kouga rubbed the back of his neck, hoping it would relieve him of some of the tension he was feeling. He knew she was going to ask and yet - he had hoped she would not. "He doesn't remember." He avoided making eye contact with her as he reached out for one of her pieces of meat. He popped it in his mouth and carefully chewed it. He resisted her urge to make a face; why would anyone ruin perfectly good meat by cooking it? Humans were weird. "Is that normal?"

All that Kagome could do was offer him a shrug of the shoulders. "I am not sure. I have not - I don't have a lot of experience with this." She looked down, shame filling her. "I'm sorry."

If Kouga could kick himself in the ass, he would. He rushed to grab her chin with his fingers and lifted her head up. His blue eyes bore in hers and he made sure she held the contact. "You saved his life. You ain't got nothing to be sorry about."

She forced a small smile on her face. "If I could - If I -"

He knew. He knew the words without her speaking them. "I know." He let his fingers wander until he was cupping her cheeks, wild strands of her hair stuck between his skin and hers.

If time could have stood still in that moment, he would have been grateful. Unfortunately for him, someone had the bad idea of clearing their throat, breaking the moment. Now, he was reminded that he was not alone with her. There were others. There were other people stealing, interrupting his moment with his Kagome. His light, his sun. She took away the pain, she made him feel whole. And he wanted them gone. Fangs began to poke at his bottom lip but he restrained himself before he began growling.

"Still hungry?" he asked Kagome as he released her face from his hold.

"I'm fine." She was not that hungry to begin with - she might be feeling better but the appetite… was not there. Especially not right now that her cheeks felt like they were on fire. _Again._ Again she got caught up.

"Do you wanna take a bath?"

At the word, the fire in her cheeks spread and at this point she wanted to melt and become one with the ground. She knew he did not speak of it with that intention but when she thought of _baths_ she only thought of one thing. Him. Her. Naked. And - oh god. She sunk her teeth in her lips and a fire spread through her. She was boiling with shame and for some reason it felt as though everyone was staring at her. Could she disappear now?

It took Kouga a moment to catch on but once the scent of her sweetness mixed with her shame hit his nose, he knew. _Oh right_. "I- I didn't meant it like that." He wanted to be surprise by the sweetness coming from her but he could not. Instead, he was scrambling to rectify his mistake. God, he was an idiot. He was trying to get away from everyone, he was trying to hold on to the little bit of control he had left.

"I know," she said between tight lips.

The incident apart, she did need a bath. She was used to a much better hygiene than this. It might be rude to reject his offer… And she knew his mind - alright. The previous day there had been some… touching. But it was - it was created out of need, pain and loss. It was not - it was not a thing. They were not a thing.

"I just needed to get away from here." He did not want to say those words, he did not want to show his weakness, but he needed her to know it had nothing to do with seeing her naked. Although, he would be lying if he said he did not remember the taste of her skin. Or if he said that he did not want to taste it again. The darker his world became, the more he needed her. And the more she let him. Maybe he was abusing the pity she felt for him. But it could not all be pity.

"I think I could use a bath."

When he - it was an accident. It would not happen again. If there was one thing she was convinced of it was that she could trust Kouga. And he had her with those little words; he needed it. She knew he had a hard time even looking at his brothers and his pack. He failed shame, he felt as though he was not good enough to protect them. He hid it, like he hid everything else but she knew. The only reason he had not gone and recklessly killed himself by now was because she asked him to be careful. She asked him to wait and he listened to her. She did not want to use his feelings for her as a way to protect him but… if it kept him alive? Was it so wrong?

They were friends. She was supposed to help him, to be there for him.

He was the first to rise to his feet and she quickly followed. He offered her his hand, since he knew she might struggle, and she happily took it. He could feel his tribe's eyes on him but he was not quite sure it was only because of Kagome. It was because he did not have any answer for them. If he could help them with their grief, if he could provide them with relief he would. Unfortunately, he had nothing for them except more failure. It was another reason why he wanted to go far from everything and everyone. He wanted her and him. Alone somewhere. Even if he was not looking at her, even if he was not talking to her.

Their walk to the springs was quiet and slow but he did not mind. He watched her face as she took in the sights around her; last time they were here she was not quite as alert. She felt his eyes on her but she pretended that she did not or else she would simply feel self-conscious. Instead, she chose to focus on anything but his face. Or the warmth coming off of him. How could one person be so goddamn warm? It was insane. Any time he slept close to her it was as though she had her own personal heater. Was it a youkai thing or was it a Kouga thing? _Well, it was not like she was going to ask him_.

"How's Kei doing?"

"He doesn't remember anything."

"But, _him_ how is he?"

"Happy to be alive. Guilty. Scared. I don't know."

It sounded a lot like what Kouga was feeling but she would not dare mention it. He knew his own dark feelings well enough and he did not need her pointing them out to him.

"He'll be fine." He did not do enough for him to have regrets or fears. The only scars he would have would be the same as the ones Kouga was carrying.

'Do you think he'll attack again?"

"Who?"

"Naraku." His name left a horrible taste in Kouga's mouth. It made his blood boil and it sent him in a reckless rage. _She_ was the only reason he had no gone after the bastard.

"He's sneaky." She sighed. "He might be watching - or maybe he doesn't know he can't control Kei." Naraku would not have attacked right away. He would have let Kei ease away all suspicions before putting his plan into action. There might be hope. Nobody was ready for an attack from him.

He could be watching. At that sudden realization, Kouga felt like an idiot. He was taking Kagome away from the den, which was still the safest place. He was putting her life in danger because he could not bear to look at his pack. It was selfish of him and he did not want to be selfish with her. "We should head back."

Then, there was a hand grabbing his wrist, sending a jolt through his body. Her skin was soft and cold as she delicately wrapped her fingers around his wrist. Her actions forced him to come to a halt and he turned to look at her.

"I can defend myself." She proved that, did she not? She might not be in great shape, but Naraku did not know that. She might not be a factor he included in his plans. She did not think he would attack while they were at the springs. Plus, one of them would spot him? She knew Kouga would never forgot that scentless scent again. It would plague his every dreams, his every thoughts. "We'll be okay." She smiled. "Plus, I could really use that bath."

He nodded but did not resume walking. Instead, he let her initiate the pace - and she never let go of his wrist.

And he craved it - he craved her.

-E-

The water was warm, wrapping around her body like a silky cloth, finally releasing all the tension in her muscles. Although this time she could actually hold herself up, she opted for resting against the bank of the river. She had also moved a small rock so that she could rest her head upon it. Kagome made sure that everything except her head and her shoulders were covered by the water. She had tried to convince Kouga to take a bath of his own, but he had been against the idea. She felt bad that he had to stand guard, bored, alone with himself, while she was there relaxing.

He was the one who wanted to go in the first place. She assumed he wanted a moment of peace and quiet as well.

She knew he was somewhere nearby, watching, making sure Naraku was nowhere near. She made it her goal to enjoy her little soak as quickly as possible. Although after weeks of being in her own filth, part of her never wanted to leave the water. It was comforting and it reminded her of home. Home was a place she had not been in a very long time. It was good that her mother got used to that or she might have worried a lot. Regardless, hopefully he would be able to go home soon and re-assure everyone on the other side of the well.

"You know, the water is nice," she spoke loud enough for him to hear.

There was nothing.

He had not taken a bath since she had hand scrubbed away all the blood from his body. This was not good. He had to wash it all away.

"Kouga?"

She should not worry about him; he could take care of himself. He did not need her. And yet, her heart began to race. She tried to look, to see if she could not catch a glimpse of him, but it was pointless. A long sigh passed her lips before she slowly turned around. She inched herself out of the water and then proceeded to wrapping her kimono around her wet body without even drying herself. Her feet left a trail on the grass as she began looking around.

"Kouga?" she tried again.

He was going to get an earful; she was wasting a lot of much needed energy. Already her leg were beginning to feel wobbly and she could feel the sweat building on her forehead.

"Kagome?"

His presence in front of her startled her and she let him know that when she gasped loudly. "Kouga! Where were you?"

"Making sure it's safe. Are you okay?"

He searched her body for injuries but all he could see was the wetness spreading to the fabric of her kimono. "What happened?"

She dismissed him with a wave of the hand and then grabbed his wrist. She ignored the heat that reached her face while she dragged him back to the river - and he followed. Once they reached their destination, she finally let go of him and turned around to look at his face. "How water resistant is your fur?"

"What?"

"How water proof is it?" she asked while pointing at the fur covering his _parts_.

"It's fine."

It wasn't. But it did not matter. He wanted to know where she was going with this.

"Take off your armor."

"What?"

Why was he making her repeat this? It was so embarrassing. "Listen, you're getting into that water that you like it or not."

If he could have, he would have smirked at her bossiness. He could not. However, he did listen. He slowly unclipped his armor off of his chest, never breaking the eye contact they had. It loudly dropped to the ground, almost scaring her. "And now?"

"Get in the water."

And he did.

He did not want to, but she was insisting and at this point, his mind was running through a million thoughts. It felt good, holding her, kissing her. If she wanted him close by, he would do anything. Once he was fully submerged, he back away from the shore, leaving her plenty of room to join him. He did not actually think she would…

But she did.

While keeping her kimono on, Kagome slid back into the water. It was moments like these that she wished she had her bag with her bathing suit. Kimono would have to do… as long as nothing rose back to the surface…

She slowly made her way to him, taking larger breaths. She had about used all the energy she had saved up. Part of her wanting to just let herself float in the water but she knew she could not do that. Kouga could not be kind to himself at the moment, which meant she had to do it for him. She had to be what he was for her. Even if that meant exhausting herself. He deserved it. She owed him her life. Once she reached him, she put a hand on his arm in a way to stabilize herself. Unfortunately, Kouga noticed the way she was leaning against him.

"Are you okay?"

She softly nodded. "I'm fine. Now in the water."

His nose crunched up but he listened. He lowered himself into the water. Once he was certain he was probably soaked up, he rose back up. "Better?"

"Don't _you_ feel better?"

There was something else that could make him feel better, something that could make him feel whole again. The question was, could he go for it? Despite a few things she had said, she never turned him down, she never disliked his actions and she rarely stopped him. Could he make her forget Inuyasha? Could he make her see that he was the one for her, the one to make her smile? She was vulnerable, in his reach and ready for him. He had smelled her arousal; he knew she wanted him. Although at this point, it was not about having her body, it was simply about holding her, about knowing she was his. He lost so much. He could not lose her as well. He needed her to be his and his alone. But he could not take her. She had to come to _him_ \- and she was not.

"I could feel better."

There was something different in his voice. Something more feral.

All he could was take something that could be taken.

He leaned into her, his arms easily finding their way around her tiny waist. The wet cloth of her kimono pressed against his bare glistening chest as he dove in and buried his nose in the crook of her neck. He heard little _yelp_ of surprise that slipped her lips but he ignored it as he brushed up the inside of her neck with his wet nose. There. It was the spot where her sweet scent was the strongest. Despite the water making her skin cold, she irradiated warmth. He felt her tense up in his arms but since she did not try to push him away, he remained as he was. _Holding_ her. It was not enough and yet, it was. He did not understand. He just needed this tiny human woman.

Meanwhile, Kagome stood there, her arms awkwardly by his sides as she could not figure out what to do. The hug was unexpected to say the least. Then again, it was not as though he had not been seeking out physical contact from her. And every time, she let him. How could she turn him away? He was in so much pain; it echoed into her own heart. He had a whole pack and yet, as he clutched to her as though his life depended on it, she felt as if he only had her. How could she let him down? How could she not give him the reassurance he so desperately needed?

It took for her to inhale deeply before she was even able to wrap her arms around his waist. When she did, his large hands began to palm at her back, sticking to her wet kimono.

He allowed his nose to trail down the length of her throat while her chest was pressed into him. He could feel her hardened nipples pushing against her kimono and teasing his chest. He could feel a slight blush covering his cheeks and he was glad his face was away from her prying eyes. She did not need to know just how hopeless he was when it came to her. He wanted to kiss her, he had wanted to do that since the last time. He never pressed, he never forced himself on her. But now, as he had her in his arms, holding on to her warmth, he wanted to steal it all away from her. He needed it. He dared to pull his face away from her neck and for the first time since his surprise gesture, their eyes met.

She blushed immediately. She wanted to look away but something in his eyes forced her to stare right at him.

"You're the only one."

"Ww-what?" She did not expect him to talk.

"I don't love anyone else. I don't want anyone else."

His words were like soft whispers except, she could hear the cracks behind them. His voice was low and shattered as though he was nothing more than a broken shell. And she knew the words he spoke were no lies. She knew he had not looked or spoke of anyone else. When Kouga looked at her, he saw her and her alone. She remembered the night she kissed him back. He would have done anything to stop her tears. Anything.

She really want to stop his pain. But she refused to do that by causing him more pain.

If she kissed him and there were no feelings behind… then it was just as bad.

She could not do that to him.

She did not know what they were but she refused to give him false hopes.

"You, just you."

He let his forehead rest against hers and then closed his eyes. If he listened carefully enough, he could hear her heartbeat. Except, it was not like before; it was not rapid. She was shy and nervous and uncomfortable but her heart was steady. There was no longer shame associated to their closeness. As he leaned forward, their noses bumped and he felt a shiver. Her lips were so close that he could feel their moistness. Although she was not leaning into him, she was not pulling away. His mind was exhausted; forming a coherent thought process was difficult. It might be a mistake but - every time he proved she felt something for him and she never pushed him away. She _needed_ to forget about Inuyasha. He would never give her as much.

"I need you."

His words broke her heart. He was broken and he needed her, her alone. He acted as though she was the answer to all of his problems.

And he swooped in. He tilted his chin upwards, forcing their lips to meet. At first, he waited - just a beat. But she did nothing. She did not push him away. And so, he leaned in for more. He captured her bottom lip with his and tug on it, savoring her taste. He let his lips devour hers, showing her just how much he could care for her. He let his hands move upwards, wrapping around her upper waist, as though he wanted to never let her go. His hard chest was pressed to her tiny body, and he leaned her against the edge of the river to allow her to rest. He wanted to tangle his fingers with her locks, he wanted to push her out of the water and make her his forever. He could feel his cock beginning to swell with desire. He let his tongue venture in her mouth which only served to tease him with more dreams he could not have. He settled for a kiss.

A kiss she was returning.


	15. Pain is everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No excuse. Just real life. And work and. Yea. No excuse.
> 
> Although kudos to you guys for sticking with me. I really do appreciate it and even if I apologize a million times, it still won't be enough. Although, my promise still stands. All stories will be completed. It's the least I can do.

Waves of heat bubbled in his chest as he let the warm feeling of her lips caress his own. If he had to pick a moment to die, if he only had but mere moments, he would want this to be his last memory. She tasted sweet, like a fruit, while her tiny body trembled beneath his ministrations. He wanted more, he wanted it all. And yet, he was afraid. Every time he got near her, she acted like a scared deer and ran away. She pushed him away for a man who did not love her - not like he did. Although, despite all that it was _him_ she was kissing and not Inuyasha. She was returning his feelings, she was letting him be close to her. And he was probably going to screw it up.

Kagome could heard nothing more than her own heartbeat echoing inside of her head. He was fire, he was the strong smell of the forest and it was dizzying. She had never kissed before, she had never been this close to someone. She could fee the heat burning her cheeks while a strange fire was lite inside of her loins. She should move away - she should push him. She loved Inuyasha. That was the truth fact - the one she held on to… the one that made her fight for him, fight for his survival. Her bottom lip trembled against his, and then, she forced herself away.

What she did not expect was the look in his eyes.

She did not think she would have to look at him, she did not think she would see the light burning in his pale blue eyes.

It did not matter that she stopped the kiss, it did not matter that she was taking his moment from him.

He looked at her like she was the world. He looked at her like he was going to die if he could not have her anymore.

And for a second, her heart split.

He did not know her - well they had gotten closer - but he did not know her. How could he feel so much for her? How could there be more in his eyes than in Inuyasha's? It made no sense. How could _she_ mean so much to him?

He refused to pull away, he refused to create a rift between them. She had not pushed him away; she had simply moved her delicious lips away from his. He was waiting for her to babble, to panic but she did not do any of those things. Instead she stared at him intensively and he refused to break the gaze. Instead, he took it all in; the pink cheeks, the swollen lips and the glow in her eyes. All of it was there because he had kissed her. All of it was present because of him and no one else. It made his chest swell with pride; he could please her, he could make her happy. She simply needed to give him a chance. She was the strength he found in the darkness, the one _good thing_ that kept him going. Now, all he wanted was revenge; revenge for his people. Kagome kept him sane, she kept him - _himself_.

He saw her lips parted and he knew whatever she had to say would shatter the fantasy he had created for himself. He gently lifted his fingers and pressed them to her lips.

"I know."

She frowned but he simply shook his head, feeling the moistness of her lips against his digits - how he wished he could kiss her again. "Don't say it."

Her heart broke and she felt the tears puddle in her eyes. She knew how he felt about her, she knew what he went through recently. It was why she had not wanted to hurt his feelings, why she had not wanted to kiss him. _And yet she had, so why was that?_ Why had she kissed him back? There was a storm in her heart, there was a need she did not understand. She thought her feelings were clear, that her thoughts and emotions were set. She loved Inuyasha. She could not possibly have feelings for two people at the same time. _Inuyasha did_. But she was not him. She was not going to hurt anyone - and Kouga had his share of pain already. No, her feelings for him were nothing more than those of a friendship.

And yet her heart ached.

She turned her head to the side, brushing her lips and face away from his fingers. She could not bear to look at him because she did not know what response to give him. She would lie if she said she felt nothing but she would also lie if she said she wanted this. The truth was, she knew nothing.

"We should get out."

A shiver traveled her body and he nodded. He wanted to keep her there, he wanted to grab her and kiss her again. He knew she felt something and maybe if he could kiss her over and over again, she would finally stop wasting her time and emotions on someone as useless as Inuyasha. But he could not do that, not to her. He had tried the forceful way but it was not a good way with Kagome. He almost wanted to chuckle at the memory of the slap she had given him. He finally moved his body away from hers, allowing her to grip the edge of the river bed. He watched carefully as she struggled to herself out of the water, her strength still not what it used to be. He wanted to help but he did not trust himself. If he touched her, he would not let her go.

He needed her, he loved her.

He had poured his love out, he had desperately shown how much he needed her but she still walked away from him.

It did not matter what he did.

She always left.

-E-

"Is he mad?"

The words startled Ginta, causing him to nearly drop the bucket of water he had been transporting. He came to a halt, his eyebrows raised as he made eye contact with Kagome.

"Who?"

She tilted her head to the side, nearly rolling her eyes. "Kouga."

"Why would he be mad?"

She did not mean to ask. Actually, she knew it was probably best if she did not, but she could not help. She was worried. He had been in a fragile state - the point of the bath had been to calm him and relax him. She had a feeling that quite the opposite had happened. What if he reversed back to the state of rage he had earlier? What if he forgot about logic and reason and did something that would get him kill? How could she _not_ worry? Especially since this was her fault.

"I - " _He had not told the_ m. That or Ginta was a good liar. He genuinely looked confused by her question.

He _had_ noticed that something was strange with the two of them. They returned in silence and they each went their own way. Of course, Ginta knew better than to ask Kouga about things he did not wish to speak about. As tempting as it had been, he had simply left him to be. He did not expect that Kagome would be the one to provide answers about this new mystery.

"I don't know."

Or _no_ answers.

"Is he okay?"

Maybe that was a better question to ask - one he could answer.

"He's _stressed_." Kouga wanted to trust Kei, and he also wanted to revenge their people. He had to act but he had to be careful. Although he could tell his alpha wanted to be wreckless, he wanted to find Naraku and rip his throat out no matter the cost. He needed Kagome as his strength.

"Where is he?"

"Talking with Kei."

She nodded. That was probably best. Although, she could offer more insight on Naraku - then again, her presence was probably not needed or wanted at the moment.

"Kagome?"

She snapped out of her thoughts and lifted her head to meet Ginta's gaze. "Yes?"

He sighed before running his fingers through his hair. He did not want to mess it up for Kouga but he also could not let Kagome mop around like this. She was a sister to him and her feelings and well being mattered to him. "No matter, Kouga could never be angry with ya." He shook his head. "He loves ya."

She knew - he had proclaimed it, he had shown it. He had done it all. He was not betraying anyone and he was not sharing new information. But perhaps she did need to hear it from someone else.

"He doesn't know me."

"He knows you."

He fell in love with her because she could see shards. And then - _and then for more than that_. She was useless at the moment. She had not been able to detect any shards in forever - and… and he took care of her. When was the last time he even talked about shards?

"I - I love Inuyasha." At this point it almost sounded rehearsed. How many times had she said it?

"Where _i_ s Inuyasha?" He let the judgement drip from his words. He did not mean to hurt her but - she had to see the better option. She had to know Kouga was better for her. He did not have as much hatred towards Inuyasha as Kouga did, but - he still did not think he was good enough for his sis.

And there was nothing she could say to that. Because the person who was there for her from the beginning was Kouga. He had not let her down and he had given everything up to help her. Shame filled her and she could no longer stand to look at Ginta so instead, she stared back down at the floor. She felt trapped; like an animal cornered. What was she supposed to do?

"If you need anything, we're all right outside."

She nodded, her eyes never meeting his. She heard his footsteps echo against the ground as he walked away from her. Progressively, the surroundings became quieter until he was completely gone. Then, she raised her head and looked at the emptiness around her. A lost girl away from home and she had no one and nothing. Her friends came, they fought for her but she sent them away. Kouga came for her and she sent him away as well. Instead, she was waiting on someone who - was not there. Someone who never came for her. The emotions bubbled inside of her and before she could stop herself, she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Her chest swelled, her lungs filled and for a second she was convinced she forgot how to breathe.

All the pain, all the rage and all the disappointment slipped out of her in the form of uncontrollable sobs. She wished to be quiet, she wished to keep her emotions to herself and away from prying ears but she could not. Everything she had kept bottled up inside was slipping out of her and she needed it out. She crumbled to the ground, her heart shattering, her body feeling like it was breaking down. Her mixed feelings, the pain from her attack, the rage from what Naraku did; all of it was taking control of her. Her face was pressed against the cold ground and it felt amazing against her heated cheek. Her sobs were louder, her tears were spilling and it finally felt like a weight was being lifted off of her chest.

And then she felt it. Warm hands on her waist. She did not even have to look to know who they belonged to - it was _him_. She let him pick her up, she let him move her around like she was a lifeless rag doll. Her pressed her chest into his warm chest. She should push herself away, she should not encourage the feelings he had for her - and yet he was _there_. She collapsed upon him, words unable to form out of her mouth. She felt him stroke her hair, comforting her. Although it did not stop the tears; it only made it worse. Why did she trust him so much? He had taken away her first kiss and now, she was melting against his embrace, taking from him everything he had to give her.

She was selfish.

Kouga did not know why she was crying. He had considered not coming, especially since he was convinced he was responsible for the tears but - he had not been able to stop himself. How could he leave her all alone when she was crying? He could feel her pain in his own heart. He figured the best solution was to come, and if she did not desire for him to be near her, he would leave. She had yet to push him away. He would take every moment, every touch and every instant he could have with her.

He would be everything for her even if he was nothing to her.

-E-

His breathing was quiet - nothing more than a mere whisper in the quietness of the night. But she knew he was awake. He had slept by her side many times since she had gotten injured and she had learned to recognize subtle things about him. Like his breathing. He had stayed with her until her tears had died down and then - even then, he had not moved. Instead, he had remained by her side. He did not ask any questions, he did not try to get any answers out of her. He allowed her to calm down n the safety of his arms. She should say something, even if it was only to show her gratitude for everything he had done for her. Unfortunately, the words were stuck in her throat - she did not know where to begin.

Should she say thank you or should she say sorry?

Sorry was probably a safer option.

"I'm sorry," she croaked out. Her voice was raspy from her tears but the words were understandable.

His ears perked up and he opened his eyes to stare at the back of her head. She had chosen to lie beside him, their bodies barely touching. He had decided that it was best to let her find whatever position was most comfortable for her.

"Ain't gotta be sorry."

He did not want her to say she was sorry for kissing him. He did not want that moment to be a mistake. He wanted that moment to be a turning point. He wanted it to be the moment she realized Inuyasha was not everything she made him out to be. He wanted to let his nature take over and force her to see that _he_ was the right choice for her and that nobody would love her like he loved her.

But she was different and she was human. He had to keep everything he was in check if he wanted to have hope.

He acted as though it did not matter, as if she could do no wrong. She could; she had hurt him by walking away. She had dragged him into the water, she had initiated the whole moment that led to the kiss. He had to hold her responsible. She wanted to be responsible. She needed something to ease away the guilt that was filling her. She pushed herself up by pushing her palm against the fur she was laying on. Despite her shyness and the shame that filled her, she forced herself to make eye contact with him.

"You have to be mad."

"No, I don't."

"Why?"

She wanted him to be mad at her? Because…?

He leaned in closer, almost expecting her to back away but she did not. She stared at him like she was challenging him and there was a part of him that wanted to take her up on that challenge. Instead, he took a deep breath in an effort to control the emotions inside of him. "Why should I be mad? You ain't done nothing."

"But, I…"

She… what? She did not know what to say. Actually, she knew what to say, but she did not know if she had the courage to speak those words. She might want to act like she was confident. She had to say it. "I walked away."

His eyes narrowed. "Walked away from what?"

He was making her say it. He was forcing her to put words onto her feelings. She did not want to - she was better at avoiding it than dealing with it. _It was something she had learned from Inuyasha_. They did not talk about anything. She got mad, he got mad. And then they did not talk about what they felt. Is that - it was why she expected him to be angry? Because that was Inuyasha's reaction when she did something he was not pleased with - and now she was conditioned to expect this kind of reaction out of everyone? That was not good. Because now that she was staring at Kouga, she saw no anger directed at her. And he was just as hot headed as Inuyasha was. But he had a better control on his emotions.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." She grouped him with Inuyasha. She expected him to be the same kind of person he was - but he was not. And now, she felt even more guilty.

Had she let herself spiral into something that was not good for her? Had Kouga been right? She should not expect a fight everything a feeling or a situation rose. She had a temper herself, but she could usually control her temper around everyone but Inuyasha. Maybe they were a bad presence for each other. Maybe they were not compatible. Maybe it was why they fought so much and why it hurt so much.

"Stop saying you're sorry."

Her face had twisted into an expression he did not recognize and for a second it felt like it was not about him. But he did not want her to think about someone else, not when she was with him like this.

And why would she not say the words? Why was she bringing it up and avoiding it at the same time?

"Why did you?"

She held her breath.

He dared to lift a hand and press it to her cheek. He almost expected her to pull away from him but she did not. He wanted her to lean into his palm, he wanted to caress the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb but none of that was possible. Instead, he kept his hand still and simply enjoyed the warmth coming from her. Her skin was a bit sticky - the left over of her tears. He wished she would never cry again, he wished he would never have to see her face distorted in pain again. If it were up to him, he would take it all away. All the pain, all the suffering. He already carried so much. He could carry hers as well.

"I don't know."

"Why do ya think I should be mad?"

"I don't." Not really. She was confused, just confused. And his hand was warm, so warm.

There was something she was not telling him, something she was keeping from him and he could not put his finger on it. He would not force her to share _this_ , but he needed to talk about other things.

"You kissed me back."

Immediately, she flustered and if it were not for the way he was holding her gaze, she might have looked away. "I- I I don't know." She knew she did. She did not know why.

"Is he so much better?"

Inuyasha, always Inuyasha.

"You're different." It was the only truth she could say. "I - didn't choose to fall in love with him."

"Why did you?"

"He needed me." He was all alone. He was hot headed and he was quick to lash out but - sometimes, when he let his guard down… he was another person. He was just scared and hurt and from what she had gathered so far, his life had been far from easy. He never had anyone. He did not know how to have someone by his side. She had wanted to show him that it was not a bad thing.

Then again, he did have Kikyo. He had no problem giving it all up - including his life - for her sake. Did he really need her?

"I need you."

Those were the same words he had pronounced before kissing her, the same words that had sent her heart into a whirlwind.

He decided to use his speed to his advantage. Before Kagome could even inhale, he shifted their position. Suddenly, she was laying on her back, sprawled across the furs while he laid half on top of her, half on his side. "I can give you everything."

"I- I can't control my feelings Kouga."

"You _feel_ something."

He did not want to snap, he did not want to push her away but his pain was greater than his control. "Ya felt something."

He was vulnerable, baring it all for her to see. There was no hiding of his feelings, avoiding discussions; he was doing it all in the open. It was different from what she was used to and again, it was not a bad thing. It was simply different.

Kouga let one of his hands travel to her waist, gently squeezing the skin. If she tried to pull away, he would let her. He did not want her to associate his touch with a bad feeling. But she did not move. She stiffened slightly but she stayed in place. She smelled good. She smelled like him. Ever since her injury, she had been surrounded by his scent; his den, his furs, his body. His scent had soaked through her skin so much that it would remain for weeks - even if she bathed. But he did not want his scent to go away from her skin. He wanted it to linger for eternity. He wanted to be able to lay like this forever. When he looked at her, he forgot the pain of loss, he forgot the rage that stormed through his heart.

" _I need you_ ," he repeated.

And her heart shattered like it did the first time.

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered softly.

"Then don't."

If only it were that simple. And yet, as he closed the distance between them, she made no move and gave no indication that she was going to move out of the way. His face came quite close to hers and for a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. But he did not. Instead, his nose found its way to her neck, and he pressed the tip of it along the column of her throat. Gently, he nuzzled her, breathing in their mixed scents, forging a memory of it that would last a lifetime. Although her heart was racing, she did not seem displeased by his closeness. She remained there, like a statue. Was she nervous or did she simply not know how to tell him to move away?

"Push me away."

"W-what?" she inquired, startled by his sudden request.

"Push me away or I'll kiss ya again."

It was meant to be like a sort of threat but she did not quite know if she wanted to stop him. She stared into his eyes, losing herself in their deep color and she took a deep breath. Was she going to push him away or was she going to stay?

Moments ticked away, beads of sweat dripped down her neck and she was dumbfounded. What was she supposed to do? Surely the right answer was to push him away…

Her decision making process was too long and Kouga ended up making the decision for her. Warm lips found their way to her neck and before she knew it, he was peppering her throat with kisses. She wished to retain her composure but it was more than her body could handle. It molded against him as he made his way to her jaw. His mouth was demanding, memorizing every line of her, every aspect of her scent as he kissed his way to her lips. For the second time, he claimed them as his own as his mouth merged with hers. Her kisses were saltier than earlier but he demanded more. She found herself struggling for breaths as he demanded everything she had. A cloud of confusion formed in her head and she could not decided if she wanted more or less.

Her body was responding in ways she never expected, in ways it never had. Then again, she had never been kissed like this. She had never been kissed by anyone but him.

His hand traveled higher on her waist and he stopped when he reached the top of it - right beneath her breast. He could feel her large breasts straining against the soft fabric of her kimono and he could only picture the sight that laid beneath the clothing - firm breasts, hard nipples. Everything he wanted to touch, everything he wanted to kiss.

As Kouga sucked on her bottom lip, she felt a weakness in her legs. A fire spread in her loins and against her control, she moaned. Her absorbed the sweet sound with his lips while a sense of pride filled his chest. He had pleased her, he had caused her to lose herself into the moment. She could no longer lie, she could no longer walk away and say she felt nothing.

"I can love you more," he whispered against her lips.

She found herself leaning in, missing the warmth and the new feelings he had just shown her. Kagome's entire body was on fire and she could not explain nor control it. She wanted to breathe, she wanted to calm herself but his hands were leaving a trail of fire behind and she did not know how to handle it. If she could think, if she was not this dizzy with this unknown feeling perhaps she could process everything that was happening but she could do.

"I ain't asking you to love me." He was. He wanted her to love him. But she was not there. She still lingered in a past that was not worth it. But he could not tell her that. "Gimme a chance."

A chance? A try?

"Wha-t if I ca-n't?" She could not hurt him, she could not bear that guilt.

"Then I'll know."

If she never let herself forget Inuyasha, he would never have a chance. He knew he could make her see he was the better choice. She simply needed to allow him to prove it to her.

She did not want to say yes and a part of her did not want to say no either. If she said yes, she would fuel hopes that she did not want to fuel. He put her on a pedestal, he did not know her. He would probably much prefer another wolf girl. He did not know the first thing about her. He did not know that she came from another time and that her home was on the other side of the well. She lived somewhere he could not follow. This was not her world, this was not her time. She was here to help, she was here to fix what she had broken but - she could not stay here. He said wolves mated forever. Even if she had wanted to give him a forever, she could not.

He lost a lot of people they were very important to him. He did not need another loss.

She could not promise to love him, she could not promise to stay.

But - but she did not want to go.

He pressed his warm forehead to hers and landed a soft kiss on the top of her nose. His hand dared a little higher, brushing the underside of her breast and sending jolts of electricity through her. She should want to slap his hand away and yet he was not. There was a tingle left behind on her skin everywhere his lips had been. She could try to kiss him back again, she could try to see if it turned her world upside down. But what if it did not? Would it take it as a sign of surrender?

Her lips trembled, her entire body shook like she had no control over it - and at this point she was not convinced she did. She dare to brush up her lips against his as though she was testing the feeling. He remained still like a statue, afraid to scare her away. After a moment, she finally pressed her lips to his, slowly learning how to kiss _him_. Her lips moved slowly at first, and then she tried to imitate his past motion. She shyly sucked on his lips, she tried to open her mouth - and she accidentally let her tongue slid across the seam of his mouth.

And it was all he needed for his own control to slip.

He meant to be slow. He meant to be more human for her. But he was not.

He captured her mouth before wrapping his body around hers. She responded, molding and melting against him as he enveloped her with his sturdy body. He took advantage of her open mouth and slipped his tongue inside. "I need you," he whispered.

She was needed, and he was telling her she was.

She was not being overlooked. She was not being treated as though she came in second.

He was making her _be his everything_.

She should back away. She should let him go.

"I'll t-try."

The words slipped her.

-E-


	16. Startling Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not a dream. It is indeed an update.

Sleep was great.

Sleep was a luxury that people often forgot about.

Sleeping was something she _wished_ she could have done.

Instead, she spent the entire night laying there wide awake. Oh yes, and Kouga was there. After her reluctant reply that she was going to try, he had sucked at her mouth a bit more, and then, silence had befallen. What in the world was she supposed to say after that? She did not think there was a right answer. She did not think there could be a conversation after something like that. So instead, she turned to her side, completely silent, and he followed. He had wrapped a strong arm around her waist and he had nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck - _like it was the most natural thing in the world -_ and he had fallen asleep. There had been a soft, sweet snore ever since but nothing else.

Despite everything that happened to him, despite all the pain and everything else, he had no problem falling asleep if she was in his arms.

It was those kind of actions that made her say yes.

Despite her reluctance.

It did also make her regret it. Kouga was a good person and she could not forgive herself if she hurt him, especially when he was this vulnerable. What if, it never became anything more? She already did not want to admit to the _sort of_ feelings growing inside of her… what if she could never feel more for him? She knew he said he would be fine with it, but saying it and doing it were two completely different things. Then again he had persuaded her to agree to something she never thought she could agree with - trying with someone else. Did that mean her feelings for Inuyasha did not run as deeply as she initially thought? How could she possibly feel something for two people at the same time?

Her feelings for Inuyasha had hit her out of the blue… she had not planned on it and he had not really done anything particular to make her have feelings for him. But she did. Kouga on the other hand was on his hands and feet to try to please and woo her. It made her fear that everything she felt for Inuyasha - could come from Kikyo. And that was a heart breaking thought. She was different than Kikyo - they were two separate people and she did not want to share that in common with her. She wanted her feelings to be real.

Was it possible to simply… fall for someone else?

She groaned loudly than anticipated and then buried her face in the nearby furs. She let out a sigh, the soft mattress she was on tickling her nostrils.

It appeared that her stirring was too much because she felt Kouga's hand move to her stomach, palming it. For a moment she held her breath and her cheeks turned a bright red color. Kouga was really comfortable with the whole touching and closeness thing. She was not. Despite the amount of time she had spent traveling with Inuyasha, they were not big on the whole touching thing - it was even very avoided. Kouga was touching her like he had known her his whole life and - and he cared for her. Confusion 2, Kagome 0. How was she supposed to figure out anything when she was feeling like this?

Meanwhile her internal struggle did nothing to slow Kouga down on his path. He let his hand travel to her hip, resting in the little dip. He nuzzled his nose further into her neck, inhaling her divine scent. He wanted to die of happiness at this moment. When she spoke the answer he had been waiting for, he thought he had died and gone to heaven. He had hoped to have her by his side but he did not think she would actually agree to it. All of his efforts, all of his feelings; they had not been in vain. It was hard for him to contain all of the happiness that was bubbling inside of him. He had lost so much, that - having her. It was - it would be something. And he would hold on to her and he would never lose her.

Now that he could officially court her, he would not hold back. He would not press where he was not wanted and he would not skip steps but he would finally let all of his feelings show.

He could prove to her that he was the better choice.

He felt the goosebumps on her skin as his nose traveled to her ear. He nuzzled it, her hair tangling with his nostrils.

"Morning," he whispered in her ear with a husky voice.

She shivered in his hold and his smirk, his chest swelling with pride. This was what he wanted to do - every morning. That and other things. But they were not there yet. This was good too. His fingertips were twitching, dying to explore all the areas of her skin he had been teased with when they had been in the water but he decided to apply self-control.

"M-morning," she replied with an unsteady voice.

There was a fire inside of her, and each touch seemed to send her skin aflame. She wanted to sound articulate, but she could barely find her voice. Actually she could even hardly breathe - she just realized that she had been holding her breath that entire time. She finally let it out, her lungs thanking her for the exhale of air. She did hear Kouga chuckle in her hair and it only made her blush further. How could he be so in control of himself and his emotions while she was there, a mess of emotions? It was hardly fair.

And what did he want her to say?

So, hey fun conversation we had last night while you were attacking my lips?

Last time he had tried to woo her, she had slapped him. Things had changed.

Or actually - nothing had changed but her. He was still being the same person as he was when she met him. However, she was a little more open to what he had to offer than before.

He pressed a gentle kiss on the back of her neck, dying to attack her sweet lips again. She had let him do it yesterday, surely she would let him do it again right? He tried. He let his hand go up to her chin, he gently cupped it and then, he turned her head in his direction. He saw her eyes, wide open, but he tried to be as soft and gentle as he could. Slowly, he lowered his lips to hers and captured her mouth into a kiss. At first, she barely moved, like he was used to, but as time ticked away, she became more responsive. Once her body became less stiff, he used his hands to maneuver her. He tried to keep in mind that his speed was not hers, but she tasted like honey and his thoughts were slowly being replaced with all the things he could do to her.

Things that would convince her that he was the right choice.

He groaned against the mouth as he moved her back on her back. Her legs were closed, forcing him to remain away from where he wanted to bury himself. It left him with another option; he had to do the best with what he had. Inside of trapping himself between her long legs, he put his own legs each side of her. It allowed him to still press himself against her warm body while he sucked at her bottom lip. He felt her chest heaving with each breath she took, her plump breasts teasing his chest. He was mindful of his hands, making sure he was not pressing against her injuries - another good reason to not dive into her wet folds - and he touched cloth covered skin. And he wanted to know how it felt to touch her soft skin while having no barriers.

But not yet.

Kagome's legs were twitching but she was unable to move them as he trapped her with his body. Frustration rose in her and her arms lifted, only to wrap themselves around his powerful chest. His back was nothing more than pure muscle.

Kouga could not help himself as he dug his fangs into her lip - not enough to break the skin. He wanted to have her running her blunt fingernails across his back while he made her scream with pleasure. From the beginning, he had kept a good control on himself. Now? Now she could be his and now he was devouring her mouth - and now he wanted it all.

 _He had to pull away_.

And he did. He tore his mouth away from hers, even though everything inside of him was screaming at him to stay. He could not.

At first she remained there, her eyes closed and her breathing out of control but after a moment, she noticed the missing warmth. She blinked once, and found him staring at her as though she was the most important thing in the world. Noticing their current position, she blushed even more - if that was possible - and was forced to look away.

"Good morning," she repeated again. _God she sounded like an idiot_. How could she not say anything but stupidities?

"Morning," he replied with a chuckle. "Are ya hungry?" He could hear the faint sounds of her stomach and he figured he should ask before her stomach made any sounds that might embarrass her.

She offered him a shy smile. "I could eat." Eating was good, eating made it that she would not have to talk because - because her mouth would be full of food - and that would just be rude. Yes. Eating was good.

"Wanna eat in here or out there?"

"Out there." The words slipped her faster than she anticipated and she hoped he would not take it the wrong way. Kouga was a very - hands on person and she was not sure she could survive being in here with him. Not that - it was bad - it was - it was just a little too much — too soon.

She waited for his face to change, for his expression to waver but to her surprise, none of that happened. Instead, he flashed her another smile. "I'll see what's there. Ya can come when you're ready."

He had wished he could have eaten here with her… but out there was not the worst thing in the world either. Now, he could show the others his new found claim. One they had been rooting for sine the very beginning. He hopped on his feet, semi-aware of the half erection he had going on and he bolted out of the den, leaving nothing more than a trail of wind behind. Kagome stared, wide eyed.

What had she gotten herself into?

-E-

_The eyes_.

She did not remember the pack having this many wolves in it. What in the world had happened? It was like everyone had come out to eat at the exact same time. It could not be. Surely, they did not always do this, did they? And it would not be that awful, if they were not all staring at her. It was like they _knew_ what happened. Then again, it was a fair bet that Kouga might have shared a few information with the pack prior to her arrival. But what in the world could he have told him for them to stare at her like this? He had to have left out the uncertainty of the situation or they would not all be grinning like this.

She tried to focus on her own breakfast, holding up her little leaf as she waited for her meat to be cooked. Something they were not used to doing. Once it was finally ready, she stretched her legs back up and began glancing around in the hopes of finding somewhere she could sit. It should be easy but it was not. Despite all the time she had been spending with the pack, she did not know many of its members. And for some strange reasons, she could not locate the ones she knew; Ginta and Hakkaku. She was about to begin feeling like an idiot when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin but then, Ginta's smiling face came into view.

"Hey Sis."

"Hey," she said with a small smile.

"Looking for Kouga?"

"W-what?"

"Don't worry, follow me."

Looking for Kouga? It had not really crossed her mind to look for Kouga. First of all, she assumed that since he had not been by her side while she waited for her meat, it meant he was busy. He did have a lot of responsibilities and she knew he was dying to get some answers out of Kei. Who was she to stand in his way? She would only stop him if he was about to make a very bad decision that could cost him his life. She would not allow him to kill himself - especially not over Naraku. That bastard had taken enough lives as it was already.

Kouga would not be another casualty.

Ginta was very mindful of where he put his fingers as he led Kagome through the crowd. It was hard to not be excited about this new development. They had all heard Kouga calling Kagome his woman but they had also seen the slap that had followed his declaration. They all loved her, and they all already called her sis but this was just making it a little more official. Of course, Kouga had not said much but the grin on his face and the scent on him spoke for themselves. They had all cheered and ever since then, everyone had wanted to gather around and see the intendeds. Which is why he found it so strange that Kagome was standing there by herself! She needed to be with Kouga so that he could show everyone that she was his woman to be.

He was probably just waiting for her wounds to heal. She was human after all and she was going to need all of her strength.

"Found sis," he said in a joyful voice as they finally arrived in front of Kouga.

"Hey," she said with a little wave of the hand. Apparently, there was no escaping the awkwardness. She would simply have to accept it.

Kouga looked at her while some blood dripped down his chin. He had been nervously waiting for her and he had even thought she had might not join him. She had appeared a little uneasy in the morning and despite how much it was killing him, he had meant to give her the space she needed.

"She was looking for you," Ginta said as he plopped down on the only available spot.

No she was not - but honestly she did not have the heart to tell him that. She could not even have a proper conversation with him since last night and she did not want him to get the wrong impression about anything. It was best if she did not speak. Instead, she looked around, trying to find somewhere else to sit.

Kouga fixed that dilemma for her. He reached out for her arm, wrapping his fingers around her delicate wrist and he pulled her down on himself. She followed without too much resistance, until she realized what it was he wanted from her. He wanted her to _sit_ on his lap? She immediately felt her heart racing and unconsciously, she licked her dry lips. What was she to do? All pair of eyes were on her once more and she felt like they were waiting to see what she would do. Was her sitting on him something important? How was she to be familiar with wolves customs? And could she even have a second to process everything that was happening? She felt trapped and she was not sure how much she enjoyed it.

"Hm," she said bitting on her bottom lip. "Do I?" How could she formulate this when everyone was staring?

He saw the hesitation in her eyes and for a moment, his little happiness was threatening to be crushed. It was what mates and intended did. Eating was a vulnerable task. Everyone was sitting, nobody was on their guard. If someone attacked, they might not be that quick on their feet. By keeping her close to him, it ensured that he could protect her in the event that something did happen. He could shield her body with his, and in a worst case scenario, it would be her life over his. Which he was more than willing to do. Although, now that he was staring at her face he realized that maybe he had screwed up. She was human. It was probably not something human men did - and now - and now he was screwing up.

But then if she did not sit…

"To protect you," he finally said as he tugged her a little closer.

The surprise at his answer caused her to be momentarily distracted and she ended up straight in his lap. He pushed his mouth to her ear, much like he had done in the morning. "If you're closer, I can protect you."

She blushed, in front of everyone, but there was nowhere for her to hide herself. She was forced to let them all watched as shame overtook her. She quietly nodded and tried to re-focus her attention on her food.

Kouga could sense her uneasiness and he knew that once the meal was over, he had to talk to her. It was day one and instead of making progress he felt as though he was already losing ground. It had taken him so long to convince her that he was the right choice. He could not lose this privilege already. Although the others might get the wrong idea, he had to take her back to the den once this was over. Maybe if he shared with her, she would share with him and it would make all of this a whole lot easier. Kouga knew how to seduce a female but he was not quite sure his skills were on point when it came to human females. All he had ever done with them in the past was… eat them. And that was something he rather not think about at the moment.

He watched her quietly eat, her hair covering a part of her face.

For her, he would do anything.

-E-

"Kouga, _wait."_

Kagome had managed to hold her tongue during the entirety of the meal but it was something she could no longer do. Once everyone had finished he had lifted her to her feet and began dragging her away. Now that there was some distance between her, him and everybody else, she had to speak up. She had tried to not hurt him but now, she felt suffocated.

He did not want to stop, he wanted to bring her to the den, but he did not have it in him to ignore her. He kept her hand in his but he did come to a halt. "Yea? What's wrong?"

"I- I we need to talk."

Why did he not like the sound of those words?

"I - just I know what I said."

And she was about to take it back. No, this could not be. He had finally be given a chance, and he had finally gotten a taste of what it was like to be with her, to have her and she was about to take it all away from him. He could not. How could he plea with her?

She saw the panic form in his eyes and a ping of pain traveled through her heart. This was why she regretted what she had said. She did not want to hurt him - she did not want to hurt anyone.

"I - I just, I'm human." Dang it, she was usually a lot more articulate than this. Also, he had rushed her away quite fast, probably forgetting that her body was not on point yet. It was easy for her to lose her breath or to become exhausted. That made the whole talking thing a bit harder. "We don't work like wolves."

She was not ripping away his heart. She was having the discussion he had meant to have.

"I'm sorry." He used his grip on her hand to bring himself closer to her. "I forgot. I- I wanted to talk."

Talking. Talking and not touching. She could do that right? Yes. "Talking, talking?"

He grinned. "Yea." No, he wanted to cover her entire body with kisses, but _talking_ would have to do for now. Unfortunately.

She let her shoulder drop down a bit, feeling a bit less tense. Alright, maybe a lot of the misunderstanding was on her; maybe if she had spoken up a bit sooner, they might have been able to clear up all the confusion. She was not one to internalize her unhappiness all the time, but this was a new situation for her, one that brought up a lot of guilt when she considered all the parties involved. _But now was not the time to be thinking about Inuyasha_. She had to talk with Kouga first.

Once they entered the den, he plopped himself down on the furs; they smelled like her and it was completely divine. She shyly joined him, but did not sit directly beside him; instead, she left some space. He did not force it.

"About earlier - it's a thing we do," he explained as he leaned back. "If ya sittin' on me, I can protect you."

Made sense, not that it was the most comfortable thing in the world. "It's just that human - aren't so touchy." Yes, they touched hands, they kissed - but - but _usually_ , there was not so many displays of affections. It also did not help that she was not in her era. This was a time where young girls were married off - she came from a more modern world. Most girls her age were not longer virgins. And youkais especially appeared to be a bit more promiscuous than she was. Maybe Kouga did not understand her need for time and space and really could she blame him?

"Why not?"

Why - not? "Hm, because - we hm, we don't work like that."

Was that why Inutrasha had never made much of a move on her? Although he had touched her and kissed her a bunch of times and usually she was pretty accepting of it. Maybe she was overwhelmed?

"I know what I said, and I- I understand what you were saying. And -" Oh god, it had been in the middle of kisses and touching and - "I just need time. To understand it all."

He pinched his lips together but nodded. How was he supposed to woo her and court her and give her space at the same time? Giving her space was what he had been doing from that start.

"Can I show you?"

"W-what?"

"Can I show you why we do what we do?"

There were many underlying meanings to his words and she was tempted to say no. But at the same time she wanted to say yes.

"I'll stop when you want."

Alright, now it sounded even more sexual.

"S-sure." Nuzzling. Kissing. He had done that before right? She could handle that. Maybe it would help her understand and she would be less stiff. After all, they had a different idea of the world normal. Maybe she should understand _his_ version of the world.

Immediately he smiled brightly at her, and closed the space that was separating them. Relief washed over him while he grasped her hand, something he had seen the humans do often. Perhaps if he did more things she was familiar with, it would become a lot easier for her.

Once she did not feel as nervous, he leaned towards her, softly touching his nose to her cheek. "This is to get your scent," he whispered as his nose traveled down to her jaw, to the column of her throat.

She felt a shiver - a good one - and simply nodded. _Made sense._

He followed a path to her hairline. "And to put my scent on you."

"W-why," she stuttered.

"So others know you're mine."

She was never Inuyasha's. He never proclaimed her as such though he had said more than once that his life belonged to Kikyo. He was after all, ready to die for her. Kouga had no shame about saying she was his one and only. And although it did nothing to lessen some of the guilt she felt inside of her, she did enjoy that. Being everything to someone. It was a pull that was hard to ignore.

She might not know, but Kagome was letting off a divine scent and it was making him dizzy. Self-control, self-restraint. Those were things he needed to keep telling himself. _But she smelled like heaven_. And he wanted to taste every inch of her skin until he died. He lowered his mouth back down to her neck and grazed his fangs down the length of her neck. Her arousal spiked and he groaned against her skin.

What was _that_ for?

"This is where we mark."

" _Mark_?"

She was trying to focus on the words but suddenly she was a little too aware of his hand, too aware of the heat coming from his body and the one forming inside her loins. She knew plenty of girls her age who had done plenty of make out sessions - some already had sex as well. Up until recently, she had still been at the _first kiss_ step. And now? She felt like she was rushing through the steps. Too fast?

"Wolves mate for life." He had told her that already, and he had meant it. "Wolves are loyal." They did not hurt the one they loved. They cherished her forever - only her. Although, he did not want to bring Inuyasha back up, in case it ruined the moment. He only wanted her to think about the love he had for her. He had been holding back for so long that now, it was difficult. He wanted to show her everything all at once. If she could only understand…

Right there, right where his lips were, was her collarbone. He kissed it. And he knew what was lower; her beautiful breasts. He had some memories of them from the little incident. And he wanted them in his mouth. He wanted to suckle at them while she moaned his name loudly. A lot of his blood began to rush downwards and he knew it was a bad idea. Already running his fangs down her neck was too much for him. If he could have his way, he would have bitten her neck and left his mark for the world to see. He knew he was not where he was but - but something felt strange.

She could be shy.

She could be different because she was human.

But there were so many peculiar things about her that he did not even know where to begin.

Her clothes were one of them.

But - now he would chose to focus on the soft flesh near him. He let his hand release hers and he moved it up to her stomach. "Does it hurt?"

She shook her head. Pain was about the last thing she was focusing on at the moment. She did not know about modern time dating and she knew even less about feudal era dating. _She was screwed_. He was leading every interactions and she did not even know where to begin. _It was the worse_.

"Good." He moved his hand away. "Can I look?"

"WWHAT!"

Her sudden loud scream nearly rendered him deaf as he quickly backed away from her in an attempt to protect his ears. _What in the world was that_?

"No you can't!"

 _Oh. Oh._ "I meant your injury."

Oh. Well now she felt kind of stupid. Although not really. How was he going to look at her injury without basically removing all of her clothes? She had the right to scream! Then again, she had been quite naked in front of him more than once. And the time in the water… it did not end up covering much. _God_ was she always naked around him or what?

She wanted to die of shame.

"I wanted to make sure it healed alright." He would not look over the sensitive parts of her injury but he would at least be able to tell if everything was okay. A lot had happened recently and he felt like he had not properly checked up on her. It was his responsibility to do so. "You could just part it open." It was not like he was trying to expose a bit of her flesh. Maybe a little.

It was all part of a plan.

He was right. She could keep it tightly on and still show her stomach while her breasts and the rest were covered. She offered him a weak nod before she began pulling at her kimono, revealing the pale skin of her stomach. The sight she saw was one that was quite displeasing to her. _Scar_. It had healed fairly well, although some parts of what was visible were still closing. There would be no doubt about it - it would scar and her entire body would look disfigured.

A heavy scent of sadness coated their surrounding and immediately, a sense of a panic took hold of him. It did help when he noticed the tears forming in her eyes. _Was she upset about the scar_? Did she think it made her look ugly? A new rage flooded inside of him and he decided that he had to change her opinion about it. His eyes got cold and serious and he grabbed her chin with his fingers. He forced her to look at him. "You're beautiful Kagome."

He slowly bend down, being careful as to not scare her and he approached his lips to her scar. Very careful, he began laying kisses to cover it. He found no shame in her body and he did not want her to have shame in it. His lips were moist and warm and they sent tingles through her body. She could barely hold her own body up. He shifted on of his hand on the small of her back and helped lay down while he kept worshipping her stomach. Her scent was much stronger at this spot and every sensitize zones of her body that he wanted to explore was nearby. He wanted to lick everything and taste it all. But she was his main focus. She shook beneath him like he had all the power over her body and pride throbbed through him.

Tears spilled from her eyes but it was no longer about the damage that had been done to her body. It was about the relief washing over her. She had not said a single word and somehow he had known exactly what had been going through her mind. He had gone for it and he was throwing to send his love, his feelings, through her. He was trying to erase the bad and she did not even have to tell him that something was wrong. He listened to her, he was there for her. Her heart was heavy with emotions and she reached out for his face. She gripped the sides of it, pulling him away from her stomach. At first she was met with a bit of resistance but, eventually he let her pull him away. Their eyes met and he allowed her to guide him to where she wanted him.

She pushed his face towards her, his chin dragging along her soft breasts, promising teases and pleasures, and she only stopped when his nose hit hers.

How could she be so confused? How come it was so difficult to turn him down?

It had been easy the first time.

But the first time, she had not known him. He had simply appeared as a reckless, stubborn impulsive boy. Now, he was projecting a much different image - granted, it was a little darker at times but it was also sweeter.

She shyly reached forward and pressed her lips to his. It was a quick kiss. It was not filled with passion or desire. It was one that came from the heart. It also told her what she needed to do. If she truly felt this way, if she was truly considering this… she could not lie to him.

It was now or never.

"I'm from the future!"

"Huh?"

-E-


	17. Guilt & Passion

_From the future._

At first, he thought she was losing her mind - after all, she had gotten knocked around pretty hard by the birds of paradise. But, she kept on talking and explaining. _Well, the jewel,_ Inuyasha _, her life back home._ It was where she had been headed when she got injured. She had been going home - through a well - into the future. She had babbled a bit, and he had not gotten it all but after a few moments he had no choice but to believe her. It did explain the strange clothes, the different mindset and that temper. She had not explained much about her time, but from her alone, he gathered it was different. Once she had finally taken a break to breath, she had asked him if he had any questions - and he had asked for a moment.

Why was she telling him this now?

It did mean she trusted him, which he appreciated.

But did it also mean she was going to leave?

She mentioned that she was putting the jewel back together but - she did not say anything about actually staying here.

What if she left? He would never see her again.

Then again, five hundred years was not that long. He was still alive - he had to be.

Now that his thoughts made more sense to him, he rushed back inside. He ignored all the looks he was getting - after all, they were pretty confused to see him walk out of the den with all the scent going on - and he dashed back to her. Inside, he found her sitting on the furs, her arms wrapped around her legs while she seemed to be lost in her own head.

 _She told him_. She had to - because she had to be honest with him. He was a _wolf_ planning a life time and she did not have a life time. She did not know what would happen to her. Would she be tossed back on her side of the well just as randomly as she had been dragged into this side of the past? What if she disappeared one day and he never understood why? She had to tell him because he had to know. He took the news about as well as she expected him to take it. And now - _the hair on the back of her neck stood straight._ \- Now he was standing right there, looming over her. Their eyes met briefly and she blushed.

"Are you okay?" she dared to ask.

He nodded. "Am I alive?"

"W-what?"

"In your - _time_ , I should be alive right?"

Oh. That was the part that she did not tell him. "We - hm, you see. There's no youkais."

"What?"

"I didn't know youkais existed until I came here."

"That's not possible," he said with a strained voice. He knew humans could sometimes be quite violent, but it could never be enough to overtake all the youkais in the world. They did not have that kind of power.

"I- I'm sorry. I never sensed any and Inuyasha never smelled any…"

Inutrasha. The twat who could apparently go through the well with her. How come that idiot could it while nobody else could? He was sure that _he_ could. Anything that dog could do, Kouga could do better and he knew it. But that did not matter at the moment; he was more upset about the fact that she was trying to tell him that youkais were long gone. He was smart, he could never be killed like that. Maybe - maybe they were simply somewhere else, somewhere far from where she lived. She did not know everything; they could still be alive.

Kagome watched the struggle in his eyes as he went through different emotions. It was her fault. She should not have said it - maybe she should have lied and pretended that youkais roamed the world. What was the harm in that? It was not like Kouga would ever go on her side of the well. Now, a sense of guilt was weighing down in her heart. Inuyasha had never really been upset at the lack of youkais in her time and so, she never associated it with anything bad. Then again, Inuyasha was fairly lonely in his lifestyle and he never grew up around a pack or anything. He barely even knew his own brother. Kouga on the other hand was very attached to the pack life and the lives of many youkais mattered to him.

"But I could be wrong," she finally added to break the uncomfortable silence.

And she could be. She had not gone all over the world. Maybe a handful of them survived somewhere on a remote island. Or maybe they were amazingly good at disguising themselves. Who was she to take all of his hopes away?

"Maybe," was the only word that past his lips.

He could smell the uncertainty on her and he knew she was not trying to lie or anything but - he was not sure he was comfortable with it.

"I - it's a lot," he finally admitted.

He did not feel any less for her and it did not mean he did not want to be with her forever - because he did. He only loved her more than he knew a part of everything she went through to get to where she was. And he could imagine how difficult it was for her to be away from her owns like that - all the time. But he feared for the future. It did not seem as certain as it did before and - and what if he lost her? He had lost a lot recently and he did not think that losing her on top of it all was something he could do. Inutrasha never had to have that fear because he could follow her anywhere and that was unfair.

"I know, I just wanted to be honest." Because he meant more than he did before. And she could not make any promises if she could not give all the facts.

She also never thought she would be telling anyone this.

He met her gaze and he saw it in her eyes; the fear that she was not being accepted, the fear that he might be rejected her because she was honest with him. And despite how sad he was at the moment, he never wanted her to think that. Fuck, he was screwing up his own progress. He had got her this far, it had taken everything from him to convince her to actually give them a shot and now he was letting her throw it away? He could not let this happen. The future was uncertain. Fine. He needed to be what he was; a leader. There would be a solution. But for there to be a solution, there had to be a Kagome and him.

He had to ignore everything he was feeling. He had to focus on them. It would get him through each day. If he let anything else cloud his judgement, he might lose sight of his goal.

And his goal was her.

"No, no, it's fine," he said as he scooted closer to her. He quickly grabbed her hand, and trapped it between his. "It ain't gonna change how I feel."

His voice sounded trustful and his eyes were shining with the same feelings as they always had. Yet, there was something there in the pit of her stomach and she could not chase it away. What was wrong?

"Kouga…"

"KEI!"

" _What?"_ they both spoke in unison as they turned their heads towards the entrance of the den. Ginta was standing there in a panic, waving his arms. Kagome and Kouga pulled away from each other but he was much quicker than her on his feet. "What about Kei," he clarified as he closed the distance between himself and his pack member.

"He's being weird," Ginta explained, breathlessly. They could all tell that some shit was going on between Kouga and Kagome but they were forced to ignore it for the time being. This was much more important. _Although_ , they looked a lot better, holding hands and all. He was glad.

"Weird how?" Kagome asked, thinking of the horrors a Naraku puppet could do.

"He's shaking."

"He's seizing?" she clarified.

"Se-seizing?"

She could not run and she could not get there fast enough on her own two feet. She did not know if it was a reaction to a poison or it was coming from Naraku's control. Either way, it could be very dangerous and she could not let other lives perished. She did the only thing she could think of; she went behind Kouga and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Lift me up," she whispered.

And oh boy did he do it fast.

Once her legs were secured around his waist, she buried her face in his back. "Let's go."

It was much faster.

It was _why_ she was doing it. Not because his back was nice, warm and muscular.

It was for the speed.

-E-

"Get me a branch."

"A branch?"

"Yes, _quick_."

"Do as she says."

Kagome's strength was not match for Kei's and so, Kouga was the one pressing down on his shoulders, holding him down. She was not quite sure what to do in the case of seizures, but she was going to the best of her abilities. Most of all, she was trying to prevent him from biting his tongue but she was not getting herself anywhere near his mouth and his fangs. She did not have a death wish.

"What's going on?" Kouga asked as he held down his friend.

"He's having a seizure, - a reaction." She did not know how to explain it in terms he would understand.

"Is this something, you know… well? From your… home?" He was sure that some people had picked up on their conversation but in case it was not a known knowledge, he wanted to keep her secret… well a secret. She shared that private information with him and not with the entire pack. He was not about to betray the trust she had put in him.

"Yes," she replied with redness spreading across her cheeks.

She knew no one would know the meaning of his words but she did and it was strange for her to have Kouga know about where she came from.

Whatever she asked him to do, he would. He knew that in some areas she had more knowledge than she did and Kagome was kind and loving. Whatever she was doing, it was to help save Kei. Although, there was still this doubt looming inside of him, a shade of uncertainty. What if this was no longer his friend? What if, he could not trust him and keeping him alive was doing more harm than good? He should not be thinking that way and yet he was. He had to protect what he had left and he had to protect _her_. Doing this was putting her in harms' way when she was barely starting to feel like herself again.

"Here you go sis," said a voice as they handed her a thick branch.

"Thank you," she replied as she took it. She re-focused her attention on Kouga. "Do you think you can open his mouth?"

"What?"

"Open his mouth, to put the stick."

He could.

He was not sure it was wise, but he could.

Kouga shifted his grip and then, forcefully held his friend's mouth opened. Quite rapidly, Kagome shoved the branch in there and then snatched her hand away. She was not convinced that this was the way to go, but she was hoping it might help. Plus, the seizure had already began to die down. He was not jumping and thrashing around as much as he was earlier and Kouga was no longer holding him down. Considering he had foam forming in the edge of his mouth and that his skin was pale and wet, she did not think this was directly done by Naraku. This was his fault but not as directly as they all might think. _It was his poison_. Which meant it could also be her fault. Perhaps it was when she purified the darkness in him; she left him prey to the poison inside of him.

Had she basically killed him instead of saving him?

"What is that?"

"Poison," she answered, guilt filling her throat.

"What poison?" Kouga asked as he put himself between her and Kei, acting as a barrier.

"The poison from Naraku."

"Why is it only acting up now?"

"It's probably been poisoning him for a while, but - we - we didn't notice." She could not have truly noticed since she was not quite around the other pack members but… Kouga would blame himself for not noticing. Although it was her fault he was not around them all. She was taking up too much of his time and now it was impacting everybody's life.

How did he miss this? How did one of his own pack member get this sick without him noticing? Was it not enough that he had lost a part of them? Now, he had to become a useless leader on top of it all? He was supposed to notice when things were different, he was supposed to know when someone was not feeling well. He felt his hands crisp by his sides and they trembled as rage flooded his blood. _Fuck_. This was not right.

"Is he gonna die?"

He was the only survivor of the brutal attack - and though at times Kouga was not convinced that he could trust him, it did not mean that he wanted him to die. The decision had not been made, nothing had been thought through. He could not go like this. Kei was a major key to everything that was happening and most of all, he was member of the pack. He could not be left behind like this.

"I-i don't know." She wanted to give him a better answer but she could not. She did not know enough. She was not in control of her powers enough and she lacked the medicine she had on the other side of the well. She had begun to learn about plants and herbs here but it was not enough, not yet. She was powerless. All she could do was sit there, completely useless as to how to lessen the pain for Kei _and_ for Kouga.

"Get some water," he yelled at whoever could hear him. "Cold water." He was burning hot and though his _seizing_ had lessened, he was covered in sweat and the foam at the corner of his mouth was not going away. He would do what he taught was right. "And someone get something to wipe his mouth. And _get some herbs_."

He was not familiar with Naraku's poison. All he knew was that the bastard killed everything he touched.

He was not about let him kill his pack one by one.

-E-

"How is he?"

"He hasn't let his side," Hakkaku replied with a sigh.

He was leaning against the nearest cave wall, keeping a watchful eye on contact. He knew his leader was quite preoccupied by the state their friend was in and that he would let too much of his guard down. He took it upon himself to make sure Kouga and the rest of the pack would be okay. He was also keeping an eye on Kagome. Kouga would never forgive him or himself if anything happened to her. He needed to take away as much stress as he could so that Kouga could focus on what mattered. He had a a big weight on his shoulders lately and they were all devastated by it.

They were glad he had Kagome though.

Kagome had also decided to give Kouga some distance. Also, her reasons were a bit more selfish. It was her fault this whole mess had happened in the first place. If she had not tried to do something she knew nothing about, it might not have ended up like this. Although she _knew_ how Naraku used the shards and how he used people to do his dirty biddings. Did she truly have any other choice? And why could she not help him? Why was her control of her own powers so crap? Kikyo did it all so flawlessly and Kagome could not even manage the basics. She should be better by now but she was not.

And now she was hopeless to help Kouga.

"You know, I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you there." Everybody had given him his distance but Kagome was not everybody. Plus, Kouga was going through the motions of wetting Kei's forehead and giving him mushed up herbs. A task he said he had to do himself because it was his responsibilities. It might be good if Kagome was there to help him so that he would not just be _going through the motions_.

"I don't think I belong there."

"You're his woman." And now they were saying it with more conviction than before. "You'll always belong here, and you'll always belong by his side."

Except, she no longer knew where she belonged and apparently even Kouga doubted that fact. She should have waited to tell him - then again, she did not know more death was coming their way but she should have expected it. Things had been quiet for too long. She was surprised Naraku had no shown up by now. She was so weak, and she could be so easily taken. And the worst part was that Kouga _would_ put himself in harm's way if it meant defending her. And she did not want him risking her life for her. He had too many people who needed him.

She was mostly dead weight and trouble.

"I don't feel that way."

She felt something for him. That much was clear. But she did not feel like she belonged. She wrecked everything she touched from the very beginning, from her very first days here. She had broken the jewel, she had - she had screwed up everything for everyone. This would not be any different. Her own fear was stopping her and she was frightened of herself. She had gotten so many people hurt and - if she had never broken the jewel, Naraku could not use them to control people like his own personal puppets. It all began with her.

While she was in the midst of her thoughts, Ginta grabbed her and began pushing her forward. The little jerk her body did pulled her out of her thoughts and she immediately tried to still herself.

"I don't know why you're guilty. I don't think you have anything reason to be," he explained as he pushed her forward regardless of her struggles. "But I know that he needs you more than you know. He needs you more than he'll ever say." And Kouga was not shy about his feelings. But admitting that he needed someone as much as he needed Kagome? That would show more weakness than he was allowed to show as a leader. "Don't leave him alone."

They were putting this pressure on her, as though she could save them all. As though she could save _him_. Did they not see that she did not have it in her to save everybody? She tried. She tried so hard to help every person she came across and most of the time, it worked. But then, there was some damage, some casualties. Everybody was losing someone.

She could not fix the world.

She was not even able to keep the jewel together.

But her protests fell on deaf ears. Hakkaku kept pushing her, until her feet were kicking the ground beneath her and at that point she had no more choice. The sounds had attracted Kouga's attention and now his blue eyes were locked on her. His gaze was different but she had seen it once before; when he returned from losing most of the people in his pack. It was the same desperation, the same look of _giving up_. At that point, he had put his own life on the back burner. And she could not allow him to go back to that. She dropped to her knees, ignoring the stabbing pain that came from the hard impact, and she kneeled in front of him. She gripped his face with her hands, bringing it close to her, their noses brushing against each other.

"I'll take care of him." She was responsible for this. She could do this. There was no way for her to make it worse right?

"I have to do this."

"Go on a round. Go walk, go _hunt_." She was not quite sure what they did, or everything they ate now that they had changed their alimentation. But she knew he could not stay here hating himself.

"I don't want to." His voice was harsher than usual as he did his best to keep his grip on himself. Everything was falling apart piece by piece. Kei was dying in front of him, and yet he was no closer to getting Naraku. He was no closer to the revenge he had promised his pack. What the fuck had he been doing? "He's killing my tribe, Kagome."

"I know, and we'll get him for that."

"When? When there's nobody left?"

Her heart broke at his words and his shattered voice rumbled her through her very core. "Kouga, he won't get everybody." She broke the gaze to look down at Kei. "He won't get him. He looks better." He did not look as though he was about to go run a marathon but his skin had recovered some of its color. The fact that his state had not worsened was a good thing in itself. He was a youkai and he was strong. Perhaps he was able to fight against the poison. She had seen other youkais come through. He could do it too - she needed to believe in that. It was the only way she could make _him_ believe it as well.

"What if he doesn't? What if he dies too?"

Then he would have lost them all. Not even one of them could be saved.

This was bringing back the Kouga she had brought back to the surface. She could not do it again. She could not pull him back up again. Actually, she could not allow him to return to those depths again. She pulled herself away from his face and focused her attention on Hakkaku who was still watching them from afar. "Hakkaku, take care of Kei."

"I'm taking care of Kei," he said with a low growl.

Hakkaku could not help the smirk on his face; she was going to be one heck of an alpha bitch if she kept up that attitude. It was good, Kouga needed someone who could challenge his stupid ass. He loved him to death but sometimes, he was a moron. Like now. Even he knew not to argue with Kagome.

"Well, now it's Hakkaku's turn."

"No it isn't."

"Don't be selfish," she finally shouted. If he was not going to listen to reason, she would have to go the hard way. "You think you're the only one who's worried about him?" She pointed at Hakkaku. "Everyone is. Now let him take care of him and _come with me_."

She grabbed his hand and felt a slight resistance. "And it isn't a question or a suggestion."

She rose to her feet, her legs slightly wobbly and she used all the strength she had to pull on his arm in the hopes of bringing him back up. This time, he let her pull him - he even helped. His heart was torn in two. He could not fail to his duties - he had done that too many times already. But he also did not want to let her down. He was like a man being dragged to his death as he helped her take himself away. She was not strong enough to pull his body and he did not want her hurting again because of him. One injured person was more than enough and if Kagome was ever hurt because of him - he - he would die.

Soon enough, they were back into the den. He thought she would drag him to the furs, he thought she would force him to sleep it off but she did none of that. Instead, he found himself pressed to the cave's wall, her tiny body snuggled against his. She buried her face in his chest, her slender arms wrapping themselves around his waist. He could feel her small hands palming at his back as though she needed to hold him to live. It took him a second to recover but once he did, he returned the gesture by offering her the protection of his embrace. His chin rested on the top of her head and he felt the small tremble on her body.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault," she mumbled, her voice muffled by his skin.

"What?"

"It's my fault he's hurt."

He wanted nothing more than to pull her face away so that he could look at her but he did not dare. She had found safety in his hold and he wanted her to hold on to that feeling. "Kagome, you saved him."

"What if I only made it worse?"

"You couldn't. He would have been dead without you."

Guilt.

That was the unfamiliar scent he had been scenting upon her. She felt guilty. _And his heart shattered_. Because Kagome had never done a single thing wrong and the last thing she should be carrying around was such a burden.

"I did it, I brought Naraku, I broke the jewel, I -"

"He did this to himself, he is the monster. He took advantage." His voice was lace with anger but it was not directed towards her. It was towards that monster that was now taking away Kagome's livelihood. He would not let him do that to her. "You're the kindest person I've ever met. You fight for the people you love." And she fought for him, for his sanity and for his wellbeing.

Because she cared about him.

"I mess up everything."

Don't cry. It was what she was repeating to herself. But she was tired - so tired. The past little while had been draining emotionally and physically and on some days she felt like she was hanging by a thread. The guilt was too much and she was scared she was losing her light, the light that made her purify the jewel shards. She was not the same person anymore.

This time he had no choice. He rose his hands to her neck and gently scooped her jaw, forcing her to look at him. "You could never do anything wrong." He used his thumb to wipe away a tear, sighing at the sight in front of him. Tear. He did not want to be the one to make her cry. He needed to be the one who made her feel love and happy. This was all wrong, his whole life was all wrong.

"I can, and I have."

He tilted his head backwards and went against what he said he would do. He was supposed to be there for his pack, he was supposed to fix the wrongs. He would fix the wrongs within her first. He did not think about it twice as he planted his lips on hers. He tasted her mouth, the saltiness of her tears - he took it all in. And she did not fight him. She melted against him as he nibbled on her bottom lip, refusing to ever let her go. If she could not see what he saw, he would make her feel it. His fingers slid down to her waist, fingertips digging into the flesh as he pushed his body against hers. He used his new found hold to shift their position until she was the one leaning into the wall. And she let him do it all.

His body was on fire as her hands gripped at his biceps, looking for a place to hold. He wanted those soft fingers all over him. Once her lips were swollen and bruised, he moved down to her neck, trailing along the place he wanted to leave a mark. A powerful scent of arousal filled his nose and he let his fangs drag around her neck. She shivered in his arms, wetness spreading between her legs. She meant to move her hands, she meant to say stop, but she could not. Her body was on fire. All of her was on fire. Her head was spinning from the lack of sleep, the lack of food and the drain of the past few days. His mouth was everywhere and her entire skin was numbed by his ministrations. She forgot how to breathe, she forgot how to move.

All she could do was feel. His tongue was warm as he licked the top of her breasts, forcing her to heave. Her hands moved up to his shoulders, wrapping all around him. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, unable to hold her own head up. "K-kouga," she breathed out.

He did not want her to ask him to stop. He did not want to tear himself from her. When he was in her arms, he forgot about everything and he had a lot he wanted to forget. He almost begged but he knew he could not. He could not ask more than she was willing to give - even if he wanted everything.

Her nipples were pressing against the fabric and they were so painfully hard that she wanted to cry. She could feel the goosebumps spreading, her body under his magic. The whole point of her dragging him away was to not let him lose to the darkness inside of him. Instead, he was trying to fix her. It was about him, it had to be about him. But it was so difficult to think. His gestures had more impact on her now that she had relinquished whatever held her back. She had even been completely honest with him - about her blurry feelings and about where she came from - and he still wanted her.

He did not want her for her body.

He wanted her for her.

He wanted her for who she was, for who he was with her.

And it was heartbreaking.

She felt him pull away and a part of her knew she could not let him leave. She found herself grasping at his fingers, holding him in place. He barely put up any kind of resistance against her. Instead, he let himself lean into her.

"Kagome," he whispered back, much like she had said his own name.

He needed her to tell him he could go forward. He needed her to tell him that he could taste more than he had ever tasted before. He could not do it without her approval - and he could not push her away from him.

It had taken everything to reach this moment.

He could not let it slip away.

He would not win her tonight, he would not change their whole relationship but - he could show her how much he felt for her and he could show her that she was more than she thought she was.

If he helped her, he might be able to help himself. He might be able to be the leader his people needed him to be.

"Kouga," she mumbled. Her heart was racing, pressing so painfully against her rib cage that she feared it might shatter. She was deafened by her heartbeat, deafened by the blood pumping in her veins. Her lips were dry, her throat was clammed up and she did not know if she could find her voice in the midst of all of this. But she did. "Yes." He barely heard it. It was a tiny musical sound to his sensitive ears. But once it was pronounced, she had sealed her fate and his at the same time. He repeated the sound in his head over and over again.

And he plunged in without any hesitation.

-E-


	18. Once Upon a Return

_His hands._

It was the only thing her brain was allowing her to focus on. She could feel his hands going up and down the side of her body, caressing the flesh through the silky fabric of her kimono. Although she could not directly feel the tip of his fingers, his touch burned her. She felt the silk glueing to her skin as a build up a sweat formed on her flesh. He was mouthing at her neck, abusing the flesh and sending tingles all the way down to her core. She had said _yes_ to this. Her little word had unleashed the built up need inside of him and he was touching her as though he would never get to do it again. _And she was letting him_.

Her lips were parted, she was breathless, and her own hands were touching his back, sliding down his spine. He was warm, he was heat. She held her breath while she dared her fingers up the nape of his neck. His soft hair tangled with her digits and she pulled down slightly as his tongue darted out and licked the side of her jaw. She could feel his fangs poking at her skin, threatening to bite but he never did. Somehow the idea of him biting her was _exciting_. And she was clearly losing her mind. Everything was hazy as she felt him touch _her_. His claws were grazing at the skin beneath her kimono, hovering over her bare breasts. _She had said yes_. He was being careful as he slowly tugged on the material, forcing the kimono to slide down her shoulders, nearly baring her breasts to his sight.

His cock was engorged with too much blood and his instincts were in overdrive. He was exerting an insane amount of self-control to not take her right there and then. She was giving him a chance and he did not want to screw it up. He wanted to rip that fabric off of her body, lay her down and show her how much he could love her. But he did none of that. Instead, he refused to let the red bleed in his eyes as he finally gave himself the _real_ sight he had been dying to see. This time it was not an accidental peek and he did not have to look away. _He could look at her_. Because she was _letting_ him. He tore his mouth from her sweet skin and slowly lowered himself to her collarbone. He could feel the heat from her breasts but he did not look down yet. Instead, he put his hands around her waist, and slowly began his journey downwards.

The cold air had forced her nipple to erect and she could feel the familiar heat of shame across her cheeks. She bit her lips, trying to hide away her shyness and her lack of experience. He knew where to kiss, he knew what to touch and all she could do was press herself to the wall. She had already given into his touch, what was so wrong about touching _him?_

The problem was, she did not even know where to begin, what to touch - where.

Stress built up, twisting her guts while he kept trying to soothe her and excite her with his touches.

He sensed her distraction but he could also smell the embarrassment on her. He hoped - actually he kept telling himself - that it was because she was not used to this. He knew for a fact Inuyasha had not touched her like that. He had to focus on that. He could not let himself think that it was his touching that was bad. Although, there was one way to quickly test it.

Kouga lowered his mouth and he finally gave himself the best treat; her breasts. His mouth traveled down, kissing the pale top of her breast and then, his tongue darted out. He wrapped it around her erect nipple and he felt her buckle beneath him. He lavished it, tracing circles in a slow fashion, torturing her. It hardened against his touch and then, he captured it between his lips. A groan slipped her lips and pride swelled his chest. Kagome's fingers were digging in his shoulders and though her nails were blunt, he could feel her slowly hacking at the skin, drawing out the blood. And he growled too. _If only she had given him that chance from the very beginning_.

Everything was spinning and her world was slowly transforming. She wanted to gasp, she wanted to breathe but all she managed to do was moan. She _knew_ it was supposed to be pleasing - she did not know it would feel like this. Her loins were on fire while she felt herself slowly crumbling in his hold. She did not even know if she could stay on her own two feet for much longer.

Kouga had no plan on neglecting her other breast. His hand sneaked up and he cupped it gently before slowly allowing his thumb to flicker over her nipple. Another moan. She was panting in his ear, her warm breath tickling him and encouraging him to go even further. It was hard to contain the beast that was roaring in his chest but he knew he had to do it - for her. He allowed himself to press his body even closer to hers, his erection pressing to her warm thigh. He did not want to scare her but he needed _something_ to relieve the tension that was slowly building. He was youkai, it was in his nature to take - but not with her. With Kagome he wanted to be kind and he wanted to be patient. Even if it killed him.

Still, there was slight shift of his hips as he was subtly grinding himself against her soft thigh. He was exhaling loudly through his nostrils, forcing them to flare. And her scent - god her scent had gone from amazing to absolutely divine. How was he to resist the call she did not know she was giving? She was calling out to him, begging for his touch both with her mouth and with her scent. _It made him dizzy_. He sucked on her nipple, tugging on it, resisting the urge to nibble it; he did not trust his self-control with his fangs at the moment and though he would love to lap away her blood, he did not want to scare her on the first occasion. He would have other times, other chances to show her everything he could do.

There was _one thing_ he was dying to taste, one thing he did not know if he could taste.

Meanwhile, Kagome's hands had finally let go of his back. Instead, she let her hands shyly descend upon his body. Everything was hard but the skin was soft - so soft. She trailed her fingers along his pectorals, feeling the muscles bulging beneath her touch with his move he made. And then there were the abs - oh god the abs. She could trace every line with her tongue if she wanted to - although she was not going to do that. But when the thought crossed her mind, she did feel a wave of heat flush her face. She could not believe she was having those thoughts about _Kouga_.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she felt herself being lifted. His strong hands wrapped around her thighs and he used his newfound grip to bring her up against her wall. Automatically - without _any_ incline from her - her legs wrapped themselves around his waist, steadying her new position. And he groaned loudly against her stomach as his erection was forcefully pressed against her core. _He could almost feel the wetness coming from her_. For the first time, he stopped all motions and steadied himself. Kagome listened, startled, while he inhaled and exhaled very loudly.

He needed to calm down.

He needed to resit the urge to slip himself in her awaiting folds.

Because he could - and it would feel amazing and she would finally be all his.

But he would not.

Although, despite his fears and his insecurities, he wondered if Kagome would actually turn him down. If he tried it - this instant - would she stop him?

No, he could not be thinking like this.

He distracted himself by layering kisses on her stomach, enjoying the softness of her skin and the hint of saltiness the running around had left behind. He wanted it all.

Now that Kagome was a little higher, she could focus her grip on something else. Her fingers tangled with his hair, now that the abs were out of her reach, much to her disappointment. She enjoyed the soft feel of his hair while he kept lowering and lowering himself. Her heart was thundering; she knew where he was headed. At least, she thought she knew. There was a sense of panic flashing through her chest but she did not know if she had it in her to stop him. Her entire body was numbed from his ministrations and the wetness from between her legs could not stop dripping. How could one touch set her body on fire? How could one kiss send her world spinning?

He knew he was close to the point of no return, the point where he would have to taste her.

What was the harm in _getting one_ taste as long as he did not go for the full thing?

She would not mind. She might actually let him do it again.

His body was drumming with a need for her, a need to plunge himself deep inside of her - and to never come out.

He had been quite bold lately and it had paid off - maybe he could pull it off again. Maybe being _a bit_ bold could work for him.

Kouga used his grip on her waist to inch her up slightly. At first, she never seemed to notice and instead, she tilted her head backwards even more as his mouth lowered past her navel. He could feel her grip tightening, her toes scratching at his back while he pushed her up and up and up… At this distance, her scent was making him dizzy. He found himself growling louder, and this time there was something quite feral and dark about the sound that came from deep within his chest. Her fingers were tugging at his hair, pulling at it with each new sensation he inflicted upon her virgin body. He wanted to be the first to touch and taste everything. He wanted to leave the first trail of lips on every inch of her skin.

He wanted to _ruin_ her.

He never wanted her to be able to love or feel for anybody else.

He wanted her to love him the way he loved her.

His heart ached but he distracted himself with his prize - a prize that was getting closer and closer by the second.

His ministrations distracted her and it slowed down her understanding of what was actually happening. It was not until she felt his lips brushing up against _the hair_ \- the hair _down there_ , that her heart stopped. For a second, she nearly used the hold on his hair to pull his head away. Fortunately for Kouga, she never found the strength to do so. Everything was too overwhelming; the warm breath, the silent promises of pleasures - and that tongue. It darted out, slowly circling out her clit, forcing the little bundle of nerves to tense up. She buckled around him, her legs nearly wrapping themselves around his neck. If she had not been pressed to the wall, she would have come apart on the ground. Her arms tensed, her legs muscles were nearly jammed by how crisped she was.

And _dear fucking god_.

He did it again.

Slowly but surely, he began sucking on it, tugging at it with his lips, drawing out the sensations until her brain became a haze. Her whole world turned black and she was twisting her body not sure if she wanted to further the sensation or to try and detach her body from his mouth. It was good, it was too good. As she moved, his tongue swirled around and landed on her wet folds. And there was no going back. He plunged in, taking her whole aroma, her whole taste in. He tasted every inch of her, lapping at everything she had to give him. The sounds were coming out of her and they were encouraging him. He wanted to push a finger inside of her and increase the sensation but he could not do so without compromising his hold on her body.

This would have to do.

And he lapped at her, and she squirmed. He would do it until the only thing that would past those sweet swollen lips of hers would be his name. He wanted his name to echo out of her while he brought her to a new level of pleasure, while he made her discover a world that no one else had shown her before.

And for a moment everything was well.

-E-

_The shame_.

Kagome's cheeks could not be any redder. It was all fine in the moment, and even in the after moment - basking in the glow of her first real orgasm. Exhaustion had claimed her body and she remembered him sliding her down the wall, and then he cradled her in his arms. It was sweet it was - but oh my god she could not believe she did it. She had let him - and he had - oh god, she had. It was still surreal. She did not remember anything after that. She had fallen asleep in his arms and then - she had woken up. Unfortunately for her, she had woken up by herself. She knew Kouga was not the type to leave her by herself which meant that something had happened. She had not wanted to disturb him, and so she stayed inside the den.

Actually, it was mostly because she could not face him after this. How was she ever going to face him actually?

She buried her face in the furs, trying to hide the heat that was covering her face. She was sure that everyone around could tell not only how embarrassed she was but what had occurred. Oh god. They all knew what he did to her. Oh my god, she was not even quiet about it! How would she ever live this down! Oh god, it was not only Kouga she could not look at anybody in the pack. _AAAAH!_ Oh god. How did it even get there? She remembered being pressed up against the wall, and his body - oh his body had felt so warm. She had wanted more and she had let him and - despite how embarrassed she was, she could not say that she hated it. God, her legs were still tingling from what happened and then -

"Kagome?"

She froze, her blood stopped pumping, and her eyes widened, the white showing. He was back. And he was talking to her. Of course he was talking to her - he was not ashamed of what had happened. Because there was no reason to be. She was the only one feeling this way.

Should she reply? Of course she should reply! It would serve no purpose to remain silent. After all, Kouga could already tell she was awake. No matter was ever this ashamed while sleeping. He knew she was awake. And now she felt guilty because - what if something happened and he needed her help? Who was she to deny her help? He had been there for her every step of the way - and oh great. Now she felt like the worst human being in the world. She groaned as she finally tore her face out of the furs. _She still could not face to look at him though_.

"Kouga?" her voice was quiet, a whisper. She was convinced that he could hear the trembling in it.

He tensed as he heard her voice barely echo through the cave. _She was not happy about what happened_. He had not meant to leave her, he had wanted to be there when she woke up - they had shared a moment and he did not want to just - leave her to wake up by herself. He felt like such a fucking dick. Did she think he used her, that it was for fun and that he did not care? It was not his fault. Kei had pulled from his little coma. He did not say much but at least he was awake. Whatever Kagome had done helped him. He had been excited since she had been so hard on herself about it. She had done good, she had helped him and she needed to know that.

He had also promised himself that he would not ignore his responsibilities anymore. And so, with much pain, he tore himself from her body. She had been warm, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck. It had broken his heart to rip his body from hers - this was where he belonged. Also - despite everyone's worry about Kei, they had all been _pretty_ happy for him. Obviously there was no privacy in the pack and everybody knew what happened between the two of them. Actually, they thought that more happened than it actually did. At first, some of them thought they might have mated. Actually - some of them thought they were going to walk in on two naked bodies.

That he would not have liked.

Nobody got to see his Kagome naked but him.

Regardless, he had to correct the mistakes. He did not need anybody to congratulate Kagome on something that did not happen. It would not help them. It might actually scare her away and he was trying to avoid that.

He had rushed back to the cave as quickly as he could but apparently he had not been enough fast enough. As soon as he had stepped into the little den, he had smelled her - she was awake. Unfortunately, there was no sweet scent coming from her this time. Simply a lot of shame. He could feel a lump in his throat.

"Ya alright?" he finally managed to ask.

She nodded, and she hoped he could see it even though all that was in his sight was the back of her head. She exaggerated the movement a bit, hoping to render it more visibly.

A long sigh passed his lips. _Alright_ , now he felt like he fucked up. "Listen," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Good news, he should start with the good news. "Kei is good. He woke up, he said a few things. He ain't perfect, but he's gonna be alright."

Kagome felt a stress leave her body; she had not completely ruined everything. She had been right; something important had happened. She knew that Kouga did not easily leave her side, especially not after all the declarations of love he had given her over the past weeks. Not that she was scared - she could not possibly be scared of him leaving her. Not because he would never do it - but because - _well she simply was not scared of that_. Except now she knew that she had to look at him. She tilted her head, her bangs basically covering her eyes and giving her somewhat of a shelter, and she twisted her body around to look at him.

"Good, I'm glad to hear that."

She was so fucking beautiful. Her kimono was still all over the place - although it did cover the important parts. He had made sure of that has he had walked her back to the furs. Her hair was tousled from what he had done to her and the leftover of her orgasm lingered in the air. It also lingered on his skin. If he licked his lips, he could still taste her on himself. He wanted that taste again. Actually, he wanted her to scream his name again - and again. Although from the look on her face, she was not quite there yet. But he could not lose her now, not when he had done all this progress. He had to rile her back in. He approached her - and ignored the way she stiffened as he closed the distance between them. He dropped to his knees and lowered his head.

"Are you okay?"

She blushed even deeper. "Why- why wouldn't I be okay?"

They were going to talk about it.

Well, he was going to talk about it.

She was not persuaded that she had it in her to talk about it. She was not sure she could even say out loud what happened. Was she supposed to feel dirty? Was that the problem? That despite all the shame that coated her mind, she enjoyed what he had done? How did she go from getting her first kiss _to this_ in such a short amount of time? What had happened. _Oh wait_. A normal relationship. Was this a normal progression when the person who love isn't in love with someone else? She did not know that feeling. After all, Inuyasha was the only person she ever loved. _Not_ that she loved Kouga. But she had stopped denying the fact that she felt nothing. There was something. Or she would have never let him do what he did.

Why did she again?

Oh god.

And now he was staring at her with his deep blue eyes.

"I - " He winced. "Fuck." He thought he was pushing his luck in a good way. He thought he was guiding them in a good direction and now - he did not know anything anymore. He could not be taking one step forward and three steps back. He refused. He tilted forward until his head hit her thigh. At least this time she did not stiffen. "Did I fuck up?"

Why? Why did he have to be so freaking sweet? If he had been anybody else, she was convinced she would have never developed any kind of feelings. Miroku was an example. Despite his lecherous ways, he was a really nice, caring guy. That never made her fall for him. But there was something else about Kouga, something that ran deeper. She could not tell what it was, but it was there. Even now, he was not thinking of himself. He thought he had done something to upset her. He always thought about her feelings first and his second. He did try with her a lot - but never past her boundaries. She could not really say that being pushy made him a bad person. He was goal oriented and he knew what he wanted.

She wished she was like that.

She wished she stopped living in all that uncertainty.

Heck, she had even told him that he could not follow her home, and it did not put a damper on his feelings. He was all in.

It was in moments like these that her heart raced. She could see it. She could see herself falling for him and - _and it would break her heart_. Because - he might not be able to go where she was going. And she might not know what she wanted and she might end up breaking his heart. And she would never be able to forgive herself.

"You didn't," she finally answered, ending his misery. She found the courage to lift a hand and she tangled her fingers with her hair. He touched her a lot. Touching was not something she was used to and she did wonder if it came with being a wolf. Whatever the reason, she knew that if she touched him, it would help him believe her. And it did because immediately she felt him release, his forehead sliding further up her leg.

"Then why are you ashamed?" He would get nowhere if he did not ask the right questions.

"I-I'm not ashamed." Alright, being bold was another one of his qualities that she could add to the list. That one did not make her quite as comfortable as the other one but it was part of who he was.

"You are." His nose could not lie. He could smell it all over.

Did he really have to push this issue that much? If he could tell that she was ashamed, why could he not tell that she did not want to talk about it? She sighed. "I- this is new. I'm still - confused." Maybe that was not the right word.

"Confused about muttface?" He tried not to sound angry but he knew his temper slipped him. He was here for her, he had given her everything and more and he could not chase that idiot from her mind. He had made progress but he feared that the moment she would see Inuyasha, it would all be over for him. He could not let that happen,

"I-" Was it even about Inuyasha? She could not even tell what she was confused about anymore. She did not understand her own feelings. "I don't know what I want."

Her statement forced him to detach his forehead from her leg - despite how much he enjoyed it. He gently lifted his hand and he gripped her chin with his fingers. "I know what I want." He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to show her his love for her but considering how startled she still was, he decided against it. "I want you." His words would have to be enough to show her how he felt about her. Although, he was a lot better at actions than he was with words. As he had proven to her earlier but that backfired.

How could he be so convinced that he wanted her when she was always uncertain like this?

"How do you know?"

"I look at you and I know."

"You barely know me."

"I know enough."

He had an answer for everything. She had no answers.

"Kagome, I don't want to do anything you don't like…"

"N- No I like it, I -"

As soon as she said she liked it, his lips broke into a grin and she knew she had said the one thing she should not have said. Despite the blush that crept across her cheeks, she laughed. " _Alright, mister_."

He bit his lips, holding himself back as to not give her one of his witty comebacks. It was not his fault that she had just boosted his ego by making sure he knew she liked it. He had known that already but it was something else entirely to hear it from her lips. It meant more now. Especially considering how shy she was.

"I - I don't want to hurt you."

"I told you, you can't hurt me."

"I could."

She had been hurt by Inuyasha over and over again. Hurting someone was apparently easy, even when you cared for them. Inuyasha was not a bad person for being confused - heck she was confused by two people at the moment. One decision, and you could hurt someone you truly care about and that was exactly what she was afraid of doing. And the situation worked in reverse - what if she picked Kouga? Then Inuyasha would hurt. He might not have picked her and he might want to be with Kikyo but it did not mean that he felt nothing for her. His remnants of feelings were the reason she had hung on - because there was a shred of hope. If she ended up with someone else, it would hurt him.

And Inuyasha did not deal well with pain. He lashed out, he screamed and he did a lot of stupid things.

She did not want to see him in pain because of her. She did not want anybody to be in pain because of her.

Kouga shrugged his shoulders. "It would be worth it. Every second with ya is worth it."

"You can't say things like that."

"Why not?" he asked with a grin.

"Because we end up in situations like earlier." Maybe if she made fun of it, it would be easier for her to process everything that happened.

He was forced to chuckle. "Maybe I want to be in that situation again."

Although the teasing was clear in his voice, there was also another tone she could make it; desire. It was right there beneath the laughter. He wanted her and if she gave him the chance, he would take her. He could have tried earlier but he had not. Then again, a lot more than she had expected had happened. _But, in truth_ , did she really know what she wanted when she had whispered his name, begging for him to touch her? Had she not known that it would have unfolded? _God_ she could not believe that _she_ had done that.

There it was. The ping of her arousal. He could easily recognize it now, even when it was masked by other things. His nose would forever pick it up right away. It was a scent that _he_ evoked in her. Nobody could take that away from her. That and his memories.

The truth was - Kagome liked it. She could not say that she never wanted to be in that situation again. What she did dislike though was how useless she felt the whole time. How did he know where to touch? How did he know what to do? Had he done this before? Had he practiced? She had not. Suddenly, she did not like her own thoughts. She did not want to picture Kouga doing this to someone else.

"You're jealous." His eyebrow was arched as he took another sniff of the air. It took him a bit to recognize the emotion but there was no mistaken it. Kagome was jealous. Although he could not comprehend what had brought that forward.

"I-" _His freaking nose. That was not even fair_. "Can I have _some_ privacy?" she snapped as she hid her face away from his sight.

He really wanted to tease her about it and he wanted to push the issue but _he would not_. He already thought he might not be able to get her out of the mood she had been in that he was not about to ruin it. He would remind himself to do it later on. When things were a little less tense.

"Fine," he surrendered.

At least he was letting her have this one. She would be grateful.

He was about laugh again at her reaction when she saw him stiffen. His nostrils flared, his eyebrows knitted and then, he turned his head to the left. His hands were crisping by his sides and all the sudden, he appeared to be ready to launch himself at someone. Panic immediately filled her; had Naraku come back to finish the job he had started? Right away, she covered one of his fists with her hand, trying to calm him.

"KOUGA!" someone screamed before she even had a chance to ask what was happening.

There were a bunch of footsteps, and a lot of screaming. She could not make out most of the voices.

"YOU FUCKING MANGY WOLF!"

But that voice she could make out, that voice she knew very well. Kouga thought she might snatch her hand away but instead, she kept it on his. It forced him to remain on the ground instead of launching himself on his feet. If Inuyasha was here, he was here for a fight, not for a conversation.

"You scrawny wolf."

As Kagome had feared; it was Inuyasha.

"You think you can kidnap Kagome again?"

Silence.

"Come on, Kagome, get away from him!"

Kouga wanted nothing more than to bash Inuyaha's head in but instead - instead he was forced to look at Kagome. The truth was that he wanted to know what she was going to do just as much as Inuyasha.

Was she going to leave him and go with the mutt?

Or was she going to stay with him?

-E-


	19. Heartbreak & Decisions

Her heart was racing and she could feel her mouth turning pasty. _This was not supposed to happen_. When Inuyasha did not show up in the beginning, she gave up on him ever coming back for her. After the information Sango had shared, she did not _want_ him to come for her. Now he was standing in front of her and suddenly it felt like it was all happening too fast. She did not have enough time. She needed more time. Looking at him did not help. Of course she had grown much closer to Kouga but it did not mean she completely forgot everything she had ever felt for Inuyasha. If only it were that easy.

But, her experience taught her one thing. She was worth more than how he was treating her.

Kouga had shown her that she deserved kindness and that she could be made to be a priority. She did not think she could return to a life where she always came second. She was certain that his feelings were true but - was it enough for her? It used to be, back when she did not know anything else but now? Now, she would always want more and that was the problem. Inuyasha could not give her more. After all, it was the reason it had taken him so long to find her. If Kouga had not been the one to find her, if nobody had found her - she would have died. And Inuyasha would have never come for her. And now? Now he only wanted her because Kouga had her. She was a toy - a discarded toy that he wanted to have for himself. He did not want anyone else to have her.

But he was not going to have her.

He was going to leave her for Kikyo at the first chance he had. Once it was all complete, once all was returned to its original state, he would go and die with her.

Because he did not love Kagome. He loved Kikyo.

She could feel the tears puddling in her eyes while her heart was constricted by pain. It was a reality she thought she would have time to cope with but her time with Kouga sped up that plan. Now, she wanted more and she wanted it now. But she could not want it with a man that could not love her because his heart belonged to another. She felt the first tear slid down her cheek and she tilted her head forward, her bangs hiding her eyes. He meant a lot to her and she would not be able to let go that easily. However, she needed to make a decision for herself.

"Kagome, _get away from him_ ," he warned again when she did not move.

He was saving her from that mangy wolf, and she did not even have the decency to be grateful! He was a little late to the party but at least he was here. He was saving her and protecting her like he had promised to do.

"No." It was quiet, barely a whisper.

Both they both heard it.

And they both had very different reactions.

Kouga was shocked, his mouth hanging as he tried to see if maybe his ears had played a trick on him. He knew he had managed to close the gap between them and he knew was starting to have feelings for him. What he did not know was if it was enough for her to stay away from Inuyasha. He knew how devoted she was and her heart did not sway easily. He thought she would choose the easier route; Inutrasha. And there she was, denying him. He was resisting the urge to beam with joy. She was picking _him_ \- she was choosing to be with _him_. All the work he had put in, all the devotion he had shown her; it had worked.

Inuyasha on the other hand was far from being happy. Instead, he let the tip of his sword hit the ground as the feeling of surprise sneaked through him. He had left Kikyo behind to come and help her and she was refusing him? There was no way this was his Kagome. This was somebody else - or the wolf had gotten to her. He had to have taken advantage of her while she was weak and hurt. The scent of blood coming from her was faint but he could tell she got injured badly. Kouga had tricked her while she was weak and now she did not know what she was saying. Kagome would not say no to him. She might sit him, she might shout, but she was always with him. She always choose him. It was the one certainty he had.

"Kagome…" he warned.

" _Sit!"_

She had not said that in forever. But it felt good. All the rage she held back, all the pain she felt when she learned that he was not coming for her? It all had come out in that one word and it was liberating.

He hit the ground loudly and this time, Kouga was unable to hide the smile on his features. He even took a step forward, his hand resting on his hips, proudly. He was going to rub it in his ugly face that he was the winner.

Unfortunately for him, Kagome stopped him after he had only taken one step. She stretched out her arm in front of him. "No."

She did not want Kouga to be a part of this. She was more than aware of the silly rivalry between the two of them but it was not about them. It was about her. The fact that she was turning down Inuyasha chauvinistic order did not mean she had made up her mind about Kouga. The situation had not changed. Because it was not about them. It was about what she needed to do for herself and for her own happiness. She wanted more than what she had and she knew it was out there. Kouga had shown it to her. Inuyasha could never do that for her and she needed to make a clean break. If she did not, she would never move on from him and that would leave her to be miserable forever.

Kagome had to let go of him, no matter how painful it was.

They could be friends, they could put the jewel back together but she could not let herself love him. It was unhealthy and it was going to destroy her slowly. She needed to take a step back.

Once she was certain that Kouga was not going to move and provoke Inuyasha, she let her arm down. She was the one to advance forward while Inuyasha was pulling his face out of the dirt. He was even less pleased than before. He had seen this coming because she always did it, but he thought it would come after her rescue. She hated the wolf. He had kidnapped her and Shippo and - and she hated him. Why was she standing beside him? And most of all, why did the fucking wolf look so happy with himself.

"I'm not going anywhere with you, Inuyasha."

"Like hell you're not. I came here for you."

"No, you came here because you felt guilty."

"I ain't got anything to feel guilty about," he defended as he rose to his feet.

"You feel guilty for leaving me to die - while you went off with Kikyo."

How in the world did she even know about that? His eyes widened. Kikyo was not here and she was not a youkai, she could not smell her. How did she know what he did? Who the fuck told on him? So, he took longer than expected. But he was here now. Wasn't that all that mattered? Why could she not see the effort he had put in? Why did she insist on seeing nothing but the bad in everything he did?

What about the good?

"It ain't like that."

"That's exactly how it is," she said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And if you had been here, you would know that I can't travel right now." Her wounds might have closed but that did not mean she was on top of her game. She still struggled with little walks and she avoided big efforts. Also, Inuyasha had someone to look after him; he had Kikyo. Kouga had just lost a big part of his pack. He was by himself and he was hell bend on revenge. She was not about to abandon him when he needed someone to be there for him. He had been there for her and she would return the favor. He was the one who stayed up with her, fed her, nursed her back to health. Unlike Inuyasha, she was grateful for the help of others.

Plus, they had _other_ things going on between the two of them.

"I was _hurt_ , I almost died, and you never came for me."

"You didn't me, you had the _wolf_ ," he said, jealousy obvious in his voice.

The nerve of him. He was not _actually_ being jealous when he was the one going around with Kikyo while he was very aware of her feelings for him. He did not get to be the jealous boyfriend while not being the boyfriend. " _You don't get to be jealous_ ," she hissed out as she took a step forward. "You have Kikyo and I can do whatever I want."

"Oh so you want the wolf now?" She could not do that. She had promised to be by his side. He knew he was not supposed to have it all and that it was not fair for anybody but he was not ready to let go of Kagome just yet. She was the first person to trust in him, to believe in him. He thought he was nothing, and she made him see that there was more to him than what all the other humans thought. He did not want to lose this feeling. He wanted to hold on to it, to hold on to her.

"Maybe I do."

She should not have said that. She was giving hopes to Kouga and she was making the whole situation a bigger mess than it already was. However, she could not help it. Inuyasha was bringing out such a rage out of her. He could not have everything he wanted. It did not work like that. Plus it was not a full lie. She did feel something with Kouga - else everything that happened would not have happened. Of course, she was not about to tell Inuyasha tales of her time with Kouga. She did not think that would help the situation.

"W-what?"

She hated Kouga - well alright, hating him was a big word but nonetheless. When he had declared his love for her she had shut him down. Had she lied? Maybe it was why she left in the first place. Maybe it was why she ended up with Kouga - she was on her way to him and that was when she got attacked. How else did fate make them find each other? It was not like the stupid wolf was looking for her. "Is that why you left?"

"What?" It was her turn to be perplexed.

"You left that day to come find him."

"EXCUSE ME?" her cheeks were red, her nostrils were flared and if she could have, she would have punched him. " _No_ , I was going home because you were acting like a jerk!" She fisted her hands by her side. "Are you kidding me? I left because of you. If you hadn't been such a freaking jerk, I wouldn't have left and I wouldn't have been attacked!" She was not trying to attack him, she was not trying to put the blame on him but it had slipped her. He had tried to make her into the bad guy - and she was not. She had not lie and she had been nothing but kind.

Her words were like knives and for a moment, his puppy ears flattened on top of his head. She thought it was his fault she got hurt? He did not have anything to do with it. It was not his fault she got upset at him. He had simply pointed out that the wolf was overly friendly with her and that it was suspicious. And he had not been that wrong. He found them together had he not?

"It ain't my fault you were getting friendly with wolf boy."

" _Sit_."

And he hit the ground one more time.

Kouga was itching to move and say something. It was hard for him to stand by and do nothing. He wanted to defend Kagome and he did not want her to be a victim of Inuyasha's verbal attacks. Although the fact that they had a fight about him before she got injured pleased him. He was not happy that it resulted in her getting injured but he was glad that there was indeed something there before. Maybe it had not been a lost cause from the start. If it was not for the fact that she might get upset, he would not keep his mouth shut. He knew better than Inuyasha; upsetting Kagome served no purpose for anyone. And all it had done was land him _in_ the ground twice now.

"Leave," she ordered. "Leave now."

"I'm not gonna leave you with him."

"You're not the boss of me. I said leave. I don't want anything to do with you."

She might have to do many things, some of them involving her needing his help but it did not matter at the moment. For now, she needed to put some distance between the two of them. If later on he wanted to help with the jewel so be it. But for now, she needed him away from her. He was only increasing the injuries inflicted to her heart. She did not need that. She needed to heal; emotionally and physically. Once she was ready to head back to jewel hunting, she would talk to him again. Maybe.

"What did he do to you? Come on, mangy wolf. Get up and fight!" Kagome was fighting his battles for him and he was not about to let him get away with it. Kagome was his and she was done being with that wolf. He did not even want to think about what had been happening. Kagome was not even wearing her regular clothes. She was always wearing that stupid uniform of hers. Why was she wearing a kimono all of the sudden? It simply did not add up.

"I don't have to fight ya," Kouga said as he bore his fangs. "She doesn't wanna go with you. She wants to stay with me."

Kagome winced as she heard the pride in his voice. She was creating more expectations for him and she was so terrified that she might not be able to live up to them. She would deal with that later. For now, she had to focus on getting Inuyasha out of there. If he did not leave, it would all go worse.

"Like hell she does."

"Yes, I want to stay here."

"Kagome!"

"SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT."

He dug himself into a deeper hole in the ground and she felt her heart break each time she said it. She was used to using that word as an outlet but now, it was like a goodbye - and it broke her heart. "Go back to Kikyo, because I don't want anything to do with you."

"I don't want to go back to Kikyo. I came here to rescue your stupid head."

"Well, a little too late."

"Like hell it is."

"Inuyasha, _get out of here_ , before I find a way to suck my soul back into my body." They both knew very well what that meant - Kikyo's clay body would crumble and she would be nothing. She needed her soul to live. Kagome had never cared, she had let her live and she had never looked into fixing the matter. She was allowing that woman to live with her soul. For him. And now, he was doing all of this? She did not want to hurt him, but she would say whatever was necessary to get him to leave. It was already hard enough to hold back all the tears that wanted to spill from her eyes. Why was he making it harder on her?

He had lost Kikyo once. He had been face with the awful truth of her death and it had destroyed him. Especially because she had died because of him. Did Kagome not realize that he owed everything to Kikyo? She only died because of him. If they had not fallen in love and if they had not tried to be together, she would have never died. She would have lived a happy life, found someone and - and she would not have died. He stole those years away from her and he owed it to her to give her as many years as he could. It was only fair.

And he loved her. He had loved her from the moment he had met her. It was not easy to forget about those kind of feelings.

He wanted to provoke her further, he wanted to tell her that what she was saying was crazy but - but what if she did it? He did not recognize this Kagome. She was colder and she had lost some of the liveliness he had seen in her when he first met her. It was not his Kagome. He was sure Kouga did something to her.

"I mean it Inuyasha." She could feel the tremble in her voice and she wanted him to leave before she cracked. She was out of ideas now. "Leave, or she's gone."

"Keh," he said as he finally put his sword away. "If you wanna be stupid and die, that's your problem." He could not tell her the pain that was spreading through him, numbing him. Of course she was leaving him, everyone was always leaving him. Why would Kagome be any different? She had made him thought that he could belong, that he would always have a place with her and that he could indeed live among humans. Now, she was taking it all away from him like he never had it. It was not fair. _He should not have let himself be fooled_. He should have known better than to trust into the words she had told him. She did not mean them, they never meant them.

He was an idiot.

"Let's see how long you make it without me," he warned.

He did not want to go. He was dragging his feet. He was waiting for her to stop him, to tell him that she changed her mind and that she was coming with him.

Unfortunately for him, it never happened.

She let him walk out of the den like he meant nothing to her.

-E-

He knew how to deal with many situations.

Most of them included high pressure situations. Ones that were life threatening. But - he was not good at dealing with crying females. And that was exactly what he was left with - a very crying Kagome. She had been balled up in the furs, bawling her eyes out ever since Inuyasha had left. She had been pretty convincing that she wanted him gone and yet, now she was upset that he had left. She had even said that maybe she had feelings for him but now - it felt like her feelings were mostly directed towards Inuyasha. Then again, that was not much a surprise. He had known this whole time how she felt about him.

So how come he was so upset about it?

And he should not be. This was not about him - it was about her.

He needed to keep being there for her and awkwardly standing in the corner while she cried was not about to cut it.

"You want anything?"

But his only response was more sobs. God, the sound of her crying was nearly splitting his heart in two. He did not want a sad Kagome, he wanted the happy, pleased and aroused Kagome he had seen earlier. This would not do. Obviously he knew that trying to touch her or kiss her was not appropriate at the moment but it was exactly what he was dying to do. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her until she stopped shedding tears. He wanted to take her sadness as his own personal burden and make sure that she would never feel pain again in her life.

Because he would never do this to her.

He would never make her sad, he would never make her cry and most of all, he would never break her heart.

 _Alright_ , so getting close to her and being touchy was the only approach he knew. He was a wolf; they were touchy creature. What else was he supposed to do? Maybe he could find a middle ground? Plus, she was not replying to him. He had every right to be concerned about her well being right? He sighed before closing the distance between them. He made sure his footsteps were quiet as he approached her, and then, he dropped to his knees, the soft furs tickling his skin. He stared at the back of her head and he watched as her body trembled with each tear that slid down her cheek. He was glad he could not see her face because he knew that the sight of her would destroy him.

He could not see her broken again.

He never wanted that for her - and he was absolutely terrified of making it worse for her. What if his comfort only hurt her more?

He dared to lift a hand and he put it on her shoulder. Gently, he squeezed it, his warmth transferring to her. He wanted to caress her arm, he wanted to press a kiss on top of her head but he did not. Instead, he simply held on to her while keeping a distance between their bodies.

What she did next, he did not expect it. Slowly, he felt a resistance against his arm and he slowly watched while she turned to look at him. As he had expected, it was not a pretty sight. Her eyes were puffy, red and her eyelashes were glued together. Her beautiful red cheeks were stained by the trails left behind by her tears and her lips were swollen and pouted. It felt like her blue eyes were begging him to take it all away and he could not. He felt like a failure. He did approach her body, ready to be her comfort. And she used them. He felt her launch herself at his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her tiny shaking body.

He would be anything she asked him to be.

And she did not want to be needy, she did not want to be using him. But she needed it - she needed someone to hold her, someone that would tell her everything would be okay. Ever since she had nearly died, Kouga had been that person for her. He had been the one to make it all okay. She was relying on him once again. And hopefully, he would not hate her for it.

Minutes turned into hours and at some point, they both drifted to sleep. It lasted a while and surprisingly, Kagome was the first to wake up. She was as exhausted as she had been when she had fallen asleep. But her mind was running a million thoughts by the second. Kouga's strong arms were still wrapped around her; he had never let go of her. It made everything harder and all of it even more complicated. Was she insane? She was shedding tears over her boy who could not give her all of his love while another was giving her more than she could handle.

Inuyasha was not a bad person. He had a complicated life and he was stuck in a complicated situation. No, he had not handled it the best he could, but - was she handling it any better? She let herself fall for him more and more each time despite the fact that she knew he loved another. She knew she would end up at a crossroad at some point. Although, it was probably better that it was happening now before she developed even more feelings for him. Yes, now was good. The pain was tolerable. She was also crying because she feared she might have lost his friendship as well. She did not hate him. She was hurt, she was upset but she did not wish for his death.

They were friends.

And then there was Kouga.

She might have given him false ideas and now, they had so much to talk about. For now, her life depended on his. Eventually, she would return to her own life and then, problems would come. It was easy to say she would give a try now. Because now, she had nothing else to do. But soon, her responsibilities would return and she would have to honor them. And then what would happen with the two of them? She already doubted that he could come on the other side of the well. What if he could not even follow her in her travels? Then what was the point in even trying to see if this could be a thing?

And was she ready to invest herself emotionally in someone else?

She thought she was but that was before the encounter with Inuyasha.

Now she did not know what she wanted. She knew she did not want Inuyasha, but that was about it.

She had hurt him, she saw it in his eyes. She did not want to see that look in somebody else's eyes. What if she hurt Kouga in the same way? What if she had to look into his blue eyes and see that same pained expression? Could she handle hurting two people she cared about? She did not think so.

"Kagome?"

And now she had woken up. It was probably all of her troubled emotions that had given her away. _What was she to do_?

Despite the fact that he had woken up, he had yet to let go of her. His arms remained around her protectively and he even moved his head so that it rested on top of hers. He was warm, he was comfort.

And she could not let herself feel any of it. At least not yet. "Kouga?"

"Yes?" She was talking. It was a good sign.

"We need to talk."

That was a less good sign.

Actually, it was a horrible sign.

It was never good when someone said they wanted to talk - especially not when they used that tone. He tried to not let his panic show and he decided that the best way to hide it was by burying his face in her hair. "Yes?" If he did not answer, it would be worse. She might pull herself away from his embrace, and she might look at him. He did not want neither of those things.

"I- I'll have to leave eventually." She was not stupid. She could not leave this instant or she would be putting her life in danger and that would not help anyone. She had to be able to gather the pieces of the jewel and she had to be able to face Naraku. However, she would not stay like this forever. She would heal and then, she would resume her mission.

"I know."

Honestly, he had hoped she would stay here. He knew it was a stupid fantasy, one that could never be a reality but he had clung to it regardless. He had lost so much lately that the thought of her leaving was too much for him to bear.

"I have to hunt for the remaining jewel shards." And that did mean that one day she would have to take away the ones he kept in his legs. Although, she was not about to bring that up yet. It would lead to an argument. He had lost a lot of his tribes to the birds of paradise because they had shards and now he had lost another chunk of his people to Naraku. Obviously, he would not want to get rid of the one thing that he thought was helping him protect his people.

Somehow, she felt like the presence of the shards in his legs only attracted more trouble for him. But that was also another thing she would not say.

"Inuyasha can do it." He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to keep her by his side.

"I broke it, I have to fix it."

"Then I'll come with you," he answered as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "I'll come and I'll help you find them." He had originally wanted to have her help them get more jewel shards. He was aware that the shards she would find would not be for his people, but still. He would help. He would do anything for her and he would do anything to keep her by his side.

"You have your pack," she defended. She knew the Naraku subject was still very sensitive but she had to bring it up. "And you need to protect your people. They need you and - you have your own hunt." Although that almost sounded like she was encouraging him to go after Naraku - which she was not. "You can't leave them."

"You know Naraku. You said - he was your enemy too." If they were fighting the same enemy, then what was the difference? If he helped her, it would help him go against Naraku and it was what he wanted. She herself did not want him to face him by himself. He could fight anyone with her by his side.

"You can't be away from your pack."

"I'll come back to check up on them." Had she already forgotten how fast he was? Plus, he was not the only one here. He could leave others in charge and then, he would periodically come to check up on everyone. She kept bringing up problems but all he had were solutions. She was part of his pack too and he was not about to let her slip away. Plus, she hard turned Inuyasha away. It was not safe for her to be roaming the forest by herself. Even once she was back on her feet. She had been out so long, he was sure she would need some time to get back into the rhythm of things.

"Kouga, I can't ask you to leave them behind."

"And yet you're asking me to leave _you_ behind."

"I'm not your pack Kouga."

"No you're right, you're more than that. You're everything."

She felt the tears fill back her eyes - how could he be so devoted to her, especially when she was shedding tears for someone else?

It was overwhelming, it was bubbling in her chest. It spread through her like a warmth and she gave into it. She tilted her head backwards, forcing his head away from hers. Once she could see his lips, she pressed her mouth to them.

And he froze.

She was kissing him. He had once again declared his full love for her, and she was kissing him in return.

Maybe there was hope.

-E-


	20. Surprise Visit

The ambiance was different.

Kagome was happy, she was full of life again and - _and then mutt face had fucking ruined it_.

Now was she sad, unsure and full of doubts. And those doubts including him and their relationship as well. Despite his _need_ to be close to her, the boys had convinced him to give her a moment to herself. Plus, he did have to check up on the pack, Kei included. So he did. He tried to focus on his daily tasks while his Kagome was alone, sad and full of tears. It kept him very distracted but nobody questioned him. A few congratulated him on getting rid of Inuyasha but he knew he had nothing to do with it. Kagome had not chased him away to be with Kouga. She had done it for herself. Although, he should not be analyzing how they got there - at least Inuyasha was out of the picture. It gave him a real shot.

As long as he did not screw up.

The feeling of her lips on his lingered on his mouth and he knew he was dying to taste her again. It was wrong to take advantage of her vulnerability. He knew that. But it was not his fault that she had surprised him by kissing him and touching him. He was weak for her and he had no will to resist her. Whatever Kagome would demand of him, he would give to her. She could have his life. He would die for her. His feelings for the little miko knew no boundaries. How Inuyasha threw away a girl like that, he would never understand - but in the end, it paid off for him.

"Kouga?"

"Hm?"

"Kei was talking," Ginta reminded him.

Their leader had been quite distracted and he knew a certain brunette was at fault. Inuyasha's presence had caused a lot of stress and chaos and everyone was kind of tiptoeing around him and Kagome. They did not want to push where they were not wanted but they wished to know the results of the fight. Clearly, Inuyasha was gone. Did that mean that their leader was finally going to mate the woman of his dreams? Did it mean that after all of the pain, Kagome would _officially_ be part of the pact? They wanted her to stay. Even those that were unsure about having a human amongst them had gotten used to her. Plus, she had been there for their tribe, and their leader more than once. When part of the tribe had been killed off - she had protected Kouga from death. Without her, he would have carelessly gotten himself and harm's ways and his rage would have probably blinded him.

Kouga lived because of her.

And that meant everything.

"Yea, sorry," Kouga mumbled before running his fingers through his hair. Focus, he needed to fucking focus. But he was restless and he wanted to be with her. He wanted to hold her until all the pain was gone.

"Why just me?"

Kei could not even bear to look at Kouga. He could not look at anybody. He knew a lot of time had passed since the attacks but after everything that had happened to him, he remained fuzzy on the details. What exactly had happened? He was not sure. He knew that everyone was dead and he had lived. Whenever he asked, everybody looked away and it created a ping of pain in his chest. He knew that Kouga was the only person he could ask; his leader would not lie to him. Kouga was always quite upfront.

Kouga sighed. He did not have it in him to tell him. If he did, Kei might take on too much blame and he might do something reckless. He was their only link to their missing comrades and he did not want to lose that lead. Plus, he had not desire to hurt him. He was not one to lie, he was not one to resort to cheap tricks but he might have to modify the truth slightly to preserve his brother's sanity. "Kagome saved you." It was not a lie. She had managed to purify the shard inside of him, which in turn had cut his link to Naraku. It kept him alive.

Kei should remember more than this. He had talked to him. But, he expected that after the fever and the tremors, his mind might not be quite what it was. He did not even seem to remember the basic details of the battle. It was possible that he might not provide them with any new information, but - he was their brother and he would live.

Kei let a sense of relief wash over him. He wanted to believe Kouga because he needed something to make sense to him. But if his words were true, why had everyone been avoiding his gaze? Was it because he reminded them of the pain of their loss or was it because Kouga was lying to him?

"Stop worrying so much," Kouga said as he hopped to his feet. "If ya need anything, Haru will help you."

Kei nodded. "Thanks."

It was his duty to look after his own, a duty he had failed more than once. He was not about to let anybody down again - and that included Kagome. He sighed heavily as he turned around, heading for Ginta and Hakkaku. He had asked the two idiots to watch over Kagome while he could not. And now he wanted a report. As soon as they noticed he was heading their way, their straightened up and offered him their best smiles - they were not fooling him.

"What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Ginta began.

"Why would anything be wrong?" Hakkaku chimed in.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oi. Do I look like I'm the mood to play your games?"

They both shook their heads. "You definitively don't look in the mood."

"How is she?"

"Well, that's the thing."

He felt his face twitch.

"What do you mean that's the thing?"

Ginta winced. "Sis kind of, go up…"

"And said she wanted to go for a walk."

Kouga blinked. He knew they were not telling him what he thought they were telling him. Because there was no way there were this stupid. They would not let his upset Kagome, who was still weak, walk around by herself.

But they never corrected themselves.

"And you let her go?"

"She insisted."

"And she didn't go far."

"Yea, she's staying in the den."

" _You fucking morons_ ," was all he said before he began sniffing the air, heading for her.

They had actually let her walk away on her own. She was upset, she was not rational, she was still hurt. What if something happened to her? It was proven that there was weakness within the den. It was how Naraku had gotten to them. If anything happened to her, he would not forgive himself. He could not let her be injured, he could not lose her. His heart was racing as he finally picked up her scent through the wind and he dashed for her.

He was nothing more than a whirlwind when he reached her side, blowing her hair out of her face. But she did not move. She was sitting on the edge of the cliff, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was staring ahead in the distance, never even paying attention to him. His heart squeezed in pain as he headed in her direction. His heart was pounding as he watched her, feeling the sadness dripping from her. He popped his lips, unsure if he should interrupt her moment. He had been worried, it was the only reason he had followed her. But now, it crossed his mind that she might want a moment away from him. But it was not like he could easily let that happen. It was not safe out there, not with that monster lurking in the shadows.

Could she really be mad at him for worrying about her?

"Ya alright?" he dared to ask as he stood beside her.

She nodded.

Kagome had felt like she was suffocating inside the den. Her thoughts were jumbled, her heart was aching and nothing made sense anymore. Inuyasha had been the first person she met in the Feudal Era. She had slowly fell for him and despite all the heartaches that included, she did not see her life going into another direction. Now everything was uncertain and she did not know how to handle it. Kouga… Kouga's presence made it difficult. Was it okay for her to feel for someone when she had just let go of Inuyasha? Was it not too soon? There was no way she had all of herself to give when Inuyasha still held a piece of her. _But Kouga's love_ , it was warmth and it was good - and she did not even know how to handle it.

Everything felt like a mistake.

Everything hurt.

"It hurts."

He let his head drop forward as he plopped down on the ground beside her. He was not skilled with words; he never knew what the right thing to say was. But he could help her feel better if she let him. He picked her up by the waist and without waiting for her approval, he dragged her between his legs. He stretched them up and secured her between his powerful thighs. Her back was pressed to his chest and she stiffened. He ignored it as he wrapped his arms around her, dipping his head as to rest his head on her right shoulder. It took a moment, but she relaxed in his hold and he found himself breathing a lot easier. He wanted this - he needed this. He wanted her, that was not even a question but simply holding her; it sent his heart racing.

He wanted little moments with her.

He wanted a lifetime with her.

His skin was warm against her cold flesh and she sighed in contentment. What was it about him that he could bring her comfort even when she thought her heart was shattered? Whenever she felt herself tip into the darkness, he lifted her into the skies. It almost felt unfair. Why - why did he have to love her so much? Why did her heart have to be so torn? He kissed her, she enjoyed it. He touched her, she begged for more. And now, she was laying in his arms and she was not trying to fight for her freedom. Instead, she was letting him wrap himself around her body as though it was where she belonged.

What if it was?

What if she belonged in Kouga's arms?

He never made her feel like a second choice; she was his entire world. He had an entire pack that he had his whole life, and yet, he treated her as though she was the most precious thing he ever had.

"Why?" she finally dared to ask.

He frowned. "Why what?"

"What do you love about me?" She did not mean to be so blunt, she did not mean to pry but she had to know.

She was an ordinary girl. Inuyasha had made her feel ordinary. Kikyo though, Kikyo had felt extraordinary and Kagome had felt like a pale copy. She could never be as good as the original and it had hurt her on more than one occasion. But Kouga did not see that. He did not have feelings for her because she looked like his past love. She was the one he loved. What was it about her that made him so blindly in love to the point that he was willing to risk it all for her?

"You're beautiful," he began before wincing. Maybe he should not start with her physical appearance. "You're kind, ya love your pack, you fight for what you want. You're fierce and ya loyal." He could not ask for a better mate. If she let him, he would show her how great her life could be. He would never make her shed tears, he would never break her heart and he would never love another but her. He was loyal.

Her heart squeezed at his words. Why could he speak to her like this and Inuyasha never could? How could he so easily say the words that she had once wanted someone else to say? But did she really want Inuyasha to say that to her now? Did she want him to lie to her by telling her those things? They sounded real when they came out of Kouga's mouth but she was not convinced they would sound as real if Inuyasha was the one saying them. No, she did not want Inuyasha to tell her those things. She wanted Kouga to say them. And he was - over and over again.

"Can you make me… feel it?"

She could not believe she was asking this. Her entire face became red - including the tip of her ears. She was going to die of shame, she was going to melt into a puddle of goo in his arms.

Feel? She wanted him to make her feel what? _His love_? He could do that. He had been waiting to show her how much he loved her. He had given her a glimpse before but he wanted to worship every inch of her. She twisted in his arms and he wasted in no time in capturing her lips. His tongue swiped across the seam of her lips and she immediately granted him entrance. He tasted her mouth, he memorized the taste of her as he used his grip on her to slowly lower them to the ground. His back touched the wet grass beneath him and he helped her steady herself on his chest, his hands resting on her back. His mouth never left hers as their legs tangled, his heart racing. Her breasts were spilling out of her kimono as she pressed them to his chest and for a second he cursed himself for wearing his armor plate. He wanted her touching him. He needed to be closer to her than he had ever been before.

He let his hands lower until he was touching the sides of her rear and he was digging to hold the bouncy mounds. He felt her pant and moan in his mouth while his tongue brushed up against hers. His blood was rushing downwards and he knew it would not be long until she could feel his excitement; he did not care. He wanted her to know what she did to him, the hold she had on him. He was hers, completely. She pressed her hands flat against his armor, fingers dying to claw at his flesh but she could not. Every time he touched her, every time he kissed her he left a fire burning inside of her. Was that the feeling of need and desire? He could ease away the worries in her heart with one kiss.

Then, she tore her lips from him and he felt a similar flash of pain go through him.

Blood splattered around them and Kouga did the first thing he could think of; he flipped them around, shielding her body with his. He had not smelled an enemy, he had not even sensed one. Even now, he felt blind as he tried to scan the vicinity for _something_ but he could not see anything. Panicked filled his blue eyes, especially as the scent of blood invaded his nostrils. Was it his? Was it Kagome's? He did not know. He shivered as he approached her body even closer to his, hoping he could keep her out of harm's way.

"Na-naraku," she managed to utter as she pressed her chest to his chest.

It had not been much. There was a warmth and a pain in her lower back but it felt more like a hit than anything else. It had rendered her breathless for a moment but she was slowly regaining her air. She was not sure she could say Kouga was as well as she was. She could feel blood dripping down her legs and she knew it was coming from his body. Although, he seemed quite alert; maybe it was nothing more than a superficial wound?

"It's Naraku," she repeated.

He was the only one who could do such a sneak attack. She knew Kouga had been, erm, distracted, but - he was always on alert. If he had not sensed anything, it was because the monster was behind this.

"Giving me away like that, silly Miko."

Kouga felt his blood boil in his veins and he had one certainty; if it were not for the fact that he was protecting Kagome with his body, he would have launched himself at the monster that destroyed his pack. His entire body trembled with rage, the need for revenge replacing the blood in his veins. "Kagome, don't move."

"Yes, please, don't move. It'll make it easier to kill you both."

Naraku had encountered her group more than once and though she had seen how deadly he could be, he had never quite made an attempt on her life. She felt like if he had really wanted to kill her, he would have succeeded. Inuyasha was strong but he was not that strong yet. Why was he suddenly coming after her?

"And then, I'll get the dog." He laughed. "I know he's here somewhere."

Inuyasha.

"Mutt face ain't here."

It was not in his nature to coward away from a fight. He should be trying to rip his head off and yet he was being torn from the inside. If something happened to her while he chased that thing… he would never forgive himself. What was he supposed to do? Which of his instincts was stronger? The need to protect the pack, or the need to protect his mate to be?

He did not know.

The little miko had told him he could find Inuyasha here. She had been quite upset that he had been on the hunt for Kagome. He enjoyed preying on people's dark emotions to obtain what he sought. Kikyo was no exception. She used to be pure, kind and loving. Much like Kagome was but death changed her. Of course, he still enjoyed torturing her for his own amusement. It was fine if the dog was not here. He could find him some other way, it was no trouble. However, he _hated_ to make a trip for nothing. He could not possibly kill Kagome, at least not yet. She was quite useful when it came to finding the jewel shards and she sped up the process for him. She was still useful. Although - she was hurt. He could not have that.

Maybe the wolf could live.

After all, he had been smart enough to hide. He had hoped to draw him and his jewels shards out to play. He had also hoped the commotion would draw out Inuyasha and his little friends. It had not worked.

It hardly mattered. He could get his payment regardless. He could feel the power of the shards shining through the wolf's legs and he knew that power would be his. He could ask for them, but what would the fun in that be?

"What do you want wolf?"

Did he dare talk to him? He dug his claws in the earth, reminding himself not to move. He felt Kagome wrap her tiny arms around his waist, holding him there. _At least she was safe, she was fine_.

"Do you want her?" Desire, it was such a foolish thing. It made people do crazy thing.

"I could give her to you."

For a second, Kouga's mind was invaded by thoughts of Kagome. Her long legs wrapped around him, his cock buried deep inside of her while she proclaimed his love for him over and over again. Her holding their cub. Her lips on his neck while she whispered sweet words to him. Everything he had ever wanted was in his mind - a clear picture of the future he wanted with Kagome. It was right there and he could reach out for it. She smelled good, she tasted amazing and she _felt_ great. It was like memories of something that had never happened.

"Kouga?"

Yes, his Kagome, moaning his name over and over again.

"Kouga, stay with me."

Kagome's eyes puddled with tears. She did not know what Naraku was doing but she knew he was playing a trick on him. She had felt his hold on her lessened and he looked ready to get up. She could not let him walk to his own death, she could not watch him die. She let go of his waist and reached out for his face, cupping it with her hands. "Kouga, I need you to look at me," desperation shook her voice, but he never even glanced at her. Panic took hold of her heart and her eyes flickered from his face to his chest. Something was happening to him. "Kouga, listen to me, it's not real."

Naraku was messing with his mind, he was going to drive him to do something he might regret.

"Isn't it beautiful, isn't it everything you've ever wanted?" the voice teased.

It was, it was everything he wanted and more.

Kagome was desperate, he was about to tear his body away from hers and she could not stop him. She refused to let Naraku have him. He had protected her with his life time and times again and now it was her turn to help him. She used her grip on his face to close the distance between their lips. She kissed him, pouring in all the passion in her heart, everything she felt for him. She had to help him see that she was reality and that whatever poison Naraku was putting in his mind - it was not real. She was panting by the time she tore her lips away and she pressed her nose to his. "I'm real, Kouga. _I am_."

The images became blurry. Kagome's face began to fade as it leaked away like paint. Instead, he found himself staring into two startled blue eyes filled with tears. Kagome - his Kagome - was crying.

"Kagome?"

Oh god. Relief blew through her and she let the tears spilled. "Yes," she said as she gave him a peck on the lips. "I'm here."

"You couldn't let him have the fantasy," Naraku said with disappointment in his voice. "Are you prepared to give him the real thing?"

She was what he poisoned him with? He poisoned him with a fake love? It was cruel.

"Kagom-e…" It had felt so real. She had been in his arm, she had bore his mark - his cubs. It had all been so real and he had chased it like an idiot. He was so blinded by his need for her that he never even saw through the illusion. She was the one who brought him back to reality. Her kiss brought him back.

"I suppose I'll have to find another way to have fun." There was a maniac laughter fading into the background and Kagome felt her blood freeze. Whenever he laughed, something horrible happened.

"Kouga," she tried to warn him but she did not know what they should be trying to protect themselves from.

And then it happened. Kouga yelped in pain, so loud that it nearly rendered her deaf. Warmth surrounded them both while he collapsed on top of her in a meagre attempt to protect her from whatever was assaulting him. His body trembled on top of hers and she could feel a thick liquid being splashed around; blood. It had to be. She tried to scream his name but her noises were muffled by his chest plate. She tried to wriggle free, hoping to help him, but it was pointless. He was like deadweight on top of her. A glow of purple began to surround them and Kagome was forced to close her eyes as the smoke began to burn. There was a growl mixed with a groan that came from Kouga, but he did not move.

She shook him once, then twice.

She panicked, she shouted. Somebody would have to hear her.

"Kagome?" someone was calling out to her in the distance - but it was not Kouga.

"Ginta?" She tried as she coughed up some of the smoke that had made its way into her lungs. Oh god, she was going to suffocate to death - and Kouga… he was not even conscious, he could not even protect himself from the smoke.

"Please," she begged. The tears kept spilling from her closed eyes and she felt bile rise in her throat. She could not lose him, she refused to lose him. _"Please._ "

She heard movements and shuffling of feet as suddenly, her skin did not burn as badly; the smoke was dissipating.

"KAGOME! KOUGA!"

It was still a little thick, blocking the view of those who were coming to rescue them.

"Here," she whispered, her lungs crushed by Kouga's weight and filled with the purple smoke. She just needed them to find them. She just needed to stay awake long enough so that they could located them.

Just, one, more, second.

-E-

"KOUGA!"

It was the first thing to come out of her mouth as she jolted awake. Everyone in the vicinity jumped to their feet, startled by the sudden screaming coming from the tiny girl they thought was unconscious. Her blue eyes darted left and right and slowly she began to pat the space around her. Kouga had been on top of her, he had been hurt. Oh god, had Naraku taken him? She was crying, she was sobbing, as she tried to sit up. She was still dizzy, which was a side effect of the poison, but she ignored it. "Kouga?"

"We have him." She turned her head left and found herself staring at Ginta. Except he did not have his usual happy expression or his natural grin. He looked… broken. Oh god.

They had him? What did that mean? Did they mean they had Kouga, or did they mean they had his dead body?

More tears spilled and she struggled to her feet. She nearly collapsed upon the ground but she managed to catch herself using a rock. "Where is he? Is he okay?" Blood, there had been so much blood. She stared down at herself only to confirm her worse fears; he had been the one losing all the blood. Her legs were covered in the red liquid which had long dried by now. "Where is he Ginta?"

He closed the distance between them and grabbed her by the shoulders. "He's pretty hurt, sis."

Hurt. No, he was Kouga. Kouga did not get hurt, Kouga was strong and he could defeat anything. And he was fast - yes Kouga was fast.

But.

Oh god.

She could not sense them. She could no longer sense his jewel shards. If they did have him, if he had not been taken by Naraku, she should sense his jewel shards. The only other plausible explanation was that - he no longer had his shards. _That was the blood. That was the pain_. Naraku had taken the shards in Kouga's legs. But at what cost? She knew he would not simply retrieve them, he had to injure him to take them.

"Ginta."

"Sis."

"Ginta, take me to him, _now_."

And once again, she sounded like an alpha bitch in charge. He did not want her to see Kouga in that state and he knew Kouga would kill him if he let Kagome near him while he was this injured but - but he could hardly refused her. To him, they were basically already mated which meant that her wish was his command. If she wanted to see Kouga, he would have to take her to him.

"Fine."

She relaxed slightly but it his resignation did nothing to lessen the worry in her chest. She could still feel the bile in her throat, the twisting of her guts and the pounding in her chest. If she had not been reckless, if she had not walked away from the den - Kouga would have never been anywhere near Naraku. He got injured because of her. Why did she need time alone? Why did have to go cry her little heartbreak outside? She was stupid and she was selfish and now - Kouga paid the price for it. She could never forgive herself. He had done everything for her and she had nearly gotten him killed. Naraku probably followed her this whole time. Kouga and his pack were mere casualty. She would never leave the guilt down.

"Sis, he's strong." He could feel the disturbance in her aura. She was worried. Of course she was, they all were. "He's gonna pull through." He was saying it both for his and her sake. He did not know what they would do if they lost Kouga. He was the one thing holding them together. And now that he was taking a good look at Kagome, he did not know what _she_ would do without him.

He led her to another den, keeping up with her slow pace, and he revealed a smaller den filled with people. The tribe's best healers were surrounding Kouga, all scrambling to find something to stop the bleeding. He was laid across some furs, a bunch of cloths and fabric wrapped around his leg. Despite their blue color, she could see that the blood had soaked completely through. Not only that, there was a giant puddle of blood leaking from underneath the furs; he was going to bleed to death. Of course it was not going to stop; his wounds were poisoned. Not matter what they did, it would only keep bleeding. They did not have anything strong enough to cure the poison from his body.

But she did.

"I need everyone to move," she said to Ginta as she walked towards the big crowd.

"What?"

"Everyone needs to move," she repeated a little louder.

She sucked with her powers and she might not even be able to channel them properly but she knew she was this only one who had a shot. Once she was by Kouga's side she dropped to her knees. Everyone rapidly moved, not wanting to between the two of them. If the miko was about to try something, she knew it was something that could risk endangering them and they did not want to be in the vicinity. She tried to not let her emotions get the best of her as she tried to unwrap his legs. Her skin became stained with blood, panic filled her, her heartbeat rushed and she was ready to empty the contents of her stomach. There was so much of it, it was everywhere. She finally found his legs and she rested her hands flat upon them. She closed her eyes.

Please, please. She did not even know who to beg. She simply knew that she needed this to work. She gripped at his legs, finding open flesh, open wound and more blood pouring out.

He can't die. Don't die.

Not him, no. She refused to sit there and watch him die.

Tears poured out of her eyes and she frowned even more, trying to concentrate.

He could not die. She could not lose him.

And then, it happened. A tingly feeling emerged from her fingers and a bright pink light began to shine. It burned her, it burned him - which she could tell by the way she was groaning in pain. But it did not matter, it could help him. She could save him. A moment turned into eternity and finally, the light surrounding her died down. For the first time since they had brought him in, new blood stopped being added to the already present puddles. He was not healed completely - he was not even awake, but she had managed to stop the poison from going further into his body. She could not bear to look at his legs and instead, she covered them back up with the cloths. She dragged herself on her knees, towards him. She was moving through blood and fur until she reached his side.

Her heart was broken. Her face was stained with tears. She gently picked up his head and she moved it carefully until it was resting on her thighs. She gently brushed his bangs away from his face, brushing away a layer of sweat at the same time. She kept caressing his scalp, gently massaging it to let him know she was there. Maybe he was unconscious but she was certain that he could feel her. Maybe he could even hear her.

It was worth a try.

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered as one of her tears fell on his right cheek.

She was never leaving him.

-E-


	21. Recovery Road

**Enamored**

**Chapter 21: Recovery Road**

Her eyes were blood shot, her heart was pounding and her mouth was like cotton. Sometimes, she would give into the sleepiness and allow her eyelids to close. However, as soon as she would realize her mistake, she would rectify it. Her eyes would flash open, her blood would begin to pump and she would return to a state of awareness. It was getting harder though to not succumb to the deadly sleep that wanted to claim her. But, she knew she had to solider through for him. He had done the same for her - and she could be strong for him.

It was worrisome.

Kouga was strong, he was a youkai. And yet, he had not moved or opened his eye yet. It had been over two nights. Or was it more? The den was dark and honestly she was far too exhausted to keep track of it all. But she was certain it had been at least two nights. The pack members would come in and out of the den to check up on their leader but she would never let go of him. She kept him cradled in her arms. Ginta had forced her to eat once or twice. But really, he had only won that battle because he had told her that Kouga would be worried if she did not eat - and he was right. If it were not for the guilt trip he put her through, she would not have eaten.

She simply wanted him to shift, to move, to exist. She knew he was alive, she could feel his youki, she could feel his heartbeat. But his deep slumber kept him away from her. Sometimes she cried. It would take her a while to realize tears stained her face but she would eventually take notice of it. She had only lost one person in her life and she had no desire to repeat the experience. She could not let him die. If he died, it would be her fault and she would never be able to live with that guilt. If she stayed close enough and if he was given the proper care, he would make it. She found herself wishing he could make it on the other side of the well. Although she could not take him to a hospital, she was certain that her medicine cabinet was better equipped to help him.

If only.

She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it backwards. He might not be moving but he was sweating - a lot. One of the healers kept bringing her cloths and water and Kagome kept on wiping his face and his arms as best as she could. Sometimes she would leave the rag on his forehead, hoping it would bring down his temperature. She was guessing that he was fighting an infection - one that was coming from his legs. His legs were something she was unable to see at the moment. They were carefully wrapped up in cloths. Though, she could see the blood soaking through them - Naraku had done quite a number on them. Although, they assured her that he would not lose them.

"K-"

A croaking sound shook her awake and she glanced down at the body laying across her.

"Kouga?"

Eyelids were fluttering, lips were shaking but no clear sounds were coming from him.

"Hey, I'm here, you're gonna be okay," she said, trying to re-assure him. She was convinced he could hear her voice breaking as she tried to comfort him.

There was a stinging in his body as he heard her voice as though it was very far away from him. His body was on fire, his legs were killing him and he could feel the lingering from her touch, like a ghostly feeling. His heart was racing and despite how hard he tried, his memory was fuzzy. He wanted to get up and ask her what happened but there was no strength in his body. He could not even will himself to move. Why was he so weak? And why was she so close? Although he was not complaining, he could feel himself basking in her warmth and in her presence. He wanted to touch her more, he wanted to rub himself against her until her scent became part of him.

" _Ginta_ ," Kagome tried, as she could not get another word out of Kouga. "Hakkaku!"

If he was talking, it had to be a good sign. It had to mean that whatever they had been doing was working.

Her cries did not fall upon deaf ears; within seconds, the two youkais came in running, their eyes opened wide as they feared the worst.

"He talked," she said as she re-positioned Kouga's head on her lap.

"What did he say?" Ginta asked as he rapidly kneeled by Kouga's side.

"Well -" Okay now she felt slightly idiotic. "He didn't say anything, but he tried to talk." She remembered struggling with talking as well after her accident. Then again, Kouga had not been out as long as she had - but still.

"Hey, boss. You scared us," Ginta said as he tried to search Kouga's face for a sign of response.

"Yeah, you're not one to get your butt kicked," Hakkaku added as he joined Ginta on the ground.

"Plus, you made Sis worry."

"She looks like hell."

Kagome did not feel offended by the comments; she knew they were trying to get a reaction out of Kouga. He was usually so protective of her that they were hoping that some teasing might make him react more.

"I—idiots."

And that was the sound of his voice. Granted, it was very raspy, but it was the sound of his voice nonetheless. Kagome felt a wave of relief wash over her. She raised her head and her eyes made Hakkaku's. "He's gonna be okay?"

"It's okay."

"Yeah, he was always gonna be fine," Ginta chipped in.

To be honest, they had all worried. Kouga was always the strong ones and he never liked it when anyone took care of him. He always said that it was his job to take care of people but now the roles had been reversed. They felt bad. They felt hopeless and they all felt like they had not done enough to help him. It was a useless guilt since they could not have done more. Plus, Kagome had watched over him like a hawk. He could not have asked for a better person to look after him. Still, Kouga sacrificed himself for them over and over again and they wanted to repay the debt. The fact that he was awake meant a lot to the entire pack.

Kagome allowed tears to fall down her cheeks. They had been burning her eyes for a while but in her panic and excitement, she had held them back. There was no longer a reason to do that. Now, she could allow herself to feel. One of her tears fell on top of Kouga's head and she smiled.

He was alive.

-E-

The next few days were a blur for everybody. Kouga was in and out of sleep but he was doing a lot better. Although he had managed to ask a few questions, they had tried to remain vague. Of course, he had noticed about his legs and his own memories were coming back to him. It did nothing to lessen the rage he felt towards Naraku. He had tried to get up and go after the _bastard_ , but Kagome's strong hold on him at kept him down and he had not argued with his woman. Kagome was fierce when it came to his recovery and she did not let him do anything stupid. It was difficult for him to even sit up without her approval. He wanted to test out his legs but she had not let him. Memories of carrying him back all bloody were haunting her and she had no desires to relieve the experience.

To top it all off, she had been weakened by the whole thing. She had barely eaten, she had barely moved and carrying him back had taken a lot of her strength. She had tried to bargain with him. She would eat if he ate. She would take care of herself if he took care of himself. It was cheap but it worked. He wanted her to feel better more than he cared about himself.

Meanwhile, Ginta and Hakkaku were trying to keep the pack running. Kouga wanted to get involved but, they followed Kagome's orders; he had to rest and be kept in the dark about everything. She feared that if he thought something was wrong, he would try to help and he was in no conditions to be doing that. Kagome, unbeknownst to herself, was acting like a true alpha bitch. She was keeping Kouga and the entire pack in line and surprisingly, everyone was listening to her. Even those who were not that thrilled about her being human. She was dedicating herself to Kouga and she had proved herself worthy to those who doubted her commitment to them. Nobody had ever cared about their leader like that.

"One walk."

"No."

"One step."

"No."

"Can I stand up at least?"

"No."

He sighed as he pressed his head back against the wall. He knew his woman was stubborn but he never thought she would be this stubborn. "Kagome, I'm a youkai ya know."

"I know you're a youkai."

"I heal faster."

"I don't care."

"I'm probably fine by now." He loved running, he loved exploring. And now he had spent all of his time laying and sitting and it was about to drive him absolutely mad. He did enjoy all the time he got to spend with Kagome and he would be lying if he said he did not like having her taking care of him but - but he was desperate to stretch his legs. Actually, he wanted to know the damage that had been done. They said he was fine but - he would not be the same. His speed, his power - it would all be gone. And he wanted to feel that loss now - not later on. Except, well, he did not quite have it in him to disobey Kagome. She told him to remain put and he did. Although, it did not mean that he could not ask over and over again.

It was in his nature to want to be dominant.

" _Kouga_ ," she finally snapped. "I carried your bloody body back here, and I - " She almost said she could not bear to do it again. And it was the truth. She thought he had died and it almost broke her heart in half. She needed him alive. The future was uncertain but one thing that was not was that he had to live. She cared for him. More than she initially thought. His near death experience showed her that she harboured more feelings for him than she believed. He had not been in her life that long and the thought of losing him transformed her into a complete wreck. She sacrificed her health and sanity to watch over him. "You're not doing that to me again."

And there it was. The familiar feeling of guilt. Somewhere between his restlessness and his need for revenge - that kept growing - he had forgotten the guilt. He thought about the positive things, like having her watch over him. But he did not think of what it did to her. And he should know better. He had been a complete wreck when she was hurt. He barely let anyone get near her and he had felt like it had been his fault. Of course, his beautiful, selfless Kagome carried the guilt of his attack. Although he had to say he was touched by the fact that she was so scared of losing him. She might not love him like he loved her but - she cared for him.

He could live with that.

"Fine," he resigned himself.

She felt the tension leave her shoulders as she leaned back against the cave wall. She did not want to sound bossy and she did not want to take control of his life, but she could not let him do what he had done again. Plus, she knew he was still healing from everything but she knew that it would be dangerous once he would officially be back on his feet. Naraku kept taking from him and she knew that Kouga would not let it slide forever. He might have been able to control himself before but now? Naraku had attacked him on the premises of the den. He was getting too close, and he was getting too bold. The worst part was that Kagome could not do anything to help. She could not defeat Naraku on her own. All she knew how to do was putting the jewel back together.

And even that was a screw up in itself because - well, she was the one who broke it in the first place.

None of this would have happened if she had not shot an arrow through it. None of it this would have happened if she had not brought the jewel back with her from the other side. It was a difficult guilt to let go of - and none of this was helping.

Kouga frowned as he noticed the shift in her aura. She had been relieved before - happy that he was alive. Now, she was gloomy and he could see her sulking, her eyes saddened. Had he done something? He had _just_ agreed to staying put.

"Kagome?"

It took her a moment to register the sound of his voice but when she did, she snapped her head in his direction and offered him a smile.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded. "I just- it's nothing." _Stupid_. She did not need to make him think about Naraku. He was probably thinking about him enough on his own.

He arched an eyebrow. "If my woman is sad, it ain't nothing."

"Don't do anything stupid okay?"

Stupid had to be defined. Going after her - it might have been stupid. Proclaiming her his woman in front of everyone and getting slapped for it? In retrospective, it might have been stupid as well. Then again, in the end, he got her regardless. But he had a feeling that was not the kind of stupid things she was talking about. _Naraku_. She was the one who stopped him from going after him to get his vengeance. She was right - it would have been pointless. And despite his rage, he was well aware that it would not have stopped the events that occurred. He would have probably died if he had gone after him. Even now, he was lucky that his legs got wrecked and that he lived. Although he wished he could have gone down fighting.

But he could not do that to Kagome.

"I'll have to kill him."

"I know." But he was not the only one. A lot of people wanted to kill Naraku. He had ruined so many lives, he had taken so much from everybody. "Just not now." She could not control him, she could not make decisions for him but she could ask him to be responsible. She could ask him to live because she did not want to lose him.

"I ain't gonna die." Although he felt pride because she wanted him to live, she wanted him by her side but he did not want her to be sick over him. He had live his life putting himself on the line for his pack. He did not care if something happened to him as long as his pack was fine. Now, he was not by himself anymore. He could not get himself killed. Kagome needed him and he had to live for her. It was a new feeling, a new responsibility. One he wanted and one he asked for, but nonetheless.

"I can take him."

She did not want to shatter his pride and she did not want to imply that he was weak but she did not think he knew just how powerful Naraku was. Or maybe he was blinded by his rage and his need for revenge. But it was that kind of thinking that would get him killed. He would think it was enough and then, Naraku would use his weaknesses and exploit them. It was then that she realized something; she could not leave him alone. If she let him be here by himself - he would eventually go after Naraku. It seemed that when she spoke he listened. If she was not there to talk some reason into him - he might go after him. He was promising her that he would not die but it was not a promise that he could make.

Naraku had just proven that.

If he were to be left by himself, he would let his need to revenge consume him. He would let the darkness in and it would take a hold of him. She figured it was something Naraku was counting on. Kagome had always traveled with Inuyasha. He did not know everything about them. He assumed she would go back. And she would _\- well, she would at least go back to jewel hunting_. If he destroyed Kouga enough - he would die. For Naraku it was not about killing people and just taking their lives. It was about corrupting them, about changing their hearts and their souls and destroying who they used to be. He thought that if he chipped away at people, taking what they held dears, he could let the darkness into their hearts.

She did not want that to become a reality.

Sango had pulled through that darkness and she knew that other people could. They simply needed help.

She could not let Naraku corrupt the whole world - and she could not let him do this to people. He could not kill and take as he pleased. He was not a god.

And now she had to have him by her side. She had to combine traveling the world and keeping Kouga by her side. She would have to ask him to come with her. But first of all, he had to heal - and she had to properly get back on her feet. Of course, he would probably heal before she did. But nonetheless.

"Just - promise you'll wait."

She could help him. She could get stronger and she could help him. Kouga wanted him dead and so did Miroku and Sango. All of them together could do it. There had to be a way to fix it and to make it better. Inuyasha could help as well if he wanted but he had to accept Kouga's presence. She knew that Naraku screwed up Inuyasha's life as well and he was responsible for Kikyo's death. If he also wanted revenge, he could take it. But - but it could not be like it was before. She could not feel for him like she felt before. She had to put a barrier between the two of them. They could probably be friends down the line, but it could not be more than that. Her love for Inuyasha was not good for her.

"Hey," Kouga said as he grabbed her chin. He tilted her head in his direction. "I ain't gonna die, Kagome."

She nodded.

She never thought she would want him to live this much.

-E-

"Get off me."

"But Kouga…"

"I said get off me."

"Kouga…"

" _If any of you put their claws on me…"_

There was a deep growl echoing through the vicinity as he bore his teeth at his pack members. Apparently, they were listening more to Kagome than they were listening to him. She had told them that Kouga was not to roam by himself - even in the den. Kouga had decided that while Kagome slept, he should try out his legs. He could not remove the bandages since Kagome would find out, so he had to walk with those annoying things wrapped around his legs. So far, he had helped himself up using the wall, and then, he had used it to make it out of the cave. He had been about to take his first step out when Ginta and Hakkaku had come running and had crowded him. Seriously, where was the loyalty?

"I'm a fucking youkai," he pointed out with narrowed eyes. "I heal."

"Yea, but Kagome said -"

"And _I said_ I could do it."

" _Sis is scary."_

That she was. She was probably the scariest human any of them had met. Kagome knew no limitations and she fought for what she believed.

"I can walk."

"Sis said no."

He threw his head backwards in aggravation. "I - Fuck." She was sleeping! If everybody kept their mouth shut, nobody would know. Kagome would not find out and what she did not know would not hurt her. Why were they trying to make him guilty? Why were they trying to limit him? He did not want to disappoint Kagome but he was fucking frustrated. How was he going to protect her if he could not walk? If Naraku went after his pack and his legs - Kagome could be next. After all the time she had spent in the den, he might realize how important she was to him and Naraku seemed convinced that he needed to take everything away from him. How could he know if Kagome was next or not?

"I have to protect her."

"Sis is fine here."

"Is she? Because I was attacked here," he pointed out as he gestured to his legs. "If he comes and I can't protect her…"

If Kagome died on his watch, he would never forgive himself. If he was the one to put her in danger, he would hate himself. If she got a _scratch_ while she was with him, he would hate himself forever. "I gotta get back in shape, I have to." At this point he was almost pleading.

"I can take care of myself."

The sound of her voice made him stiffen. _How had he not heard her coming his way_? He used to wall to turn around and he was forced to face her. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest, a serious look on her face. She was not happy. "I know."

"I don't need you to take care of me." _Alright,_ he had taken care of her when she was injured and she appreciated it but she did not need him to injure himself over her. She was better now and she could handle it if something came her way. He was the one who needed to take it easy. "You need to take care of you."

"I can do both." His words came out drier than he meant. He did not want his aptitudes to be undermined. He could take care of her and himself and he did not want her to underestimate him. It was what Naraku was doing. He could only take so much from him before it was too much. He could take him down - he knew he could. He just had to get ready.

Kagome sighed. "You wanna walk?"

He nodded.

"Sit down."

She was giving up. If he was going to do it, he might as well do it in a safer way. And that included looking at his legs first. He was still using the wall to steady himself and she feared what they would find under the bandages. "Come on," she said as she gestured at the ground.

Kouga plopped himself down in one swift motion and Kagome kneeled by his side. She gently stretched his legs out and then sighed heavily as she grabbed the edge of the bandage. She slowly began to unwrap his legs, focusing on not looking away from his wounds. As soon as she peeled away the white bandages, she could see his tan skin. Except, she could not see only that. There were lines of purple covering his skin. Naraku's poison. Her hands began to shake as she completely uncovered them. She did not have to look up to know that Kouga was looking at the same thing as she was. She swallowed hard. He did not seem to be in pain. Perhaps he was - perhaps he was fine. Maybe it was the left overs.

She felt tears sting her eyes. She did not know enough about Naraku's poison to make any assumptions about it.

"I-"

"It's fine," Kouga finally said.

His blood was boiling and he could feel his rage flare up. These were not his legs. These were not the legs that had sped him through the world. They were broken. No wonder he could not find any stability. But he could not let it stop him. He would not let Naraku win and take his legs away from him. "It'll be fine," he repeated as he gripped the cave wall nearby. He was going to walk and he was going to make it.

He could feel everybody's eyes on him but he did not look at him. Kagome was dying to help him - or maybe stop him - but she could not bring herself to do that to him. She could see the pain in his eyes and there was no way for her to take it away. Kouga gripped the wall until he was standing tall. He let out a breath of air and then, took his first step. His finger were still brushing against the wall, barely helping him. His legs were shaking like he had no control over them but he pushed all of that aside. He closed his eyes and began walking, slowly tearing his fingertips away from the wall.

He managed to take a few steps, but it was slow and it was painful. He could feel shocks of pain going through his legs, the whole thing jolting through his nervous system. He was biting down on his own bottom lip, trying to not let the pain show. He exhaled loudly, those few steps taking all of the energy he had left. After five steps, he was forced to stop. He could hold himself up but he could no longer move. It was okay, he was going to be okay. He could not even sit up a few days ago and now he could sort of walk. This was okay, it would be okay.

 _He was going to be just fine_.

He could feel a tremble rocking through his body and he feared his facade might drop. But he could not let that happen. He could not let the weakness and the pain win.

And then he felt it. A small, soft and warm hand on his forearm. It was Kagome's. She was gripping at him, not to hold him up but to comfort him. "Kouga…"

"I'm fine."

"You know what? I'm hungry," Ginta said as he scratched the back of his head. "How about we eat? We should eat."

The tension could be felt throughout the whole den. He did not like his when their alpha was down or when he was upset. There was nothing he could do to fix his legs but he could do something to distract him. "They guys got a boar, we could eat that. Cook some for sis."

Kagome could see what he was so desperately trying to do. She also wanted to lessen the desperation that was coming from him. "I could eat," she said with a smile.

Kouga nodded but all he could see was the distant between himself and the camp fire burning in the middle of the den area. Except before he could decide on what to do, Kagome wrapped her arm around his, lifting away from of his weight. She could not take on much, but she could do something. She was already steadier than he was and if she could offer a little support, she was sure that he could make it.

And he began walking. One small step at a time with Kagome by his side.

If she was here, he could live through this.

He focused on her, her hair and her scent as they walked. He did not want to know if anybody was looking at him. He wanted her to be his entire world and he wanted to know nothing else. It took a while, and he knew it was his fault, but they eventually reached the fire. The pack members moved to give him some room. Kagome immediately noticed that they were relieved to see him out and about. Maybe she had been to protective of him when she kept him in the little cave. Maybe the others needed to see that their leader was healing and doing better. It was not much but it was something - and he was improving much faster than she had.

Already the food was beginning to pass around. Of course, Kagome's meal was _cooking_. It did not matter how long she had been there; she still preferred her food to be cooked. She did not think that she would ever enjoy bloody, raw meat.

Someone passed her a chunk of meat and she knew who it was for. Unconsciously, without thinking, she began shredding it. It was something he had done for her many times. It only felt natural to do the same. Once it was shredded she handed it to him. He arched an eyebrow as he took it from her.

Was she actually feeding him? Was she taking care of him as a mate?

It was hard to stop the smile from beaming on his face. In all of the darkness, she was his light. He did not think twice about it as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to the top of her head. He let her scent wrap around his nostrils and he closed his eyes to let himself bask in her warmth. She was all that he needed. And now? Now he was crippled. He was acting confident, he kept thinking that he would be fine but what if he was not? He already learned that Kagome was from another time - a time where he might not be able to follow her. On top of that, now, he might not even be able to follow her in this time. What if he could not walk? Kagome would not stay here forever. Even if she had feelings for him.

She would eventually leave and - and he would be left behind.

Maybe it was how Naraku was going to take her away from him; by grounding him in his own den.

He could not ask her to stay and he never would. If he tried to keep her, he might lose her. But if he could not go with her, he would lose her as well. He could not win in this situation. He could only lose. He sighed heavily before pressing another kiss to her head. He let his lips slid down and he pressed another kiss to her ear. He wanted to kiss her, he wanted to show her how much he loved her but he could not. Especially not in front of people; he would make her uncomfortable. Still, he enjoyed the feel of her skin on his lips, sinking in that moment of joy.

"I don't want ya to go," he boldly admitted.

He knew what situation he was putting her in - but he would not force her to stay. He only wanted her to know before it was too late.

Kagome could feel the shivers spreading through her skin as he put his lips on her. He could arise quit a reaction out of her. She leaned into him and closed her eyes.

She did not want to go.

And yet she knew that at some point, the rest of the world would need her. And she would have to go back.

And she did not know how - and _if it was going to be with or without him._

When did her life become this difficult?

-E-


	22. Prideful Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life sucks. I suck. TADA

The days passed and Kouga stubbornness refused to die down. He would take a small walk each day - while Kagome groaned and complained the whole time and then, she would re-bandage his legs. She complained the entire time she re-did them but it never stopped him from going out there. Her miko powers had done the maximum they could - there was not much else she could do. The scars on his legs would not disappear. She had watched carefully and it did not seem as though poison was spreading - it was simply the mark left behind by Naraku's hand. A constant reminder that Kouga would have to carry with him each day of his life.

A life he would life fully.

A life that would not be cut short.

Kagome would make sure of that.

She had resigned herself. Her life would be complicated; there was no other way around it. Kouga was too reckless to be left alone, and she had to right the wrongs she had created by shattering the jewel. She knew he had a pack, people to look over, but she needed him to be collected and calm. She would have to keep an eye on him. Of course, she had not at all plan the logistic of this idea _._ She also did not know how she would force him to tag along. Eventually he would be well and he would be able to walk. But, it did not mean he wanted to go shard hunting with her and the group. She knew how he felt towards her - that was no secret - but it did not mean he wanted to follow her plan for revenge. Maybe he wanted to stick with his own.

Even though his plan was a sure way to achieve death.

She had made him promise time over time but… grief… it was something powerful. Something that might make him forget the promises he made to her.

" _I can make it to the den."_

 _"_ You were kinda wobbling earlier."

"I don't _wobble_."

"What do you call crashing into Ginta?"

And then there was a growl.

And then Kagome laughed.

It was the same thing every time. The guys would poke fun at Kouga and his pride would get the best of him. She knew it was all done with good intentions and at least it distracted Kouga from his pain. Plus it allowed her to be distracted from all the issues bouncing around in her head.

Once the sound of her laughter echoed through the room, Kouga focused all of his attention on her. Any sound of happiness coming from her captivated him. He was a useless alpha, and he had been useless at protecting her. His only lifeline was her. He was holding on, he was making it through each day because she had expressed that she would be deeply hurt if something were to happen to him. So, he was stubbornly going through each day because she had asked him to - that and because he needed revenge on that fucking bastard. But focusing on her was much more positive. So he was going to hold on to that for now. He always thought that he could give Kagome everything that she wanted and more. It turned out that it was more difficult than he had initially planned.

But she was here.

And that was more than he ever hoped for in his life. He needed to remind himself of that luck, that gift that was her presence.

"Walking went well?"

She tried not to linger on the topic too much - sometimes it got him down.

"If you call that walking," he scoffed as he plopped down beside her.

His legs were _killing_ him. They were pulsing, they were numb - it was everything at once. Ever since that damn monster ripped the shards out of his legs, the appendages no longer felt like they belonged to him. Gone was the speed, gone was the wind in his hair. He remembered back when he did not have the shards - but this was different. He did not even think he could get his regular speed back. At best, he might be able to slowly job beside Kagome but all his goals of speeding his way through everything were gone and shattered. At the moment, even walking felt like a distant dream.

"It's better than my walking," she offered as she scooted closer to him.

It was awkward; she still did not know how to comfort him. Especially when other people were around, watching and observing their every move. She was not that at ease with _whatever_ they had going on. Perhaps it was best if she did not try to label it. Whatever they had, they had. For the moment, it was enough. There was a veil of imaginary and lies that she found comforting and she wanted to keep it going. Future Kagome could deal with the problems to come. Present Kagome was going to live in the moment and stop asking herself so many questions. It would only lead to more pain and neither of them could handle more pain right now.

Meanwhile, Kouga's mind was going in a completely different direction. He did not want to ignore the problems at hand, he did not want to live in the moment. He wanted her; all of her. He wanted to lean in, he wanted to feel her skin against his. He wanted to press his lips to her soft flesh and feel the warmth eradicating from her. He needed her touch to keep himself sane and yet, he could tell that the guys' presence was making her uneasy when it came to physical contact. Or that might just be the lie he told himself to try to ignore the harsh reality. Did it matter?

"Why don't you two get some food?"

He could eat - _his body was healing_. And she certainly could eat. She had lost weight under his watch and it hardly mattered to him that it was because she had been injured. He could not have his woman looking like he was not taking care of her. He had to show that he could get one thing right.

"Yes boss."

"Right away boss."

"Wouldn't wanna crowd you two…" Of course the last answer was subtly whispered as they walked away. However, their snickering was hard to miss.

 _Idiots_.

"Want me to change your bandages?"

"Nah, they're fine for now," Kouga said as he finally allowed himself to stretch out as he laid across from her. He closed his eyes but he reached out for her nonetheless. He did not have to see to find her hand, and once he did, he intertwined their fingers together. He would take what he could get. Even if that meant her looking at him with pity in her eyes. When his eyes were closed, it was easier to ignore the scent of pity that was rolling off of her. He wished he smelled something else on her. He wished he could inspire love and confidence in her heart.

A long sigh passed her lips before she resigned herself. She kept their fingers joined as she laid by his side, leaving nothing but a small gap between their two bodies. _He was warm_. He was always warm. Sometimes she was worn between what she wanted to do and what she should do. Snuggling up to him would send a signal, one that she was not completely convinced she wanted to send. But, deep inside, she wanted the feel of his warm skin against hers, the comfort that was provided every time they were near each other. Slowly, she inched closer to him, the gap finally disappearing.

But Kagome was lucky because she did not have to make any kind of decisions. Instead, Kouga took action. He let go of her hand, and he rapidly wrapped an arm around her shoulder, forcing her to hide her face in the crook of his neck, his scent overwhelming her nostrils. He let his own head rest on the top of hers while dark strands of her tickled his skin. This was life. This was how he wanted to be for the rest of his life. Him and Kagome, in their den, while words were not necessary. He lost almost everything and now he wanted nothing more than to hold on to her. _Of course_ , the memories he had of her body and her scent and taste did not help him escape the fantasy.

He let himself go further as he pressed a kiss to her head.

His heart rate picked up, and he could feel words forming in his throat. He did not want to be desperate. He did not want to chain her down. He wanted her to be with him because she wanted that as well. He did not want any dark forces, any bad feelings to chain her down to him. He wanted her here out of her own free will. That meant he had to let her make her own choices. He already brought up the issue once. He should not do it again. He should consider himself lucky that she was still here right now.

But, sometimes, when it came to Kagome… he was selfish.

"Stay here."

The words were nothing more than a mere whisper. If he had not been so close to her, she might not have heard them.

But she did.

"Kouga… I…"

Most of the answer had nothing to do with him. She had responsibilities, she had a duty to finish collecting the jewel shards. No matter how she felt, she would have to leave at some point. Of course, she knew thought it would be this difficult to walk away. A friendship. She had seen that coming. He had shown her another side of himself with the birds of paradise and though she had no intention of dating him, she had spared him. And now? Now this happened and he took care of her and now… now she was returning the favor. But it could not go on forever. At some point she would have to return to her life - both of them. Of course, she was not about to leave him _now_ , but considering his current state, she refused to let him on.

And the last time they had a conversation about the future. He did accept it but he seemed less than pleased with it.

"I have to find the shards." She sounded like a broken record. Always giving him the same answer.

But the situation was urgent. Especially since Naraku had managed to get his hands on two more shards. And he tainted them. Of course, she was not going to bring that topic up. It was bad enough that she was talking about shards while Kouga's legs were still wrapped up in bandages. It was bad enough that she had to throw in his face again that she had to find the shards. They kept having the same conversation over and over again.

 _Her hunt_. A hunt he could not help her with because at the moment he was but half the youkai he used to be. Rage swirled inside his chest and he found himself mad. Mad at life, mad at himself. He should be able to protect her, he should be able to lead her pack and help her complete her mission. But then again, she was not from here. Would she leave? Once she completed the jewel, would she be gone from his life forever? She said he never made it to her time. Where she came from, he did not exist. He could not follow her forever.

And he never wanted her to leave. But that was selfish.

"I'll help ya. I told ya"

"What?"

"Gimme some time, and I'll help."

Looking for the jewel shards did not mean only traveling with Miroku and Sango. It also included Inuyasha. Even if she did not want him present, he would chase those jewel shards. He wanted them for himself, he wanted them for Kikyo. A constant confrontation between Inuyasha and Kouga would be quite counter productive when it came to completely the jewel. But, she knew they were both stubborn and neither could be stopped. Plus, she would be lying to herself if she said that she hated the idea of Kouga traveling with them.

Except unlike all of them, he had a family, he had a pack. They were all alone except him. They had this conversation before. He had people who counted on him, who needed him… especially after the loss that they suffered. She could not possibly rip their leader away from them and pretend it was okay when it was not. They needed him - probably more than she would ever need him. And yet, despite his loyalty to his pack, despite who he was as a person, if she asked him to come with her, he would. And it was exactly why it terrified her to ask. She did not want to take him away from his pack. She did not want to be the person who broke their dynamic and their pack. She could not. Especially when she was so unsure about her feelings.

It was not fair.

" _I told you_ , Kouga. They need you here."

He knew that. He knew his pack needed him. But… even now he was no good to them. He let Naraku take away half of them. So did they need him or were they better off without him? He could barely act as a leader and the pack was functioning just fine. Maybe he had been fooling himself when he thought he could lead this pack and protect it. He could not even protect a human girl. How could he look after an entire pack?

"They are better off without me."

These words broke her heart. When she met Kouga he was a confident bastard who believed he could do and take anything. That was not the man laying beside her. He was someone else. Where had his confidence gone? Where had the Kouga she knew gone? She could not let him think like this and she could not let him slip into this depression. She had to pull him out like he had rescued her previously. It was not fair.

She pulled her hand away from him and then lifted herself until she was resting upon her knees. She leaned forward, finding balance by using one hand to hold the wall and with the other she reached for his face. Gently, she cupped his cheek. "Kouga, they need you." Her voice was breaking while tears filled her eyes. "No one could have stopped what happened. Nobody resents you. They even need you more than ever." He was the light they had left. They relied on him for security and to obtain comfort that one day, things would be right again. "They are worried about you. All of them."

He wanted to look away, shame swelling within him but he found that he could not. He was hypnotized by her eyes. He did not care what the others thought. He knew the truth. He had been a useless leader who had failed everyone. But this was what he loved so much about her. She was overflowing with kindness. Something in her soul was pushing her to help all those around her, even had the cost of her life. She was a precious gem that needed to be protected. He would lay his life down for her. He would do anything to wake up each day and stare into those eyes.

"I failed them," he finally answered.

He had not failed anyone. Naraku was simply a monster that snaked his way into people's hearts and into their lives. He only had one goal; to destroy them from the inside. But she would not let him win with Kouga. He had already taken too many lives. She shifted her position, trying to grab his face with both hands. Unfortunately, all that did was cause her to land on his laps, her face extremely near his. She could feel his warm breath against the tip of her nose as their eyes met. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks but she ignored it. _She was not there for that._

"You did not fail anyone. You have helped everyone. You even helped me. And you didn't have to do it."

He scoffed. There was no way she remained this oblivious after all this time. He knew he felt more for her than she felt for him but it was impossible that she could not see all the love he held in his heart for her. "Kagome, I'd die for you." He let his head lean forward until his nose was pressing against hers. "I had to. When it comes to ya, my whole body - it screams for you. It's in my instinct. You're mine to protect."

She would be lying if she said that his words did not cause her heart to race. He was so blunt, so honest about his love for her that she never knew how to handle it. Inuyasha had always hidden his feelings, he had always pushed her away. The only times he showed how much he cared was through actions that could be misinterpreted. But Kouga? Kouga screamed his love for her from the top of a mountain. And even now. He was an inch away from her face and he had no shame in telling her how much he loved her. It was overwhelming, it was… more than she could handle. She was never sure she could even love the way he loved her. It was one of her biggest fears; hurting him, disappointing him. She did not know if she could love like that.

"You're always gonna be mine. I'm always gonna help ya."

It would be so easy to kiss her. She was looking at him with shiny bright eyes, tears coating the iris. The sound of her pounding heart was the only thing he could hear and he could feel the warmth spreading across her skin. She was responsive to his words. And yet, she remained reluctant. _But he wanted her_. Not just physically. He wanted all of her. She was the only thing he felt he could hold on to - as long as he could see her, everything would be fine. It was the lie he kept telling himself over and over again. At some point, it would _have_ to start sounding like the truth, would it not?

"K-kouga," his name past her lips like shattered word. What could she reply to that?

He kept his eyes wide opened, staring into hers as though he was trying to steal her soul. While maintaining eye contact, he leaned in even more until his lips were on hers. He captured her top lip with his, letting his warm spread to her. She inhaled deeply, her chest rising and her back arching as she let his sweet lips move against hers. His hands snaked around her waist until one of his palms rested on the small of her back. He had felt like he had lost all of his mascunility with his accident, he felt like he was not even a demon, or not even a human man. He felt like he was nothing. But when she was there, her legs on both side of his, her chest against his, her soft breasts showing themselves every time she breathed, he felt like he was himself again. She had all the power over him and he would let her have it all.

She did not fight against him, instead she molded her body to his. As his own touch was soft against her flesh, it was not hard to let her own hands slip around. She gripped at his shoulders, holding on to him as though he was her lifeline. Her dull fingernails dug into his skin and he could only imagine what she could do if she had claws. A shiver ran down his spine while he let his hand rise up, following her spin. His actions caused goosebumps to form on her skin and he smirked against her lips. She always reacted to him. He did not know how lucky he could get with this but as her tiny hands slid down the front of his chest, he knew she was not about to stop him just yet. _Maybe he could get a taste of her again_.

The scent of arousal was thick in the air and it was a mixture of both their scents. _It was divine._ It was spinning in his head and it was enough to make him forget the dull pain in his legs. He was whole, he was feeling alive. Once he finally pulled away from her lips, she looked in a daze. Disheveled hair, swollen lips and a glimmer of saliva coating her pink mouth. She was _breathtaking_. He swallowed hard, hoping to keep his composure as he moved his lips to her neck. Immediately, she tilted her head backward, offering him all the access that he oh so desired. She was not even putting up a fight. The alpha inside of him was roaring at the display of submission she did not even know she was giving. How could she be so reticent, and yet offer herself to his touch?

He wanted to take and drink until she would stop him.

He would taste every inch of her flesh until she denied him the privilege of laying his hands on her.

And he hoped that he would never reach that stopping point.

Her skin was scorching like fire, his touch leaving a trail of burning flames behind. He touched her like this once, and she let him get far. A blush decorated her cheeks at the memory - and there was also a spark in her arousal. His tongue swirling inside of her core, lapping at her like she was the nectar of life. She felt a dampness spread between her legs as her hands slid down his chest. Memories of previous moments together flooded her mind and it was impossible to control the redness and the shame that being swelling inside of her and that reflected upon her pale skin. He always knew what to say, he always knew what to do. Meanwhile, she was going in blindly. She was not even sure of what her heart wanted.

But she did say she would try.

Meanwhile he never stopped leaving a trail of his lips upon her body. He had found his mouth dangerously close to the opening of her kimono but he did not stop. He felt the rush of adrenaline, the thrill of being alive. Every time he kissed her, every time her scent spiked, he was a new man. He wanted it all. He dared to push down on her kimono with his chin, allowing him to pepper kisses between her luscious breasts. He held back a growl as she arched her back even more, shoving the clothed perky breasts in his face. There was still no indication that she wanted him to stop. He raised his hands to the two mounds and gently began massaging them, while she took in a sharp inhale of air.

 _She never knew_. She never knew when to stop, when to push him away… it was more difficult than it appeared. She enjoyed it every time he put his hands on her. But was it right? He was slowly discovering everything about her body, he was slowly becoming the one to take away all of her firsts. And she was letting him do it all. Her fingers gripped at his skin, nails digging into the flesh and he growled again. There was something about his growl that sent tingles through her body. How could they have gone from strangers to this? And how was she okay with it all?

The sleeves of her kimono started to fall down her shoulders, revealing the bare skin and offering more of her breasts to his sight. And he took it all in. It took a mere shrug of her shoulders for the whole thing to collapsed. And no time was wasted. Before she could even take an inhale of air, his lips were latching around her nipple, sucking and nibbling. The element of surprise was perhaps his best friend. He wanted for her to perhaps push him away, or stop him, but instead her back arched more. She offered more than he could take, and he used one hand to hold her up while the other one was palming at her stomach, mindful of her injury. They were both broken, but it worked.

Blunt nails were digging into his flesh, actually managing to break it as she tried to hold back the sounds bubbling in her throat. _There were many pairs of ears outside_. She was trying to keep this little activity out of hearing range. Of course, with the way his tongue was wrapping around her nipple, it was getting harder. A small moan did escape her, which caused Kouga to groan. He loved being the one who made her feel like this. Although at the moment he wanted to curse his useless legs. He wanted to lay her down flat on her back, nestle himself between her long legs… But he was not sure his legs could handle the position. Could he not suffer? He did not mind being in pain if it meant he could be tangled up in her.

He lowered his hand, regretfully releasing her breasts from his caresses. Then, he gripped her waist as tightly as possible, using whatever strength he had to lever her. He distracted her by bringing his mouth up back to her neck. His sweet lips managed to distract her enough for her not to notice that he was attempting to shift their positions. Of course, it the past he would have been a lot smoother about it. He would have flipped her around before she even knew what was happening. Now, it was - more obvious. As he grunted while trying to push her down, she finally took notice of what he was attempting to do.

"K-kouga?"

He did not want her to talk. He did not want this fantasy to be ruined. He wanted to be a strong man, one who could protect her. But how could he do that when he could not even lift her up? Rage swirled in his chest as he disregarded her question, and still tried to lay her down.

"Kouga?"

Her breathing was still harsh, her mind dizzy from his ministrations. But, she was focused enough to notice that something was wrong.

He had done it, he had ruined the moment.

"Please," he ended up saying. It was unmanly, it was weak.

She arched an eyebrow. Why was he pleading with her? She was simply concerned and wondering what he was attempting to do.

"I wanna still be me."

Kagome remained unsure of what he was trying to do, but the desperation shining in his eyes was tugging at her heartstrings. Whatever it was he needed, she could let him have it. She brushed off her confusion and offered him a weak nod.

He knew this was no longer heading in the direction he had original hoped for but - but he still wanted to do it. He still wanted to let her down and nestle himself between her legs. Even if it was for nothing more than a moment. His ego and pride were demanding it. And so, he gathered all the strength that he could, pushing his legs to the maximum, and with a heavy grunt, he managed to somewhat smoothly lay her down on the brown furs. Her hair was sprawled around her head, like a halo, as he positioned himself as he wished. She provided no resistance as he pushed her legs apart, his ever growing erection threatening to poke at her core. His embarrassment did nothing to die down his excitement.

Her throat was clammed up, her mouth felt like cotton as she kept breathing through open lips. She could not confirm what he was doing, but he was focused, determined, and she could not interrupt him. His legs were warm as he settled himself between her legs, and she nearly forgot about the bandages that hid the damage done by Naraku. Almost. Once he seemed comfortable, he laid his on her bare chest and she felt his breathing steady. Immediately, she raised her hands and began gently running her fingers through his long locks. Every time they were near, it was like a rollercoaster. And she could not believe she was comfortable having him lay on her like this. And yet it was - it was different. He was seeking her warmth, her comfort. He was holding on to her as though she was about to disappear.

Kouga had not wanted things to end up like this. He wanted to be tasting her flesh until she was finally his forever. But, he had broken the mood. His weaknesses had gotten between the two of them and all he could do now was hold her. Maybe if he held on long enough, he would be able to keep her near him forever. What a foolish fool he was.

"I'm sorry," he croaked out.

She frowned. "Why are you sorry?"

"You're beautiful," he breathed against her skin.

Not quite the answer she was expecting. "Kouga, what's wrong?"

He was holding her back - just like he was holding back everyone else. He could not even be man enough to provide her with the pleasures that she deserved. She was an angel, she was like the sun. And he was in her way. He shifted his position, however, that caused his engorged cock to press against her wet core. Automatically she arched beneath him and he felt like cursing. He could be there, hidden in her depths - if it were not for his fucking legs and for fucking Naraku.

If she blushed any further, she was certain the shade of red would never leave her cheeks. And yet, a fire was ignited in her loins. He felt hard, stiff and long pressed against her. His mouth had already shown her the pleasure that he could give her and her mind was wondering just how good _this_ could be. Oh god, she had lost it. She had lost her mind. She thought about doing _that_?

There was a growl in his chest when her arousal spiked. He could still do it; he could still make her wet. There was a part of him, mostly his instincts, screaming at him to prove he could still be dominant, that he could still provide for her. She had let him do it once… could he do it again? _He had to_ \- he needed it. He needed to prove that he could still be everything. He could not let this stop him. He put his lips to her bare skin, slowly working his way to her stomach. Shivers traveled through her body as he got lower and lower. Her hands were making a mess of his hair but neither of them cared. Instead, it encouraged him to go further; if she wanted him to stop, she would have stopped him by now.

Once he was near his prize, he had no choice, he had to tug on the fabric of her kimono. First, he stretched his legs behind him, finally giving them the rest they had been begging for since he shifted their position. Once he was set, he made her gaze. They were glistening while she was panting through parted lips. But she was silent, she was just watching him. He licked his lips, hoping it would warm them up a bit, and then he dove in. His entire tongue snaked into her wet cavern and he began lapping; she was already dripping. He growled against her, his fang threatening to poke at the sensitive folds near his face.

Kagome's body buckled and she realized that even if she wanted to say something, she could not find her voice. She tugged at his hair while wordless words past her mouth. She - she did not know what she wanted. This was not supposed to be about her; it was supposed to be about him. She wanted him to feel better, to believe in himself. He had lost his cockiness, the confidence that made him Kouga.

Then again, as he was delving his tongue deep in her most private parts, she realized that perhaps that Kouga was not gone. That maybe he needed this as much as she wanted it.

She always fought, she always feared - she overthought all the time.

For once, she relinquished the reigns, and she let herself feel.

-E-


	23. One Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end

A thin strip of light was emerging through the darkness of the cave. It was warm, its color resembling a burnt orange as it warmed the brown furs that covered the ground. Kagome was the first to stir, the deep light pulling her from the arms of her slumbers. She winced, a wasteful attempt to remain asleep, but the light was too much for her to bear. Her blue eyes flashed upon, her surroundings nothing more than a blur mirage. She tried to stretch her neck but she found that a strong hold was keeping her lock in place. She managed to trail her hand down, only to realize it was not resting upon soft furs. Instead, her hand was trailing down some very hard and defined abs. _Abs that belonged to Kouga_. His tan skin came into view and she felt a burning spread to her cheeks.

He was nearly bare his strong body held up against hers. His own hands were resting on the crest of her naked back, protecting her from any danger that might come. Her kimono was nothing more than a discarded piece of clothing that hung from her hips. She remembered the warmth that had spread through her body when he had once again made her reach the heavens. The memory was enough to ignite her face with shame. Oh god, once again she had let herself fall prey to the pleasures that he could offer her. She remembered the heaviness of her body afterwards and the tiredness that had claimed her. She could not quite recall how tangled up their bodies had been once she succumbed to the sleep, but judging from their current position, they had been quite close.

Despite the fact that she was moving and stirring, Kouga remained sound asleep. He was so trusting in her presence that he could remain dormant while she was moving. He trusted her so much… Not that she would ever hurt him but his feelings for her… they were so pure, so vivid. Sometimes, thinking about it, her heart would soar. Her heart was pounding in her chest but she ignored it as she buried her shame covered face in his side. How could she even look at him after this? Any of the words she had used in the past to turn him down meant nothing… because anytime he spoke to her or touched her, she caved in. How could she still claim to have lingers of love for Inuyasha when here she was…bare chested, tangled up in his body?

Was she lying to him, or was she lying to herself?

Her body trembled as she let a sigh pass her dry, cracked lips. Her life was quickly becoming a train wreck and she had to regain control over it… over herself. She needed to start facing the facts.

She liked him.

If she did not, she would not let him do all this to her.

She needed him.

If she did not, she would never find herself trusting him so much, and needing his presence.

But it scared her to admit these things. After all, it all made her life so much more complicated. She had feelings for Inuyasha. Or at least, she knew for a fact that at one point, she did. Also, Inuyasha was tied in with the jewel and he could travel to her time… and… and Kouga had none of these things. She never liked to think about what would happen once the jewel was back into one piece but… but one of the possibilities was that she would be returned to her time. Nobody here belonged in the modern era. And if she was honest with herself, she did not belong in the past. She liked it, and she had started to make a life for herself here… but it was not her time. What if, once it was all over, everything was ripped from her?

Did she truly want to invest herself even more in something that she could not have?

Perhaps it was why it was easier loving Inuyasha. He loved Kikyo. He wanted to die for Kikyo. Even if she were to never see him again, she knew that for him his one true love was Kikyo and he was never going to forget her. Things were different when it came down to Kouga. He only had eyes for her, he only wanted her. Not only would it hurt to know she would never see him again but she always knew that it was going to break his heart. If she gave in, if she let herself get lost within him, she would only hurt him more. Had he not lost enough? What if she gave in and for the first time let her feelings completely guide her? He would end up even more broken.

She knew he did not care. She knew he would take whatever she gave him. And that made everything even more complicated.

She could not.

She had to prevent herself from diving in further.

And yet, despite how many she told herself that she would not hurt him, that she would spare him the pain, she still gave in every time.

She had no control over this.

" _Hey Kouga_."

At the sound of the foreign voice interrupting their quietness, she stiffened. It would not have been that bad had she not reminded herself that her chest was bare for all to see. She was about to yelp and grab whatever was around to cover herself and her indecency when _something_ was much quicker than she was. Before the air could even leave her lungs, she felt herself being spun around and her back smacked against the ground. Suddenly there was a hard, warm body squishing her breasts down, covering her tiny frame. A growl echoed in her ears, and she realized that Kouga had managed to flip her and cover her before anyone could enter the cave.

The only problem? He was not quite happy about the intrusion.

His entire body was tensed up and from the angle she was laying, she could see the tip of his fangs threatening to break the sensitive membrane of his lips. His weight was nearly knocking the air out of her lungs but she did not dare to move.

"Kouga - I…"

Ginta did not need to see the full scene to understand what he had walked in on. After all, there was only one reason for his leader's instincts to go on overdrive like this. He was protecting Kagome. He had smell the scents - so had everyone - but those were from last night. He did not think he would walk in on anything. He also did not expect Kouga to not be aware of his arrival. He was usually on the look out for any shift or presence. It seemed that having Kagome near had allowed him to obtain the full rest that he so desperately needed. Not matter how much of a good thing that was, the situation as not ideal for Ginta. He knew better than to challenge his alpha. He slowly walked away, never turning his back on them, and he made sure to be as quiet as possible.

Once the cave was completely empty, and there was no more risk to the purity and shame of the tiny woman that was beneath him, Kouga's muscles finally released the tension that had been vibrating through them. Kagome saw his arms buckle and then, he snaked his nose through her hair, as though her scent could be used to calm him. Kouga let out the breath he did not know he had been holding and held back another growl. It had all happened so fast that he was not convinced he was awake for it all. He had heard the voice, the footsteps, and it had torn him from his slumber. Something in the back of his brain remembered how disrobed she had been when she had fallen asleep against his body. He imagined she had not dressed herself in the middle of the night and he had simply launched himself at her, hoping to preserve her dignity.

He also did not want another pair of eyes on what was his.

She might not be officially his, but she would always hold his heart and for him, that was that held the same significance.

His heartbeat was finally slowly down, and once he felt he regained enough control, he regretfully tore his body from hers. Already he missed her warmth and the softness of her skin. Kagome remained locked in her position for a few beats, making sure all was well, before detaching her body from the fur. Now that he was awake, she was more easily embarrassed and her first instinct was to reach out for her kimono. She sluggishly lifted the sleeves, covering her breasts from his sight. It would be easier to have a conversation if she was dressed. When she was distracted enough, her state of clothing apparently did not bother her, but at the moment she was far from being distracted.

Initiating a conversation with him was difficult. Each time she tried to meet his eyes, she felt herself shy away. She had to look down at her own hands if she wanted to focus enough to begin a conversation.

"Kouga…" Saying his name, that was a good start right?

All she had said was his name and yet he already knew what turn this conversation was going to turn. His blood was still pumping from the invasion from a few minutes ago, and his instincts were prickling to the surface. Perhaps he could use that rush of adrenaline to his advantage? Usually he was so terrified of spooking her or scaring her away. And yet, so far, nothing had worked to chase her away. He might be playing it more safe than he had to - after all, had he not taste her body many times by now?

He decided to go for it. He leaned forward, surprising her and earning a yelp, before resting his lips upon her neck. One kiss. Two kisses. He trailed his way to her ear where his warm breath was sending tingles down her spine. "Kagome."

She shivered. _Fuck_. She had to keep her composure. But unfortunately for her, her body remembered what he could do it and she found herself leaning into to him. Focus Kagome, focus. She inhaled deeply, hoping it would bring some serenity to her mind. It did not.

"Kouga - I, I think we should talk." Those were the proper words to say right?

Every time they talked he did not feel as though it ended well for him. He believed he could distract her but he did not know how much he could push her and get away with it. "Kagome, we have talked."

He was not wrong. "I know, but, I just -" She could not really share with him all the conclusions she came to reveal by herself. He would not like most of them. She felt an ache in her chest as she thought about all that could be and what could not be. Did she really know? And how long would it take to complete the jewel really? Plus, the well worked before it was shattered right? It might just keep working. Perhaps all it needed was to be activated and now that it was, it could be used. Although, it came back to the same problem. Kouga could still not cross over. Perhaps there was a way for her to find how he could do it? But was it even worth the heartache? She already felt pain when she fell in love with Inuyasha.

Did she want to put herself through that one more time? Did she want another heartache?

At the thoughts, her eyes filled with tears that she was trying to hold back. But she failed miserably. As soon as the scent of saltiness tickled Kouga's nostrils, he cupped her face with his hands, forcing her to look at her. It could not possibly be his fault that she was shedding tears was she? He had not said much and he had done much worse! Panic filled his rapidly beating heart and he searched her face for any kind of answers. Unfortunately for him he did not find any.

"Kagome?" Words of apology were burning his lips but he held them back. Before blabbering like an idiot, he wanted to find the problem.

She could not help but chuckle. "I'm an idiot," she responded as she wiped away some of the tears that were leaking down her cheeks.

He brushed his thumb across her face, wiping away what he could. "Kagome, you're amazing."

Despite his hold on her face she shook her head. "I really am not." She failed more than she cared to admit and in her recklessness she had affected a lot of lives. When she had first gotten here, she did not realize the impact she could have. She knew nothing of this era and it was not hers. But now? Now that she had a life here, it weighted on her even more. She ruined this place, she ruined this time. If she had not fallen down the well, everyone's life would be fine.

Sango's life would be fine. Her family would be alive. Shippo's dad would be alive. But… but Inuyasha would still be pinned to a tree. _But_ Kouga would have his tribe. They only died as collateral damage in the hunt for the jewel shards.

And Kouga's legs would be fine.

"I mess up a lot," she said between sobs.

"Kagome, you kinda changed my life." He thought he knew where he was heading or what his life would be like. But he was wrong. She changed the way he behaved, the way he hunted… heck even the way he ate. She changed his whole life. She showed him a better way, a kinder way. He would never have this vision of life if it were not for her.

"I cost you half your tribe."

"You didn't do that. _He did_." His nostrils flared. "Never put his sins on ya, got it?" Sometimes, the alpha in him got the best out of him. And he was always too protective of her. He was from the moment he met her.

"Kouga…"

"No."

"Listen…"

"No."

There was nothing to listen to because whatever she was going to say he was not going to like. Plus, it was not going to be true. Why could she not see herself the way he saw her?

"You're the reason I'm alive." He leaned forward and he pressed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "The reason I breathe." A kiss on her forehead. "My life is this great, 'cause of ya." A kiss on the cheek. "Ya made me better. I wanna do better." The other cheek. "I need ya." And… he finished with a kiss on the lips.

He could lighten the load on her shoulders with a simple kiss. He could make her want to forget it all. And she really wanted to do that but the more she did it, the more she let him on. The more he could lose himself in her as well. And had she not decided that she would not let it happen?

"Kouga."

He _knew_ she wanted it. Why did she keep stopping it? It was not like he was pushing her in something that she did not want. She did. But she kept turning him around. "Why not?"

He pulled himself from her and stared right into her eyes. He was putting her on the stop and he was hating himself for that but he did not see any other way to do it. He wanted to know why she could not let herself fall into this. Why some moments were okay and others were not. He knew that she had only promised to try but - had they not gone beyond that? He knew he was a little hot headed and reckless when it came to Kagome but he knew he was not wrong about this. He could not be.

As his blue eyes shone while he stared into her soul, she found herself speechless. What was she supposed to answer him? Was she supposed to tell him that the uncertainty of the future was stopping her? That she did not want to hurt him? Because she knew that no matter what she told him, he would dismiss it. He would say that he did not care, that he would not let the unknown stop him from loving her. And she did admire that devotion, that need for her. So why could she not let go? She always held on. To things, to people, to feelings.

But could she do that?

Could she let it all go for this moment?

A moment that might mean more for one of them?

Then again, when had she ever been sure of anything? She had always tried her best - and failed… or sometimes she succeeded.

Resignation shook through her body and she launched herself forward. It was one of those rare occasions where she was the one leading the interaction. She let herself get lost in the feel of his lips. She tasted the savor of his mouth, the scent of fresh dirt and pine trees that coated every inch of him. She plastered her hands over his cheeks, holding him in place. She did not know why she feared he might run away; if there was one person who would never leave her behind, it was him. No matter what, he would be there. He did not care about the cost. He put her first. Even before his own life.

How could she not be overwhelmed by this?

He did not know how a simple question turned into this but he was not about to complain. He was not tricking her into this, he did not force her into this. It was rare for her to be the one to seek physical comfort from him but he was not about to deny her what she sought. He wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and pressed up her warm body against his. The taste of her was enough to make him dizzy - it also allowed him to push aside the pain that was throbbing through his legs. There was no amount of pain that would make him stop this moment. Anything he could get from her, he would. Her fingers found their way through his hair, messing up the locks, massaging his scalp.

Her body was still tingly from the ministrations of the night before. It was not hard for her to react to his touch. Already her silk kimono was sticking to her damp skin and there was a voice in her brain begging her to shed it. Of course, she would not simply drop it but the idea was tempting. His large hands palmed her back, sliding down the fabric. Once he took hold of her rear, he used his new found grip to lay her down on the ground, hovering himself on top of her. It might look like a position of dominance and in a way it was but… it was mostly because it was a lot more comfortable for his legs. He could tolerate the pain much longer in this position.

Once Kouga was done devouring her mouth, he focused his attention on her neck. He now had a much better access to his prize. His lips left a trail of warmth and stickiness all the way from her ear to the beginning of her heaving breasts. Every time he moved lower she seemed to be hold her breath. And yet that did not stop her fingers from working their way down. She was now gripping at his shoulders as though she feared he might pull away from her; as if that was ever going to happen. She had barely pull on her kimono before and it was quite easy to make it fall apart again. As soon as he raised his hands to caress her chest, it opened up for him. He buried his nose between them, one of his hands gently teasing one of her nipples. She arched her back, pushing herself more into him.

His head was basking in a daze of her. He had tasted her before and the simple spike in her scent was enough to remind his mouth of her taste. He wanted all of her. He wanted to do more than taste her this time. He could already feel the aching spreading to his hardening cock. How could handle as much teasing as he had to but he would be lying if he said it was not getting harder. His cock would sprung to life at the mere sight of her and the fact that she was allowing him to touch her so freely was not making this any easier.

Her hands were everywhere, her skin was on fire and she could barely find a way to catch her breath. She did not even know how there were more ways for him to triggered a reaction out of her body. It felt like he had explored everything already and yet every time he laid a hand on her she shivered with anticipation. She found herself licking her lips as he kissed his way to her navel. He had already tasted her yesterday. He was not sure if her need for him was for him to repeat his previous actions or for him to do more than he had before. She did not leave many clues for him. Regardless, he spread her kimono completely open, revealing her whole body to him.

A tingle traveled to his cock and he found that the hardness was too much for him to handle. He raised himself to her eye level again, pressing a kiss to the side of her jaw. With this new position, she was able to feel full force his hard cock pressing against her wet entrance. The only one who had a clothing barrier was him and it was nothing more than furs. She could almost completely feel the head pressing against her, wanting to plunge itself inside of her. The pulsing of her heart was radiating through her core and suddenly her throat clammed up. What did she expect out of their kiss? Why did she kiss him? Did she only want him to touch her like he had done so many times before?

Had she wanted to lose herself with him?

This was insane.

It had to be insane.

Nobody did this. Then again, nobody had her life either. Was it wrong and crazy that she laid completely bare beneath a man who would die for her? Actually he was not even a man, he was more than that. Although she had not known him for the longest of times, circumstances had caused them to get close quite rapidly. He did make her heart beat faster. He did pull her out of a darkness she thought would never end. And she had been trying to do the same for him. But this was not what this was about. She was not in this position to make him feel better.

She had ended up in this position out of her own free will.

And now, as he was peppering every inch of her skin with kisses, she knew he was waiting for her approval. He wanted a sign that would tell him what he was allowed to do. Because it was obvious where he _could_ go. His thick hardness kept being thrusted into her, teasing her with promises of what it could give her. And she was tempted. But was it too much? Was it offering him more than she could give?

Unconsciously, she began to roll her hips against him and it was like someone was torturing him to death. He would always respect her, he would always wait for her but… _She was not making it easy on him_. The scents were swimming in his head, his instincts were clawing at him and he was using whatever control he had left to keep the beast roaring inside of him at bay. Regardless, he moved his own hips against her, and then he listened as she made the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. She was moaning, she was panting, and it was all because of him and no one else. He was the first one to arise all these reactions out of her and it was hard to drop the pride associated with that.

It was not too long before her hip thrusts were more demanding and he wanted nothing more than to give in. He was lapping at her neck, tasting the saltiness that was accumulating on her skin. She became damped, sweat beads rolling down her back as she was arching her back and demanding more than she might want.

"Kagome…" his voice was a throaty whisper, and he was on the verge of begging.

He would stop if she wanted him to stop but she had to ask him to stop soon. If he did not pull away in the next few seconds, he might enter the territories of non return. She did not want that. She would never want that.

She was shaking her head but she was not actually saying anything. The word he was probably looking for was _no_ , but she did not even know how to say no to him. Because she needed this perhaps just as much as he needed it. Her body was throbbing and for the first time, she felt like she was the star of the show. He only had eyes for her, he only wanted her. He was willing to do and give as much as she would let him. He respected her. And _oh god_. Who knew one could feel this much. Who knew that one caress could ignite her whole body? She wanted to be logical, she wanted to think it through but her brain was far too turned off for her to process this. Was it wrong that she wanted to feel more?

Death nearly claimed her and then her world fell apart.

For the first time since the attack, things made sense.

"Please." A begging moan was her answer.

At first, Kouga thought he hallucinated it. He thought perhaps he imagined as her lips moved and begged him for a sweet relief. But, he had not. It was real. Kagome was asking him for more. And he would give her everything that he had. His soul included.

-E-

Food? Was he supposed to bring her food? _Fuck_ , he could not even take care of himself. Now he had to help her. He never thought it would happen. He had wanted it obviously but he never thought he would actually obtained it. His life had gone down a rather dark path lately and he had given up on anything good ever happening to him again. He had also found an increased need for revenge. But, she offered him everything. The hardest part had been to not sink his teeth in her neck. He had wanted to but that was nothing something he could do because she had begged him for more. It torn him apart that despite claiming her body he was not able to claim her. The wolf inside of him was not happy.

But he could not screw this up.

As a matter of fact he might already be screwing it up by nothing being by her side. What if she awoke while he was attempting to fetch food for her? At the moment, he wished he had his legs so that he could rapidly obtain what he needed. But that was a thing of the past. Now, he was a limping idiot. Although the little encounter with Kagome seemed to have recharged him. He had managed to rise by himself and he was -slowly- walking out of the cave. Perhaps there was something about her energy and her aura that helped him.

He hoped so.

If he wanted to have a fighting chance with her, he needed to recover.

"Boss?"

His ears perked up at the sound of voices and that same protective instinct rose inside of him. He was prepared to face an idiot but instead he found himself looking at four grinning wolves.

"What da ya what?"

"Is it done?"

"Is sis family now?"

"She's gonna stay with us?"

He sighed. "She ain't mine."

She was, but not in the wolf sense. It hurt his ego to admit it out loud but the idiots were putting him on the stop. Plus he did not want anyone to attack Kagome with questions she could not answer later. They had finally taken another step and he refused to regress with her.

"Oh."

"But we thought -"

"Didn't you?"

"We heard it…"

Yeah, that was another thing that he did not want them to share with her. She did not need a reminder of how sensitive youkais ears were. If she remembered, she might not want _that_ to happen again. And he definitively wanted _that_ to happen again.

"Listen, morons. She ain't mine yet, now fuck off will ya. I need to get her food before she wakes up."

Ginta was the first to gulp. He expected his alpha to be in a much better mood. Then again, he had also expected them to be mated. Why would Kouga not take this wonderful opportunity? He sighed. The least they could do now was help him help her. After all, they had seemed to ruin the mood with their questions. He casted a long glance at the cave where he could confirm that their future sister was still sleeping. Did Kouga not mess up by not going through with it? Sis hardly seemed like the unfaithful kind. Would she not expect a commitment out of him?

"We got some food," Hakkaku finally added.

They had planned for it to be more like some kind of celebration feast, but this could work as well. It was not exactly what they had in mind but they would work with what they were given. At least their alpha was happy. It was hard to see him in a good mood and they did not want to ruin it. If this was what they had to celebrate, they would.

"We'll bring it to the cave."

"Yeah, just make sure Sis is decent," Ginta teased.

Kouga glared at him, but the younger youkai just laughed it off. He knew he was treading in dangerous territories but he felt the need to lighten the heavy mood that had begun to surround them.

Kouga gave in and finally nodded. "None of you come in until I say so," he warned.

He could not look at it as him not providing. It was his tribe wanting to honor Kagome. Of course, he probably would not tell her that everyone had been waiting for her with food and offering. "Make sure no one says anything stupid yea?" He did not have enough time to make an official speech. He was already running against the clock. If prayed she would not wake up before he could wrap his arms around her once more.

"Got it boss," Ginta assured him.

Oh boy, did they have a lot of people to talk with about this.

He gulped.

Fuck.

"I'm warning ya," Kouga said as he leaned against the wall.

"On our way boss."

He watched them zip away, wishing he could do the same.

No, he would not focus on his legs. He would focus on the beautiful, naked woman lying in his cave.

And he would pray he did not fuck it all up.

-E-


	24. Final Step

Awkwardness did not even begin to describe the situation.

It had begun well. She had awoken with a ping of pain between her legs, but nothing she could not ignore. When she had opened her eyes, his strong arms had been wrapped around her, while her head had found safety upon his chest. He had been warm and she had found herself leaning into him. Of course, the perfect moment did not last forever. As she became more and more awake, a tint of red decorated her cheeks. How in the world would she ever be able to look at him again? She was okay with what took place. She lost herself in a moment with him but there was no regrets attached to it. He treated her as though she was the most precious person in the world. He made her discover another world and she had been completely exhausted by the end of it.

But now? Now she had to look at him, and talk to him - and they would probably end up talking about it.

And she did not even know how to talk about it.

Was she supposed to have done it if she could not even find it in her to speak about it?

Right now they were sitting side by side, nibbling at their food. Kouga's body was pressed to hers and once in a while, he would steal a glance. She knew he was only silent because he figured it was the best way to make her comfortable but… but she almost wished he would talk. She could not. If someone would initiate a talk, it might be less awkward between them. Then again, what if he asked her questions to which she had no answers? Would that not make everything a lot worse?

No, it would be fine. She would be fine.

"Orange?"

The sound of his voice startled her, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. She turned to meet his eyes and he looked apologetic. _He hated himself_. Because of her. She could not let him take any blame because there was no blame to take. She had to speak up.

"Thanks," she replied as she took the orange slice from him.

Alright, that was not quite what she meant when she said _talk_. She needed to try again.

"Kouga…"

"I feel like I need to apologize."

Yeah, he could not let her out there. They would eat her alive. They would ask her more questions than she could answer, they would embarrass her and he would ruin his chances with her. It was best if he kept her locked in the cave. Although, when he thought about keeping her in the cave, his mind had other ideas than just _keeping_ her there. Already he could feel his cock wanting to sprung back to life. Nope, not now. He now knew how tight and wet she felt and his body wanted a second taste of her. But he was not a reckless monster who had no control over himself. He would not laugh himself at her simply because she was beside him. He had control.

"You don't have to."

That was the first big weight off of her shoulders. She did not want him to carry any guilt around. He had enough of that going on and she did not want to make his situation worse. That was one of the things she feared. But it was too late now. "Kouga, you didn't do anything wrong."

He slammed one of his hands down on the back of his neck and he let the air out of his lungs. How could he not? She was sitting beside him like a deer scared for its life. How could he not shower her in apologies? "I shouldn't have."

"I asked you to…" This time, the fire was back in her cheeks and she had to stare away from him. Alright, she had not explicitly asked him but she had asked him in the best way she could. He had waited for her approval before doing anything and he had given it to him. There was no guilt to be have on his part.

"I wanted this." This time her voice was nothing more than whisper. She prayed inside that he had not heard the words she dared to whisper.

There was a twitch traveling through his lips as he did his best to suppress the smirk that wanted to form. Her words filled him with pride. She wanted it and from what he was understanding - including the faint scent in the cave - she did enjoy it. He had worried he might not be able to please her. After all, he knew the way it worked between youkais but - he was not that familiar with human customs. For all he knew they enjoyed those kind of activities very differently. He also knew that humans were much more uptight about these kind of things. Youkais enjoyed more freedom when it came to their bodies.

Why did it feel like if she turned around he would be smirking?

"What does it mean?" He knew it was putting an unfair pressure on her, but he needed to know where he stood. If he had to protect her feelings, he would. But if he could freely enjoy having her in his life, then he would as well. "Look, I know ya said you were trying. And - I just, I just wanna know, Kag."

Kag. He usually struggled with the right words when he was around her. Perhaps she had pushed him to a limit where he had to be honest. And she could not blame him for asking. "I don't know." That was about the worst answer in the world. "I know that's not what you want to hear."

He gripped her chin with his clawed fingers and turned her head. "Do ya like me?"

She blushed. "Yes." How could she have done what she did if she did not feel for him?

"Do ya love me?"

He was pushing it. He probably should not be asking this and he knew there was a chance he might not like the answer she would have for him but he asked regardless. There was a part of him that wanted more hope. He was being greedy and he was taking everything there was to take. But who could blame him? He would do anything for the tiny woman who was looking at him with shiny eyes.

"I- I don't know. Maybe."

She never had the answers he was looking for but for her defence, his questions were never easy. It also came down to how honest she wanted to be with him and how much she wanted to protect him. She did have to do more than like him if she offered herself to him. But as per always, the future was never certain with them. She did not know why she was never unsure when it came to Inuyasha. Perhaps it was because deep down, she knew it would never work. He would never let go of Kikyo and thus, she did not have to worry herself with a future that could not exist. The situation was different with Kouga. He would follow her anywhere that he could. He would do whatever she asked of him. The reality of a future with him was something she could envision. She simply did not know if it was something that she could indeed have.

Maybe.

He liked maybe more than no. At this point he felt it could almost be a yes but she was afraid to give in too much. It mattered not. A maybe was enough to make him beam with happiness and he flashed her a grin. "Well, I love ya."

He was never shy about his feelings for her and he would never be. If she asked him to tone it down, he was not sure he could. "And I wanna be with you."

Her mouth twisted downwards. "Kouga, it's not that I don't want to be with you."

"Then what is it?"

His grin was gone and his expression was replaced by a more serious one. He needed to know what it was he could do to change her mind. What was the switch he could flip for her to see what he saw this entire time? They worked together. They balanced out each other. How could it be wrong? How could it not work?

"Kouga, we - they are things."

"What things?"

"We're from different time."

"I don't care." He would follow her what he had to - and if he could not follow her, well, he would find a way to do so. "Time is not gonna keep me from ya."

"You don't know that," she answered, her voice breaking. "You can't control that."

If Kagome was meant to be his, she would be his. Nothing would stand in the way of that.

"I can."

Sometimes, she wished she had his self confidence. Although she did try to believe in herself, she had her moments of self doubts, occasion where she thought she might not be enough. Such thoughts never seemed to plague him. At least, it had not until Naraku took almost everything from him. But slowly, she saw more and more glimpses of the Kouga he used to be before he nearly lost everything. She did not want him to become someone else. She did not want Naraku to change another person. He had turned enough people into shells of themselves and nobody deserved that. Kouga had a light, a courage, that few had. She wanted him to hold on to it as long as he could. He could make a difference. He had made a difference for her.

"We don't know that."

She was always the one who had to shatter his dreams, break his hopes.

"I do."

It did not matter how many bad news she threw his way. He could handle it. As long as there was a glimmer of hope, he would hold on to it. Having her by his side was the reason he had yet to go on a destructive mission to kill Naraku. If he kept Kagome by his side, he might stay rational when it came down to this. He might be able to pull through her follow her plan. Whatever she would come up with would be less dangerous and it would have a higher chance of success. He simply needed to trust her with his life. But he needed her by his side to do that. If he lost her, he would spiral.

He could not afford to spiral.

"Kouga… I don't… I can't make promises."

"I ain't asking ya to make promises." He put one of his hands on her hip. "I'm asking to trust me."

"I do trust you." She trusted him with everything it seemed; her life, her body, her soul. It was more than she had ever trusted anyone. Including Inuyasha.

"Good." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I'll figure it out."

"What if you can't?"

"I will."

She should push it more, she should ask more questions, but she did not have it in her to shatter the perfect image he seemed to have in his mind. What if she was the one who was being too negative? Perhaps there was more hope than she was seeing. Recent events had put a damper on what she considered to be a good thing. Lives were lost left and right and chaos was all that was left behind. It was not fair and nobody deserved it. She needed to fix it as rapidly as she could but… but she also had to wait for him.

And that brought forth another dilemma.

"I won't be okay with you leaving your pack behind."

"I ain't gonna leave them behind."

If she left, he was leaving. But nobody was saying this was a permanent leave of absence. Plus, his pack members wanted revenge just as much as he did. They would understand that he was not simply doing this to follow Kagome and be near her. He was also doing it because Naraku needed to be taken down. He knew his brothers and sisters were strong. Plus, the real target was Kouga. They might actually end up being safer if he was not near them. Naraku would want to finish the job, or he would want to hurt him more. That meant probably trying to do something to Kagome. But he would never let him do that. Naraku was done taking the lives of the people he loved. He would not let him lay another finger on someone.

No, all of this, his pack would understand.

"You won't be here."

"Because I'll be trying to kill the fucking bastard who took their brothers and sisters."

Yes. Kouga was not the only one suffering. She noticed the faces of others but they were all so - they were worried Kouga would not make it. They barely survived losing their own and now they did not want to lose their leader. Would they not lose him if he left?

"Trust me Kagome, wolves don't forgive. They want that bastard death as much as I do. If I stay, they'll wanna come. I don't wanna watch them die over this. If I'm far away, no one is gonna have any smart ass idea about taking him out. They'll know I'm working on it."

His logic was actually sound. He was not wrong. And she understood his desire to protect what was left of his pack. Perhaps she had been focusing too much on herself while he already had a clear picture of the whole situation. She did need to let go a little bit and put more trust in him.

There was nothing to say, there was no way for her to argue.

"You're right." She let her shoulders drop. "But you can't go with your legs like this."

"My legs are fine." He smirked. "They worked fine last night."

And her red face was back. Great. Immediately she tried to hide her face with her hands but he stopped her. He grabbed her wrists and kept her hands away from her beautiful face. He wanted to see the blush on it, he wanted her to think back about what he had done to her. It might be a tad selfish but his ego loved it. He had felt less than a youkai without his legs and this was truly helping.

"Or do we not talk about that?" he asked as he leaned into her, still keeping at bay.

His breath tickled her flesh and she shivered. How was it so easy for him to make her lose all balance and all words? She could not even talk while he stood there all smug about it. Then again, she could hardly argue. What could she say about it?

She wanted to tell him she would rather not, but she figured that might make him even more smug about the whole thing and that would not help her. "I-I…"

Her stutters were interrupted by his laughter. He leaned into her and pressed a kiss to her cheeks. He enjoyed being the one who made her blush. When he was with her in those moments, he forgot about all the pain, about all the painful memories he had been trying to push away. He could be himself and he could be happy. Was that not the most important part? He could feel when he was with her. And he never wanted to let go of her.

-E-

She blinked once.

Then twice.

Ah yes.

Now she finally understood why Kouga had been so hesitant about her leaving the cave. She had told him that he was being an idiot and that his bandages needed changing. Some of the blood had finally soaked through and she could not leave him like that. She had convinced him when she had said that if he wanted to hunt for Naraku and jewel shards, he had to recover his health first. She had been so focused on their new development, on fixing his legs that she had, for a brief moment no more, forgotten one big element.

She lived in an environment where she was surrounded by youkais. Youkais who had not only the greatest of hearing, but also a very good nose. That meant that everything had been heard and had been smelled. And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Of course, she might have been able to maintain her innocence, if - well if everyone had not been that damn obvious about it. As soon as she had set foot outside of the cave, many pairs of eyes had landed on her. Once they all realized that they were staring, they all quickly resumed their tasks, not without trying to steal glances at her. Oh god. She could not deny it, she could not pretend to be the same person she was before last night.

She was not and they knew it.

She was however quite surprised that nobody was bombarding her with questions.

She might be human but Kouga was the leader of the pack right? Plus, they all did keep calling her sis…

No, she would not dwell on that. She much preferred it if there were no questions. She did not want any. She would not even be able to answer them.

Kagome walked through the crowd, the stares hard to ignore and she made her way to one wolf she knew pretty well. Although she was not quite convinced that he would be able to refrain himself from asking her a million questions. But she had no choice. "Ginta?" she tried in the quietest voice she could muster.

He flipped around in half a second, a giant grin upon his features. _Oh yes, he was happy about it_. "Kagome? Sis! What can I do for _you_ today?"

He could maybe tone down the little excitement in his voice but she was not going to mention it. If she mentioned it, he would mention it in return and she knew for a fact that she would crack before him. The best solution was to put on a smile and pretend that she was absolutely not dying of shame deep inside of her core. Although, they could probably already smell it on her. Goddamn it, it was not fair. Why did they have to get this advantage over her? Ugh.

"I - I was looking for bandages."

"Hm, hm. Bandages huh?"

She blinked. Was he questioning her truthfulness? "Yes. I have to change Kouga's bandages."

"Ah. Change Kouga's bandages." He tried to pinch his lips together, hoping it might help him hold in the bright smile that wanted to pop out of him. Honestly, he was a little scared of Kouga and his threats and well - he could tell how uncomfortable Kagome already was. He did not want to be the one to make it worse but…

"Yes, he bled through them, and…" Why did she feel like she was the punch line of some hilarious joke she was not in on? Oh no, she knew the joke.

"Of course Kagome, I can get you more bandages."

That was it? She expected a joke or maybe a comment. But nope. All he offered her was his help. Why did she find that insanely suspicious?

"Come on."

She nodded, still a little flabbergasted by his reaction, but she followed him. He led her through the middle of the main area and then came to a halt in front of another older wolf. She dug up in a pouch that was beside her and she pulled out some fabric that resembled bandaging. Ginta thanked her before taking it from her and then he re-focused his attention on her. He still had that same bright smile on his face as he dropped the fabric in her hand.

"Here ya go, Sis!"

"Thank you."

She was about to turn around when she heard him open his mouth for one more comment. "Oh, and do tell Kouga that he should really be careful with his extra activities. We wouldn't have him to hurt himself."

She was _so glad_ he could only see half of her face as it turned a bright red color. She wanted to melt to the ground, she wanted to disappear. Everything in her was screaming for her to run away but she had a little attitude than that and Ginta was just about to find out about it. " _Hey!_ "

The sharp sound that came out of her was enough to startle him.

"He has been killing himself trying to get better. And - and he has been taking care of me. Okay. And it's perfectly okay, and natural." Oh god, she was blabbering. She had to stop before she blabbered more. "And I don't have to explain myself. And Kouga was already - I already had to change them and it has nothing to do with anything okay so… and… and…"

And she could see that Ginta was dying to burst into a fit of laughters. Perhaps now was the best time to walk away with whatever dignity she had left. Yes, she had to walk away before she started sputtering nonesense again. Oh god. Now she almost wish the bird of paradise had finished her off. Then she would not be here leaving this nightmare. Despite the pain and the tugging on her wound, she hurried back to the cave. As soon as its safety came in view, she nearly dashed for it. She was barely in it that she turned around rapidly, smacking her back against the rock wall. The bandage slipped from her hold and her heart was hammering inside her chest. She could feel it press, feel it thundering in her ears.

 _God_.

"Kagome?"

There was a jolting pain in his legs as he rose in a jump. He could feel and smell the panic that was rolling off of her. He frowned, displeasure forming in his chest as he closed the distance between them. His steps were slow but he finally made it to her. She was barely hanging on, her legs quivering. There was also a very noticeable shade of red covering her cheeks. And he knew. Just from the shame coming off of her, he knew.

"What did they fucking say?"

Kagome let out a breath. She was being an idiot. They had not said anything bad, they had not made fun of her or humiliated her. They had mostly teased Kouga but of course, she was included in that. Her reaction was quite childish. The pack loved her and they were clearly very happy about what took place. But - but oh god she wanted to die right now.

"It's fine."

Kouga growled. "It's not fine." He was going to kick their fucking asses. Busted legs or not, he could still fucking put them in their places. Had he not warned them to leave her alone? As if all of this was not hard enough on her already!

She pressed her hands to his chest, hoping that the physical contact would calm him. "Kouga, I'm fine. They didn't do anything. I'm just…" Could her cheeks feel anymore like fire? Seriously. She thought her entire face was about to melt off. "I - this is new for me."

He knew. He knew it was the first time she so intimately shared her body with someone. And that someone was him. He wanted nothing more than to rip out some throats but the way her shining eyes were looking at him… he could not bring himself to do it. She seemed to be embarrassed enough and he did not wish to increase her discomfort. For now, he would hold himself back. But when she would finally rest? There would be some hell to pay. His fingers were already itching at his side. It had been a while since he had felt such an urge of adrenaline. Last time, he had wanted to rip Naraku's neck. Kouga finally had Kagome and he did not want to lose her because some idiots could not be damned to keep their mouths shut. Every time they were together he felt like he was threading on some dangerous territories, as though she could slip through his fingers at any moment.

Kouga prayed that he would not feel this way forever. He was impatiently waiting for a moment when he would know that his grasp on her was forever and there was no risk of him losing her. It was too late for him to pull himself away. Too late to protect his soul and his heart. If she retracted, he would be shattered. He would still pursue her in silence, and he would still love her. But he would have to respect her choice. Which was why, he craved that need to know that she was his and that he was never going to lose her. But she had already given him more than he deserved. He should not be pushing her for more. He should be grateful for everything that she had given him.

He was going to be weak was he not?

He pressed his forehead to hers, her warmth spreading to his own skin. He felt heavy, heavier than usual. Concern grew in her heart and she raised her hands until they were touching his neck. "Kouga, what's wrong?" Although she was more shy than he was, she was happy. Should that not mean that Kouga should be ecstatic? He had praised his love to her from the very beginning after all. What had happened to take his happiness away? He had so little of it lately.

"Don't leave."

She arched an eyebrow. Had they not talk about this already? "Kouga, I told you to come." She still did not think it was ideal but she had not opposed herself to the idea. "What happened?"

Could he do it? Could he completely pour his heart open to her? Her voice was soft, luring him into a sense of safety and security and he truly wanted it. "Kagome… I can't bear to lose you." He sighed. "I don't mean ya being from a different time. I mean you choosin' you don't want this no more."

His voice was broken and she could hear the sadness laced with it. All because of the love he felt for her. "Kouga…"

"Shit, I'm not trying to… I - I just…I ain't… I don't wanna guilt you." How the fuck could he say this without completely screwing it up? "I just…" He punched the rocks nearest to him, frustration rising through him. Surprisingly, she did not even jump when he did so. She was not scared of him. He was acting like a complete fool and there she was, just waiting for him to get over his little fit he was having. He did not deserve someone like her in his life - especially considering the half youkai he was now…

"I ain't trying to guilt ya into staying. I just, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

She leaned into his chest, resting her face upon it. "Kouga, I'm not leaving." There might be things that were out of their control. There might be twists of fates that she would not be allowed to control and it killed her to even think about it but it did not change the facts. If time and fate allowed it, she would be with him. At the very least, it seemed that she had decided to stay with him as long as she could. She did not know if they were ready for the step they took. It might have been a mistake. She did not know if she was to lay with him again right away.

But she held no regrets.

She felt alive, she felt _herself_. He allowed her to find her own strength. He gave her a change to become the fighter that was inside of her. And yes, there were many instances where she wanted to give up, but the fact of the matter was… she did not. And now, after he had given her so much, he was the one who was in need of her support. What kind of person would she be if she refused him what he had given her? She could not do that. She would be to him what he was to her. She would be his rock, his guide in time of needs. She could not say exactly when he fully creeped into her heart. She could not pinpoint the moment when she decided that this was what she wanted. It came by, slowly. Moments by moments, kiss by kiss.

But she knew that losing him would break her heart.

More than it had been broken when she let go of Inuyasha.

She did not wish him harm, she did not wish for him to perish. But she could let him go.

"I will be here."

He lifted a hand and he put it to her head. Gently, he caressed her hair, hoping the motion might calm them both. He needed her more than he needed anything else. He used to kill humans for sports. He used to rip them to shred and view it as an honor. And somehow, this tiny human had changed him completely. Now, he shivered at the thought of what he used to do. He was so small minded, so focused on what he was trying to do. Although his goal had not changed. He was still going to protect what was his, no matter the cost. But, he had a bigger open mind when it came to who could be his allies now.

She deserved a better person and he wanted to be that person for her. He thought he knew everything considering the centuries of life he had behind him but it turned out that he knew nothing. She was going to be his guiding light.

"I love you Kagome." And he did not say it in a way that he expected a reply. He knew he was far ahead of her when it came to feelings. But he had to say it. She felt like such a fragile thing that he could lose… if he did not say it now, it felt like he might never get the chance to say it.

She could not say it, so instead, she held him tighter. "I am here. I am not leaving."

Her fingers were digging into his back as fear overcame her. It was scary to need someone else. It was scary to feel for someone who felt for her back. It was new and she had yet to find her footing. She was learning and the path was full of mistakes. She usually avoided promising him anything and yet, she had just promised that she would stay by his side. She did not feel like the girl who fell off Kirara, bleeding to death. She felt like someone else. Someone different than the girl who fell down the well. And though it seemed that her feelings could waver and change, she did hope that this time it would stick.

Kouga had allowed her to find safety.

He had allowed her to feel back the love she had given to so many.

She did not want to lose that.

-E-


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we are. The end. Maybe for now. I might add more later, in a time jump skip. Or a sequel kind of thing. But for now that's a wrap. There's a lot of things that I have left from years ago, that I needed to wrap up. You might not all like me for it, and I do apologize. It is hard to work on things from forever ago, and while that is my fault, I have to do with it. I do have newer Kouga/Kag that some of you might have gotten preview of through my tumblr. I'm working on them before publishing them to avoid the years gaps. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and thank you all for your support. 

 

 

" _Kouga_."

"I can do it. I don't get the big deal."

"Kouga…"

"I said I got it."

"And _I said_ , I got it," she said as she retrieved the pouch from him.

Kouga and his ego. He was attempting to act as though he was much better off than he actually was - but she could see right through him. Yes, his legs had healed over the past few weeks but he was still not what he used to be. That concept seemed to be quite a difficult one for him to understand. His legs would never be back to what they were. If that was not enough, he would bear the scars on his skin for the rest of his life. Even if they got rid of Naraku, even if all went well, he would be reminded of that faithful day forever. Kagome hoped that one day he might regard it was a positive thing, as the day he lived instead of looking at it as the day he lost part of himself. No, he did not come out the same person but he was stronger now and she believed in him.

She was also better. Of course, there were some movements she had to avoid doing but that was nothing new. Considering the old age treatment she had to receive, she was not surprise that it was taking her so long to recover. They should probably wait another month or so, but Kagome did not think they had that kind of time. They did not know when Naraku would strike again and they did not know how much ground he had managed to gain while she was incapacitated. The best option was to go slowly. She had enough strength to use her powers and defend herself and for now it would be enough. They also planned on using Kouga's nose to locate Miroku, Sango, Shippou and Kirara. Of course, they did know that might include Inuyasha but… well Kouga had promised that he would behave himself. Now, the only question left was; would he actually do it?

She had to be prepared to have to separate the two of them. Then again, Inuyasha might have Kikyo by his side to calm him down. And that was fine.

Because she was happy.

She truly was.

The last weeks had been quite an adjustment but she was pulling through it. Sometimes, she overly blushed, sometimes, she lost herself in his touch. It was always different. Of course Kouga on the other hand was growing more bold. He had not afraid to press kisses to her skin or to demand everything from her. And yet, every time she let him touch her, he seemed almost surprised and he always looked grateful. She knew it would take quite a while before he would believe her when she said that she was not going anywhere. It was okay, she had enough time to prove it. At least she hoped she did.

"Are you sure you're okay to go?" She confirmed for the millionth time.

" _Yes_."

He tried to ignore the occasional twitch he would feel. He knew his own body and he knew his legs were getting better. It was driving him nuts to be stuck in here. He could not be pacing around this cave for the rest of his life. If they were out there, she would be forced to let him do more on his own, and he would be able to finally heal properly. It did not help that the pack was also keeping a watchful eye on him. He had talked to them and nobody was angry with him for leaving. He explained the plan, one that mostly involved following Kagome's safe ideas, and they all agreed.

Yes, they wanted nothing more than to carelessly jump him and rip his throat out, but like Kouga had come to understand, they knew that fight could not be so easily solved. After all, if Naraku was so easy to take down, he would have been killed by now. He had done nothing more than to leave a trail of bodies behind him. Surely, eventually, he would have killed so many people, destroyed so many lives, that there would be enough people to unite to defeat it. At least, it seemed to be one of the ideas behind Kagome's plan. Of course, she also hated the idea that anyone had to get involved. Naraku was dangerous. If they tried to take him down and failed… the repercussions would be catastrophic.

But he was not going to think about that… because they were not going to fail. They were going to go at it and they would finally rid the world of Naraku. It was for the best.

Plus, he got to travel to by Kagome's side.

He had wait to be able to sick his fangs into her neck but that was not his goal at the moment. Yes, he wanted to make her his, no matter the consequences of their future. Yes, it was possible he might not be able to keep her forever, so he wanted that for one moment…. He wanted one moment where she would be his and all of his. Even if his mark faded, even if he never saw her beautiful face again. Although he had to admit; it was difficult to not sink his fangs into her neck when he was plunged so deep inside of her.

But he was a good one and he resisted the urge every time.

"We could wait."

"Or we could go."

"But what if…" What if Naraku attacked them while they were roaming the forest by themselves. What if something happened and she was hopeless to stop it? That was perhaps one of the downfall of what happened to her. She was a bit more paranoid now, a little less fearless. After all, she had been shown that simple actions could have big consequences.

But, they did have to go. And dear lord did she have to go home, even if it was for nothing more than a moment. Her mother probably thought her dead by now. She had not been home in what? Months? She had gone along in the past for long periods before and only returned home for short periods of time but - she did always return home. Even if it was only for a nice long shower. Oh god, she felt like she could kill for a shower right now. AND A BED! When was the last time she felt the softness of a mattress? Hopefully, her mother was not too worried and only assumed that she was quite far from the well.

Regardless, after everything that took place, she really did want to see her mother. She wanted to hold her as though to confirm that she was still there. She had watched Kouga lose a lot of people that he loved and it did make her think about those closest to her. It would be good to be able to see everyone again. Still, she remembered a bit nervous about going home. Kouga would probably just wait for her by the well and she disliked the idea of him being a sitting target. They really needed to meet up with the group before she went anywhere. It would help him stay put and stay out of harm's ways.

It would also mean that there would be no more time alone for them.

Granted, the pack was not always the most subtle… they did feel alone when it was only the two of them in the cave. Of course, it took a bit before she let him put his hands on her again. After all, the pack had kind of ruin it for her but eventually he did manage to convince her and it worked. Obviously once she would return to _earth_ she was reminded of prying ears but what else could be done? She could pretend if only for a moment.

But now? They would be with the rest of the group all of the time which meant they would all sleep in the same location. She figured it would be a bit difficult for Kouga at first, but she knew he would eventually accept it. It would be a strange new dynamic for the group but she was excited by it.

"How long is it gonna be the two of us?" he asked with an arch of the eyebrow.

No pack, no humans.

Kagome and him all alone.

Of course, he would have to be on high surveillance all the time but it would be nice to have some time away. He would cherish and take every memory that she would be kind enough to give him.

"Don't get any ideas mister," she warned with a smile.

"You said that last night and…"

Before Kouga could even finish his sentence, Kagome smacked her hand over his mouth, shutting him up. _Everyone had ears_. Everyone already knew what happened last night and she did not need him to remind everyone of what took place last night. It was good enough as it was. Oh god, she had a feeling she might day when they would be surrounded by even more people. There was no way she was going to make it out of this journey with her dignity intact. And yet, despite the shame that swelled her chest, she did not feel anger. It was awkward sometimes, and a lot of adjustments had to be done to this relationship but she did not spend her time angry or sad. Mot of the time, Kouga made her pretty happy.

Meanwhile, he loved being the one who made her blush. Before, she had only blushed when he had declared his love for her on top of the mountain. But that was mostly because his declaration was quite public. Now she was embarrassed because he had no shame in publicly sharing what they did together.

He poked his tongue out and he began licking at her fingers. She squeaked and rapidly snatched her hand away before he could cover it with more saliva than he already had. "You are worst than a dog," she said as she wiped her hand on the side of her kimono.

He knew she did not mean the _dog_ comment in reference to Inuyasha, but it was hard to ignore the small ping he felt in his chest as she mentioned his name. Of course, she was allowed to talk about him and of course he knew that he would be seeing him. Obviously none of that meant that he was very happy about it. Yes, he knew; it appeared that he had won over Kagome. However, he would never take her for granted. She did have feelings for Inuyasha in the past and Inuyasha seemed to be able to follow her anywhere; that included through time. So far, until proven otherwise, Kouga could not accomplish the same thing. So perhaps, there could be a situation where Kagome could end up with that idiot - despite his best efforts.

 _Obviously_ , he was not going to focus on that. For now, she was his and all his. He was not going to share her and he was not going to let anyone else have her. He was never very good at sharing anyways. He decided to wipe his unhappiness and then put a smile on his face. He leaned into her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "And don't you forget it," he teased before pulling away.

As it was expected she blushed before shaking her head at him.

At least he was laughing more than before and that was more than she could have hoped. It seemed that the closer they got, the more he seemed to find his self confidence and he seemed to trust more himself and his manhood. She never thought that he should have doubted it but if she was helping him recover it, she was happy. Sometimes, he would be reminded of his legs, or something she would move a little faster than him… and she could see his ego crumbling. Which was something she wanted to avoid as much as possible. He could more than he thought but he did not quite believe it. Sometimes she would see his face transform and suddenly, he would lose all of his happiness. She knew those were the moments when Naraku would cloud his judgments. It was also why it was probably best that he traveled with her.

She was there to pull him away from the darkness. She could not let him fall prey to it.

"You know, if you guys pass by, you should visit."

Ginta looked a little sad as he leaned against the wall, watching them put away whatever they might need during their trip. He was glad that they were going to fix the whole issue about Naraku, he really was but he was also going to miss them both. Kagome might not have been with them since the very beginning but the pack had become quite attached to her. After all, half of them owed her their lives. And she was the one Kouga had chosen. How could they not love her? And Kouga… well watching him leave after everything that they lost was saddening. They were going to miss him. But they knew he had to go. They all agreed with Kagome; he could not go recklessly about this because they could not afford to lose him as well.

Without him, the pack would be a chaos. If he was alive but away, it was fine, they could manage. But if he died? Then the pack would not make it. And then, Naraku would take them away one by one.

"It's not forever ya knuckle head," Kouga replied with a shake of the head.

He did not need anyone trying to convince Kagome that they should not leave.

"We'll stop by if we're close," Kagome added with a heavy heart.

They were going to miss Kouga.

"Ya better," he warned with a grin.

"Alright, let's go before they stop us," Kouga said as he reached out for Kagome's hand.

The first light of dawn had finally broken the horizon and he knew there was no better moment to go. After all, they wanted to make the most of the light. He was fine walking in the dark but he did not want Kagome out there in the darkness. They needed to cover enough ground and then they had to find somewhere to stay for the night. He would be her only protection and he had no intention of failing her.

"Alright," she said with a long sigh. She would miss the safety of this place and she did not know how ready she was to face the world but… they hardly had a choice at this point.

"Let's go."

She wrapped her fingers tightly around his as they headed towards uncertainty. She did not know what awaited them on the other side. She did not know if they would vanquish Naraku. She did not know if they were going to make it out alive. She did not know if she could stay with him forever. She had none of the answers. All she had were questions.

There was one thing she did learn.

The only they had was the present, the now.

And she had to make the most of it before it was gone.

-The End-


End file.
